“Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.”
— Henry David Thoreau
Crazy, isn’t it?
How complex and complicated life has become. You pack so much into your days that you feel weighed down. Checking emails and social media over breakfast, and catching up on news headlines before you even hit the shower. Staying in touch used to involve talking to real, live human beings. Now we absorb data through a screen more often than not.
There’s so much to remember and so much to do in this overly connected world. It can feel like you’ve run a marathon by mid-morning. And the craziest part is, you get so busy rushing around trying to meet everyone’s needs that you forget your own half the time. You lose sight of what’s truly important. And all those significant, meaningful things you intend to do are never done.
Like spending time with people you love. Or organizing a much-deserved weekend away. Or doing something you enjoy. You never have the time to do those things because everything else seems so much more urgent. So, despite your best intentions, you relegate quality time to the bottom of the list.
If only things could be simpler. Then you’d feel lighter and be able to enjoy life more. But how do you make things simpler when they’re so overwhelming and complex on most days? The last thing you need is an extra protocol to follow or a complicated approach to living.
Instead, you need some straightforward, effective ways to make life easier. Try some of the following strategies to simplify your life and lighten your load. They’re not complicated, and they’ve worked well for me over the years. All you have to do is put them into action, gradually, one at a time.
1. Question Your Yeses
When someone invites you to a social event or asks for your help, you instinctively want to say yes. But if you always say yes you can end up rushing around from place to place, getting overwhelmed and frazzled just trying to jam it all in.
Instead, question your tendency to impulsively say yes. It’s OK to stop and think first. Ask yourself if you want or need to do this thing, or if you just feel obligated. Consider how it fits with your other commitments and plans.
Reducing the amount of obligations you commit to, whether they’re tasks or social activities, lightens your load. You’ll have less to remember and less to do, and that will simplify your life.
2. Make a Conscious Decision to Do Less
Force yourself to choose what’s really important, and leave the busywork behind. Busywork is the stuff that fills a lot of our days, but it isn’t meaningful or significant to our lives. Like checking Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat 20 times a day.
If you’re not sure what’s important, imagine you had to finish your work by lunchtime every day. What would you make sure you got done before you left the office? If it’s a personal or social thing, what would you do if you were dying? Seriously. Pretend you have extremely limited time left and view the world from that perspective. Is the event or task so important that you would spend part of your remaining days doing it?
People who have a serious health scare often find that this gives them great clarity. They gain the ability to work out what’s important and what they can do without. And they discover that doing less simplifies and lightens life, while deepening their effectiveness in every endeavor and relationship worthy of their time.
3. Know and Nurture Your Strengths
Take the time to establish your strengths, and work toward using them more often. By spending more time working in your areas of strength, you’ll get into a state of flow and enjoy more of your work.
You can identify your strengths by thinking about the things you do well. Maybe it comes naturally to you to plan things out and prevent possible pitfalls. Maybe you love helping people solve their problems. Maybe you’re great with numbers or paying attention to detail.
Whatever you do, don’t fall into the trap of believing your strengths are only the things that other people think you’re good at. What they really mean is that you’re good at that thing compared to them. And that’s great, but it’s only part of the puzzle. The key is to focus on what you enjoy doing, and what comes naturally, that also seems to make an obvious difference to others and the world around you.
4. Know What You Want
One of the common reasons our lives get so complex and crazy is because there’s a big gap between the life we dream of living, and the one we’re actually living.
Get clear on what you want from life (your ‘Why’), and work toward it. Anything that’s not on your path can be eliminated or reduced because it’s not important.
Visualize the life you want to lead and work on making it a reality, one day at a time. You don’t have to work toward achieving everything that you want at once; just establish what your key goal is today, and work on that. Once you’ve got that one under control, start working on the next one.
As you achieve your small goals, you’ll gain a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Life will become more joyful and easier to deal with, day in and day out.
