Worry gives small things a big shadow.
Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t be one of them. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been. The secret to happiness and peace on the average day is letting each moment be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the very best of it — less worry, more presence, every step of the way.
So go ahead and sing out loud in the car with the windows down, and dance in your living room, and stay up late laughing, and paint your walls any color you want, and enjoy some sweet wine and chocolate cake. Yes, and go ahead and sleep in on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and paint, and write poetry, and read books so good they make you lose track of time. And just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift…
- Think deeply.
- Speak gently.
- Love lots.
- Laugh often.
- Work hard.
- Give back.
- Expect less.
- Be present.
- Be kind.
- Be honest.
- Be true to yourself…
And whatever you do, don’t let the wrong things worry you for too long!
Read that bolded line above again. It’s one of the core lessons my grandmother shared with me and reminded me of frequently in the final few years before she died in 2008. She did so because she loved me, and because, at 90-years-old, she had lived long enough to know that most of us let the little frustrations, drama, and distractions of each day blind us to the beauty in front of us.
We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. Other times we talk a big talk about a lot of stuff that really doesn’t matter that much. We scrutinize and dramatize the insignificant until we’re blue in the face, and then we sit back and scratch our heads in bewilderment of how unfulfilling life feels.
But the older we grow, the quieter we become and the less pointless drama and chaos we engage in. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we’ve worried about and wasted time on.
Truth be told, the afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.
Here are some things I learned from my grandmother’s wisdom, that I have also gradually validated for myself over the past couple decades — things we all tend to focus on and worry about when we’re younger, that we eventually realize matter a lot less than we originally thought:
1. The inevitable frustrations of an average day.
90% of what’s stressing you out today won’t matter a month from now. Sooner or later you will know this for certain. So just do your best to let go of the nonsense, stay positive, and move forward with your life.
2. The little failures you often feel self-conscious about.
When you set goals and take calculated risks in life, you eventually learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important in the long run. We learn the way on the way.
3. How “perfect” everything could be, or should be.
Understanding the difference between reasonable striving and perfectionism is critical to letting go of fantasies and picking up your life. Perfectionism not only causes you unnecessary stress and anxiety from the superficial need to always “get it right,” it actually prevents you from getting anything worthwhile done at all.
4. Having complete confidence before taking the first step.
Confidence is that inner inertia that propels us to bypass our empty fears and self-doubts. On the road of life, we come to realize that we rarely have confidence when we begin anew, but as we move forward and tap into our inner and outer resources, our confidence gradually builds. A common mistake many young people make is wanting to feel confident before they start something, whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, living in a new city, etc. But it doesn’t happen like that. You have to step out of your comfort zone, and risk your pride, to earn the reward of finding your confidence.
5. The intricacies of what’s in it for you.
Time teaches us that we keep almost nothing in this life until we first give it away — this is true of knowledge, forgiveness, service, love, tolerance, acceptance, and so forth. Most of the time you have to give to receive. Such a simple point, and yet it’s so easy to forget that the giving of ourselves, without a price tag, has to come FIRST! It’s the giving that opens us up to grace and progress.
6. Being an online-only activist for good causes.
The internet was a lot younger when my grandmother caught me debating people in an online bulletin board. And she reminded me right then that while online is fine, if you truly want to make a difference you have to walk the talk too. So don’t just rant online for a better world today. Love your family. Be a good neighbor. Practice kindness. Build bridges. Embody what you preach.
7. The pressures of making a big difference (all at once).
When we’re young it seems like faster is better, but in time we witness the power of “slow and steady” at work. We come to learn that no act of love, kindness or generosity, no matter how small, is ever wasted. The fact that you can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, is proof that YOU can make a big difference in life and business, even it can’t be done all at once.
8. Quick fixes.
The older your eyes grow, the more clearly they can see through the smoke and mirrors of every quick fix or short cut. Honestly, I used to believe that making wishes and saying prayers alone changed things, but now I know that wishes and prayers change us, and WE change things. It’s our daily dedication that paves the road of progress.
