post written by: Angel Chernoff

6 Strong Signs it’s Time to Let Go

6 Strong Signs it’s Time to Let Go

You will never achieve what you are capable of if you are
too attached to the things you’re supposed to let go of.

Many people believe holding on and hanging in there, infinitely, are signs of incredible strength.  But there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then to actually do it.

In today’s video blog post we’re going to take a look at some signs it might be time to let go.

Video Blog Post:

Signs it’s Time to Let Go (video transcript):

1.  Someone constantly expects you to be someone you’re not.

A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences.  So be cordial, but don’t completely change who you are for someone else simply because it’s what THEY want, or because it’s what THEY think is best for you.

If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back.  It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be someone else.  It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity.  It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where somebody else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space within yourself where YOU used to be.

2.  A person’s actions don’t match their words.

Be wary of people who only tell you what you want to hear.  It’s so easy to believe someone when they’re telling you exactly what you want to hear, but you have to watch what they do too.  Actions speak louder than words – actions speak the whole truth.

Honestly, everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow.  If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent, and their actions never match up with their words, it might be time to let them go.  It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.  In the end, true friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time.  So don’t just listen to what your “friends” say; watch what they do over the long-term.  Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves.

3.  You have a habit of moping and feeling sorry for yourself.

If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.  Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but being miserable is always your choice.  No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.  Negative thinking creates negative results.  Positive thinking creates positive results.  Period.  The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the “buts” you use today.  Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.

Eventually you will realize that happiness is not the absence of problems, but simply the ability to deal well with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

4.  You’re clutching tight to an easy-street mentality.

Great accomplishments aren’t easy; they’re worth it!  So forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.  Right NOW is always the best time to break out of your shell.  Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned.

Someday you will look back on your life and realize that everything worthwhile you’ve ever accomplished initially challenged you.  And that is as it should be, because big challenges often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary success.  Every struggle arises for a reason – either for experience or as a lesson.  A great journey is never easy, and no dose of adversity along the way is ever a waste of time if you learn and grow from it.

Remember, an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards, and such is life.  When life is pulling you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to eventually launch you forward in a positive direction.  So keep focusing, and keep aiming!

5.  You truly dislike your current situation.

In life, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, rather than the top of the one you don’t.  So don’t let people who gave up on their goals talk you out of going after yours.  The best thing you can do in most situations is to follow your intuition.  Take risks.  Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen.  If you do, nothing good will ever happen.

In addition, realize that it’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken either.  Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something brand new.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.  Sometimes growing stronger means growing apart from old habits, relationships, and circumstances, and finding something different that truly moves you – something that gets you so excited you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning.  That’s what LIVING is all about.  Don’t just settle for the default settings in life, when you can customize absolutely everything.  (Read The 4-Hour Workweek.)

6.  You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past.

Holding on to what’s no longer there holds too many of us back.  Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting the past and letting it steer the course of the present.  Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place.  Let it GO!  You must accept the end of something in order to build something new.  So close some old doors today.  Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere.

Even after the toughest times, eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain.  You will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time.  After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story.  So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of a new beginning.

Your turn…

If you feel like you need to let something go, but you simply haven’t been able to do so, know that you’re not alone.  Accepting what is, letting go, and moving on are skills that all of us must learn when facing the realities of life, but these are also skills that take time to master.  And today we challenge you to put in a little time…

Sit quietly with yourself, and ask, “What’s the #1 thing I need to let go of right now?”  Once you have it figured out, leave us a comment below and let us know what you’re going to start letting go of.

Photo by: Lotus Carroll

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  • With so much negative energy out there these days, both in society as well as online social networks, it’s nice to be reminded of some best practices for letting it all go and refocusing on what’s important. We should all remember to be kinder to ourselves and let go of the needless stress factors that make us unhappy.

    As usual, I want to share a relevant quote from you book, which I continue to love:

    “Oftentimes letting go has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We let go and walk away not because we want the universe to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.”

    And as for me, right now I need to let go of an old wound that’s really bringing me down when I think about it (which is far too often).

  • Thanks for another brilliant post.

    I’m desperately trying to let go after I split up with my fiancée a year ago. The dreams and the pain keeps bringing me back - all the memories are crippling at times. I keep myself busy and surrounded by different people and its still so hard.

    She wanted to be single and find herself… then the same week she found someone else. It didn’t work out, so then she started calling me again, and now she is with another guy.

    Gutted, broken and low is how I feel every time the situation re-invades my mind. I must have once had serious issues to have to put up with all if this for so long. But I’m happy to say that with the help of this blog and a couple close friends, I’m growing stronger. Lesson learned. Doing my best to let go for good this time.

  • This is one of your best columns, hands down! Also love the video too.

    So much of what you say is here common sense, yet it is so ridiculously easy for our judgment to get cloudy, and our priorities to get out of whack, when life isn’t going exactly as planned. I have always been a person that wants control, thinks he knows much, yet I see I have much to learn

  • @Anne: I can relate about trying to let go… seems so easy on paper and reading it. Doesn’t it? But in your heart it’s the hardest thing ever.

    I’m still trying too, and after two years with months and months of not talking, then somehow, sometimes, somewhere we meet up again out of the blue. I don’t know if it’s the universe telling us something or trying to test me. I’m still trying to figure that one out.

    You should buy their book. It’s so inspiring and best investment I’ve made to date. :)

  • The #1 thing i need to let go right now is my ex gf from an on-off relationship of 5 years. I think I need to start by blocking her from all my social media websites and apps. Thanks.

  • Their are a few friends I need to let go of…

  • I feel so much better after reading this post.

    There was this toxic person whom I used to regard as a friend until I saw his true colours when he backstabbed me. Although I had let him go since then, he tried to suck me back in with some false apologies he had sent me and I never replied to them.

  • Nice Post! The positivity of these posts are addicting.

    It really comes down to catching ourselves when we are resisting something. Bringing the fact into our awareness is half the battle won. What remains is to change what we can… reframe what we can’t..

  • I need to let go of being a perfectionist all the time and start being ME more often. It is really worth it and liberating to be yourself.

  • You’re clutching tight to an easy-street mentality…. this reminds me to seek to live outside my comfort zone.

    The easy stuff is comfortable and trying to expand our horizons beyond what we’ve come to know as our world is scary.

    But we’ve got to know that the ordinary life does not inspire. Deep down we crave to embrace our greatness.

    And we can do this by choosing to exert ourselves a little more each day.

    Thank you for the reminders. :-)

  • Today, I’ve thrown away everything my ex gave me. It reminded me of how he was so madly in love with me before, and how sad I feel now because he doesn’t feel the same. But, that is life and love… we win and we lose. That is just another chapter of my life that has just ended and I’m ready for a new one.

    I’m happier now, no excess baggage from the past and now looking forward for a new tomorrow. Thanks for this article.

  • SunshineCoast
    May 8th, 2014 at 5:43 am

    The thing I need to let go of is my ex bf. I am almost there and I know it but just the last little bit.

    It is such a funny feeling, knowing this person has been in my thoughts everyday for the last year and a half since the break-up. It is almost scary to let it go and break out from the comforts of those thoughts but I can feel the weights coming off my shoulders if I completely let go. I believe I will and the change of scenes that I am going through right now will definitely help :)

  • I want to let go off being someone’s “Option” when I can be someone else’s “Choice”!!

  • I need to slowly let go of my former course of study because I don’t like it, and switch to a new one I’m more passionate about.

  • I’m going to keep trying to let go of my mother and my sister. My mother told me once that she hated me because I reminded her of my father. Because of that she turned my sister against me. I’ve spent to many tears and to many years over this. I’m going to do my best each and every day to let go of them in my head and in my heart. It’s way past time that I do that. Thank you both.

  • Today I’m finally letting go all of my feelings for my ex bf. He said he loved me and he dumped me and found himself a new gf not even a month later. Fast afterwards he got back together with his ex girlfriend he dated before me. He couldn’t forget his ex love but I can! Thank you for this post, I’m sure it is helping many people.

