“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
— Ann Landers
You are changing. The universe around you is changing. Just because something was right for you in the past doesn’t mean it still is. This could be a relationship, a job, a home, a habit, etc.
It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you.
The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits. The specific people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values. So you cherish all the memories, but find yourself letting go and moving on.
If you’re currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit awkward, and that’s OK. This feeling is normal. I’ve been right there with you on more occasions than I can count.
Reasons to Let Go and Move On
- Someone’s negativity is rubbing off on you. – You are the average of the people you spend the most time with. In other words, who you spend your time with has a great impact on the person you are and the person you become. If you are around cynical and negative people all the time, you will become cynical and negative.
- You have grown apart from someone. – Sad but true, no matter what you do or how much you explain yourself, some people will gradually evolve away from your core values. As time goes on they will prove over and over again that they are committed to misunderstanding you and clashing with your needs.
- You are truly unhappy with your current circumstances. – It’s always better to be struggling at something you love than succeeding diligently at something you despise. (Read Quitter.)
- Your goals and needs have changed. – What was right for you then is not necessarily right for you now. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather realizing that you have changed, and then learning to start over with your new truth.
- Fear is holding you back. – Part of letting go and moving on is facing the fears and disappointments of the past that are binding your spirit.
- You catch yourself living in the past. – If all you do is attempt to relive something that has already happened, you’re missing out. The mental space you create by letting go of things that are already behind you gives you the ability to fill the space with something fresh and fun.
- An old grudge is still hurting you. – Holding on to the weight of anger, resentment and hatred will not only hold you back, but also block your present blessings and opportunities. You’ve just got to drop some things to move forward.
- You aren’t learning anything new. – Living is learning. All positive change is the end result of learning. If you aren’t learning, you’re simply dying slowly.
One Small Example of Letting Go
We had been friends since grade school when I finally told one of my childhood friends, “Enough is enough!” Although we had basically grown up together, we were now on different planets when it came to our goals and dreams. He believed there was one right way to do things – go to college, get a degree, get a job, and dedicate every waking moment of your life to it. I had other plans.
Although I did get my degree and a job after college, in our free time Angel and I started writing articles on the blog you’re reading now. As the blog’s reach grew, my friend discredited our success. Whenever I shared one of our small success stories, he would say something negative like, “Whatever. It’s just a blog. I have one too.”
When Angel quit her job to work on the blog full-time, my friend basically told me we’d fail. “That’s ridiculous! Angel had a good job,” he said. “You’re just playing with fire in this economy if you ask me.” To which I replied, “I’m not asking you.”
That was the beginning of the end of our story as friends. Years later, our relationship is now a mere shadow of what it was and my life is honestly far brighter for it. Letting my friend go wasn’t easy, but it was necessary for my own well-being and growth.
Ways to Let Go and Move On
Holding on is like believing that there’s only a past; letting go and moving on is knowing in your heart that there’s a bright future ahead. Let’s take a look at eight ways to design the latter.
- Accept the truth and be thankful. – To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow. It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead. It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s changes, to trust your intuition, to learn as you go, to realize that every experience has value, and to continue taking positive steps forward. (This process is something Angel and I discuss in the Adversity chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Distance yourself for a while. – Sometimes you need to take several steps back in order to gain clarity on a situation. The best way to do this is to simply take a break and explore something else for a while. Why? So you can return to where you started and see things with a new set of eyes. And the people there may see you differently too. Returning where you started is entirely different than never leaving.
- Focus only on what can be changed. – Realize that not everything in life is meant to be modified or perfectly understood. Live, let go, learn what you can and don’t waste energy worrying about the things you can’t change. Focus exclusively on what you can change, and if you can’t change something you don’t like, change the way you think about it. Review your options and then re-frame what you don’t like into a starting point for achieving something better.
- Claim ownership and control of your life. – No one else is responsible for you. You are in full control of your life so long as you claim it and own it. Through the grapevine, you may have learned that you should blame your parents, your teachers, your mentors, the education system, the government, etc., but never to blame yourself. Right? It’s never, ever your fault… WRONG! Your life is your responsibility! If you want to change, if you want to let go and move on with your life, you’re the only person who can make it happen.
- Focus inward. – It’s important to make a difference in the world. Yes, it’s important to help people, but you have to start with yourself. If you’re looking outside yourself to find where you fit in or how you can create an impact, stop and look inside yourself instead. Review who you already are, the lifestyle you’re currently living, and what makes you feel alive. Then nurture these things and make positive adjustments until your current life can no longer contain them, forcing you to grow and move beyond your current circumstances.
