“One day you will look back and see that all along you were blooming.”
— MHN
Twenty-seven years ago, when I was a freshman in high school, my English teacher gave my class a homework assignment entitled, “Advice for a Younger Generation.” The concept of the assignment was simple: Each student had to interview a person who was over the age of 25, gather enough information to write a basic biography of their life and find out what their top tips are for a younger generation. I chose to interview my dad. He was 53 at the time and he gave me 18 pieces of advice.
I had completely forgotten about all of this until recently when I was visiting my parents house. My mom had me clean out a few old boxes stored in the attic. In one of these boxes I found the original “Advice for a Younger Generation” assignment dated April 22nd, 1996.
I read through it and was admittedly blown away — there’s lots of solid wisdom within. Even though my dad’s advice is generally relevant to a person of any age, my 41-year-old self can relate to it in a way my 14-year-old self didn’t quite grasp at the time. In fact, the first thought that went through my head was, “Wow, my dad was right!”
Here are my dad’s original 18 pieces of advice for a younger generation, transcribed and copyedited with his permission, along with a couple new (and significant) additions — bringing the list to 20 in total. He basically sent me numbers 19 and 20 yesterday and told me to “update the list.” (Haha. I’m not joking.) And note that my dad was inspired to expand on his original list after a previous version of this article was published here on the blog a few months ago:
1. Your 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s won’t feel like your 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s.
Adults are just older children. When you get older you won’t feel as old as you imagine you will. For the most part, you still feel exactly the way you feel right now, just a little wiser and more confident. You’ve had time to establish your place in the world and figure out what’s important to you. Don’t fear growing up. Look forward to it. It’s awesome!
2. Bad things will happen to you and your friends.
Part of living and growing up is experiencing unexpected troubles in life. People lose jobs, get in car accidents, and sometimes die. When you are younger, and things are going pretty well, this harsh reality can be hard to visualize. The smartest and oftentimes hardest thing we can do in these kinds of situations is to be tempered in our reactions. To want to scream obscenities, but to be wiser and more disciplined than that. To remember that emotional rage only makes matters worse. And to remember that tragedies are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.
3. Everyone can make a significant difference.
Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So start small and start now. Be patient. Be present. Be kind. Compliment people. Magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses. This is how to make a difference, in your own life above all, and in all the lives you touch.
4. First impressions aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
Everyone and everything seems normal from a distance, or at a glance. The 10th, 20th, or even the 50th impression is when you start to truly understand someone else for who they truly are. Be patient and present. Pay attention to their habits and rituals. We are what we habitually do.
5. Big results come when you narrow your focus.
Concentrate your efforts on smaller and smaller areas. Specialize. When your efforts are diffused over a wide area they won’t have much of an impact. So focus on smaller areas and your efforts will be felt more fully. It could take time for growth to happen, but keep that focus narrow and the results will come in time.
6. Love yourself. Become the best version of you.
Strive to be the “you” you want to be. Nourish your mind and body. Don’t stop learning. Educate yourself every day until you die. Study. Read. Devour new ideas. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back too.
7. Most of the time you just have to go for it, again and again.
Put your uncertainty and fears aside for a second and ask yourself this: “If I try and I don’t get it right the first time, what will I have lost and what will I have gained?” The answer is: You will have lost nothing but a little bit of your time while gaining an important lesson that will help you get it right the second or third time. People rarely get it right the first time. In fact, usually the only people who ever get it right are those who continue going for it even when they’ve come up short numerous times before.
8. We tend to get more when we give.
Supporting, guiding, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. Almost everything you do comes back around in some way. Let your actions create positive ripples in your life.
9. Not much is worth fighting about today.
If you can avoid it, don’t fight. Step back from arguments with your spouse, family members, or neighbors. When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on the tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and take a break. Sleep on it. Give yourself space. Let calmness be your superpower, and then revisit the situation if you must. You don’t have to be right or win an argument immediately.
10. Don’t try to impress everyone.
Purposely impressing people is an act that brings nothing but a momentary ego boost. Be real with people instead. Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and more profound.
