What can you tell yourself that you don’t already know? A whole lot.
In the privacy of your mind you constantly talk to yourself. Your inner monologue might seem pointless at times, but the truth is the act of talking to yourself can help you learn and maintain a positive lifelong trajectory. Therefore, collected below are six effective topics for self-talk, so the next time you talk to yourself you will know exactly what to say.
1. What you love.
When it comes to lifelong labors and dreams, lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only way to work and live.
Invest your thoughts and time in the things you love. Don’t wait around for too long to get involved in something that moves you. Realize how important it is to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, explore it. Get up and go after it. Embrace it, hug it, love it, and above all, let your passion flow freely.
The most important decision you will ever make is what you do with the limited time that has been given to you. Before you know it you’ll be asking, “How did it get so late so soon?” So put your thoughts and time to good use, and let yourself be drawn to the strange pull of what you love – doing so will not lead you astray. Live your life so that when you’re old, you never have to let the person you became fantasize about the person you were capable of being.
2. Your own inner truth.
Why worry about what others think of you? Should you have more confidence in their opinions than you do your own?
Truth be told, how others see you is not nearly as important as how you see yourself. To be happy means to live confidently in your own skin – to be faithful to that which exists within you. What you’re doing by being yourself is you’re keeping it real, and you’re being really brave.
When you choose to stay true to YOU, some people might refuse to accept you for who you are. Forget them. Rather than being fake and incurring the pain and confusion of trying to be someone you’re not, choose to stand strong, even at the risk of incurring ridicule. When you are comfortable in your skin, not everyone in this world will like you, and that’s perfectly OK. You could be the ripest, juiciest apple in the world, and there’s going to be at least a few people out there who hate apples. (Read The Untethered Soul.)
3. What you are willing to sacrifice for your goals.
When it comes to goal setting, you must be specific. If you find yourself talking to yourself about wanting everything, it means you are treacherously close to achieving nothing. It means you are avoiding the effort required to get anywhere at all.
Usually, it’s not too difficult to decide what you want your life to look like in a year from now. What is difficult is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things that must be done to get to where you want to go.
This takes serious commitment, and it requires transient discomfort. When you decide to aim for something higher, you must be willing to suffer a bit of vertigo – the fear of falling. And you must be willing to fight against that voice of emptiness below you which tempts and lures you to believe that you don’t have enough strength to ascend any higher.
4. The little victories of each day.
Sometimes the human mind operates in mysterious ways when it comes to achievements and happiness. We dream of something and we wait and wait and feel like it’s taking forever to arrive. Then it does and it’s over, and all we really want is to curl back up in that moment before things change again.
Although there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a fulfilled dream, you must realize that it’s just one small moment of your life. Like every other moment, this one instance of victory is fleeting. Lifelong happiness is not found in any one particular moment, it’s found in all the moments and memories leading up to our inevitable sunset – all the small victories of each day that fall between the big events.
Ultimately you will realize that your highest aspirations should just be a target – a point on the horizon to step towards. You may not ever reach it, but you can always look up after every small step and see beauty of where that step has taken you. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Happiness and Passion chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
5. How to help others.
Talk yourself into helping someone today.
No exercise is better for your heart and mind than reaching down and helping others up. Happiness and success in life doesn’t come through selfishness, but through selflessness. Everything you do comes back around to you.
The best way to feel alive is to get up and do something positive for someone else. Don’t wait around for good things to happen in this world. If you go out and make good things happen, you will fill the world with happiness and you will make yourself smile in the process.
Greet people with positivity. Encourage them. Compliment them. Lend them a helping hand. Notice their progress, cheer them on and make them smile. Love and kindness is contagious. The more happiness and success you help others find, the more happiness and success you will find every single day of your life. (Read The Happiness Project.)
6. The immediate reality of your own happiness.
Right now, you have more than enough to be happy.
Right now, you have the full capacity to find something small to celebrate.
Right now, you have a choice to make.
Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy. True happiness comes from within, when you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions, and when you choose to focus on what you have, not what you haven’t.
One of the great secrets to happiness is to pay more attention to the beginnings than the endings. So many people say they want a new life, but then they take the new one they get every morning for granted. Don’t do this. Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how great it has been. A great life begins right now, when you stop wanting a better one.
Scream it out loud: “Life is good!”
The floor is yours…
What have you been talking to yourself about lately? Is it positive or negative self-talk? What kind of positive self-talk do you use to motivate yourself? What kind of negative self-talk do you need to stop? Share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment below.
