post written by: Marc Chernoff

10 Lies You Were Tricked Into Believing


9 Lies You Were Tricked Into Believing

Today, it’s time to learn something new, by unlearning ten lies you thought were true.

  1. Alone means lonely. – ‘Alone’ doesn’t always mean lonely, and ‘relationship’ doesn’t always mean happy.  Being alone will never cause as much loneliness as the wrong relationship.  If things don’t feel right, take a break and spend some time with number one – you.  Find yourself first.  Appreciate your own worth.  And next time you’re in a relationship that’s sinking, you’ll be prepared to swim to safety.
  2. Happiness comes when you have everything you want. – To be happy doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means you’re thankful for what you have and patient for what’s yet to come.  Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to accomplish something big, that we fail to notice the little things that give life its magic.  So appreciate today for all it’s worth.  These are the good old days you’re going to miss in the years ahead.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
  3. Pain is something you can see. – Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling.  Some people are just better at hiding it than others.  You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.  Passing judgment is an unnecessary waste of time and energy.  If you have time to judge other people, you have way too much time on your hands.  Get off your behind and do something meaningful.
  4. Life is supposed to be a certain way. – It is ultimately only our own thoughts that hurt us.  Simply feeling what we are feeling, and dealing with it honestly, can be very healing.  We always have the freedom to choose how we wish to respond to whatever life presents to us.  Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the real life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.  Change what you can change, change your thoughts about what you can’t change, and move on in peace.
  5. You are supposed to be a certain way. – When you stop comparing yourself with other versions of yourself, real or imagined; and when you stop comparing yourself with other people, real or imagined; that is when you taste a peace that is real, not imagined.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
  6. Only a privileged few have the ability to live a great life. – If every morning you wake up and say, “Yes, today is going to be a great day.”  And every afternoon you find a reason to say, “Yes, today is a great day.”  And every night you find a reason to say, “Yes, today was a great day.”  Then one day, many moons from now, you’ll look back, smile at the memories, and say, “Yes, I lived a great life.”
  7. Tough times are unnecessary. – Sometimes things have to go wrong before they can go right.  Sometimes you have to let the wrong people walk out before the right people can walk in.  Sometimes you have to feel weak in order to know what it’s like to truly be strong.  Sometimes you have to feel a little broken to realize you’ll never truly be shattered.  Sometimes you have to meet a lot of people you like before you find the one you love.  Sometimes you have to take the good in with the bad, knowing that in the end it’s all a worthwhile learning experience.
  8. To be strong is to not feel pain. – In reality, the strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept it, learn from it, and work through it.  It’s all about having the courage to ask for a time out, to shed a tear, to dust yourself off, and then getting back in the ring to fight like you’ve never fought before.
  9. You can fake it. – Feel the love before saying, “I love you.”  Feel the gratitude before saying, “Thank you.”  Feel the humility before saying, “I’m sorry.”  Feel the release before saying, “I forgive you.”  When you feel it before you say it, it needs fewer words and goes straight to the heart of your relationship.  Read The Four Agreements.
  10. Dreaming is a waste of time. – The greatest gifts are those invisible to the eyes but felt deeply by the heart.  What we can see is usually just a small fraction of what is possible.  Imagination is having the vision to see what is just below the surface – to picture that which is essential, but invisible to the eye.  Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known, you just have to dream big enough to discover it.

Photo by: Kate S.

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34 Comments

  • Wow! I need to print this & stick it next to my mirror. A true classic eye opener. You’re such a life saver. Kudos & blessings…

  • This was one of your better writings. Very nice.

  • I really loved this:)

  • Seriously, every single post is quote-worthy. Awesome work.

    Today this:

    “In reality, the strongest people are the ones who feel pain, accept it, learn from it, and work through it. It’s all about having the courage to ask for a time out, to shed a tear, to dust yourself off, and then getting back in the ring to fight like you’ve never fought before.”

    resonated deeply within me.

    Thank you!

  • Cool!
    So true that most courageous people also fear the same as any other, they shed a tear, endure pain, but in the end they rise to fight back. And that is what matters.
    Also point number 7 is good. Copying it and printing. I need constant such reminders. :)

  • This is amazing, I really needed to be reminded of everything you have written.

  • Loved this: “Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the real life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.”

  • Truly awesome!

  • “Pain is something you can see. – Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.”

    No one knows just how much you can carry before it shows. No one knows because you don’t have the luxury of falling apart.

  • Wonderful post. Thank you

  • I so look forward to getting these posts…

    I would add another lie…”You can’t do it”…There are too many people in the world that say they can’t do something…You can do anything you set your mind to.
    Great job as always you guys!

  • Every point in this post is filled with great gems of wisdom. Thanks for that.

  • Such a Wonderful thought you mentioned in the point 8 that to be strong is not to feel pain. It is true that pain will always be there in life. But what makes life much better is to understand how to take pain to make yourself stronger. Because once you know the reason of your pain, the same reason can never hurt you again if you become careful. So taking pain as way to be stronger is the best way to feel pain and live a nice life all the time.

