Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.
Truth be told, you can’t berate yourself into a better version of yourself. And even though I know this, I sometimes still fall victim to my own negative thinking. Sometimes I’m downright rude to myself. I make a mistake, or fall short of my own expectations, and instead of treating it as a learning opportunity, I beat myself up about it.
I’m sure you can relate. We’ve all been there. We all have bad days and moments of self-doubt.
Sometimes the pressure coming from peers, family, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside. If we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or timeframe, we assume we’re just “not good enough.” Angel and I hear about this kind of self-defeating mindset from our coaching clients and blog subscribers (subscribe here) on a daily basis, and like I said, we aren’t immune either.
So what can we do about it?
Here’s how I handle it: Every time I catch myself thinking I’m not good enough, I immediately write down an opposing thought that debunks my negativity. I’ve been doing this for the past several years and it’s made a tremendous difference in my life. I challenge you to do the same.
If you need a little extra inspiration, here are some things I’ve come up with – 20 good reminders when you’re feeling “not good enough”:
- Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you. – YOU are walking your own path. Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel. Forget what everyone else is doing and achieving. Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live YOUR best life.
- Where you are right now is a necessary step. – Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on our ideals, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are right now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow.
- Everything is coming together… maybe not immediately, but gradually. – When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Pain is part of growing. Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
- It is your resistance to “what is” that causes your suffering. – Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with “what is,” rather than wishing for and worrying about “what is not.” “What is” is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be. The rest is just you, arguing with life. Think about that for a minute. This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are. You cannot control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens. In your response is your power. (Read The Power of Now.)
- Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace. – Choose to be miserable and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be miserable. Choose to be peaceful and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be at peace. Think about it. Are you skilled at making yourself miserable? With those same skills you can make yourself motivated, effective and fulfilled. Do so.
- You are always good enough to try, and that’s what’s important in the end. – Everything you achieve comes from something you attempt. Make the attempt. Trust me, twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did do. Give yourself a chance.
- There’s always something small you can do. – There is absolutely nothing about your present situation that prevents you from moving forward, one tiny step at a time. Remember, vision without action is just a daydream; vision must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, you must step up the stairs. And all you have to do is take one step at a time. Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must, but take that step.
- Failures are really just lessons that need to be learned. – No day is ever wasted when you live it with purpose and presence. Value and enjoy the journey, even when there are detours along the way.
- Yesterday’s impossibilities may be possible today. – Experience is the hardest kind of teacher; it gives you the test first and the lesson afterward. But this is really a blessing. It means you’re growing stronger and more capable with every passing day. So don’t you dare give up on today because of the way things looked yesterday. Don’t even think about it.
- What “might happen” can only stop you if you let it. – Rather than worrying about what might happen, move forward and use your energy and intelligence to deal with what does actually happen.
- The quality of your vision drives the quality of your life. – It’s up to you how you visualize things and what you focus on. Forget what you don’t like. Focus on what excites you. If you see a possibility, explore it. If you have a dream, live it. Those who are passionate and excited about what they’re doing have an advantage that is nearly impossible to conquer. Be one of these people. (Read Mindset.)
- You don’t need to get everyone’s approval first. – Stop listening to what the world says you should want. Start listening to who you are. Truth be told, there are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them.
- What you’re capable of achieving is greatly based on how much you want it. – When it means enough to you, then you can do it. When you are willing and committed and persistent, you will get yourself there, every time. Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural outcome of consistently applying your focused effort to what you want. The fatigue might be there sometimes, but you must understand that putting it aside is the single most important factor in succeeding.
- Your best bet is to give yourself no other choice. – It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice. In fact, achievement consists mostly of giving yourself no other choice. You are more than good enough; you just have to own it – you have to own everything you are and everything you’re up against. If you believe your troubles are too powerful, then you’ll never allow yourself to rise above them. Stop fretting. Quit worrying. Don’t complain. You know what you must do. So do it.
