“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
? Allen Saunders
This past weekend I volunteered at my alma mater and gave a campus tour to a couple dozen incoming freshman. There was a young man in a wheelchair in the group who chatted with me all morning and never stopped smiling. He had a positive energy about him that was absolutely contagious. At the end of the tour I found out he had a scholarship to play basketball before a car accident left him paralyzed from the waist down. He told me, “It didn’t ruin my life, it just changed my circumstances. I’m happy to be here with you right now, with so many opportunities in front of me.”
His positivity simply blew me away. And honestly, we could all use a bit more of his sentiment.
We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so we can make the best of the life that’s waiting for us.
Next time things don’t go your way, remember this…
- You will be changed by what happens to you, but you don’t have to be reduced by it.
- Flexibility in life is crucial. Sometimes the best moments happen unplanned and the greatest regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned.
- It’s our own thinking that holds us back more than anything else. There’s no reason to imprison yourself. Don’t think outside the box. Think like there is no box.
- The discontent and frustration you feel is entirely your own creation.
- Unexpected events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Emotional resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is. Thus, the only real problems in your life are your mind’s resistance to life as it unfolds. (Read Loving What Is.)
- All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. Your mind is that candle, and it’s up to you to keep it lit.
- True strength is when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.
- Many experiences are inherent in life – change, birth, death, aging, illness, accidents, and losses of all kinds – but these events don’t have to be the cause of ongoing suffering. Yes, these events can cause heartache and stress, but heartache and stress pass, like everything else, and are replaced with other experiences. The ego, however, clings to negative thoughts and feelings and, as a result, magnifies and sustains these emotions while it simultaneously ignores the subtle feelings of joy, gratitude, excitement, adventure, love, and peace that also exist. When we dwell on these positive states at least as much as we generally dwell on our negative thoughts and painful emotions, our lives become far more fulfilling.
- You are stronger than your sadness. Say it out loud: “I will be stronger than my sadness.”
- One of the best times for figuring out who you are and what you really want out of life? Right after the reality of a big disappointment.
- Sometimes it takes a little heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see that we are far more capable, and worth so much more, than we were settling for.
- Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining stuck in a situation which is no longer exists, or never did.
- Good luck comes to those who create it. Good luck comes to those who take a positive approach to every challenge and opportunity.
- Being positive doesn’t mean ignoring the negative. Being positive means overcoming the negative. There’s a big difference between the two. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Wonderful gifts are rarely wrapped the way we expect.
- Great opportunities are often disguised as problems, and always begin one step outside of our comfort zone.
- The harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph. What we achieve too easily, we often regard too lightly. Think about it – it’s scarcity that gives everything its value. The most successful among us are those who can smile in trouble, gather strength from distress and grow.
- Life will inevitably surprise you again… in some unimaginable way. So at the very least, don’t assume that you’re stuck with the way things are right now. You aren’t. Life changes every single moment, and so can you.
All details aside, have a little faith that the universe has a plan for you, and it’s all being revealed in the right time frame. Something you will eventually learn through all your ups and downs is that there are really no wrong decisions in life, just choices that will take your life down different paths. Sometimes you must get hurt in order to grow, or lose in order to gain. Sometimes the lesson you need most can only be learned through a little pain.
Be OK with all this. Life is so much more fun when you’re rolling with it. Next time you’re faced with a harsh disappointment, tell yourself:
“Dear Self,
You have been mislead, lied to, hurt, doubted, talked down to, made fun of, beaten up and at your wits end. I commend you for the fact that you’re still standing. Your courage speaks volumes. I know your struggle and the pain you’ve endured. You are more than you give yourself credit for. Remember, nothing can keep you down and no one can steal your joy without your permission. Don’t give in; continue to stand tall and love yourself first. You are appreciated, and you are growing. Keep going!”
