post written by: Marc Chernoff

11 Ways to Become the Person You Love

11 Ways to Love Yourself

You are powerful when you believe in yourself – when you know that you are capable of anything you put your mind to.  You are beautiful when your strength and determination shines as you follow your own path – when you aren’t disheveled by the obstacles along the way.  You are unstoppable when you let your mistakes educate you, as your confidence builds from experiences – when you know you can fall down, pick yourself up, and move forward.

Here are 11 ways to become the person you love.

  1. Stop judging, and appreciate the beauty within you. – Judging yourself is not the same as being honest with yourself.  When it comes to living as a compassionate, non-judgmental human being, the only challenge greater than learning to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, is learning to walk a lifetime comfortably in your own.  In every smile there is beauty.  In every heart there is love.  In every mind there is wisdom.  In every human being there is a soul, there is life, there is worth, and there is the ability to see all these things in everyone, including one’s self.  Read The Mastery of Love.
  2. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. – Accept yourself!  Insecurity is what’s ugly, not you.  Be you, just the way you are, in the beautiful way only you know how.  The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  You must love who you are or no one else will either.  And when you are truly comfortable in your own skin, not everyone will like you, but you won’t care about it one bit.
  3. Care less about who you are to others. – Don’t lose YOU in your search for acceptance by others.  Be aware that you will always appear to be a little less than some people prefer you to be, but that most people are unaware that you are so much more then what they see.  You are good enough just the way you are.  You have nothing to prove to anyone else.  Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself.
  4. Know your worth. – We often accept the love we think we deserve.  It makes no sense to be second in someone’s life, when you know you’re good enough to be first in someone else’s.
  5. Don’t rush intimate relationships. – Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.  You don’t need a perfect one, you just need someone who you can trust – who shows you that you’re the only one.  If you haven’t found true love yet, don’t settle.  There is someone out there who will love you unconditionally, even if it’s not the person you were initially hoping for.
  6. Let go of those who aren’t really there. – There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life no matter how much you want them to.  And the only ones truly worthy of your love are the ones who stand with you through the hard times and laugh with you after the hard times pass.  Maybe a happy ending doesn’t include anyone else right now.  Maybe it’s just you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself for something better in the future.  Maybe the happy ending is simply letting go.
  7. Forgive yourself and others. – Of all the things that can be stolen from you – your possessions, your youth, your health, your words, your rights – what no one can ever take from you is your freedom to choose what you will believe in, and who and what your heart will love going forward.  Life begins where your fear and resentment ends.  Just because someone hurt you yesterday, doesn’t mean you should hate the world, or start living life today in constant fear of being hurt tomorrow.  When you forgive yourself and others, and stop the inner imprisonment, you’re creating the love of your life.  Read The Tao of Pooh.
  8. Focus on the positive. – Do not let the pain make you hopeless.  Do not let the negativity wear off on you.  Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.  Even though others may disagree with you, take pride in the fact that you still know the world is a beautiful place.  Change your thoughts and you change your reality.  Our thoughts are the makers of our moods, the inventors of our dreams, and the creators of our will.  That is why we must sort through them carefully, and choose to respond only to those that will help us build the life we want, and the outlook we want to hold as we’re living it.
  9. Believe in the person you are capable of being. – The real purpose of your life is to evolve and grow into the whole person you are capable of being.  Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.  Change really is always possible – there is no ability that can’t be developed with experience.  Don’t ever let your negative beliefs stand in the way of your own improvement.  Read A New Earth.
  10. Work on goals you believe in. – Never put off or give up on a goal that’s important to you.  Not because you still have tomorrow to start or try again, but because you may not have tomorrow at all.  Life is shorter than it sometimes seems.  Follow your heart today.
  11. Keep looking and moving straight forward. – Moving on doesn’t mean you have forgotten; it means you have accepted what happened in the past and choose to continue living in the present.  Moving on doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means you’re giving yourself another chance by making a choice to be happy rather than hurt.  Through all the problems you have faced, the burdens weighing down on your shoulders, the pain in your heart, you have only one thing to say, “I survived and I now know better for next time.”