- You have to work hard on yourself too. – Self-respect, self-love, self-worth… there’s a reason they all start with “self.” You can’t receive them from anyone else. Earn the respect of others by having the audacity to respect yourself. Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with pots of gold at both ends. It’s your responsibility, above all, to see your own value. And this responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you; it means learning to use your own brains and intuition to make things happen – hence, grappling with hard work. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- You are stronger than whatever is troubling you. – Use each setback, each disappointment as a cue to push on ahead with more determination than ever before. When something bad happens, you can either let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you. The choice is yours. So pump yourself up! You are a lot stronger than you think you are. You may not be where you want to be yet, but look how far you’ve come. Celebrate the fact that you’re not where you used to be.
- For everything you’ve lost, you’ve gained something else. – Appreciate what you have today. Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful. No regrets, just lessons. No worries, just acceptance. No expectations, just gratitude. Life is too short. The story of your life has many chapters. One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end. So stop re-reading the bad one already, and turn the page.
- You have made the best of some tough situations. – Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy with everything. Sometimes it just means you’re strong and smart enough to accept it and make the best of it.
- Your scars are symbols of your strength. – Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph. So don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
- You are still here trying. – If you have no other testimony right now, you have this one: “I’m still here trying.” Be positive, patient and persistent. The more you feel like quitting, the more there is to be gained by continuing to do all three. Because the strongest people aren’t the people who always win, but the people who don’t give up when they lose.
Afterthoughts
The wisest, most loving, and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair. These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding and a deep loving wisdom. People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of time.
And you’re getting there.
The floor is yours…
So, which of the points in this post do you resonate with the most? What makes you feel “not good enough?” How have you coped with this negativity? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.
Photo by: Sander van der Wel
Dr. Gabriel Vazquez Ramos, Ph.D says
Marc, Fascinating!
It’s amazing how this words resonate with me and many others over and over again. It’s a common feeling, not feeling enough to accomplish something… but most of the times these feelings comes just before something great is about to happend.
You feel like quitting or giving up, everything seem to be going against you… I have noticed that that’s how the world is telling us that what we are doing, is worth it! Yes it is…
It’s just that tipping point between the way things were and the way things will be…
I have seen it so many times that, at least for me, I just go for it. I’m pre-disposed to use that as the extra push to make it; and it works…
Thanks again for the post and for indirectly give me that extra push in some things that I’m working on.
Best of luck!
Gabe
Diana says
A lot of these are really good points, but the one that really stuck with me is that you don’t need everyone’s approval.
I’m making some life changes right now that even some of my closest friends and family members don’t quite understand. I think for a while I was trying to get them to understand and approve of me before I could move forward with what I wanted to do.
What I began to realize is that I need to do what I need to do for myself and nobody else. If their approval comes, then great! If not, oh well.
Sara Stein says
It’s hard to choose which points resonate the most because in both large and small ways they ALL do. The hardest thing for me maybe, is the concern that when I talk myself up, and believe my own hype, that I might be the only one who thinks so. If that is true, then isn’t there something within myself that I can improve upon for my own good? The only negativity that bothers me are the goals I set too high for myself or any other normal person to reach comfortably, and being irritated and lashing out when they inevitably fail the first time.
Dee Martin says
Thank you for this post. I so look forward to my bi-weekly emails and articles. Today’s article has given me much to think, cry and smile about, especially as a new cancer sufferer/patient who has not come to terms with the disease, and rarely feels good enough to do what needs to be done to heal myself.
#4, #11 and #14 resonate the most at the moment. I also try to keep the beauty of each moment in mind. I try to be as present as possible with the time I know I have right now. And I’m only beginning to realize how much I was once overlooking.
Joanna L says
Goodness, there are so many points here that speak to me. Sometimes it’s just so hard to be mindful and levelheaded when life gets stressful. I lost track of my self-worth in the process. But I truly appreciate these reminders.
I’m a fairly new reader of your blog. I actually discovered you when a friend gave me your book for a birthday gift last month. And I enjoyed it so much I looked you up. Honestly, your perspective it’s just what I need to read these days. Thank you so much for helping me stay sane in this difficult time of my life.
Sandra Pawula says
Low self-esteem seems to be an epidemic in modern society. I love your approach of matching a negative thought with an opposing thought each time. That’s a perfect trick.
David N says
#5. Thank you.
Traci says
#18 was the one that stood out to me. I’ve often had this thought but hadn’t put it into words in that way.