11. Keep having fun.
Fun is way underrated! With all of life’s responsibilities, fun will sometimes seem like an indulgence. It shouldn’t be. It should be a requirement. Make time for fun and casual play. Schedule it in until the day you die!
12. Keep it simple.
There is a world of magnificence hidden in simplicity. Identify the five most important things in your life now and focus on those things in your free time. Let the other stuff go. Stop the senseless busyness most people fill their lives with, so you can enjoy what’s truly important to you.
13. Little things stick with you.
So pay attention to them. Like watching your child sleep. Preparing a holiday meal with your family. Sharing a great laugh with an old friend. This is the real stuff life is made of. Tune in.
14. Less advice is often the best advice.
Most people don’t need lots of advice, they need to live. I’ve seen young, rocky relationships develop into wonderful marriages, and I’ve seen fleeting inspirations ignite a lifetime of passion and happiness. Our life stories, like the answers we give to long essay questions, are uniquely ours. What people want to know is already somewhere inside of them. We all just need time to think, be, and continue to explore the imperfect journeys that will eventually help us find our long-term direction.
15. Manage your time diligently.
Your situation and environment is ever changing, so be careful not to confuse things that are urgent with things that are important. Evaluate your obligations on a monthly basis and be willing to make necessary shifts. And remember that good, admirable obligations, like volunteering at church, will sometimes need to be put on hold temporarily for something else. And that’s OK. You can’t do it all.
16. Manage your money diligently.
Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Don’t spend more than you make. Don’t spend to impress people. Don’t let your money manage you in the long run. Financial stability is peace of mind when you get older.
17. What you learn in school does matter.
While you may not use the specifics of every classroom lesson, every lesson does expand the core thought process of your mind. Over time you will develop problem-solving skills that are universally applicable. No single classroom lesson can teach this, and no single classroom lesson is more important.
18. Dreams will remain dreams forever if you don’t take action.
Don’t dream about it anymore. Start doing it a little bit every day. In 30 years from now, what is it that you will regret not having accomplished, appreciated, or attempted? Do it, appreciate it, and attempt it starting NOW!
19. If you truly want something, you also have to want its costs.
When it comes to achieving the dreams just mentioned in point #18, it’s important to realize that most people want the reward without the risk — the shine without the grind. But you can’t get to a destination in life without a journey. And a journey always has costs. At the very least you have to invest your time and energy into taking consistent steps forward.
So instead of only thinking about what you want — a dream or goal — also ask yourself: “What am I willing to invest (or give up) to get it?”
Or for those inevitably hard days: “What is worth struggling for?”
Seriously, think about it: If you want the strong and athletic body, you have to want the sore muscles, the sweaty clothes, the mornings or afternoons of exercise, and the healthy meals. If you want the successful business, you have to also want the longer days, the stressful business deals and decisions, and the likelihood of failing many times to learn what you need to know to succeed in the long run. But if you catch yourself wanting something day in and day out, month after month, yet you never take consistent action and thus you never make progress, then maybe it’s time to let that goal go, because you don’t actually want to struggle through the steps required to achieve it — the costs seem too high to you. And that’s OK — it’s OK to change your mind or dream a new dream. The key is to be honest with yourself along the way.
20. Life is incredibly limited, and there’s beauty in this truth.
Let’s end this list right by bringing it full-circle to the underlying themes we started out with in points #1 and #2 — time flies and life is short. Because the truth is, you can never read all the books you want to read. You can never train yourself in all the skill sets you want to have. You can never be all the things you want to be and live all the lives you want to live. You can never spend all the time you want with the people you love. You can never feel every possible temperature, tone, and variation of emotion in a given situation. You are incredibly limited, just like everyone else.
In the game of life, we all receive a unique set of unexpected limitations and variables in the field of play. The question is: How will you respond to the hand you’ve been dealt? You can either focus on the lack thereof or empower yourself to play the game sensibly and resourcefully, making the very best of every outcome as it arises, even when it’s heartbreaking and hard to accept.
