post written by: Marc Chernoff

20 Things to Stop Doing to Others


Things to Stop Doing to Others

There is one key factor that can either damage your relationships or deepen them.  That factor is your attitude.  If you’re hoping to grow and maintain positive relationships in your life, read on.  Below you will find a 20 step attitude adjustment guaranteed to help you do just that.

  1. Stop holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
  2. Stop complaining. – Instead, use your time and energy to do something about it.
  3. Stop meaning what you don’t say. – People can’t read minds.  Communicate regularly and effectively.
  4. Stop making it all about you. – The world revolves around the sun, not you. Take a moment to acknowledge this truth on a regular basis.
  5. Stop lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself.  Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
  6. Stop blaming.  – Blaming others accomplishes nothing.  Either you own your problems, or they will own you.  Your choice.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give-up your power over that part of your life, and you annoy everyone around you in the process.
  7. Stop doubting. – If you think that you can’t achieve something, I have some news for you, you’re probably right.  But don’t let your self-doubt interfere with other people’s dreams.  Remember, the one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it.  (Read Unstoppable.)
  8. Stop interrupting. – Correcting someone when they’re blatantly wrong is one thing, but always interjecting your opinions out of turn gets old fast.
  9. Stop being selfish. – You get what you put into a relationship.  Nothing less, nothing more.
  10. Stop judging. – Everyone is fighting their own unique war. You have no clue what they are going through, just like they have no clue what you’re going through.
  11. Stop gossiping. – Gossiping about others is a lose/lose situation.  It hurts them, and then it hurts your reputation.
  12. Stop making promises you can’t keep. – Don’t over-promise.  Over-deliver on everything you do.
  13. Stop being defensive. – Just because someone sees something differently than you doesn’t mean either one of you is wrong.  Keep an open mind.  Open minds discover great things.
  14. Stop comparing people to others. – No two people are alike.  Everyone has their own strengths.  We are only competing against our own selves.
  15. Stop expecting people to be perfect. – ‘Perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’  And genuine ‘goodness’ is hard to find in this world.  Don’t overlook it.
  16. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – It’s impossible.  But making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
  17. Stop screwing people over just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it.  Think bigger.  Do what you know in your heart is right.  (Read Life’s Greatest Lessons.)
  18. Stop making mountains out of molehills. – People make mistakes.  Crap happens.  There’s no reason to stress out yourself and everyone around you because of it.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
  19. Stop being dramatic. – Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.
  20. Stop giving out advice, and just listen. – Less advice is often the best advice.  People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement.  What they want to know is already somewhere inside of them.  They just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.

And remember, your relationship with yourself is the closest and most important relationship you will ever have.  So pay attention to it, develop it, nurture it, and never, ever stop.

Photo by: Carnelia Kopp

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46 Comments

  • This is a spectacular list filled with reminders I needed to revisit.

    Thanks for writing it up!

  • Amazing list. Made me realize I do many of these things without realizing I’m doing it. Thank you. :)

  • Some home truths I needed to be reminded of…

    Thanks for that :)

  • Great list!

    Some ’stops’ are very painful - Am I really doing that?

    I would like to add:

    Stop being inpatient with people - Everything has his time. Give them time and allow them to shine.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • I have done a lot of these and could have used a list like this a long time ago. The biggest one for me is not making mountains out of molehills and sometimes letting things slide. It certainly does make life easier when you work WITH other people instead of against them.

  • This was very insightful & a wonderful reminder on how to treat others & how to not let others’s treat us as well!

  • Probably the best list I’ve ever seen about “what not to do” to others. We’ll never be able to do all of this perfectly (See #15), but it would be so worth the attempt! Thanks for posting this!

  • Such an important list to use as a guide for self-improvement!

    I especially think #9 is important. So much of life and pop culture screams at us from birth that it’s “all about you!” It can be very easy to start thinking that, in fact, it IS all about me.

    But this sort of thinking can lead to so many problems in life. Marriages crumble at the altar of Me! Crime and horrible acts of violence are but extreme expressions of this same impulse.

    It can also be very difficult to get on in life when we enter the real world thinking everyone will love and appreciate me without me having to do anything to earn the appreciation.

    Great post, as usual!

  • I’d like to add ’stop preaching.’ Listening to someone preach is boring. Instead, carry on a two-way conversation… and crack few jokes.

  • You guys are the master at list posts and I can always relate in one way or another.

    Love it :)

  • Great post! I wanted to share a comment heard amongst the many sharers of this list: “I think you should know that not only did I repost this, but I’ve watched it spread like a happy virus among several branches on my social tree. Bueno.”

  • This is a great list! Thanks for speaking the Truth. Hope you don’t mind if I pass this along. :)

  • Oddly, this list of things to STOP doing seems more powerful and inspiring than the corollary list of things to START doing. Even if stopping one bad habit leads to starting new good habits.

  • Love the list, Marc. There are so many things we shouldn’t do in life and to others. If we will just make it a point not to be so negative, our lives and the whole world in general will be such a better place. It is refreshing to know that there are still people like you who remind others of staying away from negative actions. Love your number 16 because I love the idea of changing the world bit by bit with just a smile. :)

  • Saurabh Banerjee
    July 25th, 2011 at 5:38 am

    How do you read minds Marc? :) …you are the best.

