post written by: Angel Chernoff

3 Questions that Will Free Your Mind and Turn Your Life Around

3 Questions that Will Free Your Mind and Turn Your Life Around

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”

It’s not the answers you get from others, but the questions you ask yourself that will help you grow stronger.  In fact, the simple questions you ask yourself on a daily basis will determine the type of person you become in the long run.

And that’s precisely why we recorded today’s video blog post – to help you embark on a positive journey of self-inquiry.

Video Blog Post:

3 Questions (video transcript):

Keep in mind that these questions have no right or wrong answers…

Because sometimes asking the right questions IS the answer.

1.  If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?

Remember, the way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  You must love who you are or no one else will.  So treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.  Stop discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t, and start giving yourself credit for everything you ARE.  We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.

Honestly, the amount of abuse you tolerate in your relationships is often equal to the amount of abuse you heap on yourself.  If you are used to telling yourself that you’re unattractive, that you are destined to fail, and that you’re not capable of performing in the world without someone holding your hand, then you will accept and feel most comfortable in relationships with people who reinforce these same negative beliefs.

Because that’s what careless words do – they clutter your mind and make you love yourself and life a little less.

So when you’re hanging out by yourself, watch how you talk to yourself.  Watch your thoughts.  Keep in mind that it is only ever our own thoughts that hurt us.  It’s how we choose to think about it all.  You know this is true.  You think 60,000 thoughts a day.  Don’t waste fifty nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine of them on limited, negative thinking.

In fact, review your self-talk right now.  How well have you chosen the words you’ve recently used to talk to yourself?  Have you put them to positive or negative use?  If I eavesdropped on your self-talk a minute ago, would I have heard statements that empower happiness, or statements that refute it?

The bottom line is that your relationship with yourself is the closest and most important relationship you will ever, ever have.  So let me ask you this:  When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters?  When was the last time someone told you that you did a great job, or took you someplace special to celebrate one of your small, everyday victories, simply because they know you deserve it?  When was the last time that “someone” was YOU?  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

2.  If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?

Think long and hard.  And when your answer is NO for too many days in a row, you know it’s time for a change.

And this is an interesting conversation, because we are all aware deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to every one of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely surprised when it happens to someone we know.  It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step.  You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to reality and how the world really is.

So LIVE your life TODAY!  Don’t ignore death, but don’t be afraid of it either.  Be afraid of a life you never lived because you were too afraid to take positive action.  Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies inside you while you’re still alive.  Be bold.  Be courageous.  Be scared to death, and then take the next step in the direction of your dreams ANYWAY.

You’ve got to take that step.  Because sadly, there are far too many people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize absolutely everything.  Don’t be one of them!  You have to live your own life your own way.  That’s all there is to it.  Each of us has a unique fire in our heart for something that makes us feel alive.  It’s your duty to find it and keep it lit.  You’ve got to stop caring so much about what everyone else wants for you, and start actually living for yourself.

Find your love, your talents, your passions, and embrace them.  Don’t hide behind other people’s decisions.  Don’t let others tell you what you want.  Design and experience YOUR life!  The life you create from doing something that moves you is far better than the life you get from sitting around wishing you were doing it.  So do something today, and every day, that moves you, even if you can only spare ten minutes here and there.

3.  What are you holding on to that you need to let go of?

It happens to you slowly as you grow.  You discover more about who you are and what you want, and then you realize that there are changes you need to make.  The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits.  The people you’ve known forever no longer see things the way you do.  So you cherish all the great memories, but find yourself in desperate need of moving on.

Some things simply are NOT meant to be.  Everything from your past does not belong in your present.  To hold on to relationships and circumstances that have already moved on without you, is to stay stuck in a place and time that no longer exists.  Moving on doesn’t mean you erase or completely forget the wonderful things from your past, it just means that you find a positive way of surviving without them in your present.

Truth be told, we all have a story.  We have all gone through something that has changed us in a way that we could never go back to who we once were.  In life, this kind of change is inevitable.  Everything around you is impermanent – your body, your possessions, your relationships, and so forth.  You don’t have control over every little thing that happens to you, but you do have control over how you decide to internalize it.

Pay as much attention to the changes that are working positively in your life as you do to those changes that are giving you trouble.  Appreciate how the unexpected is sometimes better than what you expected.  And above all, stop stressing over what’s behind you.  The end of something good is always the beginning of something great.  Say to yourself: “Dear Past, thank you for all the life lessons you have taught me.  Dear Present, I am ready now!”  Because a priceless new beginning always occurs at the point you thought would be the end of everything.