  • For me, it’s time to let go of the anxiety/fight or flight state I needed to endure a very challenging childhood. Now, as a father, all of the angst, and sadness I couldn’t feel as a child surfaced as a grown man, triggered by childhood.

    I’ve been working on letting go, so I can live in the now, and enjoy all of the wonderful things I have.

    It’s challenging because these defense mechanisms have been habitualized over decades, but I’ve made much progress in the past year.

  • Thanks for this sound advice. I’ve been trying to let go of my alcoholic partner of the past 7 years & it’s taken me nearly 2 years to finally summon the courage to do so.

    The house is up for sale and I feel like I’m about to take a bungy jump which is curiously exhilarating as well as terrifying.

    Being in my 50’s it’s not easy to start all over & I know I’ll be alone & have to be strong. But living with an addict is like living in hell. So, letting go is going to be so empowering for me.

  • Perfect timing on this video! I am trying to let go of a relationship with my daughter which has broken my heart. It’s mother’s day weekend and I am hoping and praying my heart is not broken again. Her bad choices have made her life the way it is. So wish me luck and thanks again! :)

  • What’s really nice… is when you really learn how to love yourself, the real you, your faults and everything about yourself. You will find great freedom from within and what other hurts people give you, won’t hurt so bad. You will start to have more faith in yourself, and trust your choices more, and you will learn to make better choices for yourself.

  • Today I need to let go of the fear through this separation and divorce.

  • I need to let go of the past and an old relationship and be happy with what I have and am! Am struggling but reading your posts sure helps me to clarify many things! I’m also too impatient…

  • I am letting go of a man who promised me the world. True love, stability and to be a family with my two kids. I left my husband for him.
    Two years later, multiple lies, fights, deception and more pain than I have felt ever in my life.

    I have to let go that I gave up on my marriage to be with a man who never gave up 100% of his old life to be with me and now still can’t commit.

    I give up my anger.
    I give up my hate.
    I want to forgive and move on.
    Sometimes I want to give up and let go of life.

  • Living in a cetainly mostly selfish world makes doing things for myself much more difficult. How do you find the best compromise between doing too much for others at a cost to you and looking out for your own sanity?

  • jealousy.

  • Great post and so true. I recently divorced and am letting go of all the anger I harbored over the ex. He was very controlling and negative all the time. Once I let it all go it was amazing how much better you feel and ready to move forward to the next phase of your life.

  • Negativity ( negative thoughts about myself and negative people in my life who bring me down )

  • #1 and #2 speak volumes to me. I let go of my brother and mother and sister this year because they all expected me to be someone I’m not. It makes me very sad, because I am a very good person. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I know it’s the right thing for me. I’m so angry that I let them manipulate me and treat me as inferior for so long. It’s difficult to let go and to work through, but I’m doing it.

    Two things I’ve learned about the “right” people in my life: they make me feel energized instead of drained, and they make me want to be a better person. If someone constantly makes you feel drained of energy, it’s a red flag to get out!

  • I need to let go of NOT being able to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made.

  • WOW! This was exactly what I needed to hear/read today. “…happiness is not the absence of problems, but simply the ability to deal well with them.” So true. Thank you for writing this article.

  • Wow. The timing of this post is perfect. #2 really hits home for me right how. I have/had someone in my life that says some of the right things (not even ALL of the right things - and I’m still holding on???), but his actions are the polar opposite. I finally had it. I walked away. And I have been second guessing it since then. But reading this post & having to deal with some other circumstances in my life are making me realize that it really was the best thing for me. I need to get ME back. PERIOD.

  • My daughter let me go a long time ago. I don’t know why I keep hoping and wishing. She said in Oct 2013 in her kitchen “that this was the closest we’ve ever been”, then she cut me off completely. She was too busy, too something… What I mistook for love was a flat out lie to my face and to my heart.

    I can’t be in midair anymore. I need to let her go now. It’s literally killing me, in my physical and emotional health. The biggest gift I can give myself? Is not to be a mother any longer.

  • I’ve been struggling to let a love go for years now. I’m young, seen as naive, and am not even sure if I want to let go. Letting go will relieve the weight of waiting, but at some point I began to also realize letting go of her is letting go of the only times I’ve been happy. I guess that’s part of the optimism I need to bring into my life. Let go, focus on putting “me” back together, and start truly committing to my goals and dreams. “If her and I were meant to be, we will be. Until then, it’s all about me.”

  • @Anon: I can relate with feeling like you are in mid air with your daughter. After sacrificing a big part of my life and to be treated the way she treat me and her father is not acceptable. Still hoping, but honestly after watching this video post I am going to try my hardest to let go. We as Mothers do not deserve it, but we as Mothers also feel the pain the most. Best of Luck! Remember, YOU FIRST!!!
    kathy h

  • I am letting go of toxic friends. I have deactivated my Facebook account because it was contributing to my sadness and not being included. Going to move forward instead of looking back. Thank you!

  • I want to let go of spending so much of my time with others. I’m trying to heal from an emotional trauma & have been trying to act “normal” by being out & about. I now realize I need to spend a lot more time alone. I love being alone and I have a lot of things to put back in order before I feel I can truly move on. I very much enjoy socializing, so it’s going to be difficult to give up time with others, even though it’s only temporary.

  • @Jeff…….well, why didn’t you?

  • I need to let go of Nathan, and all the hurt that he caused me.

  • I have a mother-in-law I needed to “let go” of, after years of trying to patch bad relations with. Relationships really are give & take, mutual respect and consideration….and not her way or no way. While it was hard to finally make that final cut to sever her out of our lives, the peace now is so worth it. I always like to leave a door open to the possibility of change…..but I no longer stand by that open door waiting. Some people you can care about from afar, but that doesn’t mean you have to let them have power over your life and well-being. We’ve moved on and no longer let negativity pervade every holiday or family event. We deserve this. :)

  • I see so many great points in this post. A couple of points concerning 3-6. You will always find what you are looking for: negativity has you focus on negative things.

    Changing your thoughts or perspective is not easy. So change 1 thing. Get up 30 minutes earlier and go for a 20 minute walk. That is all you have to do. in 2 weeks, make the walk 30 minutes long. Then add another 1 thing, write down what you want your life.. the sky is the limit, no dream too big, no detail to small. Then break them down into plan to achieve, even if its got the “too” issue : too big, too complicated, too expensive, too extensive, too scary, too ambitious, too materialistic, too difficult, too impossible.

    Letting go of the past is much easier when you need that same hand to grab on to your future. So create a near term future.

  • Thanks for this video. I need to let go of my career of 26 years. The signs are all there. I spend way too much time trying to fit into an organization where the values have changed. I spend too much time living in the past when we respected and honored the older colleagues among us, and feeling resentful that I am not accorded that same respect and honor after all I have done. So yeah, I don’t fit anymore, and it is only my fear of financial insecurity and not knowing what to do next that has kept me in this place with these people feeling miserable.

  • I need to let go of many things…sadness at not having children, sadness over those important people who are no longer with us, and frustration on feeling I lost my career and my standing in it and cannot gain it back due to age…a general feeling that I’ve missed my life and with some major regrets I need to let go of. As far as career, I started my own business, partially due to economy and partially due to the huge repeated hurt each time I joined a firm, made it my life and in a way, family, then it was all taken away from me. So am trying to protect myself and not have all my eggs in one basket! As the latter has to do with the current overall happiness, this is the area I need to change by believing what I am doing is valid and can bring the income I want/need.

  • After being a stay at home Mom for for over 21 years, I now find myself lost. Thought I’d be OK when my kids left the nest, but I’m not. My life was bright, happy and full of purpose. I gave them all I had and that was a mistake…I lost myself in the process. They were wonderful. Now they are young adults with adult problems. Makes me very sad, and yearning for their carefree childhood.

    I know I have to find my way back to me…baby steps, I guess. Don’t know where to start but this article definitely helps. Bookmarked!

  • I need to work on letting go of my husband. He decided to leave our 12 yr marriage, 14 yrs together total with little to no reason. I still feel after some time apart we can mend it and or try again. But he served me divorce papers.We have a two year old and I am devastated but I continue to keep my head up. Today is all I have not the past not tomorrow. I cannot change and I cannot dwell. Although I have set backs I am willing to let it go. I am not giving up on the marriage but I am willing to let him/it go and see where it leads me.