5. Practice Loving Yourself
No one is perfect, and the sooner you accept yourself for how you are and who you are, the simpler life will be.
It’s OK to know your weaknesses and work on minimizing them. But it’s not reasonable to expect you’ll ever be perfect. Instead, accept that you are more than good enough just as you are.
Celebrate your achievements, and congratulate yourself on what you do well. Spending more time focusing on your strengths will build your confidence and self-worth, which affects pretty much everything else.
6. Think About How You’ll Be Remembered
Have you heard the expression, “They don’t read your resume at your funeral”? It’s true. We don’t remember people by their achievements. Even someone well known, like Steve Jobs, is not remembered by his resume.
He’s remembered for his determination, creativity, drive, and intelligence. That is, he’s remembered for his traits – the traits that led to his successful resume.
Work out what traits you want people to remember about you, and live your life accordingly. The best way to do this is to establish your values, or what’s important to you, and live your life in a way that reflects those values.
7. Use a Simplification Lens
When you’ve got a task or project that needs doing, ask yourself, “What is the simplest, most straightforward way of achieving the result I need?” Focus on outcomes rather than standard processes, and you’ll be amazed how much more efficient life can be, especially in trying times.
I once worked with a senior manager — let’s call him Dave. One day, Dave’s wife called to say she was locked out of the house. Dave’s house was a 30-minute drive away, and his client had just arrived for a scheduled meeting. Dave now had two important people who both wanted the next hour of his time. What was he going to do?
He calmly picked up his car keys and left the office. Then, he drove his client to his house while they held their meeting. Instead of focusing on the conflicting demands, Dave focused on achieving both outcomes as simply as possible.
8. Go on a Drama Diet
Admit it: sometimes you over-dramatize things. You think something is a big deal, but it turns out not to be. Like stressing about your annual performance review, or wondering how you’ll admit a recent mistake to a family member.
Don’t worry; we all do this sometimes.
But the next time you find yourself getting worked up about something, ask yourself if you’re over-dramatizing the situation. If you’re not sure, find a close friend (or someone you trust) who will tell you the truth, and ask them.
Try approaching these events without expectations or preconceived ideas about how they might play out. Practice fostering a sense of calm curiosity. Face the truth with an open mind.
9. Know the Difference Between Worry and Concern
Worry and concern might sound like the same thing, but they’re not. A worried person invests a lot of time fretting about something that might happen, but they don’t plan, or do, anything. A concerned person, on the other hand, thinks about the options and the possibilities and builds a logical plan for taking the next step forward, and then takes it.
When you’re concerned, you’re uneasy about what might happen, but your plan empowers you. You don’t waste time and energy worrying – because you’re focused on taking the next best step. You’re comforted that you have thought through all the options, and you have a strategy to move forward.
10. Focus on Now
A lot of life’s complications come from future possibilities or things that might happen. Sometimes it’s things that might be unpleasant, or overwhelming. Sometimes we’re afraid of failure, or success.
Life is simpler if you focus on the here and now. It’s fine to plan for the future, but don’t stress about it. If you find yourself wondering how you’ll cope with tomorrow, or next week, remind yourself that you’re here now. You can do what needs doing today, and nothing more. Have faith that you’ll be ready for tomorrow, or the next day, when it arrives.
11. Pay Yourself First
I don’t mean financially; I mean pay yourself first in time. Get out your planner and schedule all the important, personal things you want to attend or achieve. They’re key to keeping you happy and productive, and they deserve to go into your planner first.
Put the good stuff in before all the obvious obligations. Plan out your quarterly breaks, family fun time, and long weekends away so you have something to look forward to. This will ensure these activities don’t get pushed to the bottom of your priority list where they’re overlooked. Life feels lighter when you can anticipate enjoyable events, by keeping them visible.
