by Benny Hsu
Over the years you’ve created a set of beliefs in your mind that you hold to be true. Some are indeed helpful and true, while others have completely fooled you. It’s these latter, false beliefs that quietly hinder your potential and hold you back from the life you are capable of living.
Here are five such false beliefs to be aware of:
1. Life owes me something.
Just because you’re alive doesn’t mean life is going to hand everything to you.
Life doesn’t just get better by itself. It isn’t like flying in a plane through turbulence. Life doesn’t just improve if you fasten your seat belt and wait.
Sadly, so many people expect that a great life is coming to them automatically. They believe it’ll come next month or next year. So they continue thinking the same thoughts and doing the same things, just waiting for that day when life will get better.
They come home from work, heat up a microwave dinner and sit on the couch for hours watching TV. They get on the Internet and spend entire evenings getting nothing done. They keeping hoping and praying for a change without ever taking action.
When you were younger, you got a trophy if you played sports. It didn’t matter if you were the leading scorer or the leading benchwarmer. Adulthood is a bit different. You don’t get trophies anymore for just showing up. You have to earn them.
If you keep believing life will somehow automatically improve on it’s own, then you’re going to waste many years of your life in a state of disappointment.
It’s up to you to decide how you want to be. You are the one that determines the quality of your life. It is not the people around you, your boss, the government, or anyone else. If you are serious about being healthy, wealthy, successful, respected and loved, then you are going to have to do something about it.
No one is going to give you the life you dream about except YOU.
Let this be your wake-up call. Take full control of your life, starting now!
2. The universe is out to get me.
It seems like life has gone wrong for you in every imaginable way. You can’t catch a break. You don’t know why other people are successful and happy, but you’re not. You believe the universe is somehow working against you.
The truth is the universe doesn’t care about you one bit. That might sound harsh, but it’s true. The universe isn’t out to get you. You aren’t cursed. You don’t have bad karma following you around.
Why would the universe choose you to be the unlucky one? It wouldn’t and it hasn’t. We are all born with a chance to live a full and happy life. It’s up to you to use the resources the universe has given you – the ones you have right now within you.
If you have an unlucky streak, it’s because you are choosing your own reality with the thoughts in your head and the action you take or don’t take. If the universe really picked sides, those who grew up poor would always remain poor while the rich would always remain rich. Obviously this is not true. There have been many rags to riches stories, and stories of those who have grown up rich and lost everything.
Understand the universe isn’t out to get you. It wants you to be happy and succeed, but you’ve got to go out and create your own opportunities for happiness.
To start changing how you view the world, start a gratitude journal by writing down three things that you’re thankful for every day. What this does is to get you in the habit of focusing on what you do have in life – the good, instead of what you do not – the bad. (Read The How of Happiness.)
3. I am stuck in my current life situation.
Humans are the only creatures on this planet that can choose to change their life situation at any moment. A shark can’t one day decide to be a chef. An ant can’t decide it wants to be a dancer. Their lives are built into their DNA.
You, on the other hand, can change if you want to. Oftentimes the only problem is that the fear of change is holding you back. Excuses keep piling up. You only remember the times you failed, and this memory scares you off from trying again. You feel hopelessly stuck in life.
What you need to realize is that life isn’t meant to be a straight line that goes from point A to point B. Life is meant to be a series of zigs and zags. It should look like a mess, but a beautiful mess. It shows that you have changed throughout the course of your life. You’ve had your ups and downs. You went down one path, but decided to change course… perhaps on many occasions.
That’s how life should be. Life is a continuous experience of independent present moments and choices. So whatever situation you are in right now, just know that it can change if you want it to.
It’s up to you. You just have to choose something new.
4. It’s too late to start anything.
How old would you think you are if you didn’t know and couldn’t see yourself in the mirror?
Age is just a number. What’s important is how you feel.
The only reason you think it’s too late to start is because that’s what you grew up believing. You believe that you should have everything figured out in life before you reach 30, 40, 50, etc. The older you get, the less opportunity you think you have to do something new.
You think that you have to cram everything in before the general retirement age of 65. After that, it’s time to play golf, work on your garden, travel, and play with the grandkids. This simply isn’t true.