The floor is yours…
Which reminder above resonated the most with you? What other empowering reminders help you push forward when you’ve been let down and disappointed? I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Heather West
Mary Anne says
I’m working hard on recovering from an emotionally and financially devastating divorce six months ago. Your emails and posts have helped me almost daily since then. Blessings on you for consistently working to make this blog both a pleasure to read and an ever-present reminder that we are strong enough to live and thrive through our struggles. I owe you a debt of gratitude which I can’t possibly repay, but must ask that you continue to keep writing and sharing with us. Also looking forward to reading your book which I just bought a couple minutes ago.
ram says
Exactly…what Mary Anne said.
Marc Chernoff says
Thanks for the kindness, and for supporting our work, Mary.
Kev says
Love your words and your list here. #12 is what hit me this morning. Been a little too busy to focus on making necessary shifts and pivots in my forward momentum. I plan to keep your list handy and share it with others who I know will benefit from it too.
Lesley says
Every reminder above is needed, but the last one hits home with me so much right now. For the longest time I felt like I was running in place. Luckily with the guidance from your emails and book, and a few other good reads you’ve recommended, I’ve been stepping slowly in a positive direction. Still, it’s really tough sometimes when I feel completely exhausted and stuck … so I’ll keep in mind that my life is changing every day, and so am I.
Marc Chernoff says
Glad to hear you’re making gradual progress, Lesley. Keep on stepping…
Alexis Jackson says
You are stronger than your sadness, I love that.
Amazing post, so good.
xoxo Lex // LexMeetsWorld
Pamina Mullins says
Love #3 “think like there is no box!”
Anita says
I love your articles. Each sentence has very deep meaning. I make it a point to read them carefully, and while they do help I don’t always understand how to implement the principles in my day to day life. Like no.4… “The discontent and frustration you feel is entirely your own creation.” How do I avoid this discontent? Coz these feelings are reactions, how does one control them?
Elinor says
Thank you for today’s thoughts. I am recently widowed and have to make massive changes in my life. You are helping me find the strength to make those changes.
Marc Chernoff says
Stay strong, Elinor. Sending prayers of strength your way.
Julio Letelier M. says
“Wonderful gifts are rarely wrapped the way we expect”.
Life is a constantly surprise.. be aware!!
Judy says
I am always losing. Perhaps all of the 18 best describe me, and are what I need to remember.
Brian says
Always losing? There is no such thing if you change your latitude. My mother passed away in 2013. I didn’t lose her. Over the years I gained an amazing amount of strength of having her in my life. One thing for sure – everything and everyone will eventual go away. What you have to focus on is enjoying what you have at the present moment and learn from the gratitude. Those that “lose” never appreciate what they have in the present and hence they “regret”. Learn to love every moment in life. The valleys make us appreciate the peaks when we climb the mountains and reach the top. Without the valleys we would never know the preciousness of the mountain tops and their incredible views.
Marc Chernoff says
Well said. Thank you for sharing this with Judy.
Katie says
Insightful list. Just wondering who the Universe is as you mention in saying the Universe has a plan for us. It is important to me. Thanks for your gift of writing that resonates with many people.
Donna says
This is such a wonderful site. Love the letter to self. I, like Judy, feel I’m always losing. Will try to have faith in Universe. Keep up the good work:)
Alison Henslee says
Today is the one week mark of my long time boyfriend suddenly dumping me. Hard. In less than five minutes, I found myself single, broke and homeless. BUT I had money in reserves, my family and friends swooped in to surround me with love and offers of places to stay and I have a best friend and my son who are coaching me and reminding me of things I already know. Number one truth realization was acknowledging the truth that I honestly had been very unhappy and frustrated in that relationship. I love the man but I’d come to not love the life. I will miss him but not the drama and stress. Your article today either enlightened or strengthened every feeling I’ve had in the past week. Every. Single. Point. was spot on. The little note of affirmation at the end made me tear up because it reminded me of how much power and how much of myself I’d given up. Never again. I’m almost 51. I’m beautiful. I’m strong. I’ve got so much going for me. All I need to do from here on out is to live…authentically!
