post written by: Marc Chernoff

10 Toxic Personalities Living Inside You


10 Toxic Personalities Living Inside You

Unfortunately we all have unhealthy personalities buried deep within us that have the potential to negatively impact our lives.  Although we are all human and have our own ‘personality issues,’ some ‘issues’ are, quite frankly, toxic.  They are toxic to our happiness.  They are toxic to our relationships.  They are toxic to our self-esteem.  And they are toxic to our dreams.

Here are 10 such personalities to look for in yourself, and avoid.

  1. The negativity committee. – You can never fail in life or love; you just produce results.  It’s up to you how you interpret those results.  Positive thinking is the ability to feel negative when you have to and still maintain enough hope to keep on going.  You cannot tailor-make the situations in life, but you can tailor-make the attitudes to fit those situations.  You must view your life through a positive lens.  Instead of slapping your forehead and asking, “What was I thinking?” you must breathe and ask the more encouraging question, “What was I learning?”
  2. The hoarder of pain and loss. – One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go - whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss.  Change is never easy – you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.  But oftentimes letting go is the healthiest path forward.  You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.  Read You Can Heal Your Life.
  3. The jealous competitor. – Don’t be jealous of others.  Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Stop comparing your journey with everyone else’s.  Your journey is YOUR journey, NOT a competition.  You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself.  You are competing to be the best you can be.  If you want to measure your progress, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
  4. The mask. – No matter what age, race, sex, or sexuality you are, underneath all your external decorations you are a pure, beautiful being – each and every one of us are.  We each have light to shine, and missions to accomplish.  Celebrate being different, off the beaten path, a little on the weird side, your own special creation.  If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means find a new river to swim in.  But DO NOT change who you are; BE who you are.
  5. The superficial judge. – Don’t always judge a person by what they show you.  Remember, what you’ve seen is oftentimes only what that person has chosen to show you, or what they were driven to show based on their inner stress and pain.  Alas, when another person tries to make you suffer, it is usually because they suffer deep within themselves.  Their suffering is simply spilling over.  They do not need punishment or ridicule, they need help.
  6. The busy body. – It is extremely healthy to spend time in solitude.  You need to be alone sometimes, to think and relax in a peaceful environment where you are not defined by anyone else.  Today, take some time out to take care of yourself.  Read The Power of Now.
  7. The perfectionist. – As human beings, we often chase hypothetical, static states of perfection.  We do so when we are searching for the perfect house, job, friend, or lover.  The problem, of course, is that perfection doesn’t exist in a static state.  Because life is a continual journey, constantly evolving and changing.  What is here today is not exactly the same tomorrow – that perfect house, job, friend, or lover will eventually fade to a state of imperfection.  But with a little patience and an open mind, over time, that imperfect house evolves into a comfortable home.  That imperfect job evolves into a rewarding career.  That imperfect friend evolves into a steady shoulder to lean on.  And that imperfect lover evolves into a reliable lifelong companion.
  8. The cheater. – Cheating is a choice, not a mistake, and not an excuse!  If you decide to cheat, and you succeed in cheating someone out of something, don’t think that this person is a fool.  Realize that this person trusted you much more than you ever deserved.  Be bigger than that.  Don’t do immoral things simply because you can.  Don’t cheat.  Be honest with yourself and everyone else.  Do the right thing.  Integrity is the essence of everything successful.  Read The Four Agreements.
  9. The victim. – Don’t let your dreams waste away on another person’s promise.  Stop giving opportunities to people who make you feel inferior and let you down as soon as it’s convenient for them.  Saying “no” to the ‘wrong’ people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to ‘right’ people and the ‘right’ opportunities.  Stand up for yourself and take charge of your life.
  10. The procrastinator. – You don’t have to see the whole staircase, you just have to take the first step; and the first step to living the life you want is slowly leaving the life you don’t want.  Taking this first step is always the hardest.  But then each subsequent step gets easier and easier.  And with each step you get closer and closer to the life you seek.  Until eventually, what had once been invisible, starts to become visible.  And what had once felt unattainable, becomes a reality.

Photo by: Bethy

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33 Comments

  • Some truely insghtful reminders here.

    #1 and #7 are my vices. Thanks for giving me the soft little kick I needed.