If you’re determined to do something, it is never too late to start. Here are some famous examples of people who started late.
- Ray Croc was 59 years old when he bought out the McDonald’s brothers. He turned it into an empire.
- Stan Lee, creator of Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk, and Iron Man was 40 when he began drawing these legendary superheroes. He’s now 90 years old and makes a cameo in every movie based on his comic books.
- Julia Child didn’t even learn to cook until she was almost 40 and didn’t launch her popular show until she was 50.
- Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken was 66 when he began to promote his style of cooking and create an empire.
Can you imagine if anyone of them thought it was too late to start? They wouldn’t have created their best life’s work.
Don’t let age stop you from going after your dreams. (Read Quitter.)
5. Others will think what I’m doing is foolish.
You worry so much about other people’s opinion. You’re afraid you will get laughed at. You don’t want people to reject your ideas. You don’t want to look like a fool. What you need to realize now: None of this matters.
At the end of your life when you look back, what you want to remember is a journey that makes you smile. Regardless of what everyone else thinks of you, if you’ve followed your intuition and done your best, win or lose, you won’t regret a thing.
There have been so many crazy ideas that even the so-called experts thought was a bad idea. That did not stop these people:
- J.K. Rowling was penniless, recently divorced, and raising a child on her own. She wrote the first Harry Potter book on an old manual typewriter. Twelve publishers rejected the manuscript. A year later she was given the green light by Barry Cunningham from Bloomsbury, who agreed to publish the book but insisted she get a day job cause there was no money in children’s books. The series has sold 450 million copies and made J.K Rowling a billionaire. So much for publishers who told her, “There’s no money in children’s books.”
- Can you imagine a gentleman telling you he wants to build a massive theme park where families can spend time together in a hot Florida swamp? You might not think it’s too crazy now. However when Walt Disney wanted to build Disney World, he was rejected for financing over 300 times.
- The Beatles were rejected by many record labels. In a famously quoted rejection letter, a music label said, “Guitar groups are on the way out” and “the Beatles have no future in show business.” Shortly thereafter the Beatles signed with EMI, brought Beatlemania to the United States, and became the most influential band in the history of rock and roll.
These are just three examples, but there are countless more. Each person involved was ahead of his or her time, but they didn’t let other people’s opinions stop them. There might be something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t because you’re worried about what others will think or of being rejected. Let these stories inspire you to realize that good fortune favors the bold.
Final Thoughts
If you suffer from one or more of these false beliefs, it’s time to make a change. When you were younger you didn’t believe these untruths, but as you’ve grown up they have been given more power simply because you have given them more attention. By doing so, you have slowly become your own worst enemy.
Take back control of your life now. You can do that by shattering these beliefs and choosing to take positive action today.
Your turn…
What’s one belief that has slowed you down and held you back in life? Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Author Bio: Benny Hsu is a blogger and app entrepreneur. He is the author of the personal development blog, Get Busy Living, where he shares his experiences and lessons to help you live an epic life. Download his eBook, Get a Life that Doesn’t Suck for free. You can also follow him on Twitter.
Photo by: La Bele
nick says
So true! Thank you for pointing out so many truths that are commonly accepted but rarely put into practice. I know I regularly convince myself that I have passed up a certain opportunity due to age only to look back later in life and realize that had i started the task when I believed that I would have been done already. Thanks for the wake up call
Christy King says
Nos. 2 and 3 have never really been a problem for me, but 3, 4 and 5 sure have.
An additional belief that has held me back is that failure is catastrophic. Over the last few years, I’ve really been pushing myself to try things that frighten me, that I’m likely to fail at. It’s amazing how practicing helps.
Although (thankfully) I haven’t experienced any major failures, I feel less panicked about the idea of a major failure, more secure that I could figure out something to salvage my life. It’s freeing.
DW says
These are such brilliantly phrased ideas.
“It isn’t like flying in a plane through turbulence. Life doesn’t just improve if you fasten your seat belt and wait.”
“It should look like a mess, but a beautiful mess.”