  • Hello, negative thinking. Positive thinking turns into positive energy. This is the second time I have heard the same sentence today. Go figure. It’s ok to slip every now and then, but keep thinking positive thoughts, and you won’t have room for the negative ones.

    I like how you always say we are all in this together. It sure does help. Thanks again for another wonderful post.

  • My failure to get the dream job I wanted. Also number 3,4,5 are perfect for me right now. I tend to whine about life and the crap it throws at me instead of fixing my attitude. Thinking of 4 and 5 really have me wanting to move full into a new life.

    My dream has always been to live off my writing, and by not getting my dream job I have started moving in that direction with gusto. I am almost done my second novel, I’m trying desperately to get traction on sales with my second and I am working hard on a quality blog. I was not happy with where I was and ready to take a risk and start making changes. The failure of not getting the one job I wanted has pushed me more into my dream. I am learning that it was all part of life’s plan for me, a nudge (shove) in the right direction.

  • Amazing post!

  • I want to move on with my life cause every time I stand up in my current environment I’m accused of doing something I haven’t done. My family relationships are hurting me. Now I’m moving away to another province were i will meet new people and try and enjoy living again.

  • I need to let go of my expectations. I have too many right now.

  • Nice article. It’s time for me to let go of the bad experience I have had in my past with the relationship. Lies and cheating. And insecurities. I know I deserve better. What I have always been running after is something that gives me only temporary happiness

  • Hey Guys!
    This post was brilliant.
    We are expecting our kid anytime now and still I found time to read your post.
    It really pushes me forward.
    You are doing a wonderful job.

  • My negativity, I want to erase it in my mind. Thanks to your post.

  • @Rowan. I completely understand where you’re coming from. I was in exactly the same predicament as you and finally let go of my career of 22 years. I held on to it way too long simply out of fear. Moving on was the best thing I ever did. It was still challenging but it freed me in so many ways. Once I let go of my career I found there were other things I felt ready to let go of too. Sometimes you need to close the door before another one opens. Best of luck

  • Your posts are some of the most informative, practical guides to living I have come across. As a Meaning Of Life blogger what you say has an impact. Thank you for your thoughtful posts and spreading a message that can help people every day!

  • @Elizabeth - Oh boy do I understand where you are coming from. I have only one child and when she left I was completely unprepared for the heartache. I see her and speak to her often, but as you know it isn’t the same. And I’m lost - my foundation shifted and I have been in a sort of holding pattern ever since which means that I am not moving forward as I should.

    I want to spread my own wings but must also, I think, let go of the marriage too. there seems to be nothing left of my old identity and a new path is right there for me to walk down (a career direction) but I’ve been holding on and holding back. Trying to keep her old room (literally and figuratively) there for her. I fear that if I change I will lose her for good. Does that make sense?

    Anyway, it is definitely time to let go, move onward and upward and stop being fearful that my daughter will somehow disappear forever if her mom grows as a person. :) Good luck to you in your journey, I know it is tough.

  • I need to let go and leave the boy I’m seeing who tells me he cares but still sleeps with other people.

  • Approval, hands down. I don’t need permission to live my life. I have the choice to do what I want when I want and have no obligation to feel guilty about it.

  • Great post
    I need to let go my failed marriage and start all over… it’s been since one year we split and I definitely want to move on to the next phrase of life and happiness.

  • Today’s post was powerful for most of us. This could be the 5th blog, workshop, newsletter, I’ve read this week that seems to have the same theme of ‘going after your dreams’, ‘decide how you want to live your life’…and it seems to be directed at ME. CRAZY!

    I will say that time heals all wounds…for the most part. I got divorced about 7 years ago and can now be friendly with my ex husband. But a lot of hard work went into that, and I felt it was the best thing I could do for my children…and my own sanity. Work through your pain. You can fall down, but make sure you get up and keep moving forward. It’s worth it! And in other relationships with friends and family, be true to you and ignore the rest. A friend once told me ‘When people show you who they really are, believe them’…good or bad, this is true…act accordingly when you realize who the people in your life are.

    My kids just moved out and I am an empty nester. I have no idea WHAT I WANT TO DO NOW! I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do. I’m not unhappy, I’m just blah …time to do the work for the next phase in this life!

  • @V, I’m not going to use any cliches here because you’ve probably heard a bunch of them before. Bear out the storm, light at the end of the tunnel, etc. I just want you to remember not to lose hope. Do NOT give up and let go of life.

    There’s so much to do, so much to see, so much to experience, so much to be. Life was good two years ago and it sucks now, but who knows what it might be like in another two years? Find as many shoulders to cry on and vent as much as you need to — if you don’t have friends nearby, the people on here are extremely supportive.

    This is the first time I’ve posted a comment on this blog, but I wanted to write something because no one else had and I didn’t want you to feel like you’re being ignored. All I’m asking is that whatever you do, please don’t give up.

    Best wishes for you and your future.

  • A relationship/friendship with someone who doesn’t care about my feelings like I do about his. I have spent so many so many long phone conversations listening to his problems, helping him talk through relationship woes, unemployment, helping him move, etc., etc. The only thing I expected from him was that he would be there for me. He has told me things he shouldn’t have about his feelings for me when he was drinking and doesn’t remember when he’s sober. Frustrating? Certainly. Hurtful? Most definitely. But as in past relationships, I know in time I will be able to move on. So far it’s been a week. It just takes a lot of tears and persistence to not go back to what was.
    Thanks to you both, Marc and Angel for giving us all the inspiration and confidence that we can do it!

  • I always look forward to the comment section…you guys make me believe that we truly are in this together! Everyone who believes in conscious personal growth and a better life… we are on the same team…I would like to encourage everyone to simply let go of people and things which are not worth your time…you deserve better. Remember…don’t make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs… I’ve actually just deleted all the contacts who i feel they don’t deserve me…as they took me for granted all the time…am feeling much better…focused and energized..thank you MARC AND ANGEL…blessings!!

  • I need to let go of the negativity and constant criticism instilled by my mother. I am now over 50 and just learning to deal with this. There are times when it is still easy to hear her in my head telling me ” I cant do x , not good enough” etc.

    Thank you for this post and all your posts! They help me realize, not only that I am not alone in this but that one day the only voice that I should hear is mine.

  • THANK YOU! This is the first time I have received your words and they have come at the exact moment I needed them!

  • I have so much people around me who can not let go of the past, especially my family. It seems like they are living in the past. It is hard to have a conversation with them, because they see negativity in everything. Any advice how to change this? Thanks.

  • Honestly, I need to get rid of a relationship I’m in. And I now know I can.

  • I need to let go of being unhappy. I’m just so used to it. It gives me a convenient excuse to be not good enough, not competent enough, and deflect any responsibility. I’m too used to this feeling and I’m sick and tired of it. I don’t know what I really want to do with my life but afraid to quit my job because of the financial security it brings. It really tears at me because the stresses at the job have taken a toll on a wonderful and loving relationship that I’ve always wanted. I need to let all that go. I need hope… I need faith. It’s a beautiful day outside. Just let me enjoy it.

  • I’m letting go of people who do not understand that “letting go” does not equate with slamming the door in someone’s face. Far to many people use “letting go” as an excuse to leave others, rather than sitting down with them and discussing their different perceptions- out of fear that their perceptions will be challenged. It absolutely IS ego, pride and inner wounding masquerading as a grown up behavior of properly letting go. This type of “letting Go” as exit strategy from relationship is a recipe for never learning from one’s past, never understanding one another, and laying the groundwork for repeating mistakes in relationships. Of course, many claim they’re “growing”… Because it feels empowering. Please, it takes compassion, not compulsion, in order to move on with grace and understanding.

  • I have to let go of my old life and embrace the chaotic, unknown that is the life that will be according to me!

    As well as 20 years of bad habits to unlearn.

  • I need to forget about him.

  • @Anne: It’s not that those who are strong never get weak in the knees, or that they never hold their breath before they embark… It’s that while their knees are shaking, they force themselves to breathe and continue taking steps forward. Keep up the great work!