So don’t sweat the small stuff.  Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Work diligently.  Then let go, and let what’s meant to be, BE.  (Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the “Simplicity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

The floor is yours…

As you know, Marc and I are committed to asking the right questions along with you.  In fact, we believe self-inquiry is one of the surest paths to personal freedom and positive change.  And this is precisely why we ask one new thought-provoking question at the end of every one of our blog posts here on Marc and Angel Hack Life.

So today, we challenge you to a little self-inquiry starting with the three questions we discussed in this post.  Please leave a comment below and let us know what your initial reaction was to each question.

Photo by: Dhilung Kirat

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  • Angel, I tell ya, self-inquiry is likely the greatest emotional tool you and Marc have helped me with over the past year. I love the questions you ask on your blog, and the questions at the end of every chapter in your book. Great food for thought - really helps me look at life in a new light.

    To briefly answer your questions:

    1. Sometimes I am truly rude to myself. With your help, I’ve been making lots of progress in this area, but I still slip up often.

    2. My answer wasn’t always yes, but it is now. I consider this one of my greatest recent accomplishments. I did two things: I gave myself the opportunity to pursue a goal, and I started looking for the positive in my daily struggles.

    3. I need to let go of the idea that I’m not yet where I should be. I need to accept exactly where I am, because I know that there’s nowhere else I should be. This current step I’m taking and working through is necessary.

    Thank you, as always.

  • Excellent questions that could really set the stage for some new thought processes. Here are my thoughts…

    I love the video. Excellent questions that could really set the stage for some new thought processes!

    1. Something I struggle with. I am often my own worst enemy. My negative self-talk has to stop. I’m working on it.

    2. Yes, finally. I switched careers last year, and although it has been a tough transition, I’m really happy I gave myself a chance to pursue a more meaningful path.

    3. I need to let go of a troubled past that has no future. I often get lost in worrying about a failed marriage I can’t save. I’m working on this one too.

  • These three questions deserve serious consideration. I really appreciate what you two are doing here. Thought provoking and inspiring posts, always. And I really enjoy the occasional videos. Excellent way to mix it up.

    Although I need more time to think about these questions, I will address the first one by simply admitting that I am often way too hard on myself for no good reason. I need to be a better friend to myself and I know it. Thanks for the kick in the pants.

  • My first thought reading this post was one of self doubt. I do not necessarily talk down to myself, more like second guessing myself. I feel that I have thought on both question 2 & 3 but never can be sure of the answer. I feel that I am in constant internal debate. Any advice for getting over not trusting myself?

  • @Dev, Susan, and Kevin: Thanks for the continued support. It sounds like you all are stepping in the right direction. Glad you enjoyed the post.

    @Seth Major: I used to doubt myself all the time too. A simple practice that helped me is the self pep talk. It sounds a bit silly, but it works wonders. When your mind starts filling with doubt, state some solid evidence of your greatness. Recall your past victories. Speak them out loud – “I aced that test.” “I earned that big raise.” “I ran that 5K without stopping.” “My friend loved my wedding speech.” And so on and so forth… Give a positive voice to your past victories and you will find the strength to repeat history.

    The key is to convince yourself of the truth… YOU are enough!

  • Nice article. I was told a long time ago by a wise man that one requisite for happiness was to “put the bat down and leave yourself alone.” My history was to fret, regret, feel guilt, and a host of other emotional self-abuse practices. Put the bat down - stop beating myself up.

    I study Buddhism so understanding that I must be compassionate to all living beings, including myself, is a pass to a peaceful mind.

    As to the final question, I was taught that in Buddhism and another spiritual practice. One of my books says of the past: “we don’t regret the past but don’t close the door in it.” First, if I don’t let go of resentments from the past, I am doomed to live a life of suffering as I relive a 5 year old painful situation and have it disrupt my present state of mindfulness.

    You cannot be angry and happy at the same time. You cannot be grateful and selfish at the same time. The mind cannot hold such diametrically opposed concepts in the same space.

    I dedicate my merit to myself and all living beings. This is a thoughtful and compassionate article. Enjoy life. It’s short.