In the end, loving yourself is about enjoying your life, trusting your own feelings, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning from the past.  Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting.  Have faith that things will work out, maybe not exactly how you planned, but just how it’s meant to be.

Photo by: Juliana Coutinho

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  • So true on so many levels. Thank you once again.

  • Well said. You gotta love yourself first though for sure, or you won’t see and appreciate what you have when you have it.

  • Another on-point article that addresses some of my current struggles. Thank you Marc and Angel.

  • Great points, this really did make me feel better just by reading the first few points.

  • Interesting read, Marc and Angel. We’ve got a different mindset about romantic love in our Western World though. My understanding of Eastern Love is about slotting into each other’s inadequacies and accepting less rather than more. We have high expectations of supreme perfectness here. Why not just get on with the job of doing it imperfectly… Kada

  • This is so true. Just what I needed to read today. Thank you for another great article.

  • Beautifully said, every point. :-) Thank you!

  • You continue to inspire me. Keep it up! :)

  • This is so true and so beautifully said. Reading your post is like an energy boost. Thank you. “To love is to recognize yourself in another.”

  • Good read. Thanks.

  • Marc and Angel, I just have to say this, your articles are so phenomenal and really makes a person do some soul searching. When I found God several years back, it was like being reborn. Reading your steps on how to stay on the right path to a happy and good life wakes me up to some things that I forget from time to time. Thank you both for coming into my life!

  • You make everyday more meaningful. Thanks for writing and sharing with us.

  • As usual I find myself knodding “yes” to every point you’ve written.

  • Thanks. Needed these positive reminders today.


    Thank you so much.

  • Thanks a lot! Will read it again.

  • Wonderful advice. I don’t know why it is so tough for us to get behind ourselves sometimes, but it simply is. This is a beautiful reminder that we have a choice in attitude and perspective. Thank you!

  • Thank you so much! I love this post!

  • Himel Aldercyde
    April 9th, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing Marc!

    I love you man!!! ;-)

  • Thank you for the tips! :)

    I love myself, but I also love my another half unconditionally. I admit I am doing my best to make her happy and complete her life. Like what Karen mentioned, in the East here we probably have a slightly different thought/idea about relationships. We care so much about how the other half thinks about us - but I do know that I love myself too, and that I am important (just not as much as I love her) =)


  • #5 and #6 are the ones that strike home with me the most. How we feel about ourselves has a massive impact on how we deal with other people.

  • Two days ago I found myself overwhelmed by the problems in my life - a family that is falling apart under the strain of trying to help a sister that is suicidal, and battling a horrible depression while facing the reality of losing a great friend to an incurable cancer in the near future. After a little meltdown where I almost gave up on trying to help those I love, I found a new strength and energy that I didn’t know I had in me. It pushed me to keep moving forward in a positive way. I owe some of that strength to your newsletters that I have been reading for some time now. Keep speaking to our hearts, we are grateful for you sharing such wisdom and positivity.

  • Thanks for the wonderful tips, as always.

  • Just thanks…

  • You two never cease to make me feel just a little better. Every article inspires and motivates me to be a better me.

    Thanks for this.

  • Such timely and thought provoking reminders…and articulated beautifully.

    Thank you Marc and Angel.

  • I love tip #9, Believing in the person I want to become is hard sometimes. I’m trying to cure myself of an addiction, and its hard to imagine life without this addiction.

  • Simple concepts, yet great reminders. I appreciate you always reminding us of these important life principles.

  • Thank you for your wonderful, motivational blog! It always lifts my spirits.

  • @Karen and Dennis: Although I do believe we must recognize our worth, I also know we must recognize the worth of those we love. Nobody is perfect. It’s a give and take, but both sides must be willing to give… that’s the key.

    @kat: I’m so happy to hear about the renewed strength you found. Keep your head held high. Remember that everything happens for a reason, even if it’s nearly impossible to understand right now. Best of luck to you and your loved ones. You’re in our prayers.

    @All: Thanks so much for the positivity. Your comments and added insights continue to inspire all of us.

  • I really enjoyed this article and the advice. It’s just so hard to implement sometimes…

  • You are just so amazing, the post indeed gives insightful tips .