    @Pauline: This ending is not THE END, it’s just your life beginning again in a new way. It’s a point in your story where one chapter fades into the next. Way to take charge. =)

    @Anna: Today is the first day of the rest of your life. From this point on, let there be no excuses, no explanations and no regrets. Start from where you are right now, break free from your cage of comfort and take a bold step forward. You’re making the right decision. Put yourself first.

    @Paul R: To combat people-pleasing behavior, learn to say “no.” Oftentimes when you say “no” to someone else, you are really saying “yes” to YOU.

    @Andrew: I love this: “If her and I were meant to be, we will be. Until then, it’s all about me.”

    @Emma: Seriously, be strong and know when enough is enough! Letting go of negative people doesn’t mean you hate them, or that you wish them harm; it just means you care about your own well being. Because every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive.

    @All: The next step is to follow through. At the end of the day it’s you who has to live with your decisions. Put yourself first. And thanks, as always, for the comments and added insight.

  • I need to let go of my relationship. I can not be with someone who wants to change me. I am young and see the writing on the wall, it’s now or never.

  • I am letting go my reaction to my siblings’ selfishness and arrogance - ultimately what they lose in ignoring mom (in her time illness) will be more painful to them - my frustration and anger helps no one - so I’ll laugh with mom and continue to learn from her. What a gift to me!?

  • This is so right on all levels and been there done that and still in it sometimes. Thank you so much for the posts you always seem to post at the perfect times

  • The number one thing I need to let go of is feeling like I’m never good enough for the toxic people in my life like my family. I continue to try n prove my worth to them no matter how low I feel when i continue to be influenced by them. I need to let go of the anxiety I feel when I need to be perfect around them bc that’s what they expect of me. I’m working on this right now. One day soon, it’ll happen.

  • One thing I want to let go of forever is thinking of the time my son’s heart stopped beating. I heard every bone break from his body till he was fragile. I pray that I deal with that trauma and move on… May his soul rest in peace.

  • My Souls Torture
    May 15th, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    Oh am I having the hardest time with letting go… What’s even more insane is I am having a hard time letting go of someone who I have loved for over 9 years & have never been given the chance to truly show it. I have told him of my feelings & we still communicate on occasion but definitely nowhere near what we use to and I feel that I messed everything up. He never did anything to make me feel this way there’s just something about him. I miss my motivational messages he use to send to me and don’t know where to turn. He is the most fantastic, charming, witty, smart, humble man I have ever met In my life. I just wish I was given the opportunity to show how I feel… Hopelessly “IN LOVE”…..

  • I love someone that has made our life together a lie. Actions speak louder than words. I need to walk the other way…

  • I need to let go of negative thoughts about myself and negative thoughts about my best friend. I’ve been overly anxious and it came off as clingy. Though I don’t think she really cares about me as much as I thought, so maybe it’s time I should lower my expectations too.

  • I am letting go of my past that has caused me fear and lots of doubts about myself. I am letting go of the hatred I have to myself, for the things I’ve done.

  • My husband walked out 6 weeks ago due to a mental breakdown. For 29 years I protected and rescued him. No more, it has to stop today. I need to let him fall and resist the urge to catch him.

  • Today I am choosing to let go of my marriage. In october I separated from my husband of 23 years with whom I have five wonderful children. I realize I have held out hope that this would be a turning point in our relationship. He is an active alcoholic and I left in order to pursue a sober life. I’ve been in recovery for 20 months and being sober has given me the strength to change our lives. mine and my children’s. I hoped that my spouse would arrive at this point. It is clear to me now that our lives are on two different paths…I don’t want to say that I’m giving up HOPE because that sounds so bleak. What I feel is that I am releasing him and me from an unhappy tangle of a life. That I’m closing the door on our married life together and opening the door to who I am meant to be. I didn’t plan on our journey arriving here. It has and we can both continue on our journeys as co-parents and hopefully share a deep and true friendship with one another.

  • The one thing i need to let go of is my boyfriend of 5 months . When we first met we had a special bond with one another then slowly but surely things just changed as quick as they happened. The lying and cheating became something that I could no longer tolerate all I ever asked for was the truth but I never got that. I know that I need to end all contact and just move on with my life no matter how bad it may hurt I have to do it because I deserve to be happy .

  • Thank you Marc and Angel!
    I have problems of letting things go. I am a person who move things fast but not at all on letting things go. I hold me back and I couldn’t sleep well at night at all.
    I just quit my job last month due to couple of the reasons you do mentioned in your post: my boss is two faces guy, i felt like being trapped by him sometime etc. The past of this resignation decision keep coming back to me and told me that I should be a bit more patient and resign when I have another job in line. Yeah, I haven’t tactical or practical enough or strategic enough to deal with people like him or challenging situations that I have been involved with him.

    However, my dream is to start my own business in health and beauty. Probably it is a break to remind me my aim and my purpose in life.
    Thanks a bunch!

  • Thanks for the post, interesting to read (cannot watch video at work!). Sometimes though we sometimes cannot see the writing on the wall and we need a catalyst to help us see.

    I was in a job that I was just going through the motions with, but I liked the people I worked with. The travelling had got too much.

    Then the company had a management shake up and the boss from hell arrived. I was reading “The Pursuit of Wow” by Tom Peters at the time. His advice was simple “leave”. I resigned the very next day.

    Six weeks later I was on the plane to Hong Kong to start a really thrilling time in my life.

    Thanks again for the blog post!

  • Your Angelic thoughts have definitely made a Mark in my thinking today.

  • I’ve been attempting to move on from a relationship with someone who mentally and emotionally abused. I was told I wasn’t good enough constantly. I was called names and bossed around. Deep down I do love myself, but when you hear hurtful words over and over you start to wonder if they’re true. To this day I still find myself believing I really am a bad person. I’m not. A bad person made me feel that way. I am a good person and I still struggle to let this relationship go.

    I work directly with this person at my job and going to work everyday used to be more difficult than I would have ever believed. It’s getting easier, but sometimes it takes its toll. It’s tough to have someone you used to be hugely close with, walk past you in the hall and not even acknowledge you exist. It makes you feel diseased. It makes you wonder what YOU did wrong, not what is going on with them.

    Moving on is easier to read about than do. I commend all of you for taking on this feat and I wish you the best of luck…because god knows I know what you’re going through. It’s sadly comforting to know I’m not alone.

  • @kathy h. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We’re not alone. I’ve grown tired of not hearing from her. I’m still very heart broken that she holds our only granddaughter hostage from my husband and me. We don’t want to be any place where we are not loved, we are not valued and we are saddened that our only granddaughter is missing out on building some great memories with us. Our hope is that one day, our granddaughter will come and find us and ask for our truths. Our love is still here in our hearts waiting to be shared again.

  • #2 is spot on. My “friend” said he was going through a divorce a year ago. 30 days later he admitted he had not filed. So month after month has past, it is 11 months later. Nothing done. 30 days ago he said he needed a plan to tell his 22 and 25 year old kids he was getting a divorce. Nothing done. He keeps telling me he doesn’t want to lose me and can’t live like this anymore. Nothing done. Now he says this indecisiveness could go on forever. I don’t have forever, he always knew there was a deadline but didn’t want to know when it was. Another month and I am walking away. He let us disintegrate and did nothing. He prefers to stick his head in the sand and do nothing. Actions do speak louder than words; I have never felt so unloved by someone who supposedly truly loved me. I told him over and over, his actions never matched his words. Sadly, he is 55 years old and can’t choose a life with love over having to pay alimony.

  • I need to let go my past husband. We were married for 13 years, I left him and he took his own life. I miss the memories of the good times I miss and am angry when the girls go through or start new chapters and he’s not here to help me…. I am remarried and love my husband, but make him feel second best because I’m always talking about my past husband. I want to let it go but don’t know how…..