  • You’re the most passionate people I’ve ever seen online. Your work is so needed… I bet you change a few lives every day, and eventually, in the end it will turn out that you’ve changed quite large part of the world. I’m really impressed of your work. I follow your blog and follow your examples to change myself and also change this tiny part of the world around me. So I just wanted to let you know that you’ve made a difference in my life. Gratitude. :)

  • Ok, so this has motivated me again to come out today to my two closest friends. If I would die tomorrow, then at least I would die free.
    There are seven days in a week and ’someday’ isn’t one of them.

  • Hi Angel and Marc.
    I love your site and the wisdom you share with all.
    Its amazing how just reading your articles changes my perspective. My answers:
    1. Not very long. Iv known that my self talk is too critical and needs to be more positive. I’m working on this slowly.
    2. NO. Iv given up on the job and career which was making me unhappy but I’m not living up to my full potential yet. I’d like to be more active and productive with the gift of time that I now have.
    3. Fear of failure and criticism.

    I’m recently struggling with the next steps toward self discovery. I have a lot of free time, which i spend being idle and I’m feeling stuck or lack motivation. I feel like I have a lot to be grateful for (Good friends, a great marriage, supportive spouse) yet I’m feeling empty about my self worth. I want to feel motivated and productive again.
    Can you suggest some concrete steps to find ones inner passion and overcoming fear of failure?

  • Nice post!

    No, I wouldn’t speak to a friend the way I sometimes speak to me.

    If today was my last day, I would and would not want to do what I’m going to do today. I wouldn’t get into my car and drive into Downtown. But I would buy a plane ticket to Phoenix, AZ because I love that state; I lived there for almost three years. It’s where I feel most at home. There, I said it! I would climb the Javalina trail on South Mountain, meditate (like I used to do), and write about it.

    I need to let go of feeling the need to always be “perfect.” Meaning: I need to find my voice again. I feel as if it somehow got lost when I discovered metaphysical and spiritual topics, like I have to be perfect all of the time. Meaning: I can’t think a negative thought or have a bad day. It happens! I am not perfect! To quote Bob Procter, “I am free to be ME!”

  • Self inquiry and personal freedom… this is how I live as much as possible. I just wish that the other people in my life saw things this way too, instead of creating complications. Like keeping love simple… ‘I love you, You love me, we are a beautiful team’ … It’s possible to accept others and love them the way they are, so why so many dramas then?

  • Hi Marc and Angel, thank you for today’s video, I did get the giggles when listening to your first question as when I looked in the mirror before leaving for work this morning I said to myself “Wow you look like s**t this morning woman.” and NO I would never say that to my friends.

    2) The answer would be no, I wouldn’t want to be here but I do love the people and I am (Finally!!!) working on an exit.

    3) Loads, this has been the most difficult for me, I don’t have any siblings and only a few good friends, but I am close to finally giving up someone who has been a big part of my life for a long time and it finally feels good. Thanks you to you both I’m hanging in there and I WILL succeed in moving on.
    Hugs to you both, Sandy

  • What do you do when you realise ‘Self Enquiry’ has turned into ‘The Spanish Inquisition’? I was raised in an alcoholic and abusive environment, I was beaten into compliance in my teens and accepted the blame for all this. I tortured myself then for being a bad and unworthy person. Now I torture myself for believing I was a bad and unworthy person, which makes me a spineless, stupid, bad and unworthy person. Stuck in a bit of a spiral here!

  • If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?

    My answer to that is “NO” 6 days per week, and that makes me feel extremely sad. I don’t want to make up excuses, sure there are ways to change your life, however having a family to take care, a rent and bills to pay are facts, and are those things holding me.

    I think I’m questioning myself a lot, and I always try to improve, but sometimes I feel there are other things which hold me, and questioning doesn’t give me answers…

  • I am brand-spanking-new here. Just signed up yesterday. And this post is the first email I received. Way to kick my arse first thing in the morning! ;)

    1. I am uber hard on myself - disdainful and critical and exasperated. Which as it turns out is how my mother treats me (in person - on the phone we are great). Just figured that out at 51 years old. So that, coupled with 5 years of unemployment (for various reasons) that leaves me at home alone with my thoughts (or my mother’s)… Yikes!
    (I am having an epiphany here… )

    2. I am still trying to find my fire. Yearning for it, but it eludes me. (I am sure Mom is no help here.)

    3. I have been working really hard at finding the positives and recognizing them. Or when the negatives hit, trying to reframe them as learning curves or course corrections or tools to define what I do want, versus what I don’t. This is often difficult - just in the gaining the habit of stopping to take a breath and choose a new perspective instead of just floating along and accepting what impulse first strikes.

