I was writing at a local beachside coffee shop when a young woman approached me. “You’re Marc, right?” she asked.
I looked up at her. She had piercing eyes, a pierced nose, an elegant smile… but nothing that rang a bell. “I’m sorry. Do I know you?” I inquired politely.
“No,” she replied. “But I know you.” She swiftly walked back to the table where she’d been sitting, picked up her iPad, and carried it over to me. On the screen was our blog, Marc and Angel Hack Life. “You look just like your photo,” she said in a chipper tone.
I smiled. “So you’re one of the three people in this town who read it.”
She blushed. “What I like about your writing is that it’s so real.”
I cleared my throat. “Real?” I asked.
“I mean . . . you don’t hide anything. You say it just like it is. And that gives me hope.”
“How do you know that I don’t hide anything?” I asked.
She paused, tilted her head slightly and squinted her eyes as if, maybe, to look for something inside me that she had missed before. “Well, your words seem so, so . . . honest.”
Her compliment was appreciated, but it didn’t feel fair. Perhaps because I’m not always good at accepting compliments, or perhaps because I’ve been thinking a lot about honesty lately . . . and how I sometimes fall short.
“There are some things you should probably know,” I said. “If I know a picture is being taken of me, I usually make a crooked half-smile because I think it’s sexy. If someone touches my arm, I flex a little bit because I think people are impressed with harder muscles. And if I know guests are coming over to my home, I run around like a mad man and make it spotless before they arrive, because I’d like them to think that I’m clean and organized all of the time.”
“But . . .”
“And that’s just the beginning,” I continued. “When I write a new blog post, I’m typically only writing about the people and experiences that inspire a single sentence that moves me. For instance, in today’s post that sentence is: “Honesty is a matter of awareness and intention.” The rest is just my attempt to bring that sentence to life—to show why it’s meaningful to me.”
“But can’t you see . . .”
“And when I want to impress someone I’ve just met for the first time, I pretend that I’m overly outgoing and fearless. And I try to say clever or profound things like, “Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.” But it usually doesn’t come out right because I don’t really want to be clever or fearless or profound. Not right then. I just want to break the ice and introduce myself. And I want to do it without stumbling over my words.”
“Marc, this is exactly the kind of honesty that inspires me!”
“You’re missing the point. These are revelations, and they’re revealing the ruse. The sexy, crooked smiles aren’t the smiles you see most often. And the blog posts rarely include the exact sentences that inspire them. And the folks I introduce myself to don’t always see the real me, and they don’t realize that I’m nervous because I’m trying to impress them . . . because I want them to like me, and because . . .”
“Who are you trying to impress?” she asked.
“That’s not the point,” I said.
“But I want to know,” she insisted.
“This is what I mean,” I continued. “An honest person would just tell it to you straight. But I write stories on a blog about a girl who wanders the streets, and nights of dancing naked, and a heartbroken Jamaican woman at an ice cream parlor . . . and who in their right mind knows what will come next.”
“But it was Angel and you who were naked and dancing that night, right?” she asked.
I grinned. “Shhh, don’t tell anyone.”
“But won’t the new people you want to impress and all of the important people in your life know how you feel . . . if they read your blog posts?” she asked.
“No,” I replied. “I don’t think they read the blog.”
We shared a long silence during which her gaze locked directly into the depths of my eyes. Finally, she said, “I think I understand better why you give me hope.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because at some point the world forgot—or perhaps never knew—that honesty isn’t about whether we make sexy smiles for the camera, mask autobiographical blog posts about ‘dancing naked,’ or try not to show our apprehension before meeting someone new. Rather, honesty—revelation—is a matter of awareness and intention. And somebody recognizes that. And it gives me hope and makes me think.”
I smiled. “And one other thing,” she said.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m pretty sure that whoever you want to impress will appreciate you just the way you are. I know I do.”
Finding Inner Liberty . . . Just The Way You Are
Why did I just tell you that story?
Because it liberates me to do so.
Reflecting on that raw, authentic conversation in the coffee shop is emotionally freeing. It reminds me that by allowing myself to be myself, I allow others to be themselves too. This creates a healthy, supportive environment in which to live and communicate. In a society where people love to point fingers and poke fun, most of the time you can only fight brazen judgments (including self-judgments) with naked honesty. When you put your whole self out there—when you speak up about your issues and open yourself to receiving care and support, you allow others to reciprocate and follow your lead. The truth is, we’re all in this together, undergoing the same learning processes and internal conflicts. We’re all equally perfect in our imperfections. There’s no reason not to admit it.