  • Leslie;
    If you see this reply to your post, feel free to email me ( I lost my husband the same way 15 years ago & understand how you feel. I haven’t been lucky enough to find a 2nd Chapter to remarry, but if I was, I know I’d live in the present moment because it’s something I want so badly & I have learned to appreciate that which I don’t have or can’t find. They were here for the time in which they were meant to be. You don’t have to forget Chapter 1, but remember it’s just the intro to the story; make sure to enjoy the rest of the book, allow the characters to develop, the plot to thicken…a story cannot exist without the main character - that is YOU, not HIM.

  • I had to let go of a friend recently. It was something ive thought about for a while. I didnt feel good after id left him. When I split up from my husband it was difficult and he was there but when I then met someone else, he went mad. Which was a shock to me because id never knew he liked me. I told him the truth, i didnt lie to him and told him I didnt want any contact with him. I have to have only straight up people in my life, not people who take my sunshine, ive had enough negative in my life. I just think it’s better to be honest now and he knows (it probably hurt) but I just wanted him to know I was honest. I have asked to stop contacting me and its for the best.

  • Today I am letting go of someone I thought I knew, and who I thought knew me. I have been building a lot of hate and hostility lately, and I am letting go of all of it. No more revenge, no more anger, no more hate.

  • I am letting go of an abusive boyfriend of 10 years. I left him nearly a year ago and have met someone new who is lovely and is what a partner should be… but now my ex has been contacting me, telling me he as changed. I really did love him, except the jealousy, the constant name calling and belittling, etc. I have found myself wondering if he has changed, he wouldn’t change when we were together. I begged for the thinking to stop, so as of now I’m letting him go.

  • I really really need to let go of the following..

    1: My current relationship, it’s for the best.

    2: Friends who have walked away.

    3: Family members who don’t want to connect.

    4: Some of my current friendships.

    5: Self limiting beliefs.

    6: Negative thoughts.

    7: Illogical thoughts & fears.

    8: The past and painful memories.

  • I want to let go of my trust issues with my spouse. He has repeatedly cheated on me, blaming it on me because I haven’t finished college, don’t have a rewarding career, and haven’t lost the weight from having our two kids. I am letting go that this I am not to blame. I am letting go of him finding someone better then me. I have been his support system and his backbone for the past 10 years and have been promised the moon & stars only to get disappointed again and again.

  • simmonette ryan
    June 30th, 2014 at 9:05 am

    I know how you feel Tania, believe me you are not alone. The same things happened to me and therefore I just keep running but it’s time to stop. I can’t keep doing this anymore.

  • Today, I start the process of letting go of all the pain in my past. I let go of every lie told to me, every falsehood brought to me, every time I was deceived, trampled, demeaned and controlled. I let go of everyone else’s idea of who I should be, what I should do and how I should act. Today, I embrace, ME.

  • I have been in a committed relationship for 8 years, 6 of which have been married. We have 2 beautiful children. About 3 years ago, my wife left Alaska for a vacation, because she wasn’t happy there, and spent almost a month in Colorado. I spent 10 years up there, building positive professional and personal relationships with man people. I had my dream job that I could’ve worked at for the next 30 years and been happy with, however I realized my wife was happy down there, so I decided to move to the lower 48, so our relationship could improve and grow, and told her this while she was still there, which made her happy.

    We move to the western slope of Colorado where the economy is horrible, there’s no work that I can be satisfied with, and I’m miserable, as my wife is acting like nothing is out of the ordinary. Now she wants to end our marriage, with not having any care to my need to have a real job that pays well so I can support our family. The last 2 months she has been cold and cruel, and it’s torn me apart.

    I have to let her go, let all the feelings I’ve had for her go. I have to let the dream of raising a family with the woman I love go, in order to pick up the pieces that are left of me and rebuild anew. I made the mistake of trying to be what she wants instead of myself, and I have to let it all go. How does one wrap their head around this? I love my children deeply and want the best for them, and the only solution I have is to get out of the picture completely do I can rebuild my own life so I can be a great father. How do I just let to and move on after investing 1/4 of my life with someone? I’m trying to figure this out…

  • What is my payoff when I keep looking at my ex’s fb knowing what I see will just upset me? I will stop, let go and move on. I don’t want to be with him…it was not a positive situation. ..too one sided. I’m better off to be alone than to be stressed.

  • I’ve had a huge dilemma in my life since I was a young child and now that I am approaching the end of my life and would like to enjoy the years I have left. I am completely convinced that the toxic people in my life are ones in my own family, my mother, aunt and sister. They are envious of me so blame me for their problems and lean on me daily to carry their “burdens”, all of which they have created themselves. It is one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make and that is to eliminate them entirely from my life. What a huge challenge it has been but I know it must be done.

  • @paula: Good luck. Give yourself some space for a small bit of time or as long as you need to heal. I have done just that. Now, 20 years later, I am willing to let them back into my life. It’s hard and not easy. What I have learned is more about me. I need to set boundaries. A visualization I have is similar to dog training. When the conversation or bad feelings start coming back/repeating themselves, stop it. Explain, in a neutral tone, why their actions are offensive., then change the topic. If it is too difficult, leave on a good note. Remember, you left in control. YOU succeeded. Hope this helps.

  • The first word that rose was “fear”. I need to let go of the fear of tomorrow; the fear that I am incapable of making it on my own; the fear that I will never be able to make good decisions.

    I’ve only just discovered something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and that I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother, whose manipulations twisted my psyche so profoundly that it rendered me utterly dependent upon her and incapable of being my own person. She’s been gone for eight years, but it’s taken that long to wake up from the fog and find this diagnosis (which fit her to a horrific “T”). Now begins the healing process, and learning to stop being afraid, and to begin to trust myself.

  • @Michelle and Jeanne: Thank you for your wise words of encouragement. You used the words “fog” and “narcissistic” which fit my situation exactly. I will heed your words of advice and do my best to eliminate this turmoil from my life so that I can enjoy myself finally. Thank you for responding.

  • I have to let go of my husband.
    * to stay with him will mean financial suicide - he spends nearly double what we make and has done for so long. Only $4000 paid off our mortgage in 20 years!
    * he slept with my ‘best’ friend
    * he tried to sleep with one of his employees - thank god she thought enough of herself and me to say something!
    * he left me alone while I was very ill (I had been in hospital the night before for a gallbladder that was ready to burst) and was still full of morphine to attend a business meeting that could have been done from his office when we got back home.
    * he is crippling his business financially
    - Oh goodness, I really need to let go for good!!!

  • I opened a business 16 months ago and have been battling myself with what I thought I wanted with opening this business. It’s hard to have a dream, take the risk, move across the country, spend money, to learn it’s not what you wanted and or expected..

    I’m not excited to go to work, the reason I opened it was because I enjoined the industry and what I was going to sell. Now I make excuses not to do what was once the reason I opened the business.

    I feel like a failure..? Has anyone else gone thru something like this?

  • I need to let go of someone who takes me for granted. Feels really good when I write it down :)

  • I’m letting go of an obviously failed relationship. May GOD give me the strength I need to move forward.

  • I have a great relationship now. I am going to let go of all the bad things i did and let go of the love i had for that person. I want to keep my new relationship strong and going. I hurt my ex and I never wanna do that to my current partner. I do not need to revisit my past again. Time to let go. I’m going to start doing it today so i can continue our great relationship.

  • This is a wonderful post - thank you for this. Last week was the first time in 3 years (maybe even much longer in some regards) that I started to let go of so many things I have been dragging around. It has felt really good - like I finally have a new beginning.

    But this is not an easy process I am finding out. This morning while I was getting ready for work, a bunch of the old stuff was waiting for me. By the time I was walking to work, I was angry, bitter and felt empty.

    I came across this post and its exactly what I needed. Right now, I am having to let go of a close group of friends I had through most of my twenties. I am very sad to be doing this, and I think many of them are angry at me or have a variety of mixed emotions towards me, but no one seems to want to talk about it. It makes it hard to know what to do and it hurts, a lot sometimes. I love them a lot.

    I still want to see them, but things are different now and it will never be like it was or nearly as frequent. I just want to find a way to let them know I will always care about them. I guess we are trying to figure out how we fit into each other’s lives now and this is hard to do.