I have seen the damage of inertia. People around me waited like fallen leaves, to be moved by the winds and currents of “life” instead of moving themselves. My biggest belief that has slowed me down was that I had to take responsibility for the people closest to me, for their failure to “be able” to help themselves. It is hard for me to watch others struggle, and I thought that by being present and being a champion to them, coaching and cajoling, I was doing a good thing. All that really happened was that I crippled them and I died a little inside each time because they insisted on remaining stuck and that held me back from feeling free to cut my ties and get busy with my own development. Still, it is confusing to me when others cry for help because I want to help. But when they keep crying (or raging) even after the help, I realize that the crying (and raging) itself was the way they thought to help themselves. They did not feel that any more effort on their part was necessary.
Now that I see I didn’t really heal them at all. How stupid and arrogant of me to think I was worthwhile to them, and all I did was put off my own life. Now having been around bitter, waiting people for so long, I may have to let them slip away so I can get on with my own life. This feels selfish, but on another level it feels frighteningly refreshing and correct. I am so confused.
Thank you Benny for a thought provoking work.
Nooha says
What sometimes holds a person back is the thought of making a mistake or the thought of failure!!…
Your inspirational posts help on a daily basis…It’s time to take a hold of my life and make some changes. Thank you Marc and Angel and all who post here.
John says
I’ve been following this blog for a few years now.
I love this particular post because you give real life examples to relate to what you’re saying…please can you do more of this in your future posts??
I find giving examples of true stories really makes me believe it’s all possible.
Sol Neuhardt says
Every point here is so true.
Sharon says
Thank you so much for this post, I have just decided to start my own spray tanning business aged 44 and after years of being a Personal Assistant. Your post has made me realise its not too late and I’m not to old, I was scared of starting this new journey in my life but I am now excited and looking forward to it. Thank you so much.
Kat says
The think what holds me back the most is that I don’t think I deserve it. (“It” being something amazing like being in the best shape of my life, or having the career of my dreams, or the opportunity of a lifetime, etc.)
I know deep down that it’s false, but this thought has controlled me for a long time.
Brittney H says
“JUST TRY!!!” Will be my mantra! I bought a guitar last week and have always wanted to learn! Just do it, Like Nike! 😉
Sandra Hamlett says
Great post and is exactly what I was meditating on in my journal this morning. What I add is not believing in yourself enough to believe you need the approval of others to lead the life you want. My biggest mistake was in believing my life should be run like a democracy- where everyone has a say and a voice, where I have to campaign for what matters for me, where I have been outvoted. Well… that is a thing of the past, never again.
Robin says
I have been holding myself back thinking because I am older I am not able to compete with the youthful prospects fighting for jobs in my field. Marc and Angel you have thought provoking posts always, thank you.
jazzmum says
Once again an inspirational article. There are a few beliefs in me that I realize that are outdated. This article resonated a lot with how I feel and the false beliefs that I still hold… but not for much longer. Thank you so much for this article 🙂
Jennifer Haston says
Thanks for pointing out the “what other people think of you is none of your business” You mentioned reading “Quitter”. Jon’s new book, “Start” is even better, telling you how to get unstuck because as he says, “The unstuck are unstoppable.”
wisdom says
Thank you Marc and Angel for publishing this post. It’s really a mind opener and a wake-up call for me not to hold on to people’s opinion of what i intend to do with my life. Time to break the chains of procrastination. Fortunately, I am already a subscriber to Benny’s blog too, and I hope people in this community check it out. It’s great. Love y’all!
Amandah says
Most people, myself included, believe(d) “life owes me something,” because of the environment we were raised in as a child. Shaking off the ‘stink’ of a crappy childhood isn’t cut and dry or easy. It can takes months or even years of self-reflection and counseling. You must be willing to forgive your parents, grandparents, etc. and have the courage to choose a different path. This may include severing ties with those you call “family.”
Also, there’s no guarantee that because you take action (inspired, or not) you’ll receive (fill in the blank). If you’re chasing a dream that isn’t meant for you, you can waste a lot of time and energy. You have to know when to cut your losses and find something else to do.
Being “stuck in your current life situation” is tricky because if you want to move to another city, state, or country, it takes money. If you don’t have the funds to move then you will be “stuck” in your current life situation. However, you could take steps towards moving by finding a day job which will provide you with a means to an end: money so you can move.