    Thanks for the thought provoking post!

  • Hi

    What can I say I would definitely not say to my only best friend.

    If today was my last day I would want to spend it with my children and my pets. I know my pets would want to spend the day with me, but I also know it is unrealistic to decide to spend each and every day with your children and your pets, because then you will be self-centered. It’s about finding a healthy balance.

    I think I have to let go of my fear to actually been seen by people. I get panic attacks when I am in church. I know, it’s crazy, but unfortunately true. People give me the jitters, because I am afraid of them.

    Thank you for this very inspiring email/post. At the moment I cannot afford your book, but I would like to buy it when I have money available, and I will.

    Be blessed and don’t stop encouraging people like me.

    All the best

  • Heather Williams
    March 27th, 2014 at 8:45 am

    Great questions that I have actually asked myself regularly over the last year.

    @Seth: I have to agree with as I feel exactly the same. I always second guess myself, and so many times if I had stood strong beside my initial feeling I would have succeeded.

    Last year I completed a long term goal of becoming a landlord, putting pension pot in place, moved in with my partner of 2 years to a new house, became redundant in a job I’ve been in for 8 years and bought a puppy! I start my new job on Wednesday, I love my house and new life, I adore my little dog and partner, and I’ve enrolled in a psychology degree I’ve been procrastinating over for the last year. Is the timing right to start a degree and new job at same time? Will I have enough time left for my partner and dog? I don’t know but if I continue to second guess myself I don’t think the ‘right time’ is ever going to get here! I’m already second guessing my decision but after reading your post it’s motivated me to believe in my ability and crack on!

    Thanks Marc and Angel!

  • I’m amazed at how these posts seem to come at just the right time. I am absolutely my own worst enemy. My self-talk is horribly wrong & I know this. I have been struggling w/depression for a while now & it is completely w/in my control to fix it. I don’t know when or how this started, but the way I talk to myself needs to stop IMMEDIATELY. I always tend to imagine the absolute worst in every scenario and it’s emotionally draining. What if? That’s a very common question in my daily life. The really sad thing? I’ve accomplished quite a bit over the past several years. I am a top fundraiser for a cause that is close to my family. I conquered my first century ride last year. I ran my first marathon. I have broken my own personal records in the 5k and 1/2 marathon distances this year already. I am in the best shape I have been in since I was in the military. I still feel like there’s this big gaping whole in my life…and I’m not content with how things are. I am making baby steps in the right direction, but every now & then I take 3 giant steps back. I guess the positive is that I’m still trying…

    Thank you for your inspiring words.

  • Great post!

    1. Yes, I’m way too hard on myself, self love is difficult. I want to be my own cheerleader!

    2. Yes, I’m getting more accomplished, and I’m treating myself well, eating right, exercising, treating myself to a pedicure or movie sometimes.

    3. Actually, I’m letting go. I’m 50, and recently walked away from my family, the one I grew up in. They are all emotionally abusive, they make me the scapegoat and I would never treat a friend the way they have treated me. It is a huge heart ache and gut wrenching, but I can see clearly now that the FOG is lifted, that I had to do it to grow and evolve and move past just survival mode. Any post about working through the pain would be much appreciated, I’m worried about getting “stuck”!!!

  • @Angel - From time to time I find myself struggling with anxiety; it can be very debilitating for me. Having simple reminders that help me focus on being kinder to myself is exactly what I need during these times. Thank you for your efforts and words of encouragement.

    @Carlo - The quote you shared, “Put the bat down - stop beating yourself up,” really had a positive effect on me. Thank you for taking the time to post and sharing your experiences!

  • Great message and practice. Brings to mind a passage from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements:

    “In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself. And the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit that you will tolerate from someone else. If someone abuses you a little more than you abuse yourself, you will probably walk away from that person. But if someone abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, you will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.”

  • If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?
    0 minutes. Once alerted to my inner-critic I started questioning and countering it. It takes vigilance to stay aware of the many little ways our inner voice has learned to punish us.

    If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?
    This is a tricky one, because if this were the last day of my life I surely would not go to work. However, I love my job and give it great importance in my life. I am grateful every day that I make the choices in life that bring me the opportunities I experience. Heartwarming gratitude toward myself.