  • Thank you Marc and Angel. I have come to realize that I am not good at “letting go”. It sounds so easy and makes perfect sense, but my heart still wants to hold on and create an idea of who he is and what we could be, despite that never being the reality. But even just seeing how many others are struggling with this same thing, makes me feel less alone and gives me hope that I too can find the strength to let go.

  • I need to let go of my 3-year relationship. I need to let go of hope that we can get to an understanding, when each time we prove differently. I need to let go of things that I cannot change. I need to understand that, when the man I love tells me “with or without me you’re still gonna be alone”, he really ment it ….. As he proved it sooo many times. The best decision for me is to move forward alone. Better be alone than in bad company. I need to let go of the man he really is and stop mistakening him for the guy he is not and will never be.

  • Thank you for all the inspiring posts, helps to know we are not alone.

    I also need to let go of an ex. It was my 1st real relationship, lasted only 6 months, and ended almost 2 years ago and I still struggle with it. After things started to not be working out, I made some communication mistakes, but then she ended it and was very judgmental and hurtful. She was verbally abusive and put me down as a person. I was so hurt and traumatized that I didn’t stand up for myself.

    Then about a year later after torturing myself for too long I finally got the nerve to reach out and tell her she was wrong for putting me down like that. She didn’t respond well to that, and we left it on poor terms.

    A few weeks ago I emailed again just wishing her well and apologizing for anything I did to hurt her. No response. I know I need to let go of someone who didn’t respect me but am struggling still.

  • Letting go of negativity…realizing that I can’t stop loving two people and that it doesn’t make me a horrible terrible person. I’m in the process of healing a deep wound, having had someone taken from me too soon many years ago…I need to let go of the hatred and guilt towards myself, because I am coping the best I can, and trying not to hurt anyone in the process. Loving 2 people as best I can, and learning to love myself slowly…

  • Sadly I need to put a failed marriage from 15 years ago behind me. The person has moved and I am reminiscing over what was so long ago and no longer exists.

  • I am trying to let go of an ex boyfriend that has come back into my life after 7 months and a current boyfriend who only wants to casual date and I want more. I’ve hung onto both of them fearing if I let go I will have nothing. I know deep in my soul neither one of these are going anywhere. I know that if I want to move forward in finding another relationship that is good for me, I have to let these two go. They are taking up way too much negative space in my life. I liked what I read in your article and hopefully I will find the strength to let go and move on. I am trying to find that thing that makes me happy to get out of bed every morning and I be grateful for what I have.

  • I am letting go of a man that has proven to be unavailable for 5 years. I am letting go of my need to make this right and “win” his love. I’m letting go of my dependency on the crumbs he gave me to keep me hooked. I am letting go of the fear that there is no love for me on the other side of this separation.

  • I am letting go of an ex-boyfriend that told me all the things I wanted to hear, but his actions didn’t match his words. What I regret the most is not breaking it off right away, instead two yrs later i realize this was not going anywhere and was no longer happy in the relationship. I didn’t want to let go but I know this is the best thing for me to do now that I see he really does not care for me, or what is important to me. Its so hard at times not gonna lie :(…trying to keep strong.

  • This is truly a journey of endurance with patience, faith and trust. I could not forgive myself before, but now I am actually learning to be more optimistic with my thoughts and actions.

  • I am trying to let go of a friendship/relationship that went too far. This person is using me and my money. Sometimes I think I would not matter should the money element go away. I feel so stupid and think, to myself, “how in the world did I get myself into this?”.

    I view myself as being kind, loving, self confident, upbeat, positive, driven, successful in business and friendships. I have never had this kind of person in my life before and am embarrassed that I even do. After some counseling sessions, I have learned that it is me keeping this person in my life for some reason. He fulfills a big void in my life and in my Heart. Conversely, he creates many other problems that were never mine, that seem to be my responsibility now. I am now going to a group that deals with “Co-dependency”. Perhaps I have had this trait, but never realized it.

    I love this person so much, and miss him deeply when I travel out of town for business trips, which is several times a month. When I return, there are problems and issues he seems to have that I am pulled in, to help solve.

    Right when we think we are strong, we get challenges in life that push us out of our comfort zone. I believe this is a chance for me to learn and grown once I make a decision to push this person out of my life, who has drawn me into a painful, hurtful and a co-dependent situation.

    It hurts so much, but also, reading all of these other entries makes me realize that I am not alone. No matter how strong I thought I was, I am human, and I have to realize that this is simply a new challenge that will only bring me new insight and understanding into my heart and “human -ness”. I hope to become more tolerant and understanding of these kinds of situations when friends come to me with similar issues in the future. I was never a judgmental person, but I think I just never understood what kind of pain others may have been going through. Now, I so much understand, and have gained more empathy towards them.

    God works in mysterious ways….he is now allowing me to feel and see something so painful to me, that I hope once I get through this and past it, it will make me a better person, a more loving and understanding person for it. It is only through pain and hurt that we realize a truth in ourselves.

    I guess its going to hurt, but we have to let go of things and people, to get to the other side of love and light. Carrie Underwood has a song where part of the lyrics go something like this; ” I guess it’s going to have to hurt, I guess I’m going to have to cry, and let go of some things I love to get to the the other side. I guess its going break me down, like falling when you’re trying to fly. It’s sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, Starts with Goodbye”.

  • I want to let go of a ex gf. I was emotionally dependant on someone who I could not depend on. They have moved on with someone else and I have been left with extreme anger, regret and sadness. I still yearn strongly for them and fantasise that they will come back. Every time the phone rings my heart jumps. I also keep imagining her new life being happier than she was with me.

    I must live in reality and remove these negative thoughts. I must realise my own self worth, open up and step into the future without clinging to the past. I must stop wallowing and become heathy and strong.

  • I want to let go of thoughts about my ex and her son. I have a second chance for a better life. I want this new beginning and i want to be happy and i want to be positive. And i want a new love.

  • I let go of a relationship I did not end from someone who betrayed me and then kept me with them by telling me they loved me. I let go of all the fantastic good times and believing he was the love of my life and I will never find this again. I let go of how he still hurts by being with someone else. Of memories of love x

  • I need to let go of this one guy, for the past 3 years we have kinda been on and off, when he thinks am falling out of love he comes back begging, this has continued for so long. HE is my first and I have not been able to feel so much love for anyone like I feel for him to the point where he told me that he knows am in love with him and I wont stop loving him, to a great extend am afraid its true. But he doesn’t treat me right and he sometimes says some awful things that just makes me cry so bad. I really want to let go of this one guy bcos I need my life back but I keep going back each time. Shedding so much tears as I type this. God please help me to let go once and for all and for d rest of my life I will be most grateful pls.

  • After reading this article and the comments it is now obvious to me that I must let go of my ex girlfriend. She ended things and got over it so fast it made me feel like i meant nothing to her all along. It sucks realizing the person you’d do anything and everything for wouldn’t do the same for you. I guess that’s life. Thanks for the article, it helps.

  • @Sheral. ……I’m in a similar position as you. I gave up everything to help my husband advance his career (my job, house….We had to move cross country for his promotion). We agreed to not have children years ago and now I’m 43, he’s 41 and he wants a baby. Pretty impossible for me! He wants a younger woman now. I feel betrayed, lost. I’m doing my best to let go of my anger towards him. How can I blame him for changing his mind about having a family? He can’t help how he feels. I’m trying to be positive and figure out how to start my life over…..need a job, place to live, etc. I need anything positive right now!

  • I let go of 2 friendships who has lived out its course and purpose in my life, I let go of the analysis of the ending, and I choose to listen to my intuition to trust this ending, and step into the nurturing feeling and spaciousness of my new beginning. Acceptance and the power of heart are flowing through me, and an openness is here. My thanks for your article :)

  • I need to let go of my negative and emotionally abusive and neglectful husband. I know once I let go and I’m out of this situation, I can be happy because being around him is just dragging my self esteem down. It’s a long process but eventually it I will be able to go on my way. :)

  • I am struggling with a huge decision, whether to move back out of my partners house or just stick with it. He and my 16 year old son do not get on and can’t stand to be in the same room as each other. Nothing really bad has happened, clash of personalities and over bearing rules of the house that we never used to live by when my children and I were on our own. This bad feeling is making us all miserable and I am stuck in the middle. My partner does like to have control but not to a terrible extent. I know he adores me and would do anything for me and has given me allot. I feel very grateful for his generosity but it does come with conditions allot of the time. when we are together, holidays ect,we are magical but when we are in a domestic situation and my son is in the house the atmosphere is awful. I have said I should move back out and we can continue our relationship as before, as a solution to the bad atmosphere, but he said if I do it’s over. We have been together for almost 10 years and I love him to bits. I know leaving would destroy him and I think us leaving his space would help but he sees it as me being defeatist. I just don’t know what to do…..

