“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”
If you keep asking yourself the wrong questions, you will never get an answer you like.
So take a deep breath and stop asking…
1. “Why don’t they like me?”
The worst misery and loneliness is to feel unsure of yourself – like everyone else is ahead of you somehow. When you’re feeling insecure like this, you don’t notice the hundreds of people around you who accept you just the way you are. All you notice are the few who don’t.
Don’t let your insecurities bully you into a corner. Don’t be your own victim. Forget whether or not everyone else likes you, and focus on loving yourself more. Accept, define and believe in the person you are. For once you sincerely do, so will the rest of the people in your life who truly matter to you.
2. “What will they think?”
Here’s a wake-up call for you: When you’re worried about what others think of you, you’re really just worried about what you think of yourself.
At times you may flatter yourself indirectly by thinking that every little fault you see in yourself is also present in the minds of everyone around you, as if these people are constantly contemplating your personal strengths and weaknesses. But the truth is, 99.9% of the time, they aren’t.
And regardless of whether others are judging you or not, you can’t control what they think. The only thing you can control is yourself. Some people will look down on you for your decisions in life no matter what they are. You can’t do anything about that. The only thing you can do is live in such a way that brings peace to your own heart and mind. (Read The Untethered Soul.)
3. “What’s missing?”
Sometimes your biggest source of unhappiness comes from the fact that you keep thinking about where else you could be or who else you would like to become, rather than appreciating where you are and who you are now, and how far you’ve come to make this moment true.
In other words, much of what you call “unhappiness” is really just dissatisfaction as a result of overlooking the beautiful aspects of your life that you take for granted every day. So how about you flip this question around and ask yourself: “What do I have now that I will miss when it’s gone?”
4. “What if I’m not good enough?”
A fear of being defeated is what warrants your defeat. A fear of not being good enough is what guarantees that you never will be.
If you never pick up that keyboard, or pencil, or paintbrush, or whatever instrument you use to craft your work, because you’re afraid that someone else might do it better than you, your prediction will automatically come true. Remember, defeat is not the worst of failures. Not having tried at all is as bad as it gets.
And as far as failure itself is concerned, you’re not obligated not to fail. You’re obligated to keep trying – to do the best you can do every day. That’s all. And you’re always good enough to do that. (Read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.)
5. “How can I possibly move on?”
You CAN live without the people and situations of the past. Period.
Life is change. People and circumstances really do come and go every day. Some stay in our lives longer than others, but everything eventually ends – it’s the cycle of life. This is how it’s supposed to be.
If someone or something comes into your life and has a positive impact on you, but for some reason things change, don’t mourn for too long. Be thankful that your paths crossed and that that you got the chance to experience something wonderful while it lasted. Just because it ended, doesn’t make it any less amazing.
And remember, when one positive light in your life burns out, don’t use it as an excuse to shield yourself from all the other sources of light shining around you. Continue to appreciate what you have now, and smile about the memories. (Angel and I discuss this process of letting go and moving on in the Adversity chapter of 1000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
6. “Why me?”
If you think that only a privileged few have the ability to live a great life, you are sabotaging yourself. You are privileged – to be alive – to have this opportunity.
If every morning you wake up and say, “Yes, today is going to be a great day.” And every afternoon you find a reason to say, “Yes, today is a great day.” And every night you find a reason to say, “Yes, today was a great day.” Then one day, many moons from now, you’ll look back, smile at the memories and say, “Yes, I lived a great life!”
Be the one of the valiant few who looks at their dreams and says, “WHY NOT ME?” and then goes for it!
The floor is yours…
What would you add to the list? What negative questions do you sometimes ask yourself? Please leave a comment below and let us know.
Photo by: Jan Faborsky