You will never achieve what you are capable of if you are
too attached to the things you’re supposed to let go of.
Many people believe holding on and hanging in there, infinitely, are signs of incredible strength. But there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then to actually do it.
In today’s video blog post we’re going to take a look at some signs it might be time to let go.
Video Blog Post:
Signs it’s Time to Let Go (video transcript):
1. Someone constantly expects you to be someone you’re not.
A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences. So be cordial, but don’t completely change who you are for someone else simply because it’s what THEY want, or because it’s what THEY think is best for you.
If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back. It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be someone else. It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where somebody else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space within yourself where YOU used to be.
2. A person’s actions don’t match their words.
Be wary of people who only tell you what you want to hear. It’s so easy to believe someone when they’re telling you exactly what you want to hear, but you have to watch what they do too. Actions speak louder than words – actions speak the whole truth.
Honestly, everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow. If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent, and their actions never match up with their words, it might be time to let them go. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. In the end, true friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time. So don’t just listen to what your “friends” say; watch what they do over the long-term. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves.
3. You have a habit of moping and feeling sorry for yourself.
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but being miserable is always your choice. No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse. Negative thinking creates negative results. Positive thinking creates positive results. Period. The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the “buts” you use today. Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
Eventually you will realize that happiness is not the absence of problems, but simply the ability to deal well with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
4. You’re clutching tight to an easy-street mentality.
Great accomplishments aren’t easy; they’re worth it! So forget how you feel and remember what you deserve. Right NOW is always the best time to break out of your shell. Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned.
Someday you will look back on your life and realize that everything worthwhile you’ve ever accomplished initially challenged you. And that is as it should be, because big challenges often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary success. Every struggle arises for a reason – either for experience or as a lesson. A great journey is never easy, and no dose of adversity along the way is ever a waste of time if you learn and grow from it.
Remember, an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards, and such is life. When life is pulling you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to eventually launch you forward in a positive direction. So keep focusing, and keep aiming!
5. You truly dislike your current situation.
In life, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, rather than the top of the one you don’t. So don’t let people who gave up on their goals talk you out of going after yours. The best thing you can do in most situations is to follow your intuition. Take risks. Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing good will ever happen.
In addition, realize that it’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken either. Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something brand new. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly. Sometimes growing stronger means growing apart from old habits, relationships, and circumstances, and finding something different that truly moves you – something that gets you so excited you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning. That’s what LIVING is all about. Don’t just settle for the default settings in life, when you can customize absolutely everything. (Read The 4-Hour Workweek.)
6. You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past.
Holding on to what’s no longer there holds too many of us back. Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting the past and letting it steer the course of the present. Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place. Let it GO! You must accept the end of something in order to build something new. So close some old doors today. Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere.
Even after the toughest times, eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain. You will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time. After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story. So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of a new beginning.
If you feel like you need to let something go, but you simply haven’t been able to do so, know that you’re not alone. Accepting what is, letting go, and moving on are skills that all of us must learn when facing the realities of life, but these are also skills that take time to master. And today we challenge you to put in a little time…
Sit quietly with yourself, and ask, “What’s the #1 thing I need to let go of right now?” Once you have it figured out, leave us a comment below and let us know what you’re going to start letting go of.
Photo by: Lotus Carroll
I am letting go of E, my love of 10 years, who promised but then did not marry me. I did everything possible to love him and make him happy but he kept finding fault and putting conditions on me. I am letting go of the pain, misery and unhappiness this unhealthy relationship has become. It is so hard to let go of him who was in my hopes and dreams but now as I let him go can I see that the good times only existed in my imagination. There has been no happiness and love from him for a long time and now I am awakened to reality. I am a loving, caring and fun woman. Letting go of him and keeping my dream will open my life to love and be loved by someone who will value and cherish me and together we will do life together. I know better now and I will choose better the next time around.
Yes very good messages. I have let M go. I had to for myself. He never kept his promises. I know I had to do this in order for me to be happy. I deserve so much better. A loving, kind man is what I deserve. It’s been only 5 days, but I actually feel relieved and the pain is less than we we parted ways before. I don’t and can’t go back. My mind is made up.