    What are you holding on to that you need to let go of?
    Many things I think. Letting go has been difficult for me. In 2012 my husband of 15 years and I divorced. I am still devastated by it. I practice letting go every day. Gratitude, again, helps with this. I remind myself often to relinquish the desire to control outcomes involving forces I have no power over. What I do have control of is how my life is constructed. It is a process. I have decided how I want my life to look, and am actively progressing toward that picture.

    I enjoyed this post very much. It is nice to see validation of the introspection that I do, even though my core is providing me with all the validation I need. As you aptly convey in this post, seek and provide your own validation. Be the constructor of your life.

  • I am very inspired by your blogs, they are guiding me out of living the same life for over 25 years. I know I need a change, but other people seem to get in my way. I hear NO in my mind every day, that tells me I need to move on to explore life’s journey.

    I own a home and business and have helped a lot of people when times were tough for them, but I got carried away and that only seemed to drag me down. I’m learning to not give in to everyone else’s wants and needs and focus on me more!

  • 1 Not very long at all, and in all probability I would feel like punching their lights out several times per day, but this is the way life is: people who aren’t necessarily friends but are unavoidable do it to me all the time: colleagues, managers, spouse, dependent children. It feels like an endemic disease – horrible but something that comes with the territory and you can’t do anything about. What I add to it is only a small part of the whole and even if I stop doing it to myself, the other 80% of the contributors is still more than enough.

    2 Certainly not. If it was the last day of my life and I was free and in good health I certainly wouldn’t want to be wasting my time on something that no one has any real interest in but is basically an i-dotting and t-crossing exercise to make sure someone else’s backside is covered. But then what I would want to do on the last day of my life isn’t something I could do every day with what 99.99% of people would call a “normal life”.

    3 In all probability I need to abandon the belief that anything I do, feel, think or believe has any importance or impact. I once believed I was making a difference and would make a greater difference as I went on. Now I know that it never was the case – what I thought was a difference was an irrelevance to rest the universe. I need to be happy knowing that me and everything I do has no major significance or importance to others, and that’s OK, but I struggle with it.

  • Thanks for this. I wrote the answers to these timely questions on my blog. I also asked anyone who read it to stop by here - and to answer these for themselves.

    Keep it comin’ and thank you.

    I’m off to punch that self-critic in the throat :)

  • You two have inspired me with your down to earth, simple, kind and profound words of wisdom. I am not the guru or fan type by any means but if I were you would be in my top 10….thank you.

  • But how do we let go of the past when we subconscious don’t want to? When the memories cause us to stay so strongly there? I keep trying and I keep crying, I do so many things to try to be here and present, but what about when you have something so profound that happened to you, that was so painful but yet also so life changing, how do you start to live in the now? I cry every day trying to move on, trying to realize that place and time and people (as we knew them) no longer exist.

  • This article really hit home with me today. I have been holding on to some deep seeded thoughts that are robbing me of truly living life. My eldest daughter, who is a social worker, routinely tells me…Dad…YOLO! Or…you only live once, as we know. Talking to myself has brought me down; however, I am trying to rekindle the fire of life inside me. What I am doing today would not be what I would do if these were my last days. I do need to be bold and more daring, to make a change.

  • Good post indeed. My only problem is that when I think positive about myself and think that I’m not dumb at all, something happens…..I do something totally stupid and I’m right back at the beginning again. If ever I can master this….

  • It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want, and then you realize that there are changes you need to make.

    This is so, so true. And for the past 2 years I’ve been trying to figure out what changes need to be made.

    I finally moved forward two weeks ago, when I decided I couldn’t afford to live in the house I’ve lived in for the past 20 years. So I found and applied for an apartment in a town not too far away. I’m alternately excited and terrified by the move, even tho it’s still a couple of months away.

    There’s lots of boxing up and throwing out of stuff still to be done, but I feel my angels have been leading me to this point for many months now, it just took me until this month to do anything about it. :-)

  • Hi M&A.. I don’t have time to respond to this regarding the content which is excellent as always. Your efforts have helped me very much indeed. God bless you. What I want to tell both of you and again in the limited time I have, is Angel you are absolutely stunning! Marc you also are indeed a very handsome man. Just wanted to and felt you should read what I just wrote and I hope it puts a smile on your faces. PS.. I am far from a shallow person and am nowhere near the type of person who throws out compliments I don’t really mean . Ergo please do not think what I said was for any other reason than it is true for me. I also know beauty is not even close to being the most important thing in life but again felt and really just wanted to tell this to you. Also again I hope, but am pretty sure it will, make your day a little brighter. Thank you again for all you do.