  • I agree with michael on number 1. It’s so easy to fall victim to negative thinking. The other one that gets me is number 10. I am the queen at putting things off.

  • Thank you for this - especially #4. So beautifully stated.

  • This post is one of my favorites :)

  • I needed to hear number 3… I’ve been finding it difficult to let the wrong feelings go in order to move forward.

  • number 10..I have that in me!

  • Thanks… :-)

  • Love this! I believe we spend so much time dwelling on how others have made us feel in our lives (good and bad), but to turn our lens internally is really hard to do. The world would be a better place if we all looked at at our own issues first, and then choose to end the cycle of bad behavior or pay it forwards with the good. Sometimes we have to behave our way into feeling good.

  • I appreciate this list. It’s a great way to start the week!

  • Great article for us all to review. I think several points speak to me and this is a great reminder of what needs to be done……

  • My negativity dissolves every time I read you guys! The habit of reading bits of your advice is just great and truly helps me grow up :D

  • Thanks! You all are awesome, and I appreciate your work and talent. Every article you send always fits the moment that I need the advice!
    Thanks,
    Becky
    Tn

  • Thank you

  • What a great read this morning - you have perfect timing!!

  • #8 seems personal. Written in a caustic tone - different from the other nine. Only place an exclamation point is used. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Just in case I’m not, think about #2… and let it go.

  • tenzin jamtshok
    July 16th, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    All the above points are well said. They are useful for building a better life.

  • This has helped me tremendously! When I read, I have time to digest and go within and contemplate how this fits in my life and what changes I need to make. I have grown a lot since reading your insight. Thanks for being a blessing.

  • This is filled with wisdom! One of the best articles I have read in a long time. Thank you so much Marc & Angel for giving us the tools for building useful lives.

  • #3 - that’s what jumped out at me. “Counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” That is the EXACT thought to hold so as obliterate envy and get refocused on the blessings each one of us have had bestowed on us.

  • Guess I’m a lil’ schizo!!…this came right on time…thank you for little reminders that can make HUGE differences in our lives, if we choose to change.

    Be Blessed <3

  • Thanks again. Every time I read your posts I am inspired.

  • I absolutely loved this post. I see soooo much of myself in it, that worries me, but also lets me know I have a chance to make “change” happen!

    Thanks for sharing!!

  • Yes I have to agree I have number 1 & 10 living inside of me, and it sucks, but as hard as I try at times to get rid of them they still linger.

  • I’m with Vergielyn on #10, though I struggle a lot with #1 as well.

    Actually, it seems several of these tend to partner up, because I can see how being a busybody and a perfectionist go hand in hand (and can even lead to some procrastination).

    I like what you said about procrastination. You just have to see the first step. Often, we see the mountain before us and think we have to know the full way up when we start out. But usually, we only see part of the way when we start out. It’s only in taking the journey do we discover that there could be a faster path about halfway up if we’re willing to take it.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • I can’t stand the victim. Can’t stand. I have to catch myself sometimes.

    Good thoughts.

  • #5… this made me think differently about certain people in my life and above all else… myself. If I am confident in myself there is no need to defend my character or choices.

    Thank you for the little insight that I’ve been struggling with…

  • Some great points Marc. I agree with the spirit of number 5, but, I have to admit that there have been times when looking at the bright beautiful being inside, instead of what was being presented, got me into pretty unhealthy relationships.

    Its important to cut people slack and no sit in judgment. If their behavior is bad enough terminating the relationship is sometimes the only sane choice.

  • Insightful. I struggle with several of these, but this gives me direction and hope.

  • Wow, when reading this I realised how many things on this list I often struggle with. It’s amazing how a few of these toxic personalities can make you live a life in total reverse of what you wish, and they often loom over you in silence and you don’t realise they are dragging you down. But this post helps bring those out so you can be pro active and release the chains these personalities shackle you with.

  • I just read your blog for the first time today. I like it. Really inspiring.

  • “Don’t let your dreams waste away on another person’s promise. ” - A worthy quote from this post.

  • Your write up is a blessing indeed… I’ve been touched.

  • Very, very thoughtful, true and touching.
    Thank you for this article. It makes all the difference and it pushes you outside of your “comfortable”, but sometimes poisonous inner world.
    All you need is a realization — who you are, who you may become and who you want to be.
    And here there are enough reasons to find out.
    Thank you once again.

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