April 20th, 2009 @ 1:52 am by: Marc
When Our Stories Hold Us Back
She rarely makes eye contact. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Because the ground is safer. Because unlike people, it expects nothing in return. She doesn’t have to feel ashamed. The ground just accepts her for who she is.
As she sits at the bar next to me, she stares down at her vodka tonic, and then the ground, and then her vodka tonic. “Most people don’t get me,” she says. “They ask me questions like, ‘What’s your problem?’ or ‘Were you beaten as a child?’ But I never respond. Because I don’t feel like explaining myself. And I don’t think they really care anyway.”
Just then, a young man sits down at the bar on the opposite side of her. He’s a little drunk, and says, “You’re pretty. May I buy you a drink?” She stays silent and looks back down at the ground. After an awkward moment, he accepts the rejection, gets up, and walks away.
“Would you prefer that I leave too?” I ask. “No,” she says without glancing upward. “But I could use some fresh air. You don’t have to come, but you can if you want to.” I follow her outside and we sit on a street curb in front of the bar.
“Brrr… It’s a chilly night!”
“Tell me about it,” she says while maintaining her normal downward gaze. The warm vapor from her breath cuts through the cold air and bounces off of the ground in front of her. “So why are you out here with me? I mean, wouldn’t you rather be inside in the warmth, talking to normal people about normal things?”
“I’m out here because I want to be. Because I’m not normal. And look, I can see my breath, and we’re in San Diego. That’s not normal either. Oh, and you’re wearing old Airwalk shoes, and so am I… Which may have been normal in 1994, but not anymore.”
She glances up at me and smirks, this time exhaling her breath upward into the moonlight. “I see your ring. You’re married, right?”
“Yeah,” I reply.
“Well, you’re off the market… and safe, I guess. So can I tell you a story?” I nod my head.
As she speaks, her emotional gaze shifts from the ground, to my eyes, to the moonlit sky, to the ground, and back to my eyes again. This rotation continues in a loop for the duration of her story. And every time her eyes meet mine she holds them there for a few seconds longer than she did during the previous rotation.
I don’t interject once. I listen to every word. And I assimilate the raw emotion present in the tone of her voice and in the depth of her eyes.
When she finishes, she says, “Well now you know my story. You think I’m a freak, don’t you?”
“Place your right hand on your chest,” I tell her. She does. “Do you feel something?” I ask.
“Yeah, I feel my heartbeat.”
“Now place both of your hands on your face and move them around slowly.” She does. “What do you feel now?” I ask.
“Well, I feel my eyes, my nose, my mouth… I feel my face.”
“That’s right,” I reply. “But unlike you, stories don’t have heartbeats, and they don’t have faces. Because stories are not alive… they’re not people. They’re just stories.”
She stares into my eyes for a prolonged moment, smiles and says, “Just stories we live through.”
“Yeah… And stories we learn from.”
Photo by: Sean McGrath
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27 Comments
April 20th, 2009 at 2:18 am
And stories from which we gain new strengths because of new experiences. These strengths will eventually help us to lead a happier life.
April 20th, 2009 at 2:45 am
Amazing!
…and we really love living through stories.
Like an open-source jigsaw, we gather bits & pieces which turns out to be our own!
And, its up to us to make the best of it all! =)
~ Ronak R. / RoKZRooM
April 20th, 2009 at 10:48 am
I love this post. So beautifully written and thought-provoking. Stories we live through…stories we learn from…I love it! Thanks!
http://positivelypresent.typepad.com
April 20th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Touching story and a great point at the end! Thanks for this great piece of writing/insight. Eric
April 20th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Our story is something that unfolds as the manifestation of our thoughts and actions. If we focus on the journey the story writes itself. If we focus on the story we remain tethered to the past. Sadly, the desire for approval writes the script for some peoples life story. When we give ourselves approval it becomes unnecessary for others to understand us. Understanding does not need to be a prerequisite for acceptance.
April 20th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Beautiful. Simply Beautiful. There is nothing else that comes to mind to describe the meaning behind that post.
Whether it was fiction or fact, you are gifted for conveying such a message in such a suttle (yet powerful) way.
April 20th, 2009 at 11:54 am
As always, thanks so much for the feedback. I’m traveling today, but I’ll be checking in on my iPhone to see what you all have to say about this one.
April 20th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Marc - You’ve really become quite the storyteller! It fits you well. This is another great one. If only we could let go of the negative stories about ourselves. The freedom would truly be amazing!
April 20th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Great story!
April 20th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Superb storytelling. I’m touched. Stumbled.
April 20th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Moving story….
Yes, with each life experience, there is always a key take away. I sometimes feel that we learn more from our failures, disappointments and regret, than the successful moments.
April 21st, 2009 at 12:09 am
Truly amazing storytelling. And quite the excellent post as well. There isn’t a way I can describe it except inspirational. Just an inspirational post.
April 21st, 2009 at 4:51 am
Your story telling skills are off the charts! Thank you for the fascinating read.
April 21st, 2009 at 6:55 am
That is a great story.
My sister is stuck in her story, I think I might gently share this with her.
Thanks for a great post.
Sara
April 21st, 2009 at 7:23 am
I always learn from my past and try to improve my weakneses.You have written a very great article.Its all about me and my life.
April 21st, 2009 at 8:15 am
“The ground is safer” indeed. Sometimes I feel like that. Nice post!
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:26 am
Lovely storytelling. And so true.
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:41 am
@All:
I’m really glad some of you are enjoying the storytelling posts. Going forward I will continue intermixing the storytelling posts with some traditional list posts (like the last one).
@Shamelle:
I completely agree. I learn far more from my failures than I do my successes.
That’s why I hate seeing people stuck in a rut over something that happened in the past. These stories and life experiences must be used as a means to grow.
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
This has the same feel as a Charles de Lint story. He’s all about the stories within and how they affect people.
BTW, thanks for stopping by Zen Habits today and supporting my post there!
April 24th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I love the stories you two put into articles. It’s simply amazing the way you integrate everyday interactions into meaningful observations.
April 24th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
That’s beautifully written! I love it the way the ‘moral of the story’ slowly reveals itself.
As to stories: I think we cling to them because they define who we think we are. And we’re afraid of letting them go, because - who are we then?
April 25th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Fantastic story, I use to hold myself back because of past experiences. I have learnt it is best to let the past go and move forward…..to bigger and better things
April 27th, 2009 at 7:35 am
An amazing piece of writing sends the reader’s emotions in a rollercoaster ride.
Another wonderful story, reading this just made a day of hell feel like heaven again…
=)
April 29th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
WOW!
August 27th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Beautiful!
November 4th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Very touching and inspirational. Will be coming here more often
February 25th, 2010 at 11:11 am
this is incredible, and so true, however i also believe i somewhat disagree with it- any author would tell you stories are alive, and that they write books to make those stories come alive (even though they aren’t physically, or anything like that). In terms of life stories, yes they can never be brought alive again without being at a specific place you’re talking about. However stories will always be a part of you and they shifted and changed you into who you are today- and YOU are alive. So by some sort of transitive property, those stories are making you alive, and making you into the person you are today. Since they live on in you, I would say they -are- alive. In the same way that someone who has passed away lives on in you.
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