  • Loved the video! They are getting better & better each time!

    1. I have made strong improvements in self-confidence, but when you said about looking into your mind for the last few minutes, I realised I still completely doubt my ability in certain areas, despite positive results. I would want a friend who is always encouraging.

    2. Yes & no. I am not at my career goal yet, but I am loving the journey I am on at the moment, and am well on my way to my goal. I would also spend more time with friends & family as they sometimes get forgotten with busyness.

    3. I am holding onto past fears which are not supported by real-life evidence & which are self-limiting, so I need to let these go. I recently moved on from a best friend who I realised no longer saw the world in the same way as me. Thank you for helping show me that removing something negative allows space for something positive to enter your life.

  • You guys continually put out such poignant and relatable content. It breaks it down and opens the door for breakthroughs. With much gratitude thank you!

  • 1 - not long
    2 - no
    3 - a lot

  • This is a great reinforcement, something to help us look inward so our outward is better!

    I recently read a great book on mindfulness, and the author, who’s been practicing mindfulness for over 30 years, wrote that he regularly has to remind himself to be mindful.

    It occurred to me that if this ‘expert’ continues to catch himself and ask relective questions, I certainly can, too, and without having to feel guilt in doing so.

  • Tip top timing! I still struggle with the old “even though I don’t love myself, why should (or how could) any of my friends ever think it was OK to insult me/put me down?”…well, I have a long way to go still, but I’m making progress :)

    Have a great day everyone!

  • Does my self talk empower me and make me feel good? Yes.

    I know that everyday is potentially my last. I have driven past way too many fatal accidents on the freeway. Did anyone of the fatalities think before leaving for work that today is THE day? No. I endeavor to get the most of every day of my life because I deserve it.

    I do have some personal problems about which I am anxious. I am much better at dealing with my distress than I used to be and therefore much more effective in dealing with my problems.

    Did this come easily to me. Heck, no! I struggled with my internal dialogue for a long time. Matter of fact, reading is one of the best techniques that I have to stay in good emotional shape.

    Thank you for your post, Angel. You are doing a lot of good for a lot of people. #gratitude

  • 1. I would cut that person out of my life. I am really trying hard to stop the negative self-talk, but it feels like I am addicted to it sometimes.

    2. I definitely wouldn’t live in my current town working in my current job. But I also know I will be leaving my job in 15 days and moving in about 6 weeks, so yay :)

    3. I am holding onto negative thoughts as well as past experiences (both good and bad). I have problems living in the present. I don’t want to waste/wish my life away!

  • Great post. This really resonated with me.

  • Your words always happen to show up in my email inbox when I need it most and this is no different. Thank you. I am having the hardest time letting go and its so ridiculous that I can’t seem to.

  • Hi,
    This is the first thing I read on this site, you write very nice and empowering! I’ll be back for sure!
    I which I could write like that :)

    Your memorable questions..

    1. I am a nice fellow to myself, We laugh to each other and sometimes fight. This inner conversation is very important as you say. It is a challenge many times and worth constant reminder.

    It’s not enough ask you this questions to you once, I will go back to them, start tomorrow!

    2. In general I love my life, I can’t live for the future and fear distress far more than death. Still I got tons of things to improve. Would be nice to do that until last vibration!

    3. I’m sure I need to let go of my past view of myself and others, that slows me down for sure.

  • 1) I’ve said to myself before that I wouldn’t want to be my own friend. Normally I’m pretty good to myself, but I have times that I’m just plain MEAN to myself, question my own abilities, etc. To a certain point it helps me be introspective… but after a certain point it becomes just plain unnecessary.

    2) Well, partly yes, partly no. I’m just about to go play some piano and go to the gym. Both things that I LOVE doing. However, there are always going to be things in any given day that are just necessary evils. Such as, going to class or doing homework so I can get good grades that will help me get into a good graduate school or job that will help me get to where I want to be. Every day as a student is just another step.