Too often, however, we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we’ll be liked and accepted by everyone. But we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think the world wants us to be, we open ourselves up to real conversations, real relationships, and real peace of mind.
Keep this in mind.
Liberate yourself—let “honesty and authenticity” be your policy today.
Start by admitting what so many of us have refused to admit about ourselves for far too long…
1. We are more sensitive, vulnerable, and unsure of ourselves than we want others to know.
Every single one of us has a sensitive side, and yet so many of us try to hide it. Why? Because sensitive people are too often perceived as weak or broken. But to feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the characteristic of a truly alive and compassionate human being. It is not the sensitive person who is broken, it is our modern society’s understanding that has become dysfunctional and emotionally incapacitated. There is zero shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being “too emotional” or “complicated” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring, and humane world.
Never be ashamed to let your feelings, smiles, and tears shine a light in this world.
And don’t be afraid to feel a bit awkward and unsure of yourself in the process.
In fact, if you feel unsure of yourself sometimes, I know exactly how you feel. I used to be incredibly unsure of myself too . . . sometimes I still am. And it’s not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, anxiety, fear of being judged, and feeling vulnerable and “different”—they’re really not all bad. Those inner battles—those insecurities—have been my angels at times. Without them I would never have disappeared into literature, language, the mind, passionate work, and all the wild intensities that made and unmade me, and shaped me into the person I am today.
But a harsh truth remains: The enemies we encounter in life, especially our own inner demons, use the things we’re insecure about against us.
Which means we can’t hide forever. We have to emerge. We have to grow through our insecurities.
At some point we have to free ourselves and take our power back by being secure in who we are . . . sensitives, vulnerabilities, insecurities, and all.
Instead of smiling to be polite, just cry when you need to. Instead of laughing when you are nervous or uncomfortable, just speak your truth. Instead of acting like everything is all right, proclaim it isn’t all right—talk about your feelings!
Liberate yourself.
Admit your truth.
Be vulnerable.
Be sensitive.
Be real.
Take a bold step forward.
2. We give others far too much control over how we feel and live.
“Today I lost the respect of a few people I love, and the desire to kill myself, when I finally took your advice and told everyone the truth about who I really am and what I’ve decided to do with my life. In a nutshell, I’ve chosen to love and honor myself, instead of convincing others to do it for me every day.”
Those are lines right out of a live chat session I had recently with a longtime reader and new course student of ours. Although this person asked to remain anonymous, they gave me permission to share this with you, and I’m so glad they did. Because at some point we all have to look out into the world with an honest, open heart and say, “This is me. Take me or leave me.” Getting to that point, however, is a journey. It takes time to condition our minds to resist the lure of social validation.
Our desire to be socially validated by others is baked right into our DNA. It has been proven time and time again, for example, that babies’ emotions are often drawn directly from the behaviors of those around them. As we grow up, we learn to separate our thoughts and emotions from everyone else’s, but many of us continue to seek—and in many cases beg for—positive social validation from others. In a recent survey we did with 1,200 of our course students and coaching clients, 67% of them admitted that their self-worth is strongly tied to what other people think of them.
The biggest problem is we tend to forget that people judge us based on a pool of influences in their own life that have absolutely nothing to do with us. For example, a person might assume things about you based on a troubled past experience they had with someone else who looks like you, or someone else who shares your same name, etc. Therefore, basing your self-worth on what others think puts you in a perpetual state of vulnerability—you are literally at the mercy of their unreliable, bias perspectives. If they see you in the right light, and respond to you in a positive, affirming manner, then you feel good about yourself. And if not, you feel like you did something wrong.
Bottom line: When you’re doing everything for other people, and basing your happiness and self-worth on their opinions, you’ve lost your moral center. If you catch yourself doing this—as you inevitably will at some point—remind yourself of the truth: What most people think of you doesn’t matter.
Refocus your attention on the right relationships. Spend time with people who see you the way you are, and not as they wish to think you are. Spend even more time with those who truly know about you, and who love and respect you anyway. And if someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back. It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by acting like someone you’re not. It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space within your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space within yourself where YOU used to be. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of our book.)
3. We often measure our own worth on a material-based scale.
If the conditions are right, it’s easy to grow horizontally by acquiring more money, newer cars, bigger homes, and various external accolades. Vertical growth, on the other hand, is when you stay in the same place with the same things for the most part, but grow deeper and deeper into yourself. It’s when you can say, “Five years ago I would have lost my mind over this situation, but now I don’t take it personally.” This kind of growth is far more rare, but it’s the only true growth there is. Sadly, many of us feel stuck, and we age much faster than we grow, because we focus almost entirely on horizontal achievements. We spend so much of our lives going through the external—material—motions of what society tells us “worth” is—earning more money, buying more stuff, working our way up the corporate ladder, etc.—that we fail to concentrate on what matters most.
