post written by: Marc Chernoff

How do you know when you are ready for marriage?


“How could anyone ever be 100% sure that they are ready to get married?”  That’s the question my younger cousin blurted out over the cell phone a few days ago.  I was simultaneously fighting through an Orlando airport security checkpoint on my way out to the west coast, so initially I just brushed off the random inquiry.  But for some reason the simplicity of the question and the youthful sincerity in her voice caught me off guard.  Now, sitting here in my San Diego hotel room 2,500 miles away from Angel (my bride to be in one month), I finally have the chance to think about the question.  I’m aware that every relationship is different, so I certainly can’t speak for others.  But how do I know I’m ready for marriage?  While it certainly stems out a little deeper than this, here are a few points that immediately come to my mind…

  • Emotional attraction has risen well above the importance of physical attraction in a relationship where physical attraction held the premise for initial appeal.
  • When 2,500 miles separate us, I don’t miss the habitual companionship.  I miss my best friend.
  • On a Friday night we enjoy hanging out with the same group of people… in other words, the majority of our best friends have become completely mutual.
  • Understanding that the foundation for remaining faithful is not be based on a fear of hurting her, it’s based on the absolute fact that I want to be faithful because she is the one I want to be with.
  • Appreciating that while no relationship is all smiles all of the time, no relationship could be better for me than the one we share together.  The grass is certainly not greener…
  • Starring at her while she sleeps still brings a smile to my face six and half years later.
  • I haven’t just recognized her strong points over the years; her strengths have actually rubbed off on me, and proactively influenced my domestic routines.  In other words, she makes me better at being “me”.
  • Sometimes she frustrates me in the same way my mom frustrates me.
  • When she speaks of her long term goals, I couldn’t agree more.
  • Knowing fully well that either one of us could survive independently of the other, but choosing not to… and being content after sustaining that choice over the last several years.
  • The topic of trust is mutually absolute.
  • Accepting the fact that our marriage will not merge two separate lifestyles, it will solidify the lifestyle we have established together.

Maybe that list sounds little cheesy, or maybe not.  Either way, it’s the way I feel and therefore it’s the best answer I can give… a somewhat complicated answer to a question that seems so darn simple.

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12 Comments

  • You forgot to mention you lost your balls….MAC-O!!!

  • Hey Marc,

    I came across your link on our blog. Your blog is a bit similar to us in the sense you and your bride-to-be maintain it, and my blog too…is maintained by me and my boyfriend. I would like to wish you and Angel good luck for the big day and good posts. really liked the writing style:) Keep going and yes, your pointers did make a lot of sense.

  • your comment about missing your best friend is very true and your partner in life being your best friend is what makes a marriage last for life. Also what people who think the grass is greener forget , is that the grass still needs mowing.

  • Hi Marc:

    Thank you for sharing your insight on the readiness of marriage. I am in the midst of winning my girlfriend back after a stint of figuring things out within myself. And I’ve come to agree to all your points. One thing that concerned me was your point: “Knowing fully well that either one of us could survive independently of the other, but choosing not to… and being content after sustaining that choice over the last several years.”

    I hope that I can gain that dependent - independence with my Love as well…

    I hope all has turned out as planned for you!

    Thanks again,
    Ken

  • I am a young lady who is madly in love with a very loving guy. We have been dating for a year and some months now. We spend each day together and it is very hard for either one of us to go through the day without seeing each other. He wants to marry me and very soon, i realy love him and everyone in his family and my family want us to get married. But is it too early? I feel ready but i dont realy know if I am. How do i know if am ready? or is that a chance i have to take in order to know?

  • Honestly, from someone who just got married to someone who I had only been with for less than a year, go with your heart. You will know because you will feel it. If you cherish every second with him and you are happier than you’ve ever been and you can see yourself with that person for the rest of your life…do it. Nothing will tell you when you are ready. The only way to know if you’re ready is to take a chance…”Leap and the net will appear!”

  • Thank you, for sharing your insight on the readiness of marriage.

  • I think this is just awesome!
    :D:D
    I love the way you expressed your thoughts.
    I totally agree with you.
    Thank you a lot for sharing it.

  • I’m engaged and this just scares me away from marriage… Sad, but true. Maybe I’m not ready. But than again I never wanted marry, ever, to anyone. I’m in my thirties and that doesn’t scare me.

  • very well said :)
    These are the points that I think all people in a successful & loving relationship have figured out, but putting it down in words solidifies our understanding.
    I have a friend who ended a relationship and constantly plays the victim because he doesn’t understand these exact points. I feel bad that he won’t experience a truly sincere relationship because of his unrealistic expectations. He’s missing out on something wonderful!

  • Numbers 1 & 5 speak to me. My baby and I are so far apart from each other and won’t be seeing each other in so many more months to come, but we got this on lock!!
    I am so glad I read this today!
    Thanks Marc.

  • The most common source of problems in marriages is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after about 5 years, and wondering where the love went.

    It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise that has little to do with attraction. If you are thinking of getting married, then please read “Attraction is a feeling. Love is a promise.” by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College.

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