I think it’s important to examine any false belief you have because it may not be yours. You could have picked it up from your parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, siblings, etc. If you discover that a false belief is not yours, drop it like a hot potato and choose another belief that works for you. 🙂
Vahe k says
Honest assessment about the lies we say to ourselves and leading our lives based on these lies.
Nicola says
This blog is the best way to start my day. Insight and clarity over coffee, food for thought … Thank you.
David Rapp says
My false belief is that I’ll never get the support I want or need. I am quite used to be told that it won’t work, it costs too much money, its too risky, and you won’t make any money doing that. I quit trying about 2 years ago and gave up on my drems because I was so tired of hearing all these things. My current job is a very good job, but its boring and I’ll never make another dime more at it.
So, now I am 44, and trying to figure out whether I stay here and suck it up, or find something else that will more than likely be similar….and die a slow death.
Teresa says
I can so relate to number one tremendously and I really needed to hear it today. My life has been a mess for some time now. My husband lost his job 3 years ago and we have been struggling since then. He has a lower paying job now and I work 2 part time jobs. We have depleted one of his 401ks that was supposed to be for retirement. I kept believing,like you said, that if we are patient and have faith things will turn around. I have been looking for a better paying full time job but maybe not hard enough. My husband is miserable at his current job but we need the benefits it provides because he needs meds for his diabetes and heart condition. I feel like you are speaking to me that I have to do more to turn this around instead waiting for things to get better in our favor. I miss our good and happy life!! We have two kids who are counting on us!
I really never talk to anyone about it because our financial situation is embarassing . Thank you for your article and for the opportunity to let me vent here.
.
Greg says
You guys are hitting closer and closer to home with every post I read. Or maybe I’m moving “home” closer to where it belongs. Either way, I’m appreciative.
Benny says
@Christy King You mentioned another popular one. Believing that failing is the end of the world. Most of the time, when we imagine the worst case scenario, it never happens at all. Thanks for adding that one.
@DW Thanks for sharing your story. I think we have to be selfish in life sometimes. We try hard and give our time and help to those who need it, but sometimes those people come back with the same problems, same questions, and don’t take our advice at all. They’re sucking our energy and our time. We just have to say no sometimes especially if they are a repeat offender.
@Nooha You’re so right. The thought of failure stops a lot of people. They’d rather do nothing than risk failure. However it doesn’t have to be considered a failure. If you can learn from it, then next time you can do it better. Then it’s not a failure. Plus look on the bright side instead of thinking about failing. How great would it be if you succeeded? How would your life change if you reached your goal? That’ll motivate you to move forward instead of being too scared to try.
@John thanks so much. Glad you enjoyed it.
@Sharon Wonderful to hear! It’s never too late at all. Best of luck on your amazing new business!
@Kat you most definitely deserve it. There’s no reason why you don’t. We all deserve to have a great life with everything we want. It doesn’t come automatically, but if we put our mind to it and work hard, we can have it all.
@Brittney Sounds fun! I have a guitar and taught myself. Your fingers will hurt at the beginning, but keep on going!
@Sandra We are the CEO of our life. We call the shots. 🙂
Deacon Bradley says
Great post Benny. One ‘belief’ I struggle with a lot is the “who am I to do ____” one. It’s hard to get passed those lies fear is constantly telling you :).
Suzanne says
Thank you ! That hit me like a ton of bricks. Like the V-8 advertisement, hit in the forehead and says” hey you!” I have always been under the impression that if I worked hard I would get the things in life I wanted. Very insightful, I hope I can make the changes needed to keep me moving forward.
Laura G. Jones says
This is so true. One belief that I’ve seen many people get stuck in is “What others think matters”. No it doesn’t. What others think about you is none of your business. It only reflects on their own views and perspectives and limitations. The only thing that matters in your life is how you feel. Live for yourself, not for the approval of others, and you will find happiness.
MJ says
I have always wanted to be a writer, but I hold myself back by believing that everything good has already been written or that I do not have a unique idea. While this is simply not true, as I have seen some of my ideas published by OTHER people, I let it stop me from trying. I am going to try to STOP that kind of thinking and chase after my lifelong dream. My mantra is: I CAN! Thank you for this post. I appreciate this and so many others.