Let this be your wake-up call.
No matter where life takes you—big cities or tiny towns, online encounters or in-person exchanges—you will inevitably come across situations that make you second-guess yourself . . . situations where everyone seems to have more than you . . . situations that leave you feeling utterly inferior. And you’ll subconsciously measure your own worth based on what you have on the outside, instead of who you are inside. But you know better! Chasing external, societal accolades to your own psychological detriment makes no sense. So do your best to catch yourself in the act . . . and then catch up to the ideas and activities that make you feel whole again. Go for the things of greater value—the things material wealth and status can’t buy. What matters most is having strength of character, peace of mind, and a grateful heart. If you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them. Never sell yourself short.
4. We rarely give ourselves the credit we deserve.
It’s easy to look at the past and regret things . . .
It’s easy to wish you had learned a lesson sooner.
But doing so doesn’t serve you.
What does serve you is giving yourself due credit.
Remember that time you thought you couldn’t make it through? You did, and you’ll do it again. Don’t let your challenges get the best of you. Appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too.
You deserve self-acknowledgment for your strength and resilience. We all do.
From time to time people ask Angel and me how we hold our heads up so high after all we’ve been through, and we always tell them the same thing: “It’s because no matter what, we are survivors, not a victims.” And the same is true of you. You are a survivor! Never forget it. Remember what you deserve and keep pushing forward.
Every step and experience is necessary.
In the end, all the small things you do make a big difference. Life isn’t about a single moment of great triumph and attainment. It’s about the trials and errors that slowly get you there—the blood, the sweat, the tears, and the small, inconsequential things you do on a day-to-day basis. It all matters in the end—every step, every regret, every decision, every minor setback and minuscule win.
The seemingly insignificant happenings add up to something. The minimum-wage job you had in high school. The evenings you spent socializing with coworkers you never see anymore. The hours you spent writing thoughts on a personal blog that no one reads. Contemplations about elaborate future plans that never came to be. All those lonely nights spent reading novels and news columns and social media posts, questioning your own principles on life and sex and politics and religion, and whether or not you’re good enough just the way you are.
All of this has strengthened you. All of this has led you to every success you’ve ever had. All of this has made you who you are today. And all of this proves that you have the strength and resilience to deal with the challenges in front of you.
Give yourself credit, right now, and step forward again with grace.
Your turn . . .
Before you go, let me ask you a quick question:
- Which point above resonated the most with you?
And how might admitting this to yourself more often, change your life?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Melissa B. says
Your points about feeling too sensitive and unsure of yourself hit the nail on the head for me. I’ve struggled with so many similar inner battles since I was a teenager. But on my 40th birthday earlier this year, I attended your live Think Better, Live Better event, and it really helped me rethink how I was treating myself. Instead of acting like my sensitivities were a problem, I’ve been gradually learning to see them as strengths. And I’ve actually been leveraging these newfound realizations to take better care of my elderly mom these past few months too. I may not have it all together, and I may be overly sensitive sometimes, but my heart is huge and loving, and so I’ve been putting more of my love to good work.
Also, I have to say your opening story in this article is incredibly touching—the sincere connection between you two, and the honest communication really makes me think about the masks I put on for others, and how taking off my masks and being real might be a very welcomed change.
Thank you, for everything.
Marc Chernoff says
You are welcome, Melissa. I do remember meeting you at Think Better, Live Better 2017. It was a pleasure. And I hope to see you at the next event in San Diego, Feb. 2018. 🙂
JC says
Marc (and Angel too), you are surely read by more than “three people” in your town, I’m sure. In fact, I am a counselor in south Florida and I often use your blog writings as an educational tool in my groups. So many people are constantly bombarded by ill will and judgmental information on how not to be an “addict” or a “bad person” or ” a failure” or “irresponsible.” Many of your stories and related insights allow them to know they are more “normal” and human than they realize.
Thank you for shining your light! It’s reaching people.
Keep up the excellent email newsletters and blog posts. And I’m looking forward to hearing more about the new book you two are writing too (I saw it mentioned somewhere in the comments recently…congrats.)
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you for sharing our work with your students/clients. That means a lot to us. 🙂
Vivian says
Thank you for emailing me a link to this post! It has given me so much to think about, especially as it relates to the Skype coaching call I recently did with you two. I totally see how the self-inquiry tools you taught me are helping me overcome my habit of victimizing myself. Thus, what resonated most was #4 about giving yourself more credit. So perfectly stated! Cheers!
