post written by: Marc Chernoff

The Top 3 Reasons Relationships Fail


Why Relationships FailBased on the intrinsic complexity of personal feelings, there are an endless number of reasons why relationships fail.  However, I believe there are 3 primary factors that form the basis for which every other problem stems.  When a relationship turns sour you can be sure that at least 1 of these 3 factors is to blame.

1.  Do I really like her, or just her gestures? – Everyone loves attention.  When a member of the opposite sex goes out of their way to make you aware of it, it feels good.  If they repeat the action a few more times and you return the favor, a shallow relationship forms.  The true measure of compatibility occurs shortly there after.  Once the initial excitement of this attention wears thin, what are you left with?  Do you really like who this person is, or did you just enjoy their gestures?  On occasion people you like will take actions you dislike.  Likewise, people you dislike will get your attention by taking actions you do like.  It’s important to understand both sides and be capable of distinguishing between the two.

2.  We have stability and reliability, but I’m bored. – Once a relationship gets serious this is one of the top killers.  We all want excitement in our lives.  One of the most exciting things in life is discovering the unknown.  Curiosity is what keeps us moving forward, but one must learn to properly hone curiosity.  The first part of a serious relationship is primarily about the discovery of your partner’s entire aura.  But once you know everything about them, where do you turn for a source of excitement?  The answer is quite simple.  Discover new things and create new experiences together.  The only thing more fulfilling than a new experience is the act of sharing that same experience with someone else.

3.  She has wonderful qualities, but I get stuck on her flaws. - It’s always easier to destroy than to create.  Likewise, it’s easier to be negative than it is to be positive.  Many relationships fail because both parties concentrate their attention on their partner’s flaws instead of the qualities they love about them.  You learn the most about somebody by figuring out their strong points, rather than disputing their weak points.  Over time both partners can work on their weak points collectively, so long as each person keeps a positive attitude and an honest line of communication.  Keep in mind that it is impossible work on the weak points of a relationship if you are incapable of seeing your partner’s strong qualities.

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9 Comments

  • I like your use of the term “gestures.” I had not heard that used before in the context of attraction.
    I subscribed to your blog. Very nice stuff!

  • Thank you for your article. I also happen to agree with you list of three, and would possibly add a fourth:

    In many relationships there is a little bit of inequality. The one loves the other a little more. Or the one needs the other a little more. Or the one dictates and the other follows. If this doesn’t balance out at some point, it inevitably gets worse. And the size of the gap between those two people often cause a breakup.

    Love your blog, by the way.. some really good stuff here ;)

  • @Nemesarial:
    Thanks for the insightful addition. You’re right, imbalance of any kind in a relationship can create tension. I think the key still rests in point #3. You have to concentrate on your partner’s strong qualities.

  • on #3 - That’s part of the “Love is Blind” deal… or at least Love Wears Blinders…. One learns to overlook, not focus on, or not see at all the little flaws. Or the strong points overweigh the lesser ones. Always look for the good in things, and people, and do not focus on the negative!

  • I loves gestures :P

  • This article is an interesting insight into what you believe the basis of breakups are. I adore your argument #2 I find that this often keeps occuring in my reltionships.. I find myself asking what other sweets are in the shop before I have to buy this one? Your blog is amazing and you make some strong points and I agree with on much of it! I also think you need a number #4 and that’s trust issues! Thanks muchly <3

  • Thank you so much for creating such an amazing source of hope and positivity. You guys lay everything out in a clean and understandable manner which makes it easy for us to grasp. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me. Thank you.

    I just wanted to ask what are your thoughts on incompatibility in intimate relationships?

    What if there are some things about his/her personality (e.g. an overwhelmingly negative attitude) that one’s been tolerating for a while and it’s gotten to a point where that individual wants to let go of the relationship?

    Thank you again for your taking the time to read my question and making life kinder.

  • Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and beliefs. I am in a difficult situation in my life now and I found support and encouragement in reading your blog. I am slowly moving on thanks to you.

  • Very up lifting reading to help anyone going through relationship issues. For me I found myself always being there for the one I’ve loved and being open honest and making them feel loved by someone. We all need a connection in this world no one should be lonely or shunned away from a companionship. It’s really sad how mass media is controlling our choices of who to be in love with,if we let go of all the human flaws we all can experience something way beyond our imagination.

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