  • “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” is an awesome quote. I really like that you pull these quotes and ideas together.

  • Of all lists ever published on your weblog, this one is the most true and powerful. I’m keeping this next to me to read every single day I am tempted to believe one or more of them.

  • Really wonderful!!! I can’t descripe the beauty of your words as it is considered one of your best.
    Each piece is a precious pearl that is shining in my heart!!!
    Thank you so much…

  • Your tri-weekly inspiration is helping me through a difficult time, thank you. #3 really spoke to me in this post.

  • Beautiful. Simply beautiful. This blog is so uplifting, I truly think everyone could benefit from reading one of these posts at least once a week.

  • Another solid read. Any chance that you guys can make a tab for “recommend reading?” book that you would recommend to your followers without us having to go through the each post… thanks!

  • Really good things to think about. What do we want, a homogenized life? Do we really want to be bland? Are we really here to just get up, work, eat, avoid problems and go back to bed?

    What is a journey without adventure? And what is adventure without challenge? The heat hurts at the moment but the refining process leaves us so much richer.

  • “Being alone will never cause as much loneliness as the wrong relationship.”

    I’m living this right now…

  • Number 9? This one needs a bit more explanation, Marc.
    Sometimes just doing what you know is good, and right, brings the feelings with it afterward.

    My understanding of “give thanks,” for instance, is the imperative advice is to be done, and the process of being thankful follows. I mean, “thank you for this sour milk” is not a good feeling kind of thanks…but it might be useful when you think of all the un-sour milk you have enjoyed in the past, and find yourself grateful for the odds that are in your favor. And that you discovered it was sour before you drank it. “Thank you for the SMELL of sour milk” would be a good one, yes? Even though counter-intuitive?

  • This is a great post to read on a Monday. It can set the mood for the rest of your week.

    I agree that “alone doesn’t always mean lonely.” I relish my alone time. I relish quiet time where I can mediate and be alone with my thoughts or not. Sometimes, being alone for a day or a weekend is just what you need. It’s good to be alone and tune-out the noise around you. If you don’t, you could become overloaded and that isn’t good for your nervous system.

  • This little text about happiness and dreams just got through to me in a way most of what I read has not. You are helping people - please know this.

  • You are SOOO right!!!
    Thank you so much!!!
    :)

  • I learned about number 1 when my last child went to college and the house was suddenly empty. I had to teach myself how to be alone! At first it was hard. I made plans filling my days. Then I learned to just “Be.” Funny thing happened, my creativity soared!

  • I like this, sometimes the wrong people need to walk out of our lives before the right people can walk in.

  • Number 7 is so appropriate for what’s going on in the world today. There are tough times for everyone, but it is very true that tough times are necessary for so many reasons. As an older person who really appreciates your posts, I can confirm that the tough times I went through and survived have made me a better person.

  • I was broken before reading this.
    Thank you so much !!
    Life is really wonderful. :)

  • I strongly agree with all of this except #9. I understand what you meant, but I think it’s a slightly misleading paragraph. Sometimes you have to “fake it ’til you make it” and force yourself to experience the joy of serving/forgiving/loving others before you truly appreciate it. Key key here is being honest with your feelings, which is what I think you meant.

    Also forgiveness/love/gratitude isn’t just something you “do” - it’s a process. It’s daily saying to yourself, “I will not let this negative person/situation define me and will see the good in it” even if you don’t FEEL that way. In these cases, you really do have to train your brain to let go of the negative thought pathways and start forming new synapse pathways to positive thoughts and behaviors. This is why it’s harder to let go of hurts you’ve nursed for a long time and why there are people who seem to hold grudges more than others. They’ve developed a physiological pattern of thought and reinforced it over the years so the negative thoughts are the first path their brain takes. Until they force themselves to stop and redirect their negative to positive (and continue to do this over and over until the old synapse path in the brain is broken and a new, more positive pathway is created), they will naturally not want to FEEL the love/forgiveness/gratitude. In fact, they may not even know it’s there to feel!

  • I would add to the list:

    That everyone else knows what they are doing (or at the very least, knows more than you).

    So many people believe this. It’s not true. Everyone is exploring and/or struggling in their own way. Nobody was handed a manual or an instruction guide - everyone is just figuring it out using their gut instinct, some brain power and a crooked Allen key. Do not let yourself think otherwise…

  • While I am happily married, I am happiest when I have some time alone. I used to think I was seeking privacy but then I realized that wasn’t it. What it is is solitude. There is definitely no loneliness in solitude.

  • 8 and 9 resonate to me. Fight for what you want and you’ll appreciate it when you get it. Putting real feelings into statements like, “I love you,” is living.

  • In re-reading this post, I really resonated with # 3 this time: “Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling.” You are so right. No one is immune to life challenges and struggle, however we don’t always feel confident wearing it on our faces, feeling exposed and vulnerable.

    Thank you…Great post worth re-reading.

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