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How to Find the Perfect Man (or Woman)
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Practical Tips for Productive Living
Written by Marc Chernoff // 28 Comments
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zmajeva says
โBut unfortunately, he was looking for the perfect womanโ
:)))
Those people are not looking for perfection. They are looking for a perfect excuse to stay in their love comfort zone. ๐
Saurabh says
Well said, “we often chase hypothetical, static states of perfection”
…. assuming things or relationship as perfect is our way of gaging it…universe has its own rule.
Justin Popovic says
I like this topic. When you are only searching for and expecting perfection, you will almost always be in a state of let-down. You cloud your ability to notice and appreciate things for the way they are.
There is an element of excitement in the imperfections. In business, imperfections usually mean there is an opportunity to develop and solution and this is what business is all about. Imperfection must exist in order for us to appreciate the things that are truly amazing in our lives.
joshua m says
Thank you.
Thekla Richter says
The perfect is the enemy of the good, Voltaire says. The only trick is balancing that important truth with the equally true concept that good/okay can be the enemy of great/amazing. In other words, how to let go of discarding everything in search of perfection without “settling”? I think there is a balance there in which you can fall in love with truly amazing things and embrace them without trying to make them be perfect… but it can be hard to find that balance if you are fixated on either the need for perfection or the sense that you aren’t good enough to deserve truly good things.
Vanessa says
It really is hard for people to grasp this concept yet alone see it in themselves, and usually when they/we do, it is due to some negative experience that forces us to REALLY look deep within ourselves and way of thinking…
Betsy Talbot says
Perfection can be paralyzing!
Newlywed & Unemployed says
Fantastic post! Excellent topic and so well written.
I think the trouble is that we just have the wrong definitions of ‘perfect’. ‘Perfect for me’ would be more accurate. Even ‘perfectly flawed’ is acceptable. Flawed in just the right ways.
It’s a sad thing when we take ourselves out of the running because we don’t see our own perfection. Our own unique qualifications to excel at anything we wish. Even a relationship with a perfect man/woman.
Amruta says
๐ such a true n real post….
these kinda posts r really needed to keep oneself grounded to reality n simple acts of life and everything that makes us feel more human and not just driven by the materialistic possessions in today’s world
“nothings perfect – n even if it is : its wont be constant , as there is only on thing in life that remains constant n that is CHANGE”
๐
NJOI n have a gr8 day.
Maya says
I used to be a perfectionist but thankfully I learned that perfectionists are doomed to failure as an early lesson. My first step to shed my quest for perfection was to redefine “perfect”. My new definition stated that perfection requires growing and evolving since we don’t live in a static world, and therefore we have to make mistakes in order to be perfect. No one can grow and never make a mistake. Also, consider that the “perfect” stamps/coins/etc aren’t the ones that become valuable collectables, but instead the ones with rare flaws.
Hulbert says
Great post Marc, I like the ending of that story. I think it teaches us a lesson that we should be open to all possibilities and consider adapting to other people. It is kind of selfish to expect perfection from another person when we may not be perfect ourselves.
Craig Thomas says
Nice post. Chasing perfection is definitely a downfall, but in this day and age – could we settle? I’m not so sure. Personally, I feel I’ve got to constantly change and better myself – for myself.
Marc says
As always, thanks so much for the added insight, everyone.
We love reading your comments. They truly inspire us.
๐
Sofia says
Thank you for this – I love your perspective on the idea of perfection, and the evolution of the so-called imperfections in our lives. Very refreshing, and timely for me! Inspiring!
alternaview-Sibyl says
Great and very interesting post. It really is all about your perception and definition of perfection. I thought your advice to overlook what we see as imperfection and look much deeper at the possibilities was poignant. Sometimes we do have to push ourselves to look at things from another perspective.
Beat Schindler says
Enjoyed reading your post. Sounds eerily familiar. Ex-perfectionist, what helped me become aware and change my life around one step a time was the notion that perfect is the lowest standard there is. We (just) know perfect is not possible, so we’ve got all the excuses for not even attempting built right in before we even start. Perfect! Now I live by good is good enough, and everything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you learn to do it well. Less than perfect, much better. [PS. Before I was perfect I had a high opinion of myself, but now that I’m perfect, no more … lol]
Breanne says
I like this!
Grampa Ken rants at Social Fix says
When I was younger I was looking for perfection, in myself, and this caused me so much anxieties. Later I realized I could feel better and be better just being me, and forgot trying to be perfect in the eyes of others. Besides, if those who are not perfect were cast out it would be a very empty world.
“The finest lives, in my opinion, are those who rank in the common model, and with the human race, but without miracle, without extravagance.” – Michel de Montaigne
Jie says
Thank you for the lovely thoughts, I adore reading your articles, they inspire me.
I think If you are happy of what you have got, this is perfection and this is the standard you should be looking for, put your own standards to your life.. Life is getting so complicated around us that we forget what we should be doing to live it.
prufock says
I usually agree with the spirit of your posts, but this one sounds too much like settling to me. Maybe any of these men would be “good enough,” but which one would you suggest she pursue, the one she isn’t emotionally attracted to, or the one with differing religious views, or the workaholic?
Thing is, I don’t think the woman in the story was looking for someone “perfect” so much as someone who met her personal criteria. And we all have different criteria. Why would I choose to spend my time, my life, with someone who was emotionally distant, or a workaholic, or an alcoholic, or physically unappealing to me?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think most of what you said in “The Story of Our Lives” part is spot on; maybe the story just didn’t relate that well for me. Perfection is a sort of pipe dream, but that doesn’t mean settling in the hopes that maybe he’ll change, or maybe it won’t be so bad.
Anastasiya says
I do not believe in perfection as part of a happy life. First of all it is impossible to have everything perfect (I have not met any single person in my life who could be called “perfect”) so by becoming a perfectionist you doom yourself to failure and disappointment.
I also think that perfection is boring. Perfection does not leave any room for creativity or fun. If you have something perfect then you never have to think about changing it. No changes equals boring life for me personally.
Thank you for sharing this post.
Mark says
Excellent!
Suzanne says
This is a great post — there are so many aspects of our lives where we feverishly seek perfection. Learning to accept the imperfections of life can only enhance the experiences of life.
Meg at Demanding Joy says
Look at the havoc that the word ‘perfect’ wreaks on our lives. We expect perfection in ourselves and others leading us down a long road of disappointment. If we could only jettison that word and give everyone – especially ourselves – a little compassion for not being perfect, we would all be better off.
Kashmira says
Loved this post! For the message and for the simplicity with which it is conveyed!
Kevin Chan says
Nailed it Marc! Too often we want the world to be how we want it, only to find having an expectation is what makes us unhappy. If only we could enjoy the beauty of the world and everyone as they are ๐
simone nicorici says
the summary of everyone’s love battle, I loved this post!!
nn says
i am an idealist, perfectionist, and i often find myself finding that perfect someone.
and as time passes by, i get to realise that the closest to perfectionist is how we would imagine it.
nothing is better than imagination. when we want something perfect, we need to access whether we’re perfect as well.