12. Pay Attention to Little Moments
As we mention in our book, it’s the little moments in life that often have the biggest impact in the long run:
“By watching children, I learned what is obvious to them – that life is simply a collection of little, priceless moments, each lived one day at a time. That each day should be spent finding beauty in sunrises, rainstorms, poetry and talking to each other. That a day spent with dreaming and laughing and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, I learned that life is about sitting on benches with pleasant views and good company, and sometimes, on great days, for falling in love.”
Afterthoughts
This is your life. Your one and only shot at creating the life you want to lead. If you’re not happy with how things are, it’s up to you to change it.
And here’s the secret that most people refuse to tell you: You have the power. You may have unwittingly gotten yourself into a complex, weighed down situation, but you have the power to change it. You can create a life that is as simple and light as you imagine. The only thing standing in your way … is you.
So get out of your own way. Pick one small step to take, and take it today. Then take one more step tomorrow. And the next day.
Your turn…
Which point in this post do you resonate with the most? What do you want to simplify in your life? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Philippe
Karla says
This was a great refresher. #2 and #12 truly resonate with me. I gradually learned about filling every moment with distractions — doing so doesn’t serve me. Now my hour commute to work is filled with silence instead of the radio. I spend the quiet time ordering my thoughts, or just letting them wander. Either way, it is useful time to reconnect with my inner voice and center myself, and simplify my thinking.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Karla,
I’m glad you liked the post! Your commute to work sound fabulous. Too often we think we need to spend that time learning a new language or skill, but it’s so much more enjoyable and beneficial to cherish it as quiet time. 🙂
Larry Hickman says
I love this post! Thanks. The one about focusing on NOW definitely resonates with me. A few moments of of quiet gratitude and presence, I have found, sets up my day for success.
BTW, I’m loving Marc and Angel’s book. It provides me a needed dose of motivation – or an attitude adjustment – whenever I pick it up and read a page or two.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Larry,
I’m glad you’re enjoying moments of quiet gratitude and presence – and Marc and Angel’s book!
caroline says
Excellent ideas on simplifying our lives! I think numbers 8 and 9 are similar and usually come up in the context of my full-time job. I especially need to remind myself that I don’t need to spend the energy or time on nonsense; but I can use energy and time on creative and positive pursuits.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Caroline,
You’re right, 8 and 9 are similar. It’s easy to get caught up in drama as work, isn’t it? It’s great to hear you’re so good at self-management.
Tammy says
The whole article is basically for me. I just need to first of all say that I need to think about me, because I focus my time on everybody else. I love all of the articles on Marc and Angel’s blog/books. They give motivation, energy and how life should be without social media.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Tammy,
Too true! Glad you liked the article.
Cate
Esther says
Thank you so much for all the great thoughts and wisdom towards life. I do greatly appreciate it. They help me a lot.
Actually I’m posting from Papua New Guinea. Here, we do not have a psychologist and in this time of era its so complicated to communicate with others who truly do not understand.
I am married for 5 years with no kids. I have marriage issues and stress of not having kids all this years just suck the life out of me.
But I’m am grateful that i came by your website. Thanks a lot and a good night from Papua New Guinea.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Esther,
I’m sorry to hear things are tough for you at the moment. I hope you continue to find inspiration, help and a little happiness from the site.
Best wishes,
Cate
Mandi says
#10 Focus on the Now truly resonated with me. I tend to worry and fret about tomorrow and things to come, not remembering that first I have to make it through today. By losing sight of today, I forget to pay attention to the little moments like in #12. Those are often the greatest blessings – the smile on someone’s face, a sunrise, the smell of rain. I need to focus on now and truly appreciate those moments I am privileged enough to enjoy.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Mandi,
Sounds like you’ve got great insights! I’m glad the post reminded you to focus on your blessings. 🙂
Cate
Jennifer says
You guys probably receive a dozens of comments and emails a day and I don’t know if you will get get time to read this…but I just subscribed to your emails. I am going through a tough time and to wake up to such a positive email/post this morning has truly started my day off right…so just wanted to say thank you for being so uplifting to this world…amazing!