In the end, what matters most is to focus on what matters most. By doing so you get to truly experience the various sources of beauty and opportunity in your life while each of them lasts. Let’s take a moment and revisit the notion of being limited by the reality of not being able to spend all the time you want with someone you love. When someone you love passes away too soon, that’s undoubtedly one of the most heartbreaking limitations to cope with (and the general principles for coping with this kind of tragic limitation are also applicable to less severe situations too)…
Imagine a person who gave meaning to your life is suddenly no longer in your life (at least not in the flesh), and you’re not the same person without them. You have to change who you are — you’re now a best friend who sits alone, a widow instead of a wife, a dad without a daughter, or a next-door neighbor to someone new. You want life to be the way it was before death, but it never will be.
I have personally dealt with the loss of siblings, parents, and best friends to illness and accidents over the years, so I know from experience that when you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open. And the bad news is you never completely get over the loss — you will never forget them. However, in a backwards way this is also the good news…
You see, death is an ending, which is a necessary part of living. And endings are necessary for beauty too — otherwise it’s impossible to appreciate someone or something, because they are unlimited. Limits illuminate beauty, and death is the definitive limit — a reminder that you need to be aware of this beautiful person or situation, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life. Death is also a beginning, because while you’ve lost someone special, this ending, like every loss, is a moment of reinvention. Although deeply sad, their passing forces you to reinvent your life, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places. And finally, of course, death is an opportunity to celebrate a person’s life, and to be grateful for the priceless beauty they showed you.
Bottom line: There’s always progress and beauty to be found in accepting and respecting life’s inherent limitations, and then making the very best of what’s in front of you.
Closing Thoughts & Next Steps…
My dad is 80-years-old now, and although he generally agrees with his younger self’s advice, he also admits he’s learned some new tricks over the past 27 years. “That’s why I wanted to add numbers 19 and 20 — just to flesh things out a bit,” he told me. And he intends to share some more life advice with us in the near future too, so sign up for our email updates and stand by for a new article from him. 🙂 In the mean time though, he told me to tell you to read his three favorite personal development books: “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, “The Millionaire Next Door”, and “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently” (yes, he shamelessly plugged our book, but he actually re-reads it for daily self-reflection, so it’s legitimate).
Finally, before you go, please leave my dad (and Angel and me) a comment below to let us know what you think of this article and its advice. Your feedback is truly important to us.
Photo by: Alex Proimos
Margie Wu says
Beautiful and timeless words of wisdom. Every point hits home with me. Thank you for sharing! Also, I had an inspiration today which I learned from my grandkids. It is connection and intimacy that people are searching for. Even babies can feel this. If they don’t get it very early in life, they will search for it their whole life and may never quite find it. Talk and play with your kids as early as you can. They and you will know when that connection is made and that is what brings them back.
Diana Wilks says
Very wise words of wisdom. I was touched by everyone of them. And it sounds like he is truly enjoying every second of his life so far. I hope you take everyone of his points very seriously. I don’t think I have ever read life broken down so eloquently. Please thank him for me.
Peter says
This is right on. I would add a few things .
Do the right thing that feels right in your heart. It’s probably the hardest choice, but will ultimately make everything work.
You have one life, this is it so do your best and you’ll have few regrets.
Enjoy life don’t waste time chasing things that will harm you like monetary wealth. Your children are a treasure. How you teach them is vital. Your grandchildren will be extraordinary.
Treat your loved ones like your friends. Don’t take them for granted. Life is tenuous and short. Appreciate them.
Treat yourself well and learn to accept the things about yourself you may not like and you’ll alter them and be happier.
Take care of yourself physically. It makes life easier.
Beyond that your Dad had great advice.
I’m close to 70 and have had a full life. It’s not always easy to be decent but pays off for everyone if you are.
Beverly S Joosten says
I am 92 years old, and this is some of the best advice I’ve ever seen so concisely put! Thank your (and) yourself for me. Bev Joosten
Beth says
I will be paying these life lessons on to many of the younger generations in our family. More teachers should do this project as well.
Ginny Saunders says
I just turned 80… and I do still feel, inside, like I did in my 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. That is a positive observation for the immortality of our souls.