I am trying to let go of my husband who is filing for divorce. He has anger issues and I have loved him in spite of it and how he talked to me and my son. Finally I started standing up to him and we got into a really big altercation back last February and he moved out, he moved back in over the summer but then got offended (did I mention he is also a narcissist) and ran back to his apartment. We have tried several times over the holidays to be together but he constantly blows up and I have boundaries now and I told him he needs to go therapy and couples counseling and to stop drinking so much. But instead he decided to file for divorce and get on Match.com. As much as I dont want this divorce and as much as this is killing me inside, I signed the papers. I keep hoping he is going to call or text and say he made a mistake and will go to therapy and work to get our family back together again. But I know that isnt probably going to happen. I have to start letting go of my marriage and move on.. I’m so heart broken it feels like it will never mend, but I know there is something better for me out there somewhere.
I’m in the same. We’ve been separated 18 months. He’s a drinker becomes verbally abusive but my fault because I spend time at the house but don’t give him money for his bills. It’s the same thing every week. And why I can’t let go I don’t know.
I need to let go of my marriage. We moved back to the states Aug 2014. He came for a visit after Christmas last yr. My husband is an alcoholic who chooses to numb the deep rooted traumas of his past, instead of healing them with counseling. I understand it will be painful, but I feel it is necessary and only then can he be Free. When he isn’t drinking, he can be real sweet, but still not able to cope with daily life with children. I am married, but a single parent. I feel jipped. I don’t know why I’m so sad, but I am. Clearly I function without him. I wanted a partner, but I am alone. I want him to realize all he is losing, but he doesn’t even care…He’s unreliable, uninvolved and selffish. So why do I want this man? I want the man he can become, which is futile…
I am learning to let go of my relationship with my girlfriend. For the longest time have I placed to hard on myself loving my girl. Seems to me I am in a one sided relationship. Eventhough, my girl express how she loves me. She never takes initiatives to message me and that I am always to first to start the conversation. If I don’t, never will she message me. I am in an LDR. To make matters worse, when she flies abroad away from her homeland, communication becomes worse, drop to silent. Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I have decided not to message nor wish her. I wish to see if she thinks of me as how I do. As, I have place too much effort have been placed on my side. I shall learn to let go and not cling too tight on our relationship to better understand myself and her in our relationship.
I’m letting go of T. Dear God I don’t want to, that’s all that remains, of what I once held dear. It’s so hard,… because giving up on her giving up on us, ……… dreams we’ve had and shared for decades, through sometimes insurmountable challenges, and tested time. But I’m giving up on an old me and learning albet slowly, to embrace the new and all the new possibilities, and the possibilities of possibilities, that makes life exciting and worth living. I’ve completely lost my hope on “us” T. I’m sorry. We wasted so much time and I can’t see wasting anymore for either of us. And what you did and are doing is clinically considered mental torture. I can’t with all honesty and I mean no maliscous intent on the statement,…….it would be dishonest of me to say ‘I wish you the best, yada, yada’. Because at present, somehow, …I think that would still be holding on. My only regret is it took over two decades and three divorces in between us. What is more proper, quite simply, is goodbye. And bring on the new possibilities!
I’m letting go of the most compatible person i have ever been with. It’s been 4 years. We’ve been so happy, and in love for 3-1/2 years. I can speak for both of us when I say its probably been the most happy times either of us have ever in our lives.. We had a fight in August of 2015. And i did everything i could to save it. It went on for 6 more months until we hit our 4th year but nothing was the same. It’s hard because when I think about it, the person i’m with always takes on a part of me but not me them, and then I let go. This is the first time a person has taken that part from me and let me go. Whats even harder is i was left with all the fallout from it. The apartment, Furniture, her cats, my friends, locations, the job I have. I can’t distance myself from it because i’m living in it. And i think the part that hurts the most is I know she still loves me and a part of her does want this life but a bigger part wants her own. Which i should too. Her words were to let go but her actions said she wanted to hang on. She wants to be her own person and i can’t even be mad at that. Being analytical, from the way it all ended and most people who knew us see that it really might not be over forever. And even in the end she still says she only see herself with me (which i know can change)… Its one thing to love someone. But its something entirely to both love and become a part of someone and have them become a part of you. We were always in perfect sync even in the worst of times and so was the love. I know i have to let go and move on but i really don’t know if i’ll be able to completely let go because shes a part of who i am now. The relationship was dead but our love is not. And no matter how much I tell myself it’s over its over there is this part so deep in me that’s says it’s really not and In the 4 most important relationships of my life I always knew that I was over right to the core.
