Never assume that you’re stuck with the way things are.
Life changes, and so can you.
“I don’t know what to do.” “I’m in a rut.” “I feel stuck.” These are words Angel and I hear frequently from coaching clients and blog subscribers (subscribe here) alike. We all struggle with this kind of mindset sometimes, and if you’re struggling right now, it’s time to push through. There’s plenty you can do.
The truth is, you have the power to move forward no matter what obstacles block your path. You have the power to live up to your highest vision of how your life can be. You have the power to follow through and make significant progress on your biggest goals. You have all this power because you have the CHOICE. In each moment you can choose what you think, what you do, and who you want to be.
If you’re being pulled in every direction by forces beyond your control, take time to realign yourself with what you value most in life.
You don’t have to continue doing things the way you’ve always done them. You don’t have to be held a prisoner by your old, familiar habits and assumptions.
Today is a new day, filled with new possibilities, so remember…
- Feeling stuck is a FEELING, not a fact. – When we feel stuck, typically our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to blame. In reality, we ought to be looking at how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and how we plan to respond. Your life is your responsibility. While you can’t always change what’s outside of you, you can certainly change your perception of it. And the funny thing is, when you change the way you look at things, the things themselves change.
- Yesterday’s bad news is not worth reliving. – You can’t have a better today if you’re still thinking and worrying about yesterday. Whatever could have been or should have been, doesn’t matter. Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you have one foot on the brakes when you’re thinking about the past. In order to free yourself, you must learn how to let go of whatever old news is keeping you stuck. Release your regrets. Discard yesterday’s frustrations. Refuse to entertain old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto these things is holding you back from a new beginning. What is it you want to let go of today? Do it!
- Feeling stuck is a sign that it’s time to make a change. – It could be a change of heart, a change in your perspective, or a change in your habits. But the point in any case is that the way you are doing things is no longer working. Imagine yourself as a river, flowing into a great ocean. Oftentimes a river grows narrower and appears on the surface to lack movement just before it breaks through to the larger body of water. The same thing happens to us as we prepare for a breakthrough in life. Our flow must contract before it can expand. And the contraction is equally important to the expansion. (Read Buddha’s Brain.)
- What you need to do won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. – If you’ve been asking the same questions for a long time, yet you’re still stuck, it’s probably not that you haven’t been given the answers, but that you don’t like the answers you were given. Remember, it takes a great deal of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage still, to accept the responsibility for making the change happen. Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.
- An excuse is standing somewhere between you and the next step you need to take. – If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. This may be tough to accept, but it’s the truth. Stop making excuses for why you can’t get it done and start focusing on all the reasons why you must make it happen. The only person who can truly hold you back is you. So no more excuses – it’s time to change. It’s time to choose what’s best for YOU. Oftentimes when we feel stuck, we are waiting for something magical to happen. We wonder when the winds will change in our favor. We do this instead of embracing the present and admitting the change we need to make. What is keeping you from stepping forward? If not fear of failure, then what? Insecurity? Laziness? What is your excuse? We all have one. And when we focus on our excuses more than our steps forward, we walk in a circle and fall into the familiar pit we call “Stuck.”
- Other people’s opinions can only stop you if you let them. – If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone else, you’ve already forgotten your value. Don’t do this to yourself. Care too much about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. Your freedom lies not in the physical space around you, but in your mind. As long as you cling to other people’s definitions of your truth, your beauty, and your happiness, you will always be chained. Thoughts that begin with, “I have to…” or “I really should…” reveal where we feel most obligated to direct our energy. Redefine things for yourself. Write your own definitions. Finish your own sentences. Find your own way. And most importantly, listen to your intuition. It already knows what you truly need. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Authenticity is liberating. – By allowing yourself to be yourself, you allow others to be themselves around you too. This creates an honest, liberating environment in which to live. In a society where people love to point fingers and poke fun, you can only fight social judgment with naked honesty. When you speak up about your challenges and open yourself up to receiving care and support, you allow others to do the same. The truth is, we’re all in this together, undergoing the same learning process and internal struggles. We’re all equally perfect in our imperfections. There’s no reason to hide behind lies.
- Real growth happens from the inside out. – If the conditions are right, it’s easy to grow horizontally by acquiring more money, newer cars, bigger homes, etc. Vertical growth, on the other hand, is when you stay in the same place with the same things, but grow deeper and deeper into yourself. It’s when you can say, “Five years ago I would lose my temper in a few seconds, but now it takes all week.” This kind of growth is more rare, but it’s the only true growth there is. Sadly, many of us feel stuck, and we age much faster than we grow, because we focus exclusively on horizontal achievements. We spend so much of our lives going through the external motions of what society tells us ‘maturity’ is – getting married, buying houses, working our way up the corporate ladder, etc. – that we fail to concentrate on our own inner growth and goals. We never allocate enough time just for us.
- Life is a journey, not a destination. – Detach from the results of your efforts. A lot of internal change comes about from letting go of ingrained social fears, superstitions, and doubts about what is “normal.” By letting go of what “should” happen or what “could” happen, you free up your life to various little surprises and joys. You may not lead the exact life you want, but you will lead a meaningful, miraculous existence, guaranteed. Life is sometimes difficult, but it’s not a chore. Make it an adventure. Make it fun. Make the choice to feel good about yourself, about your world, about your possibilities and the step you’re taking right now. (Read The Untethered Soul.)