All details aside, when it comes to making a substantial change in your life — building a business, earning a degree, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal journey that takes time and commitment — one thing you have to ask yourself is: “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?” Think about that for a moment. We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing — growing happens when what you know changes how you live on a daily basis.
9. Having a calendar jam-packed with plans.
Don’t jam your life with plans. Leave space. Over time you will learn that many great things happen unplanned, and some big regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned. So keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked. Create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe every step of the way.
10. Being in constant control of everything.
The older we get the more we realize how little we actually control. And there’s no good reason to hold yourself down with things you can’t control. Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Oftentimes what you never wanted or expected turns out to be what you need.
11. Blaming others.
Have you ever met a successful person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life? Me neither. On the average day successful people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. They believe their own progress in life is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior. And although it takes time to fully grasp this, it’s a lesson worth learning.
12. Obsessing yourself with the numbers.
They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that — shiny objects and flashy figures don’t matter that much. Don’t just chase the money. Don’t just chase the numbers. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive. Go for the things of greater value — the things money can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Self-Love and Simplicity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
13. The idea of saving certain people from themselves.
Some people will never understand, and it’s not your job to teach or change them. Prioritize your peace today. Seriously, you simply can’t save some people from themselves, so don’t get sucked too deep into their drama. Those who make perpetual chaos of their lives won’t appreciate you interfering with the commotion they’ve created anyway. They want your “poor baby” sympathy, but they don’t want to change, at least not yet — they aren’t ready. And again, it’s not your job to rush them.
14. The selfish and disparaging things others say and do.
If you take everything personally, you will inevitably be offended for the rest of your life, and that just isn’t worth it. At some point it becomes crystal clear that the way people treat you is their problem, and how you react is yours. Start taking full advantage of the amazing freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s opinions and antics.
15. Winning every argument.
Don’t define your intelligence or self-worth by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have confidently told yourself, “This nonsense is just not worth it!” Exit swiftly when you must, because not much is worth fighting about for long. And try not to regret the kindness and respect you have shown to the wrong people — your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says more than enough about them. Carry on, with grace.
16. Judging others for their shortcomings.
We all have days when we’re not our best. And the older we grow the more we realize how important it is to give others the break we hope the world will give us on our own bad days. Truly, you never know what someone has been through in their life, or what they’re going through today. Just be kind, generous and respectful… and then be on your way.
17. Society’s obsession with outer beauty.
As you grow older, what you look like on the outside becomes less and less of an issue, and who you are on the inside becomes the primary point of interest. You eventually realize that true beauty has almost nothing to do with looks — it’s who you are as a person, how you make others feel about themselves, and most importantly, how you feel about yourself.
18. Fancy and glamorous physical possessions.
Your personal wish list for big-ticket physical possessions tends to get smaller and smaller as you age into your sunset years, because the things you really want and need are the little things that can’t be bought.
19. Shallow relationships that just keep you busy.
It’s nice to have acquaintances, and it’s great to be friendly. But don’t get carried away and spread yourself too thin. Leave plenty of time for those who matter most. Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons.
20. Distant future possibilities.
As time passes, you naturally have more of it behind you and less of it in front of you. The distant future, then, gradually has less value to you personally. But that doesn’t really matter, because the good life always begins right now, when you stop waiting for a better one. Remember, some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness, and you don’t be one of them. Right now if LIFE! Don’t miss it!
Your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to walk in my grandmother’s footsteps — to live a life that moves and shakes and makes you laugh out loud. Because you don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that your life is a collection of meetings and “somedays” and errands and receipts and empty promises… So count your blessings today, value the people and things that truly matter, and move on from the drama and distractions with your head held high.
And before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Aparna says
It really hit me…that point about getting into others’ drama and taking things personally. Sometimes I tend to forget that. This was a really nice read. You people never fail to make me feel better when I am down. You emails and posts are always on point for me.
Anastasia says
The BEST Advice! I’ve learned to do exactly these things, & it’s balancing peace that I appreciate, & that keeps me grounded!
Nev says
This one arrived in my email just in time! I kinda got a rough start today and this helped me with a mindset shift! Thank you, thank you! The first five really knocked some sense into me.