  • @Carmen - I am in a similar situation as you with a 17 year old son. My partner and he don’t even talk to each other. My partner doesnt’ try to get to know him and it hurts me. I’d love to connect with you if possible. If you want to - my email is . I wish you the best.

  • Interesting. A Google search on a different “relationship” topic led me to this site not 2 hours ago. I tried really hard to be a good husband to my soon-to-be-ex-wife. Marriage was extremely difficult for me, and her and her family brought extra challenges to the table. Right now it seems she is only recounting all of my mistakes and shortcomings and non of the good I have done for her, her family and our children.

    It think maybe it’s time she has her fun and then goes on and sees “what’s out there” and if she can find someone as hard working and dedicated as me with no shortcomings, then all the power to her! (Newsflash: she’s not anywhere near perfect herself, but maybe holds people to pretty high standards anways…)

    Yeah. It’s hard looking back at a 10+ year failed marriage… but it’s time to let this one go.

  • I have to let go of my mom, we have struggled to have a meaningful relationship my whole life, I am now in my 40’s with a family of my own. She recently let me know she does not want any kind of relationship with me. I was hurt at first, but now realize this is a relief in that I know longer have to make futile attempts to reconcile. My only real problem is “how” to move forward in this world without a relationship with my mother. So I need to let it go starting yesterday.

  • I need to let go of my life long best friend who has chosen her boyfriend over our friendship. We have been friends for over 30 years. Now we live in the same city, and never see each other. I miss her so much and feel like I have lost a part of myself because I have lost her. I really think she is the one who is lost, but it affects me so much as she was like a sister to me. I respected her so much and Im sick of crying about it and need to let her go. Its affected me too much as I feel like I cant think about any of my childhood memories because all of them are with her. Anyway, its really hard, but I have to move forward.
    Thanks for the post :)

  • Even though in the last 2 years I have made huge strides in my career and how I deal with people and situations, I have not let go of the fact that I hurt two woman 2 years ago and they both want nothing to do with me. I was going through a hard time in my life and I was hurt so I inadvertently hurt both of them. I haven’t really recovered since from the fact that I hurt them and although I have continued to make strides in my career, I have struggled with making a true connection with another person. I have to accept the fact that hurt them, thank god that I learned from them, and let the situation go. That’s the only way I will be able to move forward in my life and live to the best of my ability.

  • I need to let go of the negative self talk - I’m not smart enough, I’m not good enough, I will never amount to anything, I will never succeed at knowing what I am meant to do in this life, etc… On and on the loop goes.

    Trying every day to do better and be better. Thank you for the post; it helped calm my constant negative chatter.

  • I need to let go of my anger and my ability to not always control everything in my life. Life is unpredictable and nothing ever works out the way you want them too….ever. I made a huge mistake and dove into the impulsion of giving someone something of myself that they never deserved to begin with. I was naive and bought into the lies that I meant something to them. My whole world has been shaken and my confidence has dropped significantly. I need to regain strength that only I have the power the change the situation. To be who I need to be in order to grow past my indiscretion. Infinite loop of negative thinking…I’m not good enough, I am a horrible person, I will never mount to anything… over and over again. The rabbit hole is very deep and very dark. Reading your post has helped me to reply and to express myself. Writing about it/reading about it is very reassuring that everything will be ok and that we are all strong enough to be who we need to be in order to be happy :-)

  • I stumbled upon this website, and I am definitely saving it to my favorites. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for close to one year. The man I was in love with (still am) told me he doesn’t love me any longer. He always told me he never wanted to “share” me with anyone. I am a teacher, and he resented when I had to do after school things with my students. I live in Florida and went home this summer for two weeks to see my mom and dad. My dad isn’t doing very well, and I wanted to spend time alone with them. (I am 54, and my parents are 79 and 82). The ex bf was enraged because I put him “2nd” again. While I was at my parents’ house, he ripped up photos of us and texted me a photo of the torn pictures with the caption “just the beginning.” Even though I know he’s not good for me, I miss him and still love him. He keeps calling me, and I have cried to him begging him for a second chance when I haven’t done anything wrong. He keeps setting up dates and then cancels them. I know he’s abusive from past statements and behavior. I have cried myself to sleep almost every night. I think he is enjoying my pain because he feels like I caused him pain by not putting him before my parents, children, and students. I know I have to let go and move on. I have to. I am scared that I will never meet anyone again, and I don’t want to be alone. Thank you for this post.

  • The article and posts here are amazing. I can empathize with a lot of the things said here.

    Today I know that I need to let go of my ex girlfriend of four years. She ended our relationship with no warning at all. She has fallen for a married woman and no longer wants to be with me. Truly the one who is the most committed hurts worse. Yes I love her but have to let go for my own sake and sanity.

  • I need to let go of past failures and bringing them into my present situations. I have to let go of the pity behavior and understand love comes with joy and pain. I have to letgo of the denial to let go, and realize you can’t lose sleep over people who haven’t for you. Thanks for helping me release.

  • I need to let go of the thought that the woman that I love (more than I could express here ) obviously doesn’t have the same perspective on “Second Chances, understanding, or the idea of giving us a chance… I know that she loves me, but I have to accept the fact that I can not control her choices. So along with letting anger and heartache (built up from close relatives and friends passing away, I also must let go of the hope that ” she ” will be my woman again. I wish her happiness, and I am in search of happiness as well. “What’s meant to be will be.”

  • Hello everyone I am trying to let go of my boyfriend of 4 years. He is an drug addict and his many attempts to get clean always end up in relapses. It has caused us to lose our house and put us in a financial struggle. I don’t know how to let go even after all the lies and the way he acts when he is high, which is most of the time. But when we first got together he was clean and he was such a different person… I fell in love with him and I keep thinking he will break free of his addiction and be able to be happy together. Deep down inside I know he will not change and I am just lying to myself. I need to let go for my children sake and my own sake. I just don’t know how. I’m trying to figure it out.

  • Wow! Great to see we are all in this together. Going through the motions of being human. And all that is attached to it. I’m letting go of a great man with a huge heart and beautiful inside and out. Letting him go because there are things I need him to be ( hold my hand in public, keep me warm with his arms around me if I’m cold, etc…) that he doesn’t give. Not on his make up to display affection . It’s been over 4 years together and I’ve changed my own self needs to accommodate his lacking of. And it took a toll. Constant heavy heart for me and feeling guilty that I wanted to change him into something he is not. Resentment started to kick in the last few months and really noticed how unhappy we both were. Saddens me to say goodbye just because he lacks something that is so big to me in a relationship. Polar opposites we were on the subject of public display of affection. I mean I didn’t want him to suck my face , grind me ( omg) or be lovey-dovey dude, but, just simple hold my hand or arm around me while we walk. I started to think I was asking to much , even if he did it once a week grab my hand on the street that would suffice me. Just ONCE!! But no I received nothing. Then I got to feeling that this relation no longer serves me. Am I out of line !? Or am I letting go due to selfish needs? Feeling confused. Would love some feedback . Be well all, xox

  • Thank you for this post. I really needed this video today. Today I am letting go of someone that is currently on a “work trip” with another woman. I will not carry the burden for his shortcomings and lies. Someone better awaits. :)

  • The comments that all of you have made have helped me to understand that I am most certainly not alone, and that right there is what I need to let go of….the fear of being alone. When I’m single I feel like less of a person and that shows in my promiscuity and lack of self control with men. This is very personal but I’m glad to talk about it. It takes more strength to just be ok with being alone and being myself, but I won’t be doing it alone. I can see that now…thank you all

  • letting go of the one that gave me the most happiness and all my relationships on that I’ve ever had. she was one of my closest friends but I don’t think we will ever be a couple again. out of desperation I found this website so hopefully I could figure out what I need to do :)

  • I’ve tried to let go, for those are the very words used by someone that I pushed away thinking that if they cared enough they’d stay it was reassurance. Little did I know in the confusion until I was let go, how much I was in love, at 27 for the first time i finally learned what that was. Oh there’s always better, there’s always the next everyone says. I just wanted a second shot.