- Change the people around you. – Some people come into your life just to strengthen you, so you can move on without them. They are supposed to be part of your memory, not your destiny. The bottom line is that when you have to start compromising your happiness and your potential for the people around you, it’s time to change the people around you. It’s time to join local meet-ups, attend conferences, network online, and find a more supportive tribe.
- Take a chance. – When life sets you up with a challenge, there’s a reason for it; it’s meant to test your courage and willingness to make a change and take a chance on something new. There’s no point in denying that things are different now, or being fearful of the next step. The challenge will not wait even if you hesitate. Life only moves in one direction – forward. This challenge is your chance to let go of the old and make way for the new. Your destiny awaits your decision. (Read The Untethered Soul.)
- Focus on today. – You can decide right now that negative experiences from your past will not predict your future. Figure out what the next positive step is, no matter how small or difficult, and take it. Ultimately, the only thing you can ever really do is to keep moving forward. Take that leap without hesitation, without looking back. Simply forget the past, look straight ahead and forge toward the future.
The floor is yours…
What are you holding on to that’s holding you back? What’s the first step you need to take to let it go? Share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below.
Photo by: Hartwig HKD
Evangeline says
Thank you. This resonated so much with me. My heart goes out to you guys. Thank you for sharing your hearts.
The reason I read this was because I have been in a year long relationship with the love of my life (so I think). We’ve been on and off for 5 years now, but we’ve always been the best of friends. We moved in and have been together ever since. Perfect relationship, friendship, understanding, love, intimacy, communication could have been better though. Caught off guard, not being my best, not holding my standards very high, I let myself down. I let him down. I broke his heart because I was lost. I was looking for someone to find me, but in return I just found hurt, guilt, and loneliness. I don’t know where these next few months will take me, but I am prepared to withstand whatever happens. If we’re meant to be or not. We will see. Right now I’m hoping we can still make it work somehow. I’m ready to start being me again. On my own.
Benny says
“You aren’t learning anything new.”
This little statement stuck out to me. Even though I’m in school this has been the driving force behind my aspirations and inspirations as a student and as an individual.
If I’m not constantly engaged, that’s it for me. I look forward to approaching new things head on and make all the mistakes. It’s kind of sad when the learning curve plateaus. But to reignite the fire, as Michael Jordan did, he tried something new and came back to his passion.
In I way, I want to be like Mike.
Cheers!
tanya says
I’ve been this relstionship since dec..31 and its april. He cheated on me once and I still hang on. We live in two different provinces. I work one week on and one week off on my off week I go stay with him at his home because I basically want to move in with him.this is too complicated I know what have to do. Your blog has help. Thanks keep doing what your doing you do help people.
David says
My relationship is currently in shambles and my wife does not place the same value in it as I do. She has not grown or changed much over the years and instead has made a decision to hold on to the trauma of her past. I am an upbeat person by nature but have found myself slipping into the toxic mindset she has chosen. It is a horrible place to be to decide a marriage is not and will not work, but it’s the decision that needs to be made. I will not be able to change her and she will not give me what I need and that’s all there is to it.
Time to let go…
Wanda says
Too many people want to blame someone else, instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions. I struggle with this too and I’m working on letting this habit go.
Dee says
Thank you.
I needed to read this right now…
xo
(I am so glad Angel quit her job! You both give me hope on those down days…)
vikky says
Yes, this is really what I needed to read. You just inspired me to write my next post. Thanks for the great words. 🙂
Also, i agree we are the only one who should have full control over ourselves. If we allow others that power, it will ruin a lot of things.
Dev says
I need to let go of my need to always please everyone around me. Sometimes I spend so much time on others, I have zero time to myself. I’ve only recently realized this. I know it’s time to let go of my ways and take better care of my own needs.
Thank you for making things clearer.
deborah says
Some good points, but I somewhat disagree. I think there is far too much pressure being put on us nowadays to just drop friendships and move to on. Committed friendships, etc. help balance us, and people don’t always deserve to be dropped like a salty bag of fries. With that said, I do understand shortening the time spent with a negative personality and redirecting a friendship. My hunch is, you may have a few flaws too… I used to completely agree with this theory, but I’m starting to see it being abused as an easy way out. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this advice needs to be used in the proper context.