Leslie G. says
1, 8, 10, 11, 14, 15, and 16 apply to me today.. i am struggling in the middle of a huge personal and family crisis right now. My marriage is literally hanging by one thin , frayed strand… It is up to me whether it succeeds or fails.. My husband has wronged me terribly and states that he is truly sorry and begs me not to leave him, but he will understand if i do.. I have 2 half-grown children, late teens; one still at home. He is a special needs child who requires much time and attention, which i am glad to give. He needs BOTH of his parents, as my husband states that he needs both of us.. My availability to work to supplement our income is dictated by my child’s schedule.. Our life has always been difficult.. much worse, i suspect by our negative thinking in regards to life’s circumstances.. My husband has particularly not handled it well, burying himself in work and blaming others for our circumstances, which are God-given. I have always tried to be the rock and the glue to our family.. right now i am so full of anger, hurt, disbelief and rage.. my mind cycles through these emotions daily. I do see some positives in our situation, but right now they are not carrying equal weight.. i read your posts daily and have your book as well. I pray that it helps me make the right decisions and move forward. I would like to be happy someday too.
Peaceman says
Hi Leslie
Agree this site is a great source of wisdom and insight. The challenge you’re obviously facing is the direction you’re weighing whether or not to stay with your husband or not. This is the crossroad experience and it can be approached well if both parties are willing to do the work. It requires self-examination and self-inquiry to heal the past (including our childhood) so that we can let it go and move forward in a more enlightened way. I’m hoping your husband is willing, perhaps with the help of a “good” counselor, to work with you and move forward. It’s a walk of courage that is deeply rewarding when we choose it…wishing you the best
Ralph
Leslie G. says
Thank you Ralph, for your reply.. My husband is willing, almost desperately so, to do whatever it takes to win back my trust and “make amends”. We do have a very good counselor….. it is MY mind that needs to get off the fence and either let go of my anger and hurt and go all in or get out..
Helen C. Gennari says
These is so much wisdom here in all 18 items. The one that struck me with the most impact was #4: Think like there is no box. I’ve worked hard at getting outside the box. It’s a real challenge to believe that there are no limits other than those that I create.
Akanksha Srivastava says
Thank you Marc sir for again a wonderful article. . Love your every word. It’s really inspired me. Because of your site I always find my way. It’s helping me to be a better human. BTW, I like all 18 points here, but I love 6th, 9th and 14th ones.
bev says
Can relate to all points and a lot of the comments as well. Especially Allison H, whom I hope reads this comment. At 61 I’m facing a very similar situation as yours, and I’m impressed with what you wrote. I can no longer subject myself to violence and temper and, therefore, must move on to find my peace elsewhere. But, like you, I am beautiful, I am strong, I am healthy, I am smart. There is peace and beauty for me out there, this I know. Thank you for this article.
Bill says
Love 3!1 Don’t think outside the box. Think like there is no box.
In the last 4 years, I have been tortured, molested, lost my high end job, left my fiance, had my best friends betray me. Then I found the love of my life, a great new opportunity and a greater appreciation of what I do have going for me the moment I started to embrace change…I still struggle daily with resentment and old grudges, but your posts have really helped me through a lot. Thank you so much.
Celeste says
“I am stronger than my saddness.”
Rose says
Thanks very very much for your time and effort in making my life and thinking better. Truly I have created a monster in my mind and now I can’t get rid of. Life is great and pleasant when am PEACEFUL and CALM but I can’t hold unto these peace and calm for long. The Dear Self letter made me cry and I love all 18 points. Thanks so much, keep up the great work and God bless you all.
N says
“Sometimes it takes a little heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see that we are far more capable, and worth so much more, than we were settling for.”
You guys are just so awesome!! Stay Blessed !! I went thru the biggest heartbreak of my life last year, & now one year hence, I have rediscovered myself, rebuilt my life, and have realized that I have so many capabilities i wasn’t even aware of for as long as I was putting up with certain toxic relationships. Stay blessed, you guys are awesome !!