I have to say, I agree with all your Dad had to say, but am not sure it would have sunk in with me when I was younger. It’s truly comforting to me now though.
Marta Gentile says
It is the amazing truth. And I especially appreciate the final two points you and he added. Thank you for sharing. I am 72 and even knowing about sometimes I forget these important advices.
Linda Terry says
I will be 80 in 3 months & that sounds just like advice my Mother & Father both gave me when I was 15. Great advice & Oh how I wish I had listened to both of them years ago. Never too late to take good advice! Thank You!
Sonali says
What a lovely article I’m waking up to. Thanks for sharing. I’m in my 50s and I agree 100% with your dad. I grew up with similar advice from both my parents, both no more unfortunately. To this day, I feel, they were the wisest souls I’ve known in life and consider myself very lucky to have grown up with.
Jay Willer says
Great advice shared here all around. And as I tell people, I am a 60’s rebel that never grew up, and I am not going to start now. Another quote I use is from a great philosopher. You need some stress to keep healthy, but not too much. The truly wise person will take the things they cannot control and the things you really shouldn’t try to control, put them all in a balloon, and let that balloon float away. That process can be sooo freeing!
Judy Mason says
I’m 80 yrs old also. Sounds like your dad and I are of like mind. Aging is beautiful and life gets better if you let it. You don’t need an excuse to be happy. Just let it be.
Venetia Waters says
I agree with what your father says. I will be sending a copy to my Grandson today. It’s called Wisdom!
Carol Horn says
Timeless! I would suggest that you develop these points and use them to write a book.
U.K.Achan says
Extremely nice to read. A lot of things in the article to face real life situations. The kernels of truth helps you not to waste precious energy on meaningless pursuits. Thanks for sharing.
Lynn says
I appreciate the thoughts in this one. My son, who has just turned 35 has recently had a few friends pass away from illness or cancer. He has been down about his life being half over and he feels he hasn’t made time to do anything in life other than work. Sometimes we need to examine what we really want in life to be happy. I plan to send this to him. I think he will appreciate the sentiments from elderly wisdom! Thanks!
jesse porter jr says
Your dad must have spent a lot of time reading Proverbs. His wisdom shines through like the light of the sun; even through dense clouds, sunshine and warmth reaches us.
Lizz says
I love this wisdom and there’s a lot of it here. Since I work in elementary education, the comment that stood out to me is ‘adults are just older children’. So true! Keep learning. Keep evolving.
esta says
GREAT job to your dad, Marc! My dad died a few months ago… and left me with a few more profound words of wisdom:
“If you throw enough crap up against the wall, something’s gonna stick” (never give up)
“Crap or get off the pot” (make a decision)
“Don’t get caught” (it’s okay to step outside the proverbial box)
My dad grew up in the Bronx, fun, sharp-wit, gave of himself whole heartedly. Cancer shortened his life, but never his spirit. In those 18 months, he never complained. He made everyone laugh; he was gracious and appreciative every moment. Over 400 people attended his funeral, the man had no fortune; he wasn’t a politician. He was man who built his life on integrity, humor and love, and touched the lives of hundreds, never asking for recognition or reward. He set a stellar example as a dad, and friend.
Thank you for sharing 🙂
-esta
Diana Everett says
What a spectacular dad you had, a real gift and legacy to his family.
Jamie Mondillo says
An absolutely beautiful message….so pure, sweet and mostly concise. Thank you for sharing.
RaeJ says
I’m 67 and living with terminal cancer. So much of this resonates with me. My father taught me a lot of important little steps to follow in life that, when combined, were my path to solving some of my biggest problems and the inner support I needed to face my greatest challenges. Some of my favorites:
-Always question the source. We live in a world flooded with examples of people who listen to, and believe, outrageous falsehoods that really require nothing more than common sense to challenge their veracity. Will said source be insulted or feel disrespected at being questioned? No, because they regularly question THEIR sources. Just because an article is on the internet or a story makes the evening news doesn’t mean it’s the absolute truth. Chances are good it’s a choppy version written/spoken to represent a specific point of view. Some people CHOOSE this version to further bolster their own viewpoint. And they cheat themselves and the world at large.