Either way, your article makes a lot of positive points. I did enjoy reading it… just know I watched my mom grow in a friendship of 30 years and boy did they have cycles. In the end, they are in their seventies and one moved 2500 miles to be nearer to her friend at the end of their lives. Who could ask for more? I can certainly tell you there were times one thought the other was being very negative…
Anita M.L. says
I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now and I need to thank you for the wonderful work you both are doing. Most of us do not have the ability to be articulate, empathetic and truthful about our experiences or feelings. Your blog is all of that! Every time you share something it is like you are writing it just for me 🙂 Thank you very much and God bless.
Kim says
Thanks for another down to earth post.
Honestly what is holding me back right now is shame. But a shame that on a rational level isn’t mine to bare. Actively working everyday to release it from the depth of my being.
B says
For all the guidance you’ve given me these last few years… just, simply — thank you.
Toni says
Thank you, I needed to remember that I am valuable. I have been stuck mentally with believing that I was wrong in wanting more. In fact, I deserve every beautiful thing that I desire or wish to do. I was stuck believing that another person’s anger, pride and wishes to control me was the only reality possible. Thank you for reminding me that I create my reality.
unknown says
Well, this post relates to me so much. I met a person 9 months back who was ideal in every other way except the fact that he’s married and has two kids. He loves me so much and takes care of me like a princess. But my family is not accepting his proposal. I know, i wouldn’t be able to convince my family. And that i need to walk away, but this is getting harder and harder each day. Letting go might be difficult when relationship is toxic but it’s even more difficult when the other person considers you his life.
arti says
Very very true, inspiring, positive, helpful. I can just go on appreciating…
Thanks for being there…
-Arti
Jackie Paulson says
“Some people come into your life just to strengthen you, so you can move on without them. They are supposed to be part of your memory, not your destiny.”
That really resonated with me. I am going through a transition period. I am confused, asking God for answers. Bless you for the perfect timing of this article. Your newest fan, Jackie
Irani says
Thank You… the timing of this post for me was almost God gifted. Each day I feel more content and together when I read your blogs…
Chandi says
I like this and I like your blog. Thanks for your effort to help us all become as healthy and happy as possible. I have one little piece of feedback. I find that the phrase “move on” is over used and when you’re having a super hard time, and you are told from lots of sources, “move on, move on” it actually becomes annoying and not helpful. Sometimes we cannot tell pain when to stop. Sometimes we have to go through the pain and sit in and get through it when it’s time… sometimes when one is in the midst of it, it’s just not helpful to keep telling that person to move on.
I’d rather see the title of your post be simply, “effective ways to let go” and leave off the “move on” part. I sent it to my sister, thinking it would be helpful for her right now, but I cringed a bit in sending it to her because of the title. I didn’t want her to think that I was one more person telling her to “move on” as in “get over it” when there is genuine reason for the suffering. I just feel like the words “move on” can sound like there’s a lack of compassion.
Amandah says
This is a good post, one that is timely. I am sure there are many people who are fearful of letting go and moving on. But once you do it, you’ll feel liberated. 🙂
I resonated with Point 1: Someone’s negativity is rubbing off on you and Point 2: You have grown apart from someone.
One of the reasons why I chose to move out of state in 2007 was to remove myself from the negativity that surrounded me. I couldn’t take it anymore, and it was getting old. I did grow apart from people and continue to grow apart. Unfortunately, I had a few bumps along the way and had to move back home. But it’s all good because it’s helping me to move forward, again. I’ve gotten clearer about what I want for my life and make no apologies for it.
I realized I needed to make to let go, again, made the decision to hire a business and marketing coach, someone who can provide guidance and support for my business. I am confident that I will be moving on in no time. My bags are already packed. But who am I kidding — I never really unpacked in the first place. My intention was to move up and out ASAP. 🙂
Sara says
Very nice article.
Jackie says
How do you deal with someone whom you let go of, but they can’t let go of you?
I ended a friendship because I wanted more than a friendship. I was falling in love with him. He doesnt want to be more than friends and we’ve been friends for over 4 years now. I’m looking for a long term relationship, yet I was feeling stuck and felt the need to let go in order to find the love that I’m looking for.
Thank you for this post!
Margie says
I left a marriage of 28 years. I left a lifestyle that I love, ranching. I don’t know what the future holds for me; I do know that I am blessed to be able to start over. It has not been easy. I have found out who my real friends are. I am sad for the friendships that have ended. I am now realizing that these people were false friends.