Photo by: Hartwig HKD
Vincent says
I’ve found that the best way to instantly pick myself up is to talk to myself aloud. It seems silly but it’s so powerful.
Lately, I’ve been just saying to myself, “You’re awesome!” with the tone of Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother.
When I’m feeling really down, I remind myself that I’ve got much more than most others I know. Things like that. Seems cheesy but it helps to put things back into perspective.
Pepper says
I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer at age 48. I was angry and have had many negative thoughts and self-talks. Because I run daily, eat organic food, don’t smoke, don’t drink, never did drugs, etc. It has been 4 days since my diagnosis and I notice I feel less bitter than I initially did, but sometimes I still catch myself with negative thoughts – “Why me? What did I do wrong? I gave to people who have less than me. I always did my best…” I know as time passes and I fight through it, I will be alright. As long as I stay strong and have positive attitude, I know I will make it through.
I would like to say thank you for your website and the community here. It inspires me to be able to read blog posts like this and share my feelings.
Sue says
Life IS good! Thanks for the reminder! 🙂
A. Mufasa says
God bless you, Pepper. My father was recently diagnosed with prostate and kidney cancer and I have been all over the place mentally, but I can’t imagine what it actually is like. You will survive.
Aleks George says
Celebrate the little victories. Like reading a nice post – taking a moment to consider the implications and applications and then saying thanks. Thanks 🙂
Dorothy says
“When you decide to aim for something higher, you must be willing to suffer a bit of vertigo – the fear of falling. And you must be willing to fight against that voice of emptiness below you which tempts and lures you to believe that you don’t have enough strength to ascend any higher.”
I’m twenty three years of age, and two days ago I decided to return to college (I thought I’d given up entirely on it, having spent four years battling my own anxiety & depression issues every term only to fail again and again), because I finally have a goal I believe I can dedicate myself to, and I know how to do things differently this time around. However, almost as soon as I made my decision, the “vertigo” set in. Your words are exactly what I needed to hear. Thank You!
Marc & Angel, keep doing what you do.
Jennifer Mulder says
As always, a beautifully written post. Celebrating the little victories of each day really resonates with me. When I’m working on big audacious goals that take ages to accomplish – like slowly improving my health – I sometimes overlook the progress already made. Thank you for the reminder to enjoy the small achievements in the process!
Safou says
Dear pepper, hi. 5 years ago I was diagnosed with ms , all of a sudden I couldn’t move my right part and it was when I was working at last as a dentist in a clinic after a hard period of time for earning my diploma, etc. when and I finally felt high and happy because of recognizing myself as a doctor. I had the same feelings as you and everyday I told God, “why ??? what did I wrong ??”
5 years later after many searches and accidental (!) answers , I can see that maybe I considered myself a good person, but I didn’t do something to be a better one, maybe I loved but I didn’t know how to love better, I prayed but I didn’t know how to pray better and…
I see the world different now although I do not live the same life I loved then. Something new is happening within me. 🙂 I am sure that you will be fine because the therapies are there, so keeping your head high. Each day you will find more about you and more beautiful ways to be healed.
Safou
Shelly says
Wake-up call! Wake-up call! Thanks for yet another fine piece reminding us all of the real reasons we’re hanging around on the planet for a few years. I’ve got a lot of work to do…
greg says
This is very good.
I have hit so many goals I have set for myself and sometimes now I struggle with what is the next one. I have trouble relaxing and enjoying the current moment and often catch myself thinking future instead of living now.
Thanks.
Marcie Craver says
I love reading your site! There are days it makes me cry and others a smile. The tears are good because I realize I’m just like everyone else. I feel like I keep waiting for happiness, when the happiness is inside of me, not outside. We need to talk to ourselves like we would to our best friend, not the negative things we tell ourselves.
Solange says
So wonderful and wise, exactly what we need to feel good this morning. Many thanks Marc and Angel.
Solange
Wads says
It is so very important for me to acknowledge any negative emotion with compassion sit with it a moment take a deep breath and then watch it move on by. Try not to what if and stay in the moment because that’s all we really have anyway! Namaste!? Thank you for all for the reminder that Life is Good!
Wendy Merron says
So true! What we say to ourself has everything to do whether we succeed or fail.
The reality is that negative thoughts come naturally (at the rate of about 40,000 per day for some).
