post written by: Angel Chernoff

10 Commandments for Happy Relationships


10 Commandments for a Healthy Relationship

Love is not just about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship.  It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build until the end.  A relationship should be healthy, caring, loving, kind, upbeat, and positive.  It should make your smile a little wider and your life a little brighter.

Happy, healthy personal relationships are one of the greatest joys of life.  So starting today, choose to take control of your relationship with your significant other.  Here are ten commandments to follow together.

You deserve to be with somebody who makes you smile – somebody who doesn’t take you for granted somebody who won’t hurt you.

I.  We will remember that every person and relationship is different.

People don’t fall in love with what makes you the same; they fall in love with what makes you different.  Be your imperfectly perfect self.  We are not perfect for everyone, we are only perfect for those select few people that really take the time to get to know us and love us for who we really are.  And to those select few, being our imperfectly perfect self is what they love most about us.

Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s – not your parent’s, friend’s, coworker’s, or that random couple whose relationship seems perfect.  Every couple makes their own love rules, love agreements, and love habits.  Just focus on you two, and making your relationship the best it can be.

II.  We will listen to each other openly, without judgment.

It’s far too easy to look at someone and make a snap judgment about them.  But you’d be amazed at the pain and tears a smile hides.  What a person shows to the public is only a small fraction of the iceberg hidden from sight.  And more often than not, it’s lined with cracks and scars that run all the way to the foundation of their soul.

Never judge.  Learn to respect and acknowledge the feelings of your significant other.  Pay close attention to them.  Be present.  We don’t always need advice.  Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand.  There is a time to speak out and a time to remain silent.  True wisdom comes from knowing the difference.  And this difference can make or break a healthy relationship.  (Read Love and Respect.)

III.  We will say what we mean and mean what we say.

Share what is going on in your mind and heart.  Share your deepest thoughts, needs, wishes, hopes, and dreams.  Open communication and honesty is vital to healthy relationships.  Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable.

Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication running.  Start communicating clearly.  Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people, especially your significant other, try to read yours.

IV.  We will support each other through good times and bad.

Be there through the good, bad, happy, and sad times – no matter what.  Be willing to provide a listening ear, a hug, and emotional support in all circumstances.  Trust that you can count on each other, and be available not only when it’s convenient, but when you need each other the most.

V.  We will be loyal.

True love and real friendship aren’t about being inseparable.  These relationships are about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.  When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority.  Loyalty is everything.

VI.  We will live by the truth.

Inner peace is being able to rest at night knowing you haven’t used or taken advantage of anyone to get to where you are in life.  Lies run sprints, but the truth runs marathons.  Run a marathon.  Live so that when others think of fairness, integrity and reliability, they think of you.  (Read The 4 Agreements.)

VII.  We will spend quality time with each other.

Make time for each other.  With our busy schedules we often forget to relax and enjoy the great company we have.  In human relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection.  Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart.  So don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words

Carve out special time for just the two of you once a week.  Do something fun.  Spend time together talking, going on dates, and making each other laugh.  Not only is it true that laughter is the best medicine, but it’s also true that shared laughter can make a good relationship great.

VIII.  We will appreciate each other and help each other grow.

Having an appreciation for how amazing your significant other is leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for them when they’re making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Celebrate their accomplishments, and encourage their goals and ambitions.  Challenge them to be the best they can be.  And be thankful for their blessings, openly.

IX.  We will settle disputes peacefully.

Not much is worth fighting about.  Heated arguments are a waste of time.  If you can avoid it, don’t fight.  Step back from arguments with your loved ones.

When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away.  Don’t let your anger get the best of you.  You don’t have to be right or win an argument.  It just doesn’t matter that much.  Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation.

X.  We will love and respect ourselves as individuals too.

Our first and last love is self-love.  Don’t rely on your significant other, or anyone else, for your happiness and self worth.  Only you can be responsible for that.  If you can’t love and respect yourself, no one else will be able to either.

Accept who you are completely – the good and the bad.  And make changes in your life as YOU see fit – not because you think anyone else wants you to be different, but because you know it’s the right thing to do, for you.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)

Photo by: Jeremy Blanchard

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32 Comments

  • Thank you for your inspirational words of wisdom and putting jumbled thoughts into words and ultimately into perspective.

  • These are wonderful . They are so right for any relationships in your life.

  • Always such good advice coming from you too. Thanks so much. I just printed this out and intend to read it with my wife.