Paul says
Thank you for this list; it is inspiring and offers great points regarding overcoming difficult times. I am frustrated by one problem that isn’t squarely addressed above (although I admit I might be missing it): What if your goal is reunion with a person who has left you? What if you seek redemption and a chance at happiness with that person? It seems that #13 encourages a commitment to that goal, but it seems to be beyond my ability to control, given that it relies upon the emotional willingness of another person.
If my fear is that I’m not good enough to merit a second chance with a person I consider exceptional and irreplaceable, what should I do? I will gladly focus on my own self-improvement and strive to become the best person I can, but I’m afraid it won’t be enough, and that I will face a future of either frustrating compromise or dreary loneliness. Anyone have any advice?
Heather says
Thank you so much for this blog post…having just lost my father, I am so sad…the grief…the family dynamics…just so overwhelming. I stayed here and read to help me cope through this difficult time …just what I needed.
Suren says
Thank you very much for inspiring me.
Actually it’s my first time leaving comment here. I always visit to your blog and realize about many things of this life. Your blog is just sunshine for everyone. Keep posting great posts.
For me, nowadays I just feel lonely, homesick.
Ps:I am studying abroad. Sometimes I struggle with myself that I am not good enough anyway I guess it happens to everyone. But nothing can stop me. Since I decided to come here because of my dream. I will not give up anymore no matter what happens.
Wish you all the best!
Judy Carpenter says
It’s amazing how many times I have to be reminded of some of these things.
Lennae says
Love theses thanks for sharing! 🙂
Lennae xxx
lennae87.wordpress.com
Ann says
#13 this reminds me that I am the one that has to work to achieve my goals. Only I can determine how much I want to achieve and how much work I’m willing to do to achieve that goal.
Kathy says
Excellent and inspiring insights… made me feel no so alone!! Thank you.
Holly says
Sometimes thinking about “what might happen” actually helps me. It allows me to imagine the worst and see that it’s not so bad and I could deal with it. Then I remind myself it’s an unlikely outcome anyway and so stop thinking about it and get on with it.
erin says
#13 #20 – I’m trying my hardest in college and today this is exactly what i needed. Thank you. Truly.
Janice Taylor says
Another useful list to have by you for frequent reference. Really like point 6 ‘you are always good enough to try’ and point 4 ‘it is your resistance to what is that is causing your suffering.’
Rose says
Thank you both for these helpful posts. I am having some challenging times at the moment and look forward to receiving your helpful emails. They just buoy me up to keep working at solutions.
C.S.H. says
#19 – “Your scars are symbols of your strength.” This helped me see how strong I really am.
Vanessa Jimenez says
Thank you. I had such a difficult time sleeping last night and reading this article this morning has changed my perspective on my current life transitions and is giving me hope. I have made some major life changes, and my worry, fear, and self-doubt have been strong. But I see that I must trust myself, see my journey as my own, and have faith that with time I will be stronger inside and out for the choices I’ve made in my life. Thank you so much.
Lynne says
Wow! You have NO idea how much I needed this message, on THIS day! I have been struggling on such a deep level with feelings of inadequacy related to work and relationships, trying to not allow the pain of regret keep me from moving forward. Every one of these points spoke to me, but the first 7 really hit home. Thank you!!!
Mayra Mercado says
Thank you for this beautiful post. I have been going thru some rough times this year. Part of me is in agony, part of me glad I have tomorrow to change my life. I just have to hang in there even though, I feel so broken and destroyed. Again , some of your words gave me hope and consolation. Thanks.
Radha says
Thank You so much…I’ve read this post and reread already re-read over and over again. The time has come…despite all odds and fears – first time I know I have to go and pursue my dreams, no matter how difficult it may seem right now.
Georgie says
Thank you for this list, your entire blog is so inspiring. Number 12 is one that I definitely need to remember.
Melissa Wilson says
These are all great things for anyone to remember. I especially appreciate #4, #12 and #19, with #4 resonating with me the most. It can be so easy to get caught up in where you want to be that you don’t appreciate where you are enough. I’ve recently come to realize that we can’t control what happens, only how we react. Unfortunately this is often easier said than done. If we can master our reaction, though, we can definitely be happier more times than not.