  • I am incredibly thankful for your blog. I’m 26 and just started architecture grad school in June. Over the past two months I’ve really noticed that I am not enjoying grad school for some reason and feel incredibly lost (architecture is a different field from what I studied in the past).

    I want to let of of the tendency to think that every part of my future should be planned out and let go of the anxiety from uncertainty or from wanting to be perfect. I want to let go completely of the role my parents think I should when I was growing up and learn to love and embrace exactly how I am.

    Thank you for the wonderful blog. It is uplifting to be here.

  • I need to let go that the one I loved, the one I pushed away, will never be made happy by me again, and I need to let go of not being able to forgive myself…

  • Today I have finally let go of someone I have held truly dear to my heart for some time now. I personally have never wanted to make this decision, but it is time for me to stop sacrificing my own shot of happiness for her indecisiveness.

    Throughout, the time span of it all it occurred to me, I am jaded by this constant behavior and am no longer going to live my life controlled by another. One thing that has made this feel so much easier is the fact I hold no negativity towards her, just love and the best for her life. Over time I have accepted this situation and forgave her for her mishaps with only one favor in return; she will forgive mine.

    My personal mantra that I wrote to help me, even though it is a spin off a quote by Christopher Columbus.

    “The hardest part is to get past the surf, but In order to discover new Oceans one must first lose sight of the Shore.” - Jaded

  • I’m trying to move on from my 3 yr relationship with my ex boyfriend. Although I officially broke it off with him, he put me in an impossible situation where I had no choice but to end things (because I respect myself enough to let go). It felt like I lost a part of myself because we once both dreamed of getting married and having a family. But he emotionally abused me when he accused me in the end. For a year before we split, he silently held onto grudges against me and for those petty reasons, he no longer wanted to marry me. I know he was wrong to blame me for his short-comings, but it deeply wounded me. I’m getting back to “okay” after a month of focusing on me, but it’s so so hard to completely let go when I wake up every morning and the first thing I think is “We broke up. It really happened. And I should be happier without him, so why am I feeling so sad?”

  • I need to let go of the guy I’ve been seeing for a year. I should have never gotten involved with him to begin with. He’s married (I’m considered evil I know). He said he was going to leave. We made the necessary steps in order for the transition to be a little less hard. We got a place and then a week before the date of him leaving, he told me his wife begged him to try and he feels like he has to. She doesn’t know he fell in love with me. He thought it would be more painful on her if he told her he didn’t love her anymore. This was 5 months ago. Now I’m in this place that was meant to be ours by myself. He hasn’t tried with his wife. We still see each other. He still tells me I’m the love of his life and he wishes he had the balls to leave, but he doesn’t want to hurt her because she’s a nice person and it would be hard on the kids. He’s always begging me to not leave his side, to be patient with him, to continue to love him. But I’m in soo much pain everytime he leaves me. We have this connection that’s undeniable. We see each other every day and I feel like he was meant for me. We talk all the time. While he’s home he texts me telling me he misses me and loves me. I’ve been patient, but I’m miserable. Waiting and hoping for something that may never happen. Putting my life on hold. I know I need to move on but don’t know where to begin, or how.

  • I need to let go of the following things:

    1) my current relationship that is so obviously NOT working

    2) my feelings of guilt about letting go of my current relationship because I don’t want to hurt the other person

    3) Fear….fear of not being who I really want to be, I want to open my soul to the world but that scares me shitless (excuse my language) lol

    4) all of the judgmental, lazy, close-minded, unambitious, backstabbing people around me whom I love

    5) My extreme indecisiveness… seriously

    6)Fear of what others may say or think about me. I love me and that should be enough

    7)My low self-esteem and body consciousness….it takes a toll on my free-spirit trying to come out.

    8)My inability to say “no”

    9)Worry…..gahhhhh I worry about EVERYTHING and I hate it because it seems to last for days at a time before something takes my mind off of it then I just find something else to worry about….

    10)My religious condemnation, I don’t know what I want to believe in or if I want to believe…

    I have let these 10 items single handedly steer my course of life…..not anymore because I am letting go!

    Thank you!! :)

  • I would like to let go of my ex boyfriend, it’s been about 2years and I still think about him, the touch of his hands against my body.. The way he grabs my head to kiss me when he missed me. His eyes when he told me he loved me. & all the nights we stayed up and talked, my favourite is the way he used to love me.. And my tears when I left him.. It all seems so fresh in my memory. But now I have a son with someone I constantly have to over think if I love him or even want to be with anymore because I felt he sucked the life out of me. I’m a proud mother but I wish I could have done everything differently and listened to everything my ex was telling me.

  • I have decided to let go of a guy I use to date years ago. He has a girlfriend but contact me with all his problems. He use to be on drugs back then and I think he is still on drugs. I wish his new girlfriend knew he is a bad person. He is a liar, cheater and drug addicted. So glad I decided to let him go. Bye Melvin im glad he live hours away!

  • I need to let go of trying to change me and change my husband all time. It’s time to accept and forgive!

  • After 21 years I have finally realised that my best female friend was never really a true friend to me. I always had a gut feeling that she was jealous and never really wanted the best for me but only now I can see this. I believe that she was insecure about herself and so in making subtle digs at me, she felt better about herself. All the sighs were there, I was just blind to them. We have drifted apart in the last 18 months due to lifestyle changes and it’s been during this time away from her that it’s become so clear. I have changed and my confidence has grown and I truly believe that she’s fighting to keep me as I was when we became friends: a shy and unsure 15 year old. I’m not scared and I don’t need to follow her or anyone anymore.

    I’m trying so hard to break free from her for my sanity and self preservation but she’s making it so difficult. I still love her as a friend but I don’t like what I have allowed her to do to me; I need to break away from her for good. What makes it harder is that she is my only friend but that reason and history alone can’t keep the friendship going. The thought of being free from her gives me hope and peace. I know in my heart that better things will come into my life because of this decision. What’s so sad is that you expect relationships to end at some point but not friendships, I really thought that this one would be life long. I’m ready to let go of her and the guilt that clings to this decision.

  • I need to let go of Clay. I never thought I would be the “stupid girl”. We were together for 4 years. Part of that time he was married then separated. He dumped me 2 weeks after his divorce was final. He finally realized he didn’t want a relationship. I don’t know how many times i asked if he was sure he wanted a relationship. I feel mislead and used. I lost four years of my life waiting and waiting. I have nothing and he has everything exactly as he wants it. He also cheated on me and had a vasectomy behind my back. I still love him and would take him back in a heart beat. Why can’t I let go of this jerk?

  • I am letting go of my abusive husband and our marriage that will never be.

  • I opened a business that I did not do much planning for initially. I am paying rent for the space, but not making any money. It’s causing more financial heartache. So I’m going to close it. Also I was in a relationship for 2 years; I thought it was going well but I guess he did feel the same. I miss him terribly. I think it’s time to let him go.

  • Today I am letting go of the fact that I may never become a mother. I am not letting go of hoping that, in my life, I will finally be able to adopt, but I am going to stop dwelling on it. I am wasting so much of my present time crying over the fact that I don’t have a child. I am also going to let go of wishing that I was in the past…the time when my mother was still alive. Again, I am dwelling on something and there is nothing anyone can do about it. She would want me to be happy, be strong, and live so that I may enjoy things in the present. I am also going to try to let go of the fact that my brother and sister simply don’t care about me. Again, there is nothing I can do about it, so it is time to move on and stop letting that affect my present and making my heart break. Thank you!

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