PS: Looking forward to your next Think Better, Live Better conference too. Hoping to hear more about it soon.
Melissa Bells says
For me, this article contains several really important reminders, but the one that really sticks out right now is #8. I actually invested in your happiness course and live event last year when I found myself completely stuck in a deep rut of frustration about where I was in life. I was definitely stuck on the idea of finding a quick fix, but I took your lessons and put them into action, one tiny step at a time. The daily rituals I’ve implemented have been pushing me in a very positive direction ever since. Of course, I’m not exactly where I hope to be just yet, but I’m a long way from where I was last year when I was stuck in a rut.
Thanks for the continued support. This post was excellent! A hat tip to your grandmother too.
Diane Mulcahey says
She was a smart cookie and you were blessed to have her. I am 73 and slowly learning these lessons. But I am trying
hailey says
I really connected with 14, 15, and 16. Such crucial points about how unimportant the act of engaging in drama is, and how darn often we are drawn into it. Thank you for this timeless insight…and all the timeless insight in your 1,000 Little Things book, and all the awesomeness you drop into my inbox each week.
Denise says
I truly love what you say and your grandmother was very smart and much love. Thank you so much.
Tana says
I’ve been following you, Marc and Angel, for a number of years and I think this essay was the best one yet! So many simple truths and lessons packed into one very useful read. Thank you!
SUSAN G says
For my entire life I have tried to live by remembering #1, The Inevitable Frustrations of an Average Day. My motto is “Don’t get lost in the temporary”. I am working on #14. I have a complaining neighbor who is very derisive and rude. I need to realize that she must be a very unhappy person. And #3, wishing some things could be different for my ‘perfect life’……then I realize that my ”imperfect life” IS perfect!
Debbie says
Just forwarded this to my 24 year old(and of course saved it for myself) as it contained so many “meatballs of wisdom” … many thanks to you both and of course…your grandmother!
Katherine says
Absolutely loved this article. Especially 10, 13 and 14! I’ve had some friendships end in the past few years and it really hurt me. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong! Learning to let go and realize whatever drama is going on with them and how they feel about me is not my problem ! Thank you for this article!
Morning Glory says
At 82 years old… I can attest to everything your 90-year old Grandma says. There’s nothing I would change nor that I would add. Accepting all these Truths, living them, will add greatly to ones quality of Life!!
Terry Len Mansfield says
I’m 74 years old & I agree completely. I especially like the statement that the way a person treats ME is their problem and the way I react to it is MY problem.
Stephanie Osborne says
The point that we must start giving without a price tag FIRST. I truly believe giving opens us up to grace and progress and a lot more. It seems these days so many people do things for others as long as they know they are getting something in return. I have noticed this for a few years now. How I wish people weren’t so selfish or self centered.
Innocentia says
I love this part ” life is what is happening now” I have decided to live my life to the fullest. I will not be hoping for a tomorrow that I am not sure of. I forgive easily these days. I protect my peace, do not feed on toxic and negative information. I travel a lot and don’t invest my money in accumulating material possessions. I buy and read more books and laugh often. Thanks a lot for the reminders. I want to live my best life.
Ondrea H says
I never ever really leave comments but this essay deserves one. As I sit here two days before my 43rd birthday, I realize how much time I have wasted on a lot of these. I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and today I came across this essay for a reason. This literally brought me to tears. Also made me miss my mother and grandmother, who were my best friends. Your grandmother like most was a very wise woman. I will definitely use the lessons in this essay to help me enjoy life more as well as keep my eye on what’s important. Thank you for sharing!
Emma Harvey says
Thank you so much for sharing. This was right on time for me. Every point resonated in some way. Great reminders! Keep up the good work.
Terenna says
WOW!!! I couldn’t have gotten this post in my inbox at a better time. Each comment rings true in my life.
I will be re-reading them daily. Thank you sooo much for sharing.
eva andrew says
I’m 71 and your grandmother was one lovely and smart lady! I nodded reading so many of these. Definitely one of your best articles. Thank you!
