There is nothing about the present that prevents you from making progress, one step at a time.
Throughout a decade of life, relationship, and small business coaching, Marc and I have witnessed people reinventing themselves at all ages — 48-year-olds starting families, 57-year-olds graduating from college for the first time, 71-year-olds starting successful businesses, and more. How did they do it? They started making gradual progress in their lives, step by step. And by doing so, they changed the trajectory of their future and their lives.
What you need to remember most right now is that it isn’t too late or too early to start making positive changes in your life. Your future is always affected by what you start doing today. Yet so many people wait around for some arbitrary date and time, like the New Year, to take the next step. Don’t be one of them! Don’t stall on yourself! It’s time to…
1. Start making your life your own.
Most of us are not raised to actively seek our calling. We may not even know that we have one. As kids we are seldom told we have a place in life that is uniquely ours alone. Instead, we are encouraged to believe that our life should somehow fulfill the expectations of others — that we should find our happiness and success exactly as they have found theirs. Rather than being taught to ask ourselves who we are, we are trained to ask others for permission. We are, in effect, schooled to live other people’s versions of our lives.
As the weeks roll into years, nearly every day of our lives is designed and developed by other people’s demands or opinions. And then one day when we break free to survey our dreams, seeking to fulfill ourselves, we see that most of our dreams have gone unfulfilled because we believed, and those around us believed, that what we wanted for ourselves was somehow impractical or beyond our reach. It’s time to unlearn these falsehoods and make changes. It takes courage to grow wiser and become who you really are. And today is the first day of the rest of your life.
2. Start subtracting what doesn’t belong in your life.
When you discover something that nourishes your soul and brings you joy — something that truly matters to you — care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life. And if you find that you don’t have enough time for what matters, stop doing things that don’t. In other words, start subtracting what isn’t working for you.
Every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive. Let that sink in. When things aren’t adding up in your life, begin subtracting. Life gets a lot simpler and more enjoyable when you clear the emotional and physical clutter that makes it unnecessarily complicated. And there’s so much you can let go of in life without losing a thing. It’s called growth. Letting go of the old makes way for the new. Letting go of what isn’t working makes way for what will. When the pain of holding on is worse than the pain of letting go, it’s time to let go and grow.
3. Start putting your heart and soul into the things you do.
There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is short. Invest daily in meaningful activities. Too often we wait around because we think we need to “find” something new or different to be passionate about, but that’s not true. If you want more passion in your life, act accordingly right now. Put your whole heart and soul into the next thing you do. Not into tomorrow’s opportunities, but the opportunity right in front of you. Not into tomorrow’s tasks, but today’s tasks. Not into tomorrow’s run, but today’s run. Not into tomorrow’s conversations, but today’s conversations…
In the end, purpose is the reason you journey and passion is the fire that lights your way. So learn to believe in your heart that you’re meant to live each day full of purpose and passion — that each and every moment is worthy in its own way. I’m absolutely certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth your time, energy, and passionate focus. You have people and circumstances in your life that need you as much as you need them. You have a massive reservoir of passionate potential within you, just waiting. Stop waiting! There is no tomorrow. Put your heart and soul into what you’ve got right in front of you! Become it, let it become you, and great things will happen for you, to you, and because of you, sooner rather than later.
4. Start stretching yourself in the right ways.
There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. And again, many great things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow. Will it always be easy? No, but remember that when you’re struggling to make progress, that’s when you actually are. You want to be stretched to the edge of your ability — it needs to be hard and uncomfortable sometimes. Of course most of us don’t want to be uncomfortable, so we subconsciously run from the possibility of discomfort. The obvious problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the opportunities within our comfort zones. And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle.
Choose differently starting today! Go to environments that expand your mind. Spend time with people who inspire you to stretch yourself. Read books. Grow. Get better. Your future is in your hands. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Success and Productivity chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
5. Start leaving other people’s judgmental opinions alone.
When it happens, be sure to tune out the cheap shots people take at you. Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all. So before you waste it on anger, spite, or frustration, think of how precious and irreplaceable your time is, and carry on with grace.
When Marc and I first started writing on this blog, I’d agonize over whether people would think what I was writing was good enough. I desperately hoped they’d like it, and oftentimes I’d catch myself imagining they didn’t. Then one day I realized how much energy I was wasting worrying about it. So I’ve gradually learned to relax with simply not knowing. Some problems in life, such as not knowing what others think of you, are not really meant to be resolved.
What you need to remember is that you can’t control how other people feel, or how they receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through a mindset occupied by whatever they are going through at the moment, which likely has nothing to do with you. Just keep doing your thing with as much love and passion as possible.
6. Start embracing your humanness.
“Human” is the only real label we are born with, yet we forget so easily. To become attached to a loaded label of overweight, divorced, diseased, rejected, or poor, is to be like the rain, that doesn’t know it is also the clouds… or the ice, that forgets it is water. For we are far more than the shape we’re currently in. And we, like the wind, water, and sky, will change forms many times in our lives, while forever remaining beautifully human.