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Jennifer,
I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough time, but I’m glad the post gave you a positive start to the day. You’ve made my day, by just knowing that I’ve managed to brighten things for you! Hang in there.
Cate
Kris says
I agree with the article, but for some people, the “rat race” is an inescapable reality. How about people just learn to enjoy the “rat race” they are in? There may not be a choice of circumstances always, but as Viktor Frankl and Corrie and Betsy Ten Boom demonstrated, we ALWAYS have a choice in how we REACT in our circumstances.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Kris,
You’re right, many people are stuck in the rat race, and we often have to make the best of whatever situation we’re in. Even when we’re in the rat race, it’s useful to rethink which things we have control over, and what things we have to work with. It can bring us clarity and control over things we’d forgotten we have power over.
Cate
mm says
I love how you explain the different between worrying and concern. That was so helpful for me
Cate Scolnik says
Hi MM,
I’m glad you found it useful. I certainly find concern empowering and calming, whereas worrying is stressful. I hope the distinction helped you.
Cate
Claire says
This was beautifully written – and just what I needed to hear… thank you! 🙂
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Claire,
Thanks for your kinds words – I’m glad you liked it.
Cate
Tony says
Wonderful, wonderful post
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Tony,
Thank you, that’s very kind. I hope you found it helpful.
Cate
SS says
I would also add making the difference between what is URGENT and what is IMPORTANT.
We are spending a lot of time doing what looks urgent (I have to answer that email!) and leave what is important (like looking after yourself, nurturing relationships etc…) for afterwards. With so many things that are pressing to make themselves look urgent (you know like the alarm on your phone that tells you’ve received yet another email), we tend to forget all the small but important things we ougth to do.
Cate Scolnik says
SS,
You’re so right! It’s easy to get caught up in urgent without considering important. The Stephen Covey Important/Urgent matrix is a great tool for assessing priorities in these terms – it’s really invaluable in the workplace.
Thanks for your comment.
Cate
Dave says
As a 24 year old recent graduate who moved to NYC after college, #2 really resonates with me. My generation is complete obsessed with showcasing their lives on social media and honestly I find it appalling. I think people use it as an escape from what they are actually going through in order to receive approval over and over and over again. An artificial inflation of self-worth that truly will only last for a few hours or even minutes. I have been guilty of this in the past and just wish that people can realize the harm in abusing social media. I truly believe people my age are becoming more and more depressed from the abundance of social media, from looking at exaggerated versions of other people’s lives that seem perfect from the outside but truly aren’t. And sometimes I feel like I am trapped in a bubble because of it. I do not think it is easy or even possible to change what people put out there but it is very possible to change what we consume. If you are around my age and can relate, I urge you to keep your instagram, snapchat, facebook and twitter feeds specific to the 10-15 people you actually care about. Block or delete the ones you don’t. Turn off the red notifications on your phone for apps that aren’t helpful to you. You will live happier, simpler and with lower expectations of where you should currently be in your life compared to everyone else.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Dave,
You’re right, there is research coming out to show that social media can cause depression and unhappiness (there’s also a video doing the rounds that shows this quite graphically, and very sadly). It’s making it very easy to compare ourselves to others and feel second-rate because we’re not comparing ourselves to a real, balanced view of those other people. We’re comparing ourselves to the image they’re projecting. I’m glad you’re aware of it and working on reducing the impact!
Cate
Mandy says
Amazingly-written post! Love it!
#5 truly resonates with me. I do not know how to practice self-love until to date. I’ve always see fashion bloggers posting beautiful pictures on Instagram, and I admire them having a “good” life being bloggers. I’ve once lashed out on a girl for being prettier than me because I’m jealous of her life. Thereafter, I went to see a therapist and I found out that I’m lack of self-love.
