When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
- Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
- Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
- Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
- Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
- Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
- Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
- Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
- Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
- Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. (Read Stumbling on Happiness.)
- Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
- Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
- Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
- Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
- Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
- Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
- Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
- Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
- Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
- Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
- Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
- Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. (Read Getting Things Done.)
- Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
- Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
- Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
- Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
- Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
- Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
- Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
Update: Read our follow-up to this post: 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself
Photo by: Rob Brucker
Jodi says
Thank you so much for creating this. I’m inspired and rejuvenated. Bookmarked for future reference!
Rosemary Buerger says
I’ve shared this on my blog today, directing them to your site because this is a wonderful list of life lessons we can all learn at any age.
Cheryl says
Great post! I will be sharing w/many who could use some encouragement & maybe a little criticism at this time of year. Thanks & Merry Christmas!
Gerard ~ GQ trippin says
Love self-help tips. Been trying to put these into practice for years. It’s turned out for the better. But it’s always great to hear more and see reminders. This list is particularly good.
Rafael says
Wow! this is a great list to personalize and work with yourself in areas you want to improve. I am so guilty of over explaining myself [#20] when I really don’t have to or do it to people that don’t deserve my attention that much.
I’m definitely sharing this, thanks!
Maranda Elizabeth says
This is exactly what I needed to read today.
Jt Clough | Big Island Dog says
Awesome. Keep reminding. There is a way to feel good every single day.
I practice focusing on what I do indeed want all the time. I practice having the best day ever all the time.
Living with less is a much more abundant place!
Aloha wags!
Jessica says
Ditto to Leland’s comment. This is incredible. I’m currently guilty of almost every one of these, and as I am at present struggling to make some changes within myself, the timing of this couldn’t be better. This will help tremendously. Thank you.
Ryan dockman says
Well said! I’m sure many will find inspiration through this article! Thanks, Ryan Dockman
Mohsin says
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you so much! I am feeling like I got lots of answers out of this article and I have a new way to overcome some of the habits that have been hurting me.
C says
Thank you so much for this. I will keep these in mind and will probably print it out.
Jody says
Wow beautifully written and so straightforward. So much of this resonates for me, and I am sure so many others, but this has been so positive to read and remember all of these things I should know, but needed to be reminded of! Thank you for this!
David says
Brilliant post! Thank you for another great blog post. I check your site weekly and it has improved my life.
Ollin Morales says
Wow. Wow. Just wow.
“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.”
That’s my favorite line, but there are so many favorites. You seem like someone who lives life fearlessly–or at least tries to. I love this and it really struck a chord with. Very few blogs impress me these days, but yours really did. Thank you. Thank you.
Brandon says
My good friend sent me this link and let me tell you these are awesome words. This article came at the exact right point in my career in a very awesome way. Thanks again for posting positive and meaningful things on the internet where other places it’s loaded with crud.
Jenelle K. says
Thank you for this very timely post! Just the right mix of hug and kick in the pants for me. I’ve posted a link on my blog and shared on Facebook as well–I think everyone can benefit in some way from this list.
Krista says
What a fabulous post. I’m going to recap this on my blog. 🙂 I especially love the GTD reference. I’m a huge fan of David Allen and his GTD process.
benjamin barak says
You guys are amazing! Thanks for the thoughtful words. Great wisdom on here, keep on doing what you’re doing.
Amanda O'Brien says
This is absolutely wonderful! I am going to mark it on my calendar to reread this once a month in the upcoming year. Thank you!
naciak says
Great read, but you missed one:
Stop doing the impractical things marketers on the internet/tv/radio, etc. tell you to do.
Gene Lattanzi says
I’ve been working on increasing my sense of positivity for a while now. (It had been so lacking for many, many years.) This is a really insightful list actually. Thanks for putting these outlooks out there.
chuck warner says
Great Stuff. Very thorough list. I have tweeted to all my followers @mydailysuccess
Cheers!
Charles Warner
Alicia says
Speechless. I love every word, and every one of the 30 things… here’s to 2012!
Dawn Parker-Waites says
Just found your website, I am in heaven. Great job…thank you! ~Dawn
Amy says
A friend shared this on FB, glad I clicked over to read your list. Feeling very emotional as I connected each ‘don’t’ to something I’m doing in my life. I posted this story to FB as well, and I hope everyone I care about reads it. Thank you for sharing this!!!!