Do be more positive we have to INTENTIONALLY change our thoughts. Yep. I’m shouting here.
Changing thought takes initiative.
The results, as you wrote above, will create a good life.
Great article 🙂
Amandah says
I’ve been talking to myself about what I want or how I’d like my life to look. I’ve also been talking to myself about cutting back on some activities that have been sucking my energy and time. This is all good. Self-reflection is a good thing.
I’ve written out several Post-It notes with, I guess you can call them affirmation, but I prefer to use the term “Motivators,” and choose one or two every day and read and re-read it throughout the day. I keep them on my desk for easy access.
It would be wise for me stop beating myself over something that may not have been entirely my fault. Sometimes, outside events like the economy (I have no control over the entire economy) can affect your life, even though you did nothing wrong.
I’ve been working on letting some things go, but it’s been a challenge because I want to know “why” this or that happened so I can learn from it. Maybe there is no explanation except, “That’s Life!”
SJ Scott says
I Love #4.
SO many people keep waiting and waiting for the perfect moment to be happy. Living in the NOW and enjoying life and all the little wins is the way to really win, and ensure you don’t wake up one day at 80 regretting that you never had inner peace and happiness.
Lydia says
Many of us needed to read these thoughts and ideas on this fine hump day! Thank you.
Byron says
This posting was more impactful for me than most. Going after what I truly love is what makes a day, a moment. Thank you!
Amber says
“Why worry about what others think of you? Should you have more confidence in their opinions than you do your own?”
I do worry what others think of me. In my mind, I know this is silly, but regardless the truth and one of my many weaknesses. I like how you pointed out in this article that what I am basically doing is putting more value and confidence in the their opinions than my own. Very well written I thought. Thank you
Also, I just want to say that I have been reading your posts for two years now and you have this way of expressing what many of us are thinking but unable to get out and reminding me of how great and exciting life can be!!! Our choice! Our decision!
Scott says
Thanks make it a great day!
Shelley @ThatGirlShelley says
I definitely think that your thoughts and feelings determine your actions (or lack of action). I love started my day with positive affirmations and visualizations of how I want my day to be. Great post!
Heather Stephen says
Dear Pepper,
The thing I tell my eldest daughter is life is not fair. You are not being punished with cancer. The journey with the bodies we get is the way we get experience. Sorry, but you learning something, every one in your life too gets some lessons. There is no right way. Left or right on the path. I imagine you as my daughter and my heart squeezed hard, sending you compassion, light a candle for you tonight when I chant and meditate. In the light.
Yves Chriss says
I’m really sad about something that seems so idiotic, compared to REAL problems. Yet, i find myself waking up to and, spending my days, in negative self-talk, over a broken heart. I was in a very unhappy marriage. I met someone who promised me “a better life”. Then, over a 17 year period, he stalled any real commitment to me and my daughters with what I call “if only” carrots. In the process, he became, increasingly, emotionally & psychologically abusive. Then, he dumped me. 18 months later, he is married with a child and all over FB crowing about his, now, happy life
And all I do is cry everyday. And wonder why I wasn’t good enough; does he treat her better?; I am a good person. Why wasn’t he happy with me?; I sacrificed everything for him. Why did he just toss me to the side?; Why does he get to ruin mine and my children’s live and then, go on to be able to have what he took from, or refused to give, to us? – Yet, everyday, I cry – because I miss him. And I’m always praying that he really misses me. I know that there are waaay more important and dire issues others contend with, daily. Pepper, I read your post and, I feel embarrassed to cry about my own situation, when what you (and so many others) are dealing with is REAL. Yet, my heart is shattered. And I don’t know how to stop the negative self-talk. This very handsome man, who I assisted through the ling days and nights of under-grad, law school and bar exams – ultimately, didn’t choose me. At 52 – I’m alone.
Catherine says
I beleive we are here to be kind. It’s that simple.
Each morning as we wake up and greet another day, we can decide to be positive or negative. It’s up to us.
So, begin each day by embracing it’s presence, be grateful to be alive and strive to look for little miraacles that a single day can bring us, there are many!
Best,
Catherine
Fredric abina kenya. says
All these articles I read about life I struggle with. I know I need to follow them, and I’m trying, but all the demands life have me feeling confused. I used to have a good job, access to loans for development, etc. One day I lost my job and all the nightmares in my life started. I underwent discrimination from friends, relatives, and above all my wife. I have suffered inside of me to a point where I don’t feel balanced and worthy most of the time. I feel humiliated or inferior by most people I interact with. Any suggestions? Anyone?