I used to show my dad articles in the Sunday paper and get questions from him about the source. Other times he’d point out the obvious conflict in the story itself about the subject.
-Respect the title, not the person until you have sufficient reason to respect the person. I’m not speaking of the respect all living things deserve in general. I’m speaking of the respect and almost homage I see given to people in certain positions who act and speak as if they’re somehow entitled to be treated as special because of the letters before or behind their name. It’s what they DO that matters. A teacher who lives for child porn or a minister involved in sex trafficking are perfect examples of this. They manipulate their position in evil ways to do what they do.
– I was very young, first learning to read when he taught me this one. Every morning, set five minutes aside. We had a family dictionary he allowed to fall open to a new page every morning. From here, we would pick a new word. I would learn how to spell it, pronounce it and the meaning. Next, I would use it in a sentence or two until I understood the meaning fully.
It sounds trivial, but this accomplished two things. It gave he and I a tradition and good memories. And my vocabulary expanded in ways I never expected.
I used to jokingly say I was a word nerd, but it was also very true. I grew to love words and the new world they introduced me to. You don’t have to be young to start this. And I still do this daily, today.
All of the points brought up here have helped me at some point in my life. And they’ve all definitely helped me get ready for this next journey in my life. Every minute of every single day counts, including the quiet ones, sometimes especially those.
Lori says
Great article. I’ve always believed that older people are a wealth of knowledge and this article proves that. I subscribe and read your emails, and it’s evident to me that you both put a lot of thought and effort into each and every one. Your dad hit it out of the park on this one. I will be re-reading this one for years to come. Thank you!
Joanne Liem says
Thanks for the advice to live by. My dad is very old and barely speaking now, so it was nice to read advice from another dad. Thank you.
Alanna McCabe says
Absolutely so true I’m 68 & still learning thanks to you & your father, definitely thoughts worth sharing.
Kelly Rieder says
Your father’s words are timeless, his thoughts were beautifully written and I could truly relate to many of them.
I thoroughly enjoy your site and look forward to reading it.
Have a great day.
Tiny says
Outstanding and refreshing! A sweet reminder to share more moments with our children expressing our view points. Although our children act as if “parental” thoughts are old fashioned and boring, your commentary proves that one day something “we” say will strike a nerve in “them” and provide a powerful meaning. My dad died two years ago. He said a lot of crazy good stuff. Never thought he would actually die. Hmmm. I’d give anything to listen to his crazy thoughts about life. At the age of 55 I finally understand what he was talking about. Two prior to his death, I was able to say “I get what mean Dad”
Penny says
What a timely story, my sister just passed away and although I miss her desperately I can see the wonder in separation too. During her final 6 weeks which none of us saw coming we found a wonderful new place to just be sisters and not someone to defend different life choices. What a gift to have spent time laughing and reminiscing and loving each other. And although it feels a bit perverse there is joy in her passing too. My current mantra for life is “no regrets” I’m excited to see that unfold. Thank you for a chance to express this.
Sally Peters says
Words of wisdom thank you for sharing. Your dad was & is a wise man. I wish someone had taught me all of these things. I am going to share this valuable information with my dult children in hopes they read retain and remember the great suggestions in this article. Again thank you for sharing. I’d like to share it on my Facebook page so other family and friends can read it. May God Bless You!
Patty says
Wow! I’m in tears from all the wonderful advice. I will save this post and refer back to it for encouragement. Thanks for everyone’s sharing and thoughts. Patty, age 62, norcal
Mandee Thomas says
Thank you so much for sharing this. At 42 it rings so true. I also wanted to say that the way you put death and losing someone you loved really was touching. I lost my grandmother in 2018 and my grandfather 2023 and they meant the world to me. It’s been so hard and have attended grief counseling, have done EMDR sessions, but nothing seemed to help. But those words were so REAL and TRUE that it is helping me put it in a perspective that I never even knew existed . So thank you!
Naomi Channon says
Your dad is right about all of these things. My personal favorite is Keep it simple, life is already complicated enough without all that extra stuff.