So forgive yourself for the bad decisions you made, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that accidentally hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.
Once we forgive ourselves and fully embrace our humanness, it’s almost funny to see how seamlessly we can adapt to life’s transitions — how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Take this to heart. And don’t forget to pause before the end of the year to appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, and you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for the steps you’ve taken, so you can step forward again, and again.
7. Start reminding yourself why every step matters.
In the end all the small things make a big difference. Every step is crucial. Life isn’t about a single moment of great triumph and attainment. It’s about the trials and errors that slowly get you there — the blood, sweat, tears, and the small, inconsequential things you do on a day-to-day basis. It all matters in the end — every step, every regret, every decision, every minor setback and minuscule win.
The seemingly useless happenings add up to something. The minimum-wage job you had in high school. The evenings you spent socializing with coworkers you never see anymore. The hours you spent writing thoughts on a personal blog that no one reads. Contemplations about elaborate future plans that never came to be. All those lonely nights spent reading novels and news columns and comic strips, questioning your own principles on life and sex and religion and whether or not you’re good enough just the way you are.
All of this has strengthened you. All of this has led you to every success you’ve ever had. All of this has made you who you are today. And all of this proves that you have the strength to deal with the challenges in front of you. So keep giving yourself grace, and carry on. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts and Reflections to Start Every Day” is a great tool for this kind of self-reflection.)
Now, it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn starting now! I hope you will have a delightful day, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will leverage the reminders above to create something that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the outcomes you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others… for the rest of the year and beyond!
And before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Judy Cotter says
Fantastic read. It’s a long story, but I am on a path of discovery again at age 57, and this article will help me find a few of the right paving stones for the rest of the year and into the next. Thank you.
Tina Brewster says
I had to tell you, Judy, that I am 57 as well and on a path of discovery again. Good luck with yours.
To Marc and Angel, I came across your book, “Getting Back to Happy,” at my public library, which led me to this blog. I look forward to each post. Your words of encouragement are helping me on my journey to a better life.
Mara McSherry says
This is one of the best things I have read in awhile!! It is So wise and deep and thorough and loving. Thank you so very much!
Rene says
Thank you! I can resonate with everything said in your essay here. You hit the nail on the head! I have been struggling with living MY life and the “aha” moment was when I woke up and realized I had lost my passion and purpose! We get lost in “Life” by accommodating everyone else. Two years ago at age 49, I went back to school for my Executive MBA, and it was a life saver for me. It woke me up and now at age 51 with an MBA, not only have I improved myself academically and professionally, I have rediscovered my passion and purpose! I’m taking life “On to the Next!”
Nikki says
Wow this is helping me feel not so alone in my struggles! Thank you for sharing your story Rene. I’m going through the same thing at 48. I lost my job in IT management and I’m having a really hard time finding another one. I believe I’m being aged out. I lost my apartment and had to move in with my parents. This was 1.5 years ago! I’m trying so hard to reinvent my life but it’s so difficult. This article and the comments are giving me hope! Thank you!
Kate says
Good luck Nikki
Life is tough for you at the moment but it will improve if you keep moving forward, looking and learning. And you are blest to have your parents to support you. I wish you all the very best. Kate
June says
Thank You never to old to learn
Age 76 trying to solve my own
Struggles in my Marriage of 53
Years x
Angie Emde says
For many years I followed my own path, traveled, got married, had kids, traveled some more. Somewhere along the way I started listening to the people around and I fell into a routine and societies way. I got lost and discouraged but am now grateful to subtracting things from life and am making my life great again. This is definitely coming about from swimming in new rivers. Thank you for the inspiration and these reminders today. Your weekly emails and essays have helped me stay on track over the past year or so.
Rudy says
I like this post, because I think it encourages people to just be themselves, and end the year on a more sincere note.
I think that something I have to work on more in my life is the ability to make mistakes. It’s okay to make mistakes, and I think that sometimes I have to remind myself that, and really insist on the freedom to do so!
Robert okiria says
7 resonated the most. Great food for thought as we enter the final stretch of the year.
MJ says
I’m 75 years young and I fully embrace your philosophy. Thank you for putting yourself out there for the rest of us. It take constant reminders to appreciate our gifts.
Chas says
Great points all around. And I agree with the other commenters too. When you are feeling inadequate.. It helps to know that at times “So is everyone else”. Also if you hand over your power to anyone to make you happy, remember you also are handing over your power to them to make you unhappy… You have to be happy on your own first before you go searching outside of yourself for that elusive thing called “Happy all the time forever and ever”… Create it inside of you then share it. To expect someone to create it for you really is one heck of a burden to put on anyone.
Denise Whitney says
Thanks. At age 65, I am starting over, with peace in my heart.
Finally. I’m trying to obliterate the negative feedback about my decision. This reading confirms what I’m feeling and what I’ve been doing for me this year!