It takes courage to do what I did. It is not easy; however it is necessary. Give yourself permission to make yourself a priority. Live is a verb!
Shri says
Great stuff as always!
Heather says
What’s holding me back? I think the memories of the happy life I had before my husband died. I find myself longing for that time again, and thinking of it way too much. I’m learning so much from this blog about myself, my relationships with family, and the need to “let go” of my memories. I honestly don’t know where I’d be if I had not discovered this blog. Thank you so much.
Risé says
This really resonated with me – letting go is never easy, nor is it easy to make the decision to let go. The points made here help to see things more objectively without emotions getting in the way.
Years ago, I had to let someone go – a close family member – and it was in no way easy.
One commenter made a good point about how someone could read this and think that you are just dropping relationships as soon as someone rubs you the wrong way. It is good to have people in your life who challenge you – who make you think about the life decisions one makes. Its good to be ‘sand-papered’ sometimes – it refines us, as long as that person is being respectful and you know they are genuinely concerned for you. In my case, where this person was abusive made everything completely different. I think when someone is being abusive or is being so negative that it affects you to the point that you become an empty shell void of life – then yeah, walking away and or letting go is very necessary. Great post!
lulutzki says
I agree with Deborah. Nonetheless, the term ‘letting go’ shouldn’t be confused on forgetting (or worse despising/dumping) the person, thing, situation etc. Instead ones’ focus should be on how to move on with life based on the lessons learned from the person, thing etc. and that includes a great leap of moving on amidst their absence in your life.
Sham says
My Dad is someone who is toxic, but I cannot move away from him because I live with him. I am 27 and still living in his house. I used to wish I could marry fast so I wouldn’t have to live in the same house as him. Instead, I chose not to be involved in anything that will make me feel negative. I’ve learned to accept him the way he is and also learn how to not let this negativity impact me. With practice, ignoring his negativity has helped over the years to the point where I am a much happier person now. 🙂
Steve Mielczarek says
Forward march!
R says
Relevant post with my life right now. I have been moving slowly with changes in my life. I have only just realized its primarily because I have held too tightly to a vision of what I thought my life was going to become…
So moving forward- I have to let go to make real progress. Thanks for the inspiration!!
JE Burke says
Perfect timing, as always. I’ve had sleepless nights trying to figure out whether to drop a friend of 40 years. It was one sided, and I grew tired of giving. I gave 100%, he gave 1%. I’ve decided, after reading this, that when our paths cross, I will be friendly and polite, but I will no longer put any extra effort into it. I hope to sleep now…
Jing says
I agree with the comment from Anita M L, “Most of us do not have the ability to be articulate, empathetic and truthful about our experiences or feelings. Your blog is all of that! Every time you share something it is like you are writing it just for me.” Reading your blog has been inspirational and heart-warming experience for me.
I am on the crossroads of my career; I had 12 years in research then another 12 years in administration. What will be my next career move? I don’t have a definite answer to this question yet but I am searching. Live, let go, learn what I can change for a bright future, it is these actions that keep me going every day. Thank you so much for assisting and sustaining me on this turning point of my life. 🙂
don mars says
Great post and conversation here in the comments. This is where I go to find the the inspiration for living fully. I realize that part of letting go is letting go of the “what ifs” and “what could have beens”. Because they are the ‘parents’ of what holds me back. If I stay with the truth of the matter, once it is uncovered, then I can get a hold of the situation and actually do something about it. Finding a way to let go is sometimes difficult. It’s like that jagged little pill, trial by fire, it will make you stronger. What helps the most is to think about the future possibilities… letting go is not an ending, but a beginning.
Annie Banannie says
Heard an inspiring spin yesterday on the Serenity Prayer…”courage to change the things I must…” – resonates for me because while some changes are easy, the life-affirming, must-have changes really do take courage. Like saying “enough” to a friend or family member.
suzie says
There is a BIG difference between dumping someone just because they rub you the wrong way and truly letting go of a toxic relationship. I know. I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years, initially emotionally/mentally and then it became physical. I got out and it was very hard. Several years later I met the man who has become my husband (16 years now). Yes he annoys, irritates and makes me angry sometimes but I don’t dump him because of that. He is a human being who has a very good heart. For that reason (and others) I have learned to give and take and change and compromise. That’s what I took from this post.
Joaq says
Hey, thank you for the very inspirational post. I have recently been going through lots of changes, as most of the people I had around me were not. This gives me a more positive view on the situation.