Mary says
Each point in this list spoke to me and were just what I needed to hear today. Thank you!!!
Kathleen says
I, too, wasn’t able to really sleep last night. All these negative thoughts kept rolling around in my head. This article was needed MAJORLY today. It is reassuring to know that I’m not going through life with these doubts, fears, whatever, by myself. There are others also struggling. I DO wish that I’d quit worrying so much about what other people think of me, or about me. They probably don’t even give me a thought. (I hope!).
Thank you, and thanks to everybody who has posted a comment out here – 🙂
Rebecca says
I love your blog, but this is the first time I’ve commented. Every post never fails to inspire and encourage, but this one really resonates and… makes my struggle feel easier. Thank you so much.
Laura says
I was feeling really insecure when I sat down to read my email this morning. My life is hard, and I’m really struggling financially. My daughter is recovering from heroine addiction, and I lost a business partnership with my last break up, so I’m starting my business over from scratch for the 4th time, and the money flow isn’t there yet. I met a man that I am so attracted to, and I’ve never felt this way before…I can’t find anything wrong with him. He is healthy, sweet, smart, successful, handsome, and the fact that I can’t find anything wrong with him makes me keenly aware of what is wrong with me; I have only $30 to my name and I raised a heroine addict, oh, and I am 3 years older than him, and have cellulite on my legs, even though I’m not overweight, it’s just the way I was built. He seems so perfect in every way, and I am keenly aware that I am not, and it makes me so scared that he will decide I am not good enough. In every other relationship, there was always something I could see right off the bat, that was wrong with them, and it gave me a sense of security. Of course, the flaws in the men in the past are what eventually ended those relationships!
So when I read the subject of your email this morning, I felt like the cosmos are there for me, and this article was exactly what I needed to start the week, this early Monday morning. Thank you so much! I enjoy all of your emails and am feeling divinely supported by your words. You guys are too cool!
Trish says
I, too, have had this same experience as Vanessa and Kathleen. Negative thoughts and unable to sleep. I recently forgave my son’s father and thought we could have the relationship I wanted and it has been horrible.
Jerry Stumpf says
You always have a large list for folks to use as a life mirror.
It was interesting to see your transparency at first that you need reinforcing to also get through.
Marriage, jobs and of course children (child) create a stressful living situation sometimes.
You do well to show that a thriving business and life can be accomplished.
Thanks — Jerry
Scott says
I love this! These will most definately be shared with my 13 year old daughter. Sometimes we all need a little boost of confidence and perspective. Thank you!
Lisa says
Having recently found your site, Marc and Angel, I have come to look forward to your insights about surviving this complicated world. Besides making me think logically about my life, self-worth and interactions with others, it lets me see that I am not alone. My current relationship has been a roller coaster ride and learning that ‘right now’ is a necessary step towards happiness and not rush the future (#2) is difficult. Accepting “what is” at this moment makes me crazy (#4), but learning the only thing I have control over is my response will make a huge difference in how happy I am.
@Paul: I’m probably not in any position to give advice because I am trying to save my own delicate relationship, but what I can tell you is that taking a step back and taking the opportunity to work on the things about me that will make me a better person will hopefully make me feel better about myself AND allow me to be a better partner to my boyfriend. I won’t lie, the pain is excruciating that I can’t be with him every moment, but I have to have faith it will make us stronger. I am fighting the all the tendencies that M & A have classified as relationship saboteurs (see 5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in your Relationships) and I hope you too can put these tools to use, if not for your previous relationship, then for your future one. Good Luck!
Lydia says
I really enjoy reading your blog today. I am also grateful I read some of the encouraging comments by the people who say they will practice what was learnt.
Thank you. I will always check my email for your encouraging words.
Lynne says
Thank you! Thank you so much.
Paul says
@Lisa: Thank you for your comments and for sharing the reference to that article! I appreciate the feedback, and wish you luck in working on strengthening your relationship.
Lynn says
I thoroughly enjoy your articles. I write down quotes from them…and I always feel like they are just a little over-the-top in length. Does anyone else feel this way about them? 4-6 good points my brain can take in and process….10-20 is just too much. Often I’d like to forward the articles to friends…but they would feel over-whelmed with so many points to read. Just sayin’…..