I’m ok and moving forward.
Joann says
Thank you! I have felt overwhelmed by others opinions so often that I lose sight of the truth. I know my truth and I am going to live it, starting with ay steps today. No more waiting!
Gwen Williams says
You are so right on the part of trying to please others and doing things their way. I have done that all my life. It’s as if I haven’t really lived and enjoyed my life for being afraid I would be a disappointment. It’s so difficult to break away from that. Your words as I read them inspired me! So much more I could say but I’ll stop here. Thank you SO MUCH!
looking ahead at 60 says
I am not in a very positive place right now. I’m working hard not to fall deeper down. What you said about getting rid of the negative makes room for more positive… Never thought of that before, thank you for the new lens also don’t waste my words on one who deserves no more than silence. Pray that I follow these great helpful pointers. so tired of letting myself be dumped on. It’s up to me to be the change, definitely need strength.. thanks
MJ says
Thanks for providing your amazing posts. All of what was mentioned above resonates with me. I’ve been dealing with tough times for years. I recently went through a divorce, after 25 years of marriage. I have three beautiful children that are away at college, and now I’m suffering from empty nest syndrome. I want to feel whole again and am willing to do whatever it takes to not waste anymore time and to feel better. Time to start.
George Miller says
I believe that the last two years have awakened my mind to see the real false reality of this world. Study of Bible principles has shown me the truth. Now I need to share it with the world! I’m writing a book to publish soon.
Arianne Comple says
It’s always a delight to read your essays. It’s longer than I would normally take time to read but it is absolutely worth it. So much wisdom and real life experiences in it. I highly recommend it especially to those who are needing guidance in life.
Darnel says
First of all, your writing is just plain beautiful. I read your articles all the time, and it always seems to give me a profound uplifting of thought and purpose to life, but most of all, understanding. I am so thankful for your direction and words of encouragement. I proceed to move on to the rest of my life living it as I want to while being who I am. I have chosen to turn a deaf ear to those who have opinions. Thanks so much!
Victor mwalewa says
Sure.
Lynn says
At 72 I am trying to make my life my own. Thank you for all your words of wisdom.
Sandra Pagett says
Thank you so much for doing what you do. Even if we don’t always comment, know your messages are received. Amazingly simple, if it can be explained in tiny bites.
Vanessa says
Wow..Living each day passionately and purposefully, forgiving myself for the mistakes and the reckless past. Need to be extra kind to me and others, while being thoughtful of my actions. Never too late to let go of the past failures and embrace the brighter future ahead. The whole message resonates with me, I’m grateful to have taken time to read.
Angela says
Thank you! I love getting your emails of inspiration! Have a beautiful day!
Tina Sison says
Everything that has been said in this essay are all mind opening. Thank you for writing and sharing this. Every point makes me stop and ponder of what must have been and what to do next at this point of my life. I would want to print this or rewrite it in my journal so that I will be reminded everytime I am lost in track. Looking forward to more of your writings!
Cynthia says
Number 6, embracing my humanness. I’m always too ‘something’ whether from my point of view or someone else’s. What a wonderful reminder to be grateful for the experience of just being a human being and forgiving yourself for the goof-ups you made in life. Thank you. I really appreciated that.
Jay says
I just want to say I happen to be going through the fight of my life and for my life as well. I feel like there’s not much I can read, research for answers or help myself with nowadays. It all blends into thoughts of despair eventually. However, your articles are very interesting and give me hope for a “tomorrow” to come in which I hope to use all the different advice I read in your articles. I do try to apply your advice and wisdom to the here and now with much hope there’s a chance God is watching me struggle trying to be better for the hopeful freedom of tomorrow where maybe life’s consequences aren’t lingering about and affecting much of every moment due to the past. I hope for the chance to be in my child’s life once again and share much of my life knowledge and things I have learned along the way and make her proud to have me as her dad who is there to help and came back stronger and better than before. I will continue to read your articles. They are heart warming and as I mentioned, give me hope even though my hands are close to tied at this point in life. I will keep striving to better myself in the case I am granted Gods mercy to get back to life. Thank you Marc & Angel
Victor mwalewa says
What an awakening call! The time is now and i must start now. Sure starting doing and keep doing.
Lou says
Thank you for great wisdom. All here have resonated with me.
Blessing Banor says
Great job! Just the right inspiration i am looking for! Wish i could save it and read it anytime i need a reminder on how best to navigate through life..
Natalie Clark says
I began living MY life 3 years ago! What a relief. It is interesting how many people don’t even know what that means. For me it has been the freedom to be who I am versus what society or my parents or friends and partners wanted. It’s still a work in progress and you have provided additional insights for my journey.
I am truly glad I found you.
BAKASHABAMUKAMA PETER says
This has helped me a lot, especially with the issue of subtracting from my being what doesn’t belong there, and also stretching myself in the right direction. Thank you, Marc and Angel!