Shelly says
Hi Marc & Angel,
I have been a silent admirer of your blog for a year now. You have no idea about how much your posts have supported me during my major life transition. Thanks for being there.
This post really hit home with me and I decided to share my story.
I got divorced this February. Getting out of a traumatic abusive relationship has set me free. Today, I feel lighter, happier and more confident.
Yet, I frequently battle with #6 ‘Some people are supposed to be part of your memory, not your destiny’.
It’s a long journey…for now I am happy being WIP.
Love you guys
Karla says
I should let go of my past hurts, I know…
David Rapp says
Great post and comments. I am coming around to the “let go and move on” understanding in my life, mostly directed inward. I have forgotten that twice in my life I have packed up my things and moved 800+ miles away just to start over. It worked wonders, the two biggest failures turned victories in my life ever. DO a trial run, take off for the weekend and tell no one. See what happens.
Letting go is not about toxicity, or guilt, or shame, or regret, or promises, or anything else except this: the fear that what happens next will be worse than the bad I have now.
This cycle of your life is over, nothing else can be gained here. You completed it, no matter what the lessons were or were not. The past, present and future are not relevant…until you make them so. So make your future MORE relevant, and do a little in the present. Set one goal today. Just one. As for a S.M.A.R.T. goal, do not limit yourself. When I told me very best friends of my Top Secret Goal in life, they were not even surprised. I got more support on the Longshot than I did on all the short term ones combined. How do I know this is critical? Find a statue or monument raised for thosed who thought incrementally, toiled for mediocrity, and died quietly. Pack a lunch when you go looking. All the heroes started out just like us.
Jason says
This is one of your best pieces that you’ve written. I thought it was really well developed and structured perfectly. The content really hit home for me and enlightened me on ways to come out of the dark place I had been in.
I always thought holding on no matter what was the most important thing. You have since showed me my thinking was incorrect.
Thank you for every thought and story to help change and guide me to a better place in life!
KDT says
This blog has been a Godsend for me over the past 8 months or so. I wish I had the strength to implement the advice I’ve read and hope to do so SOON. If not, I will wither up like an old crone. I have been in an on & off relationship with a married man for the past 10+ years. In the beginning, he was the love if my life. I was also married until I got divorced in 2009. Thankfully. My ex-husband found a girlfriend and I was ecstatic. I was always too afraid to leave him because I had hurt him, he didn’t have money to move out on his own, etc. That’s a whole other story of how I don’t know how to live life independently and to do the things I need to do for myself.
I have been stuck in “unhappiness limbo” for as long as I can remember. I think my 10+ year relationship may be finally over but I still mourn him. He was toxic for me and me for him. He has been very manipulative & controlling while making it all look like he was doing those things out if love for me. He has been sick with a rare cancer since August 2012 and I stuck by his side with all I could give. I never prayed as hard for anyone in my life. Meanwhile I could not be part of his everyday care. I was the person no one was allowed to know about. He’s told me for years that he & his wife live parallel lives but meanwhile she was the one in the hospital every day with him before, during & after his stem cell transplant. And she’s the one taking care if him at home. He laments he is alone all the time and has no comfort. He is lonely without me. I have come across a number of lies he’s told me, in black & white, and a week or so I called him out on one. He turned the tables once again to make everything wrong in his life sound like they were my fault. He wrote in a text he cannot survive loving me & my choices (being a drummer in a bagpipe band where I have never done anything to betray him). He told me goodbye, that he will love me forever but not to write back to him via text because he will not read my messages. In past, I would have ended up writing or calling him at some point because I missed him so much. After finding out about the lies, I tell myself now I CANNOT each out to him.
I am praying so hard and asking God every day to lead me in the right direction. I have a number of medical issues related to diabetes and very low self esteem. I always want to be a people pleaser. I know I need to start taking care if myself and to fix my own flaws. I have to stop looking for someone to “save” me and give me the good life I fantasize about. I need to become responsible for my own destiny. I need a full time job after being downsized 3 years ago & need to believe I am worthy enough to offer a company the skills u used to be so proud of. I would appreciate any & all prayers. Thank you for this blog & all the amazing wisdom imparted through it. God bless you all.
Kevin Halls says
A brilliant article and so true ! I think most people are unsure and doubt themselves when they need to change things, especially if it means leaving behind a friend or a job etc. But sometimes it has to be done if not you will never change the circumstances. I am a creature of habit and it drives me nuts at times, I like to be in control and if I’m not I wobble a bit !but when I have come away from my comfort zone I think to myself that felt okay and I need to do it more often, but it’s not long before I slip back to normal again.