  • Wonderful post. Great list. Everyone needs reminders of these things not to do. I’m going to print it and tape it somewhere to remember. Thanks

  • Awesome list as always guys — every single one is spot on. Whenever one of the scenarios comes up, I use Wil Wheaton’s law to keep me in check: “Don’t be a dick.” Helps remind me to stop making these mistakes.

    I think #15 is huge. The constant struggle to hit perfection is an endless battle. Nobody is perfect and no one will ever be. The sooner you can drop that idea, the better. Instead, focus on being an awesome person and doing the right thing. That’s what really matters. This list is a great start :)

  • So glad this was shared on twitter. Much needed on a Monday morning.

  • Great list.

    I wish I could remember all of these points when dealing with others. Its so easy to criticize, judge, jump in with advice rather then listen etc… Part of the problem is our own insecurities affect our relationships, so if we can just be happy with our self maybe we can stop negative attitudes towards others.

  • Marc this is precisely what I needed - to see in front of me some traits I am guilty of reminded me that even though I thought I was a good human being I still have work to do. You presented it in such a non-critical way for me that it’s been easier to accept and more possible to complete. You don’t see many self-help or personal development posts that focus on our lesser traits that still possess a positive angle, but this is sure one. Muchos my friend!

  • Haha—I gotta stop interrupting my girl when she talks. It’s a habit. I’m learning to zip it quick. Just to listen and enjoy the moment. It takes time but I’m working on it. I guess I gotta skype MARC for some TIPS!!!

    Great post!

  • I NEEDED to read this! Thank you!

  • AMEN!

  • One word ..AWESOME!

  • What a fantastic list! Thanks for sharing this. Just imagine from now on everyone would adhere to every point on your list….this would change the world..

  • Hi Marc

    Thank you for this so needed list. Number 1 and 18 are what I really needed to hear. I think if we stop these two things we woudl avoid lots of problems. Complaining about what someone already did in the past does not help anyone. Solving problems in the moment will make a huge difference to the world, instead of making a mountain out of nothing.

    Thank you
    Andrea
    A Happier Self

  • As always, thank you for keeping the conversation alive, everyone.

    And of course, thank you for continuing to inspire us with your positive comments.

    Have a fantastic week!

  • I love it.

  • WitchyPooLisaLoo
    July 28th, 2011 at 3:51 am

    OMG! So true with a capital T…. You guys have changed my life, my relationships and my happiness gauge, I look forward to your weekly posts and apply them to myself and others around me and have seen VAST differences in my usual bipolar mood and of course how others treat me in return….. Pharmaceuticals across the globe haven’t conquered that breakthrough yet, PURE LIFE CHANGING GENIUS! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    Blessings xxxx

  • harshvardhan rane
    July 28th, 2011 at 6:08 am

    Awesome article! Loved all of it :)

  • Having been married to the same person for 30 years, I have gotten into some bad habits. Thanks for the reminders of things I should not be doing in my relationship with my spouse and with others.
    Great tips!
    Bernice
    THE best organizational tool EVER

  • I hope everyone will print this out and put the list on their refrigerator. I just did.

  • awesome advice
    wish everyone could stick to it
    let me add number 21
    21) stop putting people down when you are jealous

  • Unbelievably simple truths. I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes we all need a gut check to focus on what’s right in our lives and stop the madness. Thanks for sharing.

  • Thank you so much for your amazing list! I’m new to the blogging world and re-posted this without your permission- so sorry! Is it okay if I keep it on my site, or would you like me to take it down?
    Great words of wisdom for the world to live by ; )

  • Being unhappy with myself made me greedy with self importance, and therefore rude to others. Since I first read this article awhile back I have made drastic improvements in my interactions with others. Thanks for the guidance.

  • 100% pure and inspiring, d list has open my mind and i must be determined to follow this step for every one need to really follow such living, yes…if 80% of the world population can live on this words, i believe we will all live in heaven..

    Thanks for your words of wisdom

  • Completely guilty on a lot of counts. Great list. Gonna go work on that now…

  • This is an awesome list and a few reminders for me. Thanks for sharing! Happy New Year.

  • Finding this website has been very helpful. From time to time I dwell on things and take it out on others. This has been very inspiring.

  • This blog, shared with my by a friend, has inspired me to do a 20 week meditation series for myself in which I focus on each of the 20 items. My journey begins today: jennifischer.blogspot.com

  • Very true on point #19.. There are too many drama in this life. No need to create it anymore.

    Thanks for this inspiring post Marc n Angel.

  • Great list. A really clear inspired set of reminders. One to print off and keep!

  • I know I have read this list along with all of your posts at least a few times each but this one I one of my faves I keep coming back to over and over!!

    Love you both, Marc and Angel and thank you for all you do! You are both such a true inspiration:)

  • Stop being irresponsible. If you are the person responsible for making sure bills are paid or other necessary daily tasks are taken care of, make sure you hold up your end of things.
    Stop breaking promises you made. Don’t make promises except on rare occasions.
    Stop assuming you know everything about another person. You don’t.
    Stop being cruel when you don’t get your way.

  • Great post as always.

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