The Dandelion Girl says
I love this post.. I especially think #25 is important… I think sometimes we forget that asking for help does not mean you’re broken.. it means you want to mend.
Pam says
This is simply the best thing I have read all day. I am a worry wort.
I am going to somehow print this and fit it on my daily board. Or inspiration board to some.
Peace and thank you.
Pam
Blanche says
Good reminders, all. Bookmarked this page, and will be sure to revisit when I need a [gentle] kick in the butt.
Thanks for the post.
fuzzyD says
Very nice list…I would contend that maybe #30 should be #1…
Liza Mae says
Thanks for this entry. I really enjoyed it and I hold a lot of these values near and dear to my heart. Though sometimes I forget to STOP doing these things, it is great to be reminded.
– Liza Mae
t. @lizamae
f. http://www.facebook.com/lizamaev
RH says
Liking the book links! Perhaps #4 could mention codependency explicitly? Learning about it through reading and therapy was one of the most useful tools in improving my life, and it never ceases to amaze me how so many of us have been or are currently guilty of enabling our unhealthy relationships with others!
Scott says
# 6 is by far my favorite. I have never been one for living in the past, and I strongly encourage everyone else to not live in the past. Nothing good or productive can ever come from living in the past. Always live in the present, because that is where you are now.
Jennifer S says
I absolutely loved this! Thank you 🙂
Jeff Baumgarten says
Thank you very much for this list…and great book recommendations, especially Stumbling on Happiness. I hope you don’t mind my riff on your article at my blog. Re-interpretation is a form of flattery in this instance!
Sustainable Earth says
We are often so busy trying to make our lives better or just get through the current situation that we forget life is what happens in between. It is the silly face your kid makes, the story you tell over and over – all that filler stuff is what life really is – not the job title, salary, or similar. Nice article, thanks for sharing this inspiring advice.
Antonia says
Working on this just may be the answer I’ve been hoping for! Well done, it about covers it!
Renee says
Thank you for the reminder about facing your problems. Amen.
Huy Nguyen says
I love to read your blog in the morning. You’ve made my day. Thanks so much.
Carolan says
Every now I then I read something that really makes me stop and think with a totally different perspective, and this is one of them. I remember reading a similar piece years ago called ‘the Awakening’ that was similar (author unknown) but I printed it and read it over and over again. These ’30 things to stop doing to yourself” are so inspiring in a similar way. Brilliant!
Ahmad says
A great list to work out with ourselves to reach all terms of happiness & satisfaction .. Thanks .
Jennifer says
I stumbled across this list from someone’s site on Facebook — and it has come at possibly the most vital time in my life. Thank you SO MUCH – you have given me food for action!! 😀
Maruchy says
THANK YOU for sharing this. I have been blessed to have surrounded myself by superior individuals of a variety of ages and life experiences and they have shaped me and helped me learn these lesson. No matter where we are in our journey, we could always use reminders, guidelines and THIS amazing wisdom you shared. Godspeed!
Carol says
Absolutely Beautiful!!!! I’ll definitely share it with everyone I know!
Tara Mariposa says
This was right on time for me….I need to print this out and keep a copy with me-and a few posted around the house!!!
Words of wisdom && encouragement <3
Melis says
GREAT food for thought and some things to live by. I’d be interested to see some of it phrased differently without the word “stop”… Part 2: 30 Things you need to DO now! 😉
Amethyst Mahoney says
Fabulous list! Many of these are things I work with my clients on. Thank you for putting it more concisely than I ever could.
~ Amethyst Mahoney, author of “Awaken Your Divine Power,” and “Tarot Through Your Life”
Sarah says
I feel like you are writing this directly to me! This is perfect, thank you for writing this!! What a wonderful list!
MIKE says
BRAVO!! Oh man, this is AWESOME!!! This should be REQUIRED reading for teenagers and EVERYONE! Thanx for this!!!! EXCELLENT!! 🙂
Dianne says
Hi there! I’d been racking my brains trying to get over a love affair that intuitively I knew wasn’t ‘right’. Now I have something that can help me. THANK YOU
Janis Ericson says
If only everyone followed these principles, the world would be a happier and more productive place. Thanks for writing 🙂