Gina Kozlowski says
I read your postings whenever they hit my email. I am truly inspired by your work in helping others through your thoughts and words. Each person whom reads any of your articles will benefit in one way or another. I am a busy person so I never write a comment but this morning I am touched enough to take a moment. I am one of the most positive people you will ever know. I am a believer! and have endless energy for building my future and those who surround me. Here is my story which is yet to have a ending, if it ever will. I am a mother of three beautiful daughters, 2 of which are special needs. I raise the girls on my own after my divorce 11 years ago. I own my own business which I knew that would be the only way I could earn an income and be able to have freedom of a schedule that would accommodate the sensitive, very demanding yet necessary schedule of my daughters. I must be able to respond very often instantly. I will never change to choice to be with them nor give up on them. I am all they have in life and I will always be here.
Over the years I have endure horrendous trauma, financial burden, and set my personal needs aside to make sure their lives are OK. I have one goal which I strive for and that is to set them up in life that when it comes time if something happens to me I know they are set up and will be alright. With all of my efforts here is the reality…..I was making so many gains and found the business I bought makes no money but I still keep it because it gives me the schedule I need. The father of my children whom we did not see in 5 years reappears and throws us out of the home giving us only a two week notice, a house we were in for 15 years. Everything went in a storage unit and a friend allowed us to stay with him until we could regroup and figure out where we would go from here. So I have no home, a business that makes me no money, a car with 160,000 miles on it. No savings. But, I have children that keep me going for them. I have learned so much by the hardships. Don’t know what is next but I know the next change in my life will be for the positive. Your articles keep me inspired and my spirits high because I believe in the facts you write about. Thank you for your words, thank you for efforts to make a difference in others lives.
Ava says
Several of these apply to me. When I was younger, I used to fight against them, but they have insidiously made their way into my head. I believe I’m too old to really start something new, get into school debt, and be able to pay it off before I can’t work anymore! Then, I fear that nobody would hire me because there is age discrimination…I’m in my early 50s. This is my mom’s belief, and I guess I absorbed it from her.
I believe that if I just knew what I wanted to do, I’d go after it, and have a more fulfilling career, and therefore life. But…
for someone who is somewhat of a rebel, I never rebel against the big things. That is, if someone thinks my ideas are foolish, I’ll defend them, but not pursue them. I think this is mostly because it takes a lot of work to believe in yourself to the extent that you can throw off everyone else’s beliefs. And I don’t know if I’m lazy or what, but I’ve never been motivated to pursue something come “hell or high water”. I don’t know what the source of that is, or how to overcome it, and I don’t have a direction for it should I manage to overcome it.
I am blessed to have a wonderful family, and they are my true passion. That could just be a way, however, to avoid putting forth high effort into a dream.
Anorev says
I believe that I have to work for anything that I want in/out of life but fear of failure is my challenge. I am going to really try to overcome this to move forward.
Keep writing these posts…. I find them inspirational and motivating. Thanks, guys.
Paul says
The universe is out to get everybody… at some point.
Eniyandunni Abiodun says
What an inspiring words, but the fact is, in this part of the world that we are (AFRICA) age matters a lot in everything you do and are going to do…. But the rest of the article is very good.
james says
Rejection…
Jens says
Timely article. I started to feel I was stuck in my present life situation. Trapped. This was a surprise because I don’t recall feeling that way in about 20 years. This feeling had become a habit. And in a short time too. A friend put fire to the fuse when she asked the classic motivating question: if she gave me 80000 euro to actually make a significant change by the end of the day, would I do it? Well, I did it. She didn’t. But she ignited a passion for possibilities. Thanks too for the reminders of people who have dared to go outside of other people’s comfort zones and given us some fun.
Mike@WeOnlyDoThisOnce says
Fatalism is an awful mindset to get into. Great insight.
Black Roses says
Very timely piece. I’ve spent much of my life thus far believing that no one likes or cares about me. This is a result of toxic relationships in my life from an abusive boyfriend to a critical mother. I also never fell in love because men always put me in the ‘friend zone’ or find me unattractive. As a result, I cry every dy feeling like I will never find someone that loves me. Today I was feeling down all day because a man I fell in love with doesn’t love me back…he doesn’t answer the phone, call me, or even text me. It hurts but I have faith that someone else will care about me someday. Thank you
Rob Beaudreault says
Great read! The phrase that holds me back time & again is: ‘You’re Not enough.” It’s the voice I hear the most & try to ignore. I falsely believe that others can do great things but I’m destined for mediocrity; that the many imperfections I have are what is holding me back from being a published author & speaker. Simply put, successful people are that way because of a gift, skill set or just plain luck.