David Rapp says
Pepper, the only thing I can offer is something that someone told when I found out I had no testosterone and was bi-polar: If you own your diagnosis, you determine your prognosis. Study your cancer, learn all about it, find out what works best, and see if there is a support group close to home. I did all this, and it helped a lot..even when I was highly skeptical.
Gee says
Yes, ‘Life IS Good’! Sometimes it’s better than good! When those dark clouds & valley days appear, (& they do) we have to talk louder & never, ever give up. I like to go for walks & admire & appreciate natures beauty. It’s awesome!
Mukta says
I go through your website everynight before going to sleep. It really helps me to stay positive. Like someone said it- motivation is the food for the soul and is required daily. Thank you Angel and Marc for the amazing posts! Your work is inspiring many of us in different corners of the world. hugs!
@Pepper- I hope you get better soon. Wishing you strength and courage with lots of positivity 🙂
Lindsey says
Did you write this just for me?! I only ask because that was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I’ve been struggling lately and my internal monologue toward myself hasn’t been very kind or positive.
I’m looking to live a passion filled life … just need to get out there and try a few things that sound interesting! I also know that helping others is going to be a huge part of helping me pull myself out of this funk. I truly want to get out there and help someone else to make their day just a little better.
Thank you Marc and Angel for this post. It means the world to me.
mrsj says
To Yves and Pepper: So sorry for everything but God will see you through with victory. I’m praying for you. Like my mom told me when were going through hardship, she said to me “move forward like Moses and the Israelite, and God will take care of the rest.” She was referring to the bible Exodus 14:15 which says: Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move forward.” If you read the whole Exodus 14:15-30 you will see how God took care of them. Hold onto each other (your daughters), there’s nothing you can’t do if you trust him.
This goes also to Pepper feel better soon you both in my prayers.
Marc and Angel thanks I adore this site.
Willy S. Sepulveda says
To: Pepper
God bless you dear. Remember that courage is not the absence of fear but rather the choice of not giving in to fear. Pray to god to bless you and give you the courage to remain strong everyday.
Laura G. Jones says
Great post! One conversation I always have with myself is “what’s the lesson in this?” and “what’s really behind this feeling?”
I’m always trying to get to the root of what’s going on in me and others emotionally and how we can change our lives for the better. It’s a practice that has brought me immense benefit. It takes work, and it’s a big ego killer, but it’s so important for living a meaningful life.
Pauline Flynn says
My dream is to go to third world countries and help the dying and starving, I’ve not achieved this as I’ve had my own children and not been in a situation where I am able to do this. I know am a caring loving person with a lot of love to give, unfortunately every time I have given and cared it has been thrown back in my face, but I don’t give up!! Inside of me it hurts and I feel like giving up. As to number 4, my victories are helping others!
John M says
Great advice! I love talking to myself when I’m by myself. It helps to actually hear my thoughts out loud.
Aya says
At times when everything seems to be going wrong, my negative thoughts take over and I only start to see my troubles instead of counting my blessings. I am slowly teaching my self to switch off the negative thinking once I realize it and be grateful and thankful for what I have. Mind over matter, it’s powerful, let me tell ya…
Mike@WeOnlyDoThisOnce says
I’ve found it helpful in having the first conversation about what I love to consider what I love in a different light from what I enjoy–a fine line, to be sure.
DW says
So many striving, hurting people out there – May G-d give each of you light and guidance to the answers you seek.
I had a child who bullied my other kids, and I explained to him that if he continued, he’d have to have his own room and not share a room with his brothers. He hasn’t spoken to me in 25 years. It’s left its mark on me, I admit.
It is the crime I can’t forgive myself for. I talk to myself about if I can ever “get it right”, if I can ever, ever, EVER be good enough.
DW says
I cannot believe what I just dared to put down in words.
Now the biggest most terrible stone in my life has been moved. I don’t know to where, but it has moved.
SRR says
PEPPER
You are in my thoughts and prayers, be strong…all things are possible…
SRR says
Yves Chriss, allowing him to continue to ruin your life is the real fail. You own tomorrow, take ownership and leave the past behind knowing that you did the right thing (not easy, but you are stronger)…you are only 52!