Nderingo Shirima says
#2….“Sometimes the best moments happen unplanned and the greatest regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned.”…very true….
Annie says
He would love me, then hurt me a moment later. It was awesome followed by awful. Loving him was like walking a tightrope. Living a life without him, I am finally free from so much drama. I hope I can love myself enough to never miss him.
PEEKAY says
This blog has really changed my life positively. Fear has always been my major problem. I am always very strict with my life. I developed imaginary boundaries that have restricted me from taking life changing decisions. My life begins to change the first day I come across this blog. I begin to see life the way it is. I find my self taking bold steps doing things that makes me happy regardless of what people will say.
I really appreciate Marc and Angel for putting this platform together.
Colm O'Shea says
Brilliant, as always. Please keep sharing your exceptional insights and observations with the wider world.
With HUGE gratitude,
Colm
sanduni nirasha says
Your article is very inspiring and courageous. Thank you so much. You are such a creative writer who can show people the right path of life. You are so lucky to have such a great opportunity.
Laura J. Tong says
Such a powerful post that pulled me up short immediately with #1: ‘You will be changed by what happens to you, but you don’t have to be reduced by it’. So true! Whenever we feel a loss, it’s so easy to believe we are less as a result, yet as Marc shows with the amazing young guy in the wheelchair, we can become even more. That young man is still the guy who had the dedication and strength of character to earn a scholarship and now he is also the guy who has created a positive mindset in huge adversity – in no way is that young man reduced by the change he experienced. Thank you Marc for such an inspiring post.
Steffen says
Nice article. You can dwell on what happened to you, or you can look for the positive in it. The event stays the same. You can’t change it anymore. But you can choose what you do after it happened.
Constraints make you stronger.
Gaurima says
Loved every word of it 🙂
Chas says
I needed to read this right now. Your entire post helps me. Thank you. Please keep doing what you are doing. From the comments, I can tell you are soothing many souls. Like you said, we are all fighting our own battles, but your words give us the courage to continue.
joy says
It’s been over a year since I last visited your site (one of my browser’s Favorites), and what a great time for returning.
I was brought in a hospital last Oct 2014 because i was hit by a car. Sadly the bones in my right leg were crushed and I’m still undergoing reconstruction. i still can’t walk and even when I’m able to, i wont be walking the same again. and yes I’m still in the hospital since. anyway, i cried after reading this because this article is exactly what i needed.
thanks.
imaobong says
Your posts have changed my mentality as a whole and turned my life around, thank you for letting me know that am stronger than my sadness..
Marc Chernoff says
THANK YOU, all of you. Angel and I just read through your comments. We truly appreciate your thoughts and kindness. If you’re struggling right now, stay strong. We’re all in this together, one way or the other.
Linda says
Thanks for this awesome website! It is greatly inspiring. I also find that when I just let Jesus take full control of my situations, and allow Him to bear the load, He is faithful and merciful in times of need.
Berta says
I love reading your posts first thing in the morning – always sets me in a good frame of mind for the day! Thank you!
Susan says
I think #18 is very true for everyone. If only all the very sad people would realize that just as sadness consumes us so can happiness once again. Just hold on to the thought of being happy once again and choose to smile at the thought of it. (A great read)
Jane says
You are stronger than your sadness….. This is a true reminder for me to stay positive ….. Learn by the mistakes and grow in the process….it’s often hard to keep a smile on your face when all you feel like doing is hiding from the struggle….I believe that the answers will come to you as long as you are open to them
Thank you Marc and Angel
Jane
Jen says
Wow I am blown away. I am having one of the worst days of my life. Been sleeping all day because of the sadness & turmoil in my marriage Everything is going wrong. As i woke at 3:30 in the afternoon I picked up my phone & for some reason this email was opened. I began to read & couldn’t believe that there are more people going through struggles as I am today. I will continue reading when I’m feeling better Thank you. So much it’s been quite an inspiration although I have no idea what to do with my life.