Oddly enough, I find great comfort in Jon Acuff’s lisp. It’s a strange thing, I know but it’s also the truth. He’s not perfect & I love that about him. I’ve followed his ascension to stardom for years but never actually heard him speak until meeting him at a Start book signing a few months ago.
My biggest fear now is for Jon to actually read this & suddenly realize he has a lisp like the time I intercepted a note from one of my students and found out I had a bald spot after reading it :/ I started shaving my head the next day.
While some may discover the imperfections of people and see less, I see them as a reminder that success is reserved for those who hustle. I am compelled to silence that voice within me that whispers, “You’re not enough”, and simply respond, “I’m MORE than enough.”
Chris says
The one belief that has held me back (until now!) was a variation of number 5 on your list…
I wanted approval from my close family and friends before I made the changes I knew I had to make to be more successful.
This was really dumb as they can’t possibly see the positive future I see until I make it happen.
Eulene Johnson says
I really enjoy your column. I belong to a 12-Step group and have for a number of years. I have heard people in the group say that it is a selfish program. I disagree with them. I choose to call it a self-love group, because that is what I get from it every time I go to a meeting! A lot of the things you share sounds like some of the things I have heard in meetings. I believe that God brought me to these groups, and the groups have caused me to rely on HIM instead of myself! Before I joined, I believe I was an agnostic. But now, I have a relationship with God!
Braja Patnaik says
Great post as usual. There is one more thing that I would like to add to this list of the 5 false beliefs. Many times we believe we do not deserve something good or better. This belief somehow throws spanners of negative vibes in our otherwise positive day and wrecks it.
Dan Okafor says
This is one of the very best posts i have read on this site. You have just succeeded at summarising in five simple outlines what seperates many from the good they seek.
I count myself lucky to be associated with this site. Thank you so very much.
AnselSf says
Also, about no. 5, people don’t think about us as often as we’d like to think they do. Forget about them! 🙂
(And who is “them”, anyway?)
Josh Brancek says
Benny, this one “I am stuck in my current life situation” reasonates with me and I know I will change this!!!! Here is to more happier future!!!
Valentine says
Just out of interest…If the universe doesn’t care about us at all, why does it want us to be happy and succeed? Great read, thanks for sharing xx
Cameron Chardukian says
A limiting belief I used to hold was successful people were successful just because well, they were born that way.
Fortunately, reading personal development material and taking action on it had really changed my life over the past coupe years. It’s shown me that the only difference between successful people and average people is successful people truly want to be successful more!
SJ Scott says
Benny,
You make some great points. These beliefs really will hold people back. Numbers 1, 2, 3 seem to be all too common these days. They’re all about personal responsibility. Too often we find the telling everybody that they are special and unique makes people think they have a right to success in this world, when in reality success is something you have to fight for and achieve.
-SJ
daniellemaria2110 says
Love this and couldn’t agree more… would like to reblog this on my website 🙂
Harsh says
This is the most influencing article I have read in awhile and it has given my mind plenty to think about. I am truly inspired by this article and thank you for sharing it with me.
maga says
i’m beginning to suspect you are the big brother – how do you always know what i need to hear right now? 🙂 as always – right on time and super inspiring. thank you so much for running such an amazing site.
to add to the list, the false belief that often holds me back is that i cannot do something because i have some kind of an internal limit [that i’m born with, or is just a result of many previous choices]. like i dont have it in me. like when you say you will never be taller or younger than you are – which btw i guess you could really still work on depending on definition.
DANIEL SUNDAY says
An extremely helpful set of reminders to help me get moving toward some of the goals I’ve been procrastinating on.
BahriaTownOnline says
In nutshell, life starts the moment you step out of your comfort zone. We just get stuck by our social conditioning and stay in the rut all our life.
Unsuccessful people or those who had major failures even have transformations and their lives become even better.
Its just another great article on this blog; great job and keep it up!