Vuyolwethu Mpongwana says
Thanks for sharing this will be my reference on the journey of self-discovery I am currently walking. All of ths points you have mentioned here makes so much sense to me…thank you so so much!
SSS says
4,7,8 and 13 resonate with my soul….thank you for nuggets that I can keep.
Dorothy says
Wow. Words of wisdom. All 20 points are true especially for some if us who are over 60. Indeed what matters most is the peace, joy, happiness, laughter, family. The small small things that make life beautiful
Micky says
Touche’ !!!
Glenda says
Point 14 sums it up for me. Last week I made the decision to walk away from what I had believed to be a good friendship with a nice woman. Reality was it was sometimes a really good friendship but other times the “goal posts” kept moving, I was being ghosted and dangled. And if I tried to talk about things, it always got flicked back as being my fault.
“the way people treat you is their problem, and how you react is yours”
I’m feeling a little guilty as I politely answer her daily texts in a “friendly” but not “best friend” kind of way. But I know I’ve done what’s best for me.
Thuli A.S. Kau says
These are very wise and profound words. We never learn until its late. I am definately going to adopt and act on these wise words.
Wish we could have understood life and listerned to the elders before.
Starting now….No 13
James Fraley says
Loving every email and post from you two lately. Such truths that resonate with my entire life story. As I am only 7 months to go before reaching 80, I can attest to the truths these emails bring, if we but embrace them fully. Thank you.
Daphne says
Thank you for sharing, the truth you have stated here just opened my eyes on all aspects of life.
The article came at the right time for me considering what I am going through.
I need to immediately start working on number 1 and 2, as well as the one on giving freely.
I have to share this with my teenage daughter. Thank you very much for both the article and the timing.
Remain blessed.
Judy h says
I couldn’t say only one – several made me think especially the control and overbooking myself ones. I’ve been working on slowing down with some success but I do love all the things I do and the people I work with and help.
Thanks for helping me to see where to focus
Ibrahim Kazeem says
Wonderful! It is the whole essence of life. Please keep it up. I just subscribed to your newsletter, I hope to be getting more of this kind of heart-warming write-ups. Thumps up!
Dary says
I never leave comments online, but this essay left me feeling so positive and delighted that I wanted to share my thoughts. I really loved the wording of the phrase, “…the afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.” This whole essay is just very well-written and easy to read. Thank you for passing on your Grandmother’s wisdom!
Farshad says
Hello. The best comment I can write for you is: Thank you.
Roz says
“The secret to happiness and peace on an average day is letting each moment be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the very best of it”
I really wish I saw this, this morning! Beneficial and practical nuggets always. Thank you.
Lou says
Wisdom! I Love your teachings. At 68 I’m still a student, thank you.
Ana Rosa says
The present is a present, be thankful for it, enjoy it, share it, do not waste it.
Betty Smith says
I truly appreciate and needed these Pearls of Wisdom.
Ava says
This article was amazing! I had tears come to my eyes. My Perspective changed and I needed that . Quotable wisdom to remember. Thanks and thanks for sharing what your grandma lovingly gifted you to you.
Job well done.
I rarely leave comments, but I had to for this one . Sharing it too.
Vernese says
Angel and Marc another good read and lessons to live by. Grandma was right on spot. Thanks for sharing.
Ben says
“You have to step out of your comfort zone, and risk your pride, to earn the reward of finding your confidence”
This one resonated with me. Thanks for writing. This was an enjoyable read.
Jo Jerger says
I’m 81 and totally agree with your grandma. I went through every stage you mentioned & wow it is so wonderful to be my age. It is amazing that every stage in my life brought me to the point where l do not worry. I am at peace with my life & community. My eternal thanks to you & your beloved grandmother.
Charles Malinga says
Thanks for yet another amazing post. The point that resonates with me most is the no quick fix and shortcuts to life. We have to learn to do the work for the stuff that matters.
We can always see through incompetence and quick fixes. Once gain thanks for the great post
Scott Siwicki says
Thank you, I very much enjoyed reading this post. Many of these points directly reflect on my personal life. And decisions I have made.