Lin Marsh says
I am letting go of N.R. for the 29th time in just over two years. A man who would never give me his heart, though he had mine. I thought I deserved to be yelled at and humiliated in public. I don’t know why I would put up with a man who treated me so poorly, even hit me! I thought if I loved him enough he could love me back but it never happened, just seemed to push him further away. There were warnings in the beginning that I didn’t take seriously and should have. I know I could have ended up being with him a lot longer because every time I would try to leave he came back after me. I knew the end would have to be when “he decided it was over”. I am just thankful he will not be a part of my life again. Luckily, I have the ability to pick up and move away He will not hurt my heart again.
It’s been 3 months shy of two years since the end. I’ve dated and loved someone else but only 1, about a year now. However never like I loved him. Maybe bc I can’t, part of me has hope, for a unforeseen future. I do not want to let go. But I know I’m never going to be “her”. She’s not me and I don’t want to be her. We had 2.5 perfect years.. minus the occasional fallout… like 3 honestly… but she caught his eye. Why? Because sometimes these things happen, god knows what you want/need more than you do yourself, but i know… she will never love him like I did/could. So tonight I let go of him, R, he’s held my heart captive for too long.. It’s the hardest thing I want to do and failed at on several attempts… but he doesn’t love me and I could never love him enough for us both. Not a day in 2 yrs has he not crossed my mind. I just want to let him go…. and tonight I will. So goodbye R. I can let go … and I will.
Mr wrong says
I need to let go of katie. Sad to say at 41 with her I felt the first real love I had ever known. I put my heart and soul into her in a way no one else had ever seen. I’m terrified to be alone. I feel a pain I never knew and it’s tearing me apart. I can’t sleep I can’t eat or hold a thought in me head. I don’t know how to move forward because I never had any real emotions in my life. I don’t know how to let her go because a piece of me believes there is still hope but in my heart I know that I’m the only one hoping. It feels like I’ve died but I’m still here. I don’t know what to do to make it not hurt the way it does.
I am letting go of my husband who blames me for everything wrong in his life. I am letting go of him so that I can be happy with my son. So that I can concentrate on his upbringing and not the marriage which was never there. I am letting him go so that I can feel the luv that other people have for me. I am letting him go because I don’t want any more hurtful conversations.
I am happy that I am able to let him go
I am in the same position. At age 39 I am deeply hurt … After 6 years together I dont know how I will survive without him. I want to let go but I cant. He wants to stay.. He wants me… But for 5 years he has not shown me affection, intimacy kr sex!! although he has had my back in so many ways… I love hom for who he is…. He is the only one who I loved in my life… Only one whom I could trust…. But the lack of intimacy has made me crazy?… I love you F … I love you … I know Im the one keeping my distance but I am also hurting so so bad ?… I wish I could change everything… How can I let go… Although it seems I am?
Thank you for your thoughtful blogs. You have been the clarity in all this fog that I am going through. I am trying to let go of J. 10 years of a relationship which I thought was normal. There were tremendous happiness which came with the normal lows. He chose to walk away from our marriage. Twice. The first time 3 months after the marriage. The second time was 5 months ago, nearly 3 years into our marriage. The reasons are the same. We are incompatible. Though as the months have gone on, it’s clear now that you can not accept the commitment you promised on our day of marriage. You told me you no longer wanted children. Well actually you never wanted children. I feel you really don’t know what you want apart from it not being me. I’ve hung on for the last 5 months with hope. But the other day you dashed that too. You’re taking literally everything apart from the kitchen sink. And now I know that you really aren’t the man that I loved so much for the last 10 years. You keep blaming me, yet you said it was because we were incompatible. There is so much anger from you. That whenever we talk you unleash the anger onto me. I can not be hurt anymore, for you have made clear I, we, us are nothing. J, I forgive you, I forgive myself. I let go of you, us, our marriage.
Today, I know it is time to let go of my husband’s affair. It ended over a year ago, but it occupies my mind almost daily. I have learned a lot of tools to letting go and accepting what is out of my control, but applying those tools has been my biggest struggle. I desperately want to live my life for myself again and not let this person take away anymore of my peace, but i am at a battle with my own mind. I just want to let go, truly and haven’t been able to get there.