I know practicing self-love doesn’t happen overnight. But I hope that I’ll gradually have some, bit by bit.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Mandy,
It’s true that practicing self-love doesn’t come naturally. But you’re well on the way because you’re aware of it, so well done!
Cate
Berta says
#1 resonated with me most strongly, because I question my obligations very rarely, but now I’ve realised that it’s probably the reason why I feel so overwhelmed so often.
Thank you for this helpful article!
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Berta,
It’s funny how we get into habits that we don’t question, isn’t it? Like just saying yes to everyone. We kind of forget that we can say no, or “I’ll get back to you”. I’m glad you’ve found a useful tool to help offload your overwhelm. 🙂
Cate
L says
This is very helpful! Great reminders. Thanks for the article 😉
Cate Scolnik says
Hi L,
Thanks for your comment – I’m glad you liked the article.
Cate
Martijn Schreuder Goedheijt says
I really like your afterthought Cate 🙂 We should we remember we CAN change indeed. I had a job that wasn’t fulfilling me for a long time, and I didn’t change until I realised: It’s not going to get any easier in the future, so if not now, then when?! Even wrote a little blog about it: authenticarrows.com/it-takes-great-courage-to-be-free/
Would love to hear your comments!
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Martijn,
Well done! Change takes courage and you invested this in yourself. But you’re reaping the rewards of a richer life.
Cate
Olayanju says
Hi Cate,
It’s an awesome post you’ve written here. Your words cut right to the heart.
Knowing what I want most in life and then, using a simplifying lens to achieve it has truly helped me and a bunch of people I’ve met. Striking a balance between this and the fact that we’ll be remembered by who we were and not what we’ve achieved is of utmost importance.
We only have to keep reminding ourselves to take the time to breathe each day and reflect on our days, to ensure that we’re still working on the right path.
Btw, I completely agree with Dave’s comment on the abuse of social media. Once we know what we want and we have a plan for achieving it, which we’re daily working towards, we wouldn’t compare ourselves with others or feel the need to reflect a false life on social media (except that’s one of our life plans, which I doubt!)
Hopefully, I’ll touch a life by sharing this article.
Warm regards,
-Olayanju.
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Olayanju,
I’m glad you liked the article. It sounds like you’ve got a solid plan, both to live an satisfying life, and avoid the troubles that social media can bring. Well done.
Cate
PS. Thanks for sharing the article, too. 🙂
Lennae says
Love your post, all of these points speak to me! My favourite point is number 4 “knowing what you want!” For me it’s taken a major health issue to realise what I really want out of life. Thanks for sharing.
Lennae xx
lennaesworld.com
Cate Scolnik says
Hi Lennae,
You’re right. A health issue can really prioritise things – rapidly. It’s great for gaining clarity, but not a nice thing to deal with. I hope you’re soon back to feeling 100%. In the meantime, take care of yourself.
Cate
Lorrie Jones says
Oh how I needed this! Thank you for such a great post and for the invitation to live my life in simplicity and with more calm. I’m starting today…right now!
Johnny says
What a good, warm and nice reminder to read today. I teach these things my self to both clients and mentorship relations. But getting my own refresher is needed weekly! 🙂
I’m just about to launch a limited access mentorship program, where these subjects is a big part of the content. Now I’m pretty overworked with setting things up… haha! But it’s fun.
Greta says
I’m dealing with treatment resistant depression. A lot of unrelated things came crashing down in my life. My Higher Power’s way of telling me to simplify. Do you have any other pointers on separating worry from concern? Also, how to stop trying to please everyone without making them mad. One last share. My doctor told me to look for pleasant memories. Yesterday, I went back to a neighborhood I lived in 20 years ago – I took pictures of places where I had experienced joy. I came home and took a nap. The first good day I have had in several months.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful insights.
Akeem says
Wow, some believe in fate; others called it coincidence but I prefer to believe in all possibilities. I joined this group and found this article at exactly the right time for me. I really connected to 2, 4, 6, 7 and 10 were my favorites.