Shawna says
Thank you for these words of wisdom. At this time, I’m so depressed, I cannot seem to concentrate on the whole article, but just reading the words in bold print helped lift my spirits a bit. I’m going to keep this in my inbox and go back later to read more when I can concentrate better. I just wanted to thank you. I’m sure there are so many people you help. What a wonderful calling you have.
Thoughts Blender says
My biggest problem is that I’m the worst, the toughest critic to myself. I feel “not good enough” because I feel I’m not fulfilling my own expectations.
I’m learning how to be good to myself, how to accept some facts and ignore others. Hard work is still ahead of me, but I already feel more appreciated by myself than I used to.
Betsy says
Again, right in my face, all of it. I have found truth and comfort in your saying “one day at a time” and “baby steps.” Your lists just speak to us, everyone has something, and you seem to hit the problem or situation on the head in every post.
Thank you both. Also thank all of the people who read and share their own post.
It is sort of comforting to know other people can speak of the same issues here. Feels like a safe zone.
Mollie says
@Betsy : Couldn’t agree with you more. I take a lot of comfort in reading other people’s posts, knowing that I’m not alone.
This list came at JUST the perfect time for me! I can’t tell you how lovely it is to read it. Especially #1. I am starting on a new venture and it is pretty scary & I’ve been unfairly comparing myself & how I’m doing with others & letting it break my confidence. #10 too – I’m a total worry-puss & it’s wrecking my life – I feel I have a monkey sitting on my shoulder weighing me down – and I just want to take him off and feel free without this shadow of ‘I’m not good enough’ constantly hanging over me. Thanks for this amazing post. Have a super day xx
Heroslodge says
Nice wake-up call post!
Nathaniel Collum says
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, and your posts are always excellent. This one really hit home for me. I just shared it with all of my fellow creative friends. Thank you for putting happiness and positivity into the world (and especially Internet).
Chuck says
There are just too many to chose from…wow! Some lessons I’m learning — I am not alone, scars do heal even though too many times we think they never will. Even though experience has taught us otherwise, we forget. Why do we forget about the many lessons we have learned along the way.
I think that’s why I found you Marc + Angel, to remind me. Like other respondents have said, it sounds like you are speaking to each and everyone of us directly, that’s why I don’t feel so alone trying to regain my self confidence that ran away from me after my job loss. I am working on getting it back because I know it’s still there somewhere, it never really leaves us. Like others have said, I just need to stop all the worrying.
Thank you thank you so much Marc and Angel for your great work.
Direct Self says
No one said life is fair. It’s kind of a snarky point but there’s truth to it. Often when the proverbial poo hits the fan, we feel sorry for ourselves. Or just plain unlucky. But this is flawed thinking. Remember that you are part of the human race and all bets are off when it comes to “fairness.” This often helps to take the “why me” out of the equation.
Layla says
Today is hard to face right now. I’m having a panic attack… I am tired of being AFRAID OF LIFE AND LIVING. I feel alone and terrified most of the time. This article helped me see that this isn’t something abnormal, that there are others out there who may feel scared too. We are living in a whirlwind world. Things are changing too fast and information is overwhelming. I feel out of breath after a brief perusal on LinkedIn or Facebook because there is just TOO MUCH INFORMATION out there to digest. I deactivated my FB account for the tenth time. Right now I’d huddled in my room, with my laptop, afraid to leave the house. I am hoping that these kinds of articles are going to be an important part of my life transformation. I want to do a complete 180 and change my life for the better. Thank you for the article and the comments that followed it.
Bablous says
I can’t thank you enough for these life changing words – your blog always inspires and helps me. God bless you.
Chuck Freeman says
Great post! Thanks for sharing!
“Where you are right now is a necessary step.” You are right!
Opportunity, innovation, confidence, strength and money most of the time results from pain, fear, anxiety, chaos and problems….
I think in every bad situation there is the possibility for something positive! Its only a matter of looking at it the right way!
Ian Knabel says
It has to be number 2 for me. I have always believed that we are who we are as a result of the sum of our life’s experiences. This is where I get strength from when fighting through periods of life that suck!
It’s not what happens to us that defines us but how we react and what we learn that defines us
Great read – thanks.