  • These are truly inspiring. Getting to know the iceberg that hides behind the waterline is the best part. It’s a shame that most of us judge each other on that small part that we can see.

    But at the same who can blame us when that is all people show. The more honestly we let others see us the more we can love and be loved.

  • Angel you know something… You are AWESOME!!! Thanks a ton for sharing this. I am desperately in need in my relationships.

  • Wonderful advice. Thank you soooo much, always looking forward to your insights and positive posts.

  • It is excellent advice… but we also have to careful and not lose yourself in another’s woes. Some will ‘milk’ our generosity for all you have and leave you with nothing in reserves for yourself.

    So both people need to be IN it 100%.

  • Angel, I enjoyed your post so much and I get so excited with what you share with everyone that I just can’t find all the words to express my thoughts. However here’s something that I can relate to: I’ve learned two key things for relationships during my life: Always be a good listener and learn to love yourself!! Boy, I may not use the best English but I think you and Marc are just so helpful in all our lives. Thank you and bless you both.

  • “Love is not just about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship. It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build until the end. A relationship should be healthy, caring, loving, kind, upbeat, and positive. It should make your smile a little wider and your life a little brighter.”

    I think to a certain extent it does. You have to find the right match or there will be more struggle, why struggle when you don’t have to? There should be a little spark in the beginning as well or how will you know you even like them?

    The rest of the article is awesome. I wish more people would listen to that advice instead of just reading. Well if you fixed one broken relationship I guess you’ve done your job right!?

    Thanks again.

  • Thank you so much for this insightful article. It has hit home.

  • Thank you!! I had a valuable lesson just this week in my relationship with my sister and this article says it all… ♥

  • Beautiful! I swear the things you have been posting, I would think you were a fly on the wall where I’m at. LOL, these words are helping me every day and making me stronger. Thank you.

  • Thank you for your sage relationship advice!

  • How very, very true… every point. xo

  • This post couldn’t be written and presented any better. It’s so inspiring and confirms everything that I’ve always felt that happy and loving relationships should be. Thanks for the inspiration.

  • Most of the “commandments” are pretty common sense yet we almost always usually take them for granted.

    Thanks for the excellent reminders!

  • Thank you soooo much for such a wonderful , amazing and inspirational read… couldn’t agree more with your relationship advice.

  • I love every single line of this article and I cant help but work on them in the areas I am lagging behind and work towards making my relationship the best it can be. Thanks a whole for this eye opener.

  • Completely agree, wonderfully articulated.

  • Thank you everyone! I’m so happy so many of you are enjoying my articles. Your words of kindness inspire Marc and me every day, and we truly appreciate each and every one of you. :)

  • I wish more people would see these and take them to heart.

  • Thank you. In my current relationship situation, this article has been quite helpful.

  • As important as they all are, #10 is the most relevant for me. During some of the more “awkward” times in my relationship, I have to stop myself and remember that he is another person. He’s not me!

    He seems to naturally respect my individuality and, even though it might not be as natural for me, I show my love by making the effort to change my mind.

    I love that he’s different and, if he were just like me, that would be ridiculous. Why would I want another version of myself? That’s just doing extra laundry for no reason! :smirk

  • Lovely relationship reminders. Thank you for helping me heal.

  • Thanks you both for helping other people! My life has been getting better because of you.

  • Love your 10 commandments for happy relationships, no. 9 is my favorite. I tend to write a letter to my other half (one that he`ll never read) saying the way i feel, that way I explore my feelings and let off steam without having a go at him… and once I’ve written things down I’m much calmer to be able to speak to him sensibly.

  • I am grateful I’ve found your website. Thanks for your passion for life. I’d like to share with you a book I find very helpful in the relationship area. It is William Weil’s “New Earth Relationships” - really great one! blessings, M

  • I got back together with the most incredible girl I’ve ever met. I’d written her a farewell birthday card to always keep with her when I thought I’d lost her. Two months later for my birthday (Three days ago) she wrote these 10 commandments on the back of a photo of us. Couldn’t have asked for a better gift. We’ve never been closer.

  • Thank you very much for sharing this article, very helpful tips for relationships :)

  • Every point here inspires me to slowly improve my relationship with my wife. Thank you.

  • Wow ! This is a blessing that across this topic. This is super interesting and true inspiration . All the things I needed . I think this a blessing call and what my husband and Myself needed . Thank You for this post !

  • I love these pointers and I hope they are true and they work.

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