Robyn says
Yves I’m 52 and went through a similar experience 5 years ago after 24 years of marriage. I found a divorce support group run by local Baptist Church helped, and I came to accept that somehow I’d had my share of happiness in life and from now on I was just “marking time”. I did what I needed to do as a mother to my four children, but felt quite dead inside.
Time was a healer. Slowly I discovered that there were times that I felt happy again. My 50th birthday that I’d been dreading but then my kids brought me silly presents and made me dress up in them… All my happiness seemed to be coming through my role as a mother, so I started to dread the youngest leaving home at the start of this year. I read The Happiness Project (recommended by Marc and Angel) and decided that 2013 was going to be my happiness project. I read “Stumbling upon Happiness” and keep reading the advice from this site. It worked.
I’m still surprised at how happy I became as soon as I made the decision to make happiness my focus.
I wasn’t looking for another partner, but because I was out and about, filling my days with things I liked to do, I stumbled upon a man who makes me laugh and thinks I’m fantastic. It is the perfect antidote to the last years of my marriage which had sucked my self esteem and self confidence.
Hang in there. The sadness will pass. You are beautiful inside and out.
Yves Chriss says
@mrsj & SRR – Thank you. I appreciate the time you’ve taken today to think of and/or pray for me (and Pepper) 🙂
Yves Chriss says
@Fredric abina kenya – I don’t have much to offer. But, to some degree, I understand how you feel. Of all the people you feel have dismissed you, the distain from your wife hurts most of all.
I will pray for God to change her heart. I will pray for God to restore your dignity.
Connie says
Just celebrated our 28th anniversary, put our house up for sale & I could imagine our life together after our daughters headed to college. Then he tells me that he is no longer attracted to me (since I’ve gained a lot of weight), & that the I’ve been demanding and bullying for the last 28 years. Hard things to hear. I knew our marriage had problems, but I wasn’t expecting this.
So now my house is for sale, my marriage is pretty much over, and I’m 50 years old, overweight & need to find a job. I have been trying to take this time & think about what I want my future happiness to be. I just hope it’s out there & that I have the courage to find it.
Bernadette says
“When it comes to lifelong labors and dreams, lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only way to work and live.”
BRILLIANT. When you hear the truth it resonates deeply, and this causes the hair to stand up on the back of my neck. Here’s to living WHITE HOT!
Thanks for the awesome post. Bernadette 🙂
Connie says
Pepper, hang in there, you’ll be in my prayers tonight. Life happens to us and we have to find a way to continue to be kind to ourselves. I went through each response and you have many rooting for you, in including myself.
Yves, the pain you feel is real, allow yourself to go through it but don’t wallow and get stuck. If you can try and see it that people come into our lives for a season and reason and really go within it might help.
He’s off living his life and you have to try and do the same. Never allow someone to have control over your happiness, have no regrets over your life, but sometimes people just change their minds, not easy to,hear, but you still have life and your health.
Sonny says
@Yves – It’s scary how parallel your experiences are to mine! I was with the same girl for 17 years and when she left me for another guy, I was totally shattered. My heart was irrepairable, I couldn’t understand how the love of my life had left me so callously…
But I promise you, time DOES heal. Because you’ll grow tired of your pain, your heart will grow sick of the ache and you will spend some dark nights, only to find the following days are joyously bright. Don’t be afraid of facing the pain, because out of it all, you will emerge a stronger, wiser, better person!
For so long I “lived” to make my wife happy. In the end, I realised that I had no concept of what happiness was and I was looking for it in the heart of someone else. You’ll find happiness again, it’s much closer than you think and most of all, it’s with you wherever you go. You just have to see it.
Chin up – and don’t look back! You’re not going that way!
DD says
I talked to myself all the time, there was a period in my life I thought I was really crazy. I looked at myself in the mirror as if I was looking at a completely diff. person. I recently figured out why, like you have mentioned in yout article, I was very very minding what others thought of me so I acted towards their expectations and got lost in mine. Nowadays when I look in the mirror, I smile at myself instead, well, most of time. 🙂
Sandy Peckinpah says
I heard someone say “I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life.” This wonderful post reminds me to appreciate every day, the people in it, and what I choose to do with it. After reading all of the comments, I am certain that there is much more empathy in this world than I ever dreamed. Thank you Marc and Angel for giving people the opportunity to express it. And…I love your book, 1,000 Little Things!
Dev says
I sometimes think about the worst case scenario instead of focusing on the good. With your help I’m making adjustments. Thanks.