    3) Honestly? Not too much anymore. I’m alone more, but I’m less lonely. I have a lot of trouble with my friend who used to mean everything to me, and he still would if we ever had the chance to talk or see each other. He is literally the best person I have ever met, and I can’t wait until I meet someone like that who feels the same about me.

  • Thank you for the reminder of what life is supposed to mean daily and in moments - not someday.

    I felt the most impact with the last one “what are we holding on to” and there are some relationships that we, as a family, are clinging to and your words realized that we had fun and good things to learn from those relationships but it’s time to move on and find peace with self. Each one of us can live the life by ourselves if we asked the right questions. Everything else is just our way to distract ourselves from dealing with one’s inner self.

  • Just discovered your site this week and have a feeling I’ll be seeing a lot of it :)

    1. No… but this throws up bigger issues for me of snapping at my partner/family in a way I often regret. Coming from a family that likes to shout a lot, this is something I’m struggling with. I’m also very hard on myself about that and other things, but I try not to let it get in the way of my day to day decisions / confidence.

    2. I’m writing this sat by a hotel pool in Bali and haven’t been home in the last 8 months I’ve spent travelling Asia. But as nice as it is, the answer is no - I’d be home with my family. However I’m having fun and hope to eventually go home to a different career to the one I left behind, and a more meaningful life. I don’t know what, yet!

    3. I have let go of things in the fact that I wouldn’t go back and change things, but I need to focus more on living in the present. I’m a bit of a dreamer and love making up my own little fantasies - good and bad.

  • i came across this website by chance but it came at a very opportune moment. I’m having a really hard time and your video helped a lot. I’m going to come back once a day to derive more wisdom from you. Thanks for sharing your ideas!

  • @KM: I think this article: 7 Unconventional Ways to Build Your Confidence would be a great starting point for you.

    @Amanda B: The way I see it… Step 1: become at peace with yourself. Being peaceful is hard; much harder than being angry and vengeful. It requires you to stay calm and let go of the pain. It requires you to forgive (yourself and your environment) and move on. Of course, you don’t do these things just for the people who hurt you, but for your own well-being.

    Let go and allow things to be the way they truly are. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about improving the realities of life; it’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself. This simple understanding is the foundation of acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be peace and growth.

    @Emanuele: You’re choosing, all day, every day. If you’re struggling at a job you don’t love, look at it this way: you’re choosing to make a living to pay your mortgage, support your family, and fuel your dreams. Don’t resist it; own it – that’s where your power is.

    Remember, it’s not an all or nothing situation. If you’re aren’t happy with what your doing 6 days a week, find a way to squeeze in a little time each day to pursue something you enjoy, something you love.

    @Laura: Welcome to the community! Thanks for the added insight. =)

    @Heather Williams: There will NEVER be a perfect time to pursue your dreams and goals. You will never feel 100% ready, because you will never be 100% complete. You’re growing every day. Congratulations on making moves! =)

    @smg: “Don’t think about eating that chocolate cookie!” What are you thinking about now? Eating that chocolate cookie, right? When you concentrate on not thinking about something, you end up thinking about it.

    The same philosophy holds true when it comes to freeing your mind from a negative past. By persistently trying to move away from what you don’t want, you are forced to think about it so much that you end up carrying it’s weight along with you. But if you instead choose to focus your energy on moving toward something you do want, you naturally leave the negative weight behind as you progress forward.

    Instead of concentrating on eliminating the negative, concentrate on creating something positive (that just happens to replace the negative). Give it a shot.

    @Jacqueline White: You’re a work in progress; we all are. Don’t beat yourself up. You just found a way that doesn’t work. There is a way that will. =)

    @Marianne: You absolutely did make our day! Thank you for the extremely kind words. =)

    @Dave Nordella: Living your life, I absolutely love it! In return you are also inspiring everyone around you.

    @All: Thank you for all the love and support. We continue to use self inquiry as one of our main modes of reflection and growth. Once you identify some areas of opportunity, tiny steps will guide you toward positive growth.

  • Hi, It was really inspiring, after having read this, it made me realize that life is what we make it, if you choose to get stuck with negativity then everything else follows, but if you dwell on the positive side, life would be at peace and happiness sets in.

    1. I’ve been quite hard on myself lately and i guess, I need to work harder on this.
    2. No, because i still have more things to accomplish.
    3. In all aspects, i really want to let go of the feeling of being responsible for other people, it seems that i cared and protected others too much, that i lost track on how to take care of my own feelings.