Losing a loved one is the worst thing that can happen to you, especially if it is your child. A part of you has died with them and you are left to pick up the pieces. You learn to accept and move on, how you move on is up to you. I chose strength and faith.
Life’s battles make you stronger and you learn not to worry about the little stuff.
And always take time for you, because you are the most important person in your life.
Christy Sexton says
Magnificent article and so much food for thought. I am 77 years old and I think my life will take a new direction.
Dave says
Thanks for a great read. And thank your Dad for letting you share his life wisdom with us. Fathers are a rare commodity these days. They’re more valuable than most of them know. You’re blessed to have a great Dad and still have him with you. My dad left when I was very young. For years I thought I survived the ordeal well. But as I got older, I realized how I suffered from what I didn’t know I missed. There’s an identity and a confidence only a father can instill. Thanks and God Bless!
Roberta Hallquist says
What superb wisdom! Seek wisdom, for that is the principal thing. And as for me, I have never regretted giving my heart and life to Christ, the Wisdom of God, for we were meant to live forever! So be it!
RO says
I’m 41 and I love to hear and read wisdom from those who’ve experienced a full life. I appreciate and take to heart your dad’s wisdom. Thanks for sharing. I still have more to learn and will hold your dad’s words close.
Jack Kennedy says
I am 76 years old and I want to share you Daddy’s thoughts with my daughter. I agree with your Dad’s wisdom.
Deb Zych says
“Limits illuminate beauty“ – this is profound.
Arshad Mahmood says
A wonderful set of advices based on life long experience. I wish this be made part of an (unwritten0 syllabus for elementary schools to university students. The write up is a certainly a gift for children and grand children.
Thanks for sharing.
Rhonda says
Your Dad was right with his advice and he has been trying to help you with your life. I would like to add a few things of my own and that would be to remember to enjoy the little things each and every day that we tend to ignore because we are so rushed in life, listen to the birds enjoy observing nature and give some attention to your children they just want you to love them unconditionally be kind it doesn’t cost anything but a little. effort and the reward is to know that you cared and that other people and animals have needs too and that the small acts do count and even if you never get a thank you just knowing you did the right thing is all that matters.
Tom Hall says
I’m 65, retired and turning the corner to 66, within the 20 things are several thoughts I visit most of the time now. As I age, and realize that there is more time behind me now than time in front of me I find I reflect some on the times gone by. I have become more aware of my surroundings and what it’s made up of, letting the pieces fall were they may.
Beverly says
Last sentence in #10 really resonated with me.
Tami says
I am 59 years old and I loved this! Especially the last point about losing someone you love. I lost my other half 6 months ago (tomorrow). I have allowed my overwhelming grief to prevent me from enjoying life. After reading this, I’m going to try to look at things differently and start living again. Thank you.
Ganesh says
I recently turned 26, so I seem to be on the younger end of the commentors 🙂 some of these points are hard to swallow, but they direct me towards what is truly important. What stands out most to me at this point in my life is the advice to focus my efforts. It’s far too easy to get distracted by too many things. So I did need this reminder. Thank you sir for your timeless advice!
John says
At 39, I can say, there is a lot of wisdom in these words.
Lisa says
Thank you. That is sage advice. Your dad is a wise man. It was heartfelt and real. Enjoyed it very much!!
Townsend! says
Great Stuff ! Your Pops makes my head kick back and my chest stick out. Simply put, more please! Do old guys rock or what? Duh….
LeeAnn M Parham says
Thank you so much for the words of wisdom. I’m in my 50’s and starting to really grasp this. I realize life happens for me not against me. The good, the bad and in between has helped to shape me into who I am today. I’ve learned that if you have a decision to make doing nothing is still a decision….lol. And to give myself as much compassion as I give others. Thx again.
Walter Vernon, age 88 says
21. For all science can tell us and help us accomplish – amazing things and deeds, it cannot create more time, so do not waste what you have
as you do not know when it will end.
Joanne says
These words of wisdom were awesome. They made me think about my life and what I want to accomplish. Thank you and thanks to your dad.