    Thanks Marc .

    Sharing on hrudayam.

  • Beautifully written! I wish I had learned about this blog sooner. Also, I wish I had learned these same tips when I needed them 20 years ago. Nice work!

  • Loved this article! Thanks for continuing to inspire me week after week.

  • Your blogs always come at the right time for me… Many thanks!

  • You guys have covered it all, and I’d like to flesh out 8 and 10.
    In 8 “Focus on the positive”, you mention pride. I think this is so important. Pride is having the courage of your convictions. It’s living by a code. It means having character. Add that with 10 “Work on goals you believe in”, and you have the pillars of action. Working on goals you believe in is having integrity, it’s matching your behavior to your values. I believe these are the most important characteristics to round out an accepting and loving individual. I wanted to put a finer point on that. I think this list is great. Cheers!

  • Loved this article! Definitely needed!

  • This is such a beautiful article. Thank you. Sometimes I’m so hard on myself. I take failures and setbacks very personally, and I know I shouldn’t in order to be able to move on and learn from my experiences. I need to keep reminding myself that failure is not a reflection of my self-worth. Your advice is really helpful

  • Great post! Self-love and self-care are so important. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. You only get one body!

  • Great post and great tips. Just the pick me upper I need it. Thank you

  • This really touched me. My girlfriend broke up with me recently and told me some stuff that was hard to hear. I’m having a hard time dealing with the break up but these 11 points made me feel better, I even had a little cry.
    Thank you for the help. I’ll make sure to bookmark this whenever I need I need it.

  • A few weeks back, my whole world feel apart. I lost my apartment, my job and my girlfriend! The pain was unbearable for me.. Marc and Angel, these words have given me inspiration, to start my life from ground zero. I will go on! I will survive. I will love again! Thanks for giving me hope.

  • Thanks a lot for this article, made me think about how important is to love yourself first.

  • I try to read one of these bullet points every day now because they are keeping my mind focused on living life to the fullest and positively influencing others as a leader. I can see that you are doing so much for people and how they think about life.

    Thank you so much. Keep doing what you love. =)

  • You are my first read in my inbox. We are blessed to have your wise words before us. May we practice love for the collective without forgetting to nourish our mind body and soul! From my heart to yours thank you.

  • Excellent words… will read this article once a month… Thanks.

  • Very nice article…

  • I just love this site and especially this article. We spend so much time taking care of everyone else, that we often forget about ourselves. With this realization, I came up with my own “10 Ways to Love Yourself First” at It’s got lots of great ideas for a bit of self-pampering. Thanks for sharing yours, Marc. You’re helping us keep these important topics in the forefront of our minds.

  • This makes me feel better! Thank for you posting :-)

  • Your article is amazing. I have been reading it again and again because your words are what I need to hear every time when I face obstacles. Keep it up!

  • Loved the article. The way its articulated is wonderful. I think I would be looking my life in a different way loving myself.

  • Lost my husband, court case proceedings brought twice before me and then an unexpected relationship where i felt had found happinesss suddenly gave me the cold shoulder . I found myself feeling heartbroken, in pain, feeling worthless etc blar blar. Thank you. I feel the article is light at the end of the tunnel for me. I have printed it off and carry it with me for the unexpected moments of crying when driving. Life does go on. Love a lot, live kindly and let go graciously of things that were not meant for you - Buddha saying xxx

  • SO true. It’s so hard to let go of the one you love, but it’s even harder to hang on to someone who doesn’t want be held..

  • One of your most profound and moving posts. Thank you for approaching the subject — what it means to love yourself. It confuses and pains so many people and you’ve written about it with great care and specificity.

    After all — it you don’t love and respect yourself first, how can you ever expect to be truly be loved or for that matter, to love another person the way they deserve.

    Always a deep pleasure to read your work. This is one of your best.

    Thank you!

  • Good read!

  • I read your post at exact time that I really needed it. Thank you.

  • I don’t know what to do without you guys..Everyday of my life your articles make me feel better..My true inspiration and lightened up my life. Thank you so much.

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