    Thanks so much for a very inspiring post.

  • Carol Conner-Turner
    March 31st, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    Hi- I’m impressed by your blogs. You two really are helping a whole lot of us mere mortals live happier & better. I’m trying to deal with serious health problems and find myself sad at some of the most inopportune times. I need to be able to let go of some painful things, mostly the way and people who raised me. Lots of alcoholism, anger, abuse etc. For many years I was able to put it in the past, love myself, & create a wonderful life. Now I go to bed not knowing if I will wake up or not. It has brought up many painful feelings that I now have to deal with I guess. Do I send the letters I’ve partially written to those people, my parents? Or do I try to ignore this? I just answered my own questions! I have to make MY peace. Just for MY sake, I need to get it over and be done with them. I need the freedom that will afford me. Even if I do decide to go for the double-lung transplant that I need, I still don’t want ‘them’ in my life. Thanks so much for helping me figure this out. I’m only 58 & love life. I am a ceramic artist & still work all I can to get my ideas made before I’m gone!

  • Ok marc & angel, I will be making efforts to let go - of leaving the present alone and removing what is driving me mad.

    Thank you so much. This was a short post, but it impacted me a lot.

  • As I was watching this video, I immediately thought of my blog and how I want to really work on it and gain more readers. I also thought about an idea my friend and I had about starting a business revolving around her drawings. These questions also brought up some memories from before when I was bullied. Hopefully I can identify the answers to all three of these questions. Thank you!

  • Loved the video and loved your post. These questions will really dig into your mind and soul and have you thinking about what you want to do in your life and how live it.

  • Just stopped by and took a peek at your blog for the first time! Excellent advice! I love the positivity in it! I’m adding you to my bookmarks. :)

  • Your posts here lately really feel like they are reaching out to me. They are so on point. I can’t afford to pay for therapy right now and so reading your daily posts are helping me heal slowly… very slowly. I wish I could heal quicker, but I know it takes time, and I have to be here in the now. Thank you for your daily guidance.

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

    You guys are very wise. Maybe you get this often, but your like angels to me… everything said here is spot on.


  • I want to thank you so much for you thoughts on life and how to pursue life with excitement and vigor.

    The questions I will address: 1. I’m entirely to hard on my self in just about everything and it did impact a relationship I should have ended but took abuse I never should have. I treated the person wonderfully but got played like a violin. 2. I’m in the transition stage of retiring but pursuing my dream of becoming a business owner. 3. In the process of letting go a relationship I thought was based on honesty and love but I’m sadly mistaking it isn’t. Cheated and lied to for a number of years. I’m trying to get my legs back to move on . I must and I will.

    Again, thank you so much. I needed this inspiration so badly.

  • This couldn’t have been more fitting for me at this time in my life! Thank you for these questions, they gave me a lot to think about and answer for myself!

  • I enjoyed the 3 questions. I thought of a book I just finished reading named Belief Repatterning. It refers to self talk, your inner critic, and inner coach. I found the contents most beneficial. Thanks for the article.


  • I typed “how to turn your life around” into Google and came across this page. Although I still feel very down, I think you have inspired me to at least try to give myself another try. Thank you… you make a difference.

  • 1. I have very few friends and in the last four years I’ve done a lot of mental/emotional housecleaning. I don’t talk against myself and if I feel that prodding, I immediately dissolve it. So, in answer to the question, I would not tolerate it and would ask for an explanation.
    2. I would do what I feel the greatest passion: writing.
    3. Actually, this morning I was writing about this in my notebook: I need to let go of constantly going along and getting along, of keeping my non-belief to myself and saying right out, “I don’t think there is any entity watching over me and I think that human consciousness is evolving,” and the notion that, “I want to be a writer and I want writing to be easy and what I produce perfect without doing work on it.”

    If I thought about these questions further, like I am going to do, I could probably answer them more fully. Thanks for the questions and the spur to actually consider and write down what rises in my mind and heart.

  • I almost died when I was four years old, and I’ve grown up with that being a part of my personal narrative: I’m lucky to be alive, and every additional day is “extra time”. Whenever I meet other people who have genuinely only just made it through a life-threatening disease or accident, I’m astonished by how much we have in common in terms of thinking about life, and how to live it, and the value of each day. Your second question really sums this up, in a way that I hope makes sense to everyone who hasn’t had that personal experience. It certainly chimes with me.

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