But I admire your courage in concentrating on writing these great articles, and as a budding writer myself I want to do the same. So any help on this would be much appreciated? Anyway keep it up.
Ania says
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
This post has clarified a lot of points and I am more able to handle the big challenge thats ahead of me, letting the people living in my house go and renting it out for decent money so I make some much needed extra income, I have been battling this decision because I didnt want to displease these people and was scared of their anger, this post allowed me to see that I need to let go of what harms me and take care of me first.
Beautifully written, thank you!
Bob Fletcher says
Your daily inspirational messages are treasured.
They have helped me to come to terms with the little time I have left.
Every day I learn something new and see wonderful changes in nature through my camera lens.
Thank you.
Jason Sells Corvallis Homes says
Precious post…
Personally letting go is tough. I have gotten good at noticing when I am hanging onto to something I shouldn’t. From businesses, relationships and everything in between.
For me cold turkey has worked best and unattaching myself emotionally from the subject at hand.
pj says
I remember reading somewhere: “We are the ones we have been waiting for.” And as much as it pains us all, we are the only ones that can “save” ourselves. I too have come a long way and am always thankful for encouraging guidance, hence WHY I enjoy this awesome blog. And what I have learned going through my trials and tribulations is that my programming broke down, the way things should be or shouldn’t be, the cookie cutter life we are told to strive for does not always fit. Everyone needs to find their own way to happiness and it is not always a straight line from point A to point B. Thank you Marc and Angel for putting these positive words and vibes out there… happiness is simple 🙂
Carrie Miller says
I’m 38 and have a friend who we literally played in the playpen together. We are still friends to this day, although not as close as we used to be. She is also my son’s aunt. Anyway, she’s toxic. Never has anything nice to say about anyone, everything makes her angry, every word that comes out of her mouth is a swear word. She depresses me whenever we are together. Then I go home angry angry at the world and it takes me a couple days to get back to my normal self.
I have been fighting depression since age 14, I have gotten over my anger issues with a lot of hard work and dedication, I’m still trying to change my life in a more positive way, but she makes this very difficult.
I have tried to not let her bring my world down, I have tried to change the subject to a more positive one, but she finds fault in everything. She can’t see the brighter side of anything. Even when I point something out, she makes a negative comment.
I need to get away from her, we have been best friends for 38 yrs, I just don’t know how too. She wants to be able to see her nephew, but I can’t deal with her crabbiness all the time. She’s just do darn MISERABLE!!!
Ania says
Bob, God bless you, if you want to talk and are on Facebook please look me up under Ania Jasiejko, perhaps I can help you.
Sending you Love and Light.
Mary says
I really needed this lesson. I have compromised my self worth for 5 years now because I have been hanging on to a “relationship”. I use the word relationship loosely. While we had a brief romantic relationship, we now have a two a day email and occasional Skype connection.
I have been clinging to the hope that one day he will wake up to see how strong my feelings are for him. There was a time when this odd situation helped me as I didn’t have anyone else in my life… Now, that doesn’t seem to matter as much as knowing how dysfunctional this situation is. It is holding me back from finding someone who does want to be in my life.
Your lesson reinforces this… It is most definitely time to move on!!
Shirl says
Truly enjoy reading all of your posts, very positive and uplifting. Much needed in our world today. I am not sure people understand the value and importance of knowing that there are “no guarantees” in this life. This is the only one we have and we can choose to spend it in toxic relationships, environments, etc. or not. It is exhausting to be in a relationship with a “negative” person. I was married to one for 20 + years and left 5 years ago…still recovering from the toll it took on my spirit and well being. So..let’s see.. I left a marriage, and then shortly after lost my job, unemployment ran out, and so from many accounts I should be the most negative, angry, pessimistic person on the planet. Yet I am living a life I love with an abundance of Blessings. Thank you so much for you words of wisdom for a hurting, lost and confused planet of people…
David says
Thank you for this timely blog. As usual you manage to inspire, encourage tough decisions and lead us into areas of frightening emotions.
I am at a crossroads in my life. I love my wife who is kind and loving, but I have to decide if our core belief systems, needs and goals are too different and will ultimately not let us coexist. There are no rights or wrongs, sometimes thinking differently on so many issues is tough to reconcile, and emotionally destructive in long run. When to let go, when to resign oneself and then know that resentment is coming alongside… your blog is thought provoking.