- You’re way stronger and a lot less stuck than you think. – Take heart, and remember that the biggest breakthroughs often come after a long period of being stuck. Which is why feeling stuck for a while is necessary. Embrace this. When things seem to be at their worst is the ideal time for you to be at your best. If you can’t take a big step forward, take a little one. Tip-toe if you must. Just keep reminding yourself that you are strong enough to take the next tiniest step, and that this step is the only step that matters right now.
Your turn…
What would you add to the list?
What do you try to keep in mind to motivate yourself when you’re feeling stuck?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with the community.
This article was co-written by Marc and Angel, Whitney Anthony and Aekta Kapoor, and inspired by Whitney’s and Aekta’s insightful work which can be found here and here.
Photo by: Zuhair Al-Traifi
Ed says
I think what keeps us stuck is we don’t realize the power we possess.
What helps me is answering this question you posted in a recent article…
” Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you erased the thought that’s worrying you?”
I find that very powerful.
Junior says
May God bless you for this article. It has just made my day. May your journey continue to impact others’ lives like it’s doing to mine right now. I really appreciate your effort in writing this article. Thanks a million. God bless you.
Sarah says
Excellent article – it was just what I needed to read today. Thank you.
Danielle says
I really needed to read this because im at a point in my life where I am feeling stuck and reading this article really made me think about alot of things and made me feel alot better about my future.
Matt says
Thank you for your article.
I have some questions though: My real issue is not so much that I don’t act on my problems, but that I feel that all the solutions I found until now are a failure – and every other solution I can think of comes with so many sacrifices that it only leads to new problems. Digging myself out of the pit only gets me stuck again. And I begin to feel so tired of all that.
Why can’t I give up? Everywhere I go I see people that seem to have given up on their life: they don’t have any big aspirations, they just go along with their live, they’ll wither and die as we all do and it’s completely fine for them. Strangely, I don’t want to end up like that! But simultaneously, I get more and more the feeling that these people might be wise: maybe all my big ambitions in life are just a waste of energy; maybe I should be happy with the small things in life, see beauty in the detail. But instead it gives me the creeping feeling of being trapped.
I feel like being authentic, not caring for other’s opinion and getting over your past is not quite the answer. How do I know who I am and what I really want? When do I know that my ambitions are really too high and when should I let go? How can I get over it and be fine with who I am, even though I know I will never go down in history as that famous and very important intellectual, the popular guy, the charming lover or whatsoever? How can I be OK with just being average and not feeling stuck in this pit of futility?
This comment is a mess, I know. It’s just all the questions I had after reading your encouraging text.
Bob says
You are not alone, I feel the exact same way.
Carl says
I get it. BUT, maybe you need to try giving. Stop focusing on you and find someplace where you can give unconditionally. At a hospital, a elderly neighbor, helping kids. Give and joy will come. With joy comes clarity of vision. Hope this helps.
Amol Gaikwad says
Thank you,
Your article helped me to relax my mind.
Shaina says
Thank you for this here i really needed this message today.
Very helpful
Aditi says
Thank you! This came at a very good time 🙂
Ryan says
Love the part about rivers at their slowest before they reach the Sea… Thank you!
Raj says
This piece was really helpful to me, we often feel in life one question when we meet unexpected so called problems “Why me?” but there is no answer for that. we always try to compare our life with others life. please stop doing it. we have been doing same from birth compare marks sheet / beauty what all. but one thing remember its you only you . you have to finish your journey. some one will come and stand beside you for some time like we go in elevator , when its their floor they will get down , its we one has to finish our journey with some meaningful way.
So we will get good / bad moments in life. thank you god when you get good and ask god to give strength to face problems when you are in bad phase.
Never give up every one on earth have issues not only you. just make sure that don,t try to prove you are right from some ones perspective, be sure for yourself you are correct that is enough.
Life is far far far complicated if we keep thinking about everyone’s’ happiness, we are individual, just think out of box when you are in trouble, after few days for sure you are gonna laugh at your problems.
Never quit!!!!
marietha says
Why is it so hard just to make an decision to move from where I have been staying for 20 years….I feel restless and feel I need to move on……I have been dreaming about nature,.trees etc for months! I feel I need to be in nature!! Does that mean anything ??
Sammy says
It’s time for you to move on. Just do it!! Try to live a life where you won’t have regrets at the end of it. Do you really want to look back at this time and think “why did I stay there”?! The best time is now 🙂 I hope this helps you. Remember that everyone is replaceable in their jobs. They will find someone else and move on. Just like you will, you will be sad but then it will be easy and liberating. Goodluck.
jo Smith says
Nature is my grounding place, where I feel relaxed, happy, curious, adventurous,energised..complete. so yes, your dreams are telling you something… Go and experience trees, a beach, wilderness…Nature ! Listen to what you find in your response, embrace it. We need all these things in our lives, I think, to feel whole. I can lose myself in Nature & find it hard to connect with society, also, nature is not sentimental, kind, or anything human, we project so much onto it, it just Is, perhaps that’s a good place to start, just be. As Shakespeare so incisively said… .” …that is the question” he knew the difficulties of Being. Art is also full of help for living. Explore the arts & nature.. yeah!
Robert says
Oh my god.. this one’s really helpful. We all have that moment in our life where we think we can’t do anything about it and makes us think about crazy stuffs like committing suicide, but if you try to fix everything even if it’s hard you will notice that you have passed the current problem that is keeping you stucked. Doing what is right takes a lot of gutts to accomplish and not paying attention to what others think about you will really help you solve problems in your life.