Edith Jebet says
Marc and Angel you are wonderful. Your encouragement is so amazing.
Sherry says
#1 means the most to me, thanks for reminding me ?
MG says
Everything about vertical growth resonated with me. I used to be so afraid of everyone leaving me because of my past, that I tried to be everything for everyone. It didn’t work of course. I went through hell because of this way of thinking. I learned to go deep into myself. To challenge the negative thoughts that arose, and still do rise, on a second by second basis. I find that the negative thoughts, while still there, do not hold as much sway for me anymore, because I KNOW better. I KNOW where they come from and I know how to react appropriately to them.
So thank you Marc and Angel.
MightyMom says
“2. We give others far too much control over how we feel and live. “
This point most resonated with me and brought tears to my eyes. #4 about giving myself enough credit falls a close second.
Thank you so much Marc.. Beautiful Post!
Nick says
I really like the fact about growth that we must focus our vertical growth knowing more about ourselves and learning to handle hard situations wisely
sampathkumar iyengar says
An excellent article and spot on the issues and an eye opener as well.
Ladonna Hedrick says
I say all of this applies to me, I have Been self inflicting myself for to long, I try to stay strong because thats what others want to see. It gets tiring being what others want you to be, they want you to be ok, happy, and at peace. Well i do not want to pretend that is what i feel, if im not happy at that moment, ok or at peace i dont want to pretend i am so someone else can be comfortable. Im not saying i will never be but sometimes you want to admit to yourself that your no fine at all. we have up days and down days, but i want to be true to my feelings, and emotions instead of pretending it is not there, material things do not make it better, i want to love my inner me before i love my outer me. living just on the outside will only take you but so far. Eventually how you feel on inside will surface. Cant be some one you not forever. Life tends to find a way to bring out who you really are rather good or bad.
Erica says
The point about giving ourselves credit is huge for me. I tend to focus more on the things that I didn’t accomplish rather than the things that I did. Even if it’s just getting through a tough week where I am busy and have no time to breathe. It’s a good reminder to me to be proud of the little things and not focus on lack. I also tend to focus on guilt or regret even though I have truly applied myself to learn from those feelings and to use that wisdom. Giving ourselves credit reminds me to release…to sit the past down where it belongs and lighten my load to move forward, stronger and with what I have learned…to make better choices and to be a better me.
Spavana S says
The post on having others validate your life or insert there behaviors upon me. I have looked deedly to except myself as I am. I realize its a journey to seek truth…so thank you for illuminating your work.
Starla says
Hello,
1. We are more sensitive and vulnerable and unsure of ourselves then , what we want other to know.
2. We give others far to much control about how we live and feel
And 4. Rarely giving ourselves credit where do.
These three resonate with me the most. Lately,(well most of my life) struggling with PTSD, and the depression that can sometimes follow that. Has been leaving me feeling worthless and a victim of my past. Which has become my mindset. Imprisioning myself within myself because i feel worthless and nothing ever good comes my way, like Im unfixable. I also have come to terms with this and ….
Realizing that much change is needed. That I can no longer live as defeated as I have been. No longer need to live afraid of the world. I am no longer a victim of my past, and that there is no need to pretend to be happy if Im not.
This is interesting, because all i typed in google was something about loving myself or accepting myself. And your blog was the first thing to pop up. What i read was something i needed.
So thank you!
gladys easling says
A BIG THANK YOU I NEEDED THIS AND I AM IN MY SEVENTIES. XOXO
Linda F says
Number two, for certain. I often say if I fell out of a window to my death below, my husband’s life would flash before me, not mine. It’s hard for me to not base my feelings on how he is, due to the fact that I am his caregiver. He had a spinal injury ten years ago that left him a paraplegic. His wheelchair is his home now. But if I’m honest, I was that way before he was injured. Married 4 7 years, I’ve always based how I felt dependent on his mood or situation. I know it was due to my young life. A middle child navigating in a functioning disfunctional family, I was always the one trying to calm the waters. It’s hard to change now, but knowing why I am this way has helped me. And every now and then I can actually have a “me moment” and not feel guilty. Thank you for the platform you provide.
Bojan says
Everything you wrote resonates with the kind of people who care about being authentic.
C> Burns says
THANK YOU FOR THIS — IT IS WONDERFUL — I LOVE THE RAW HONESTY.
Sarah says
I enjoy you and Angel so much! At 57 I have spent much time working on me. I am very comfortable with me until… I have to go to a “function” where all of the shiny wanna be’s will be. All of the insecurities surface and I spend too much time putting on the visibles so I feel comfortable around them. It happened recently and I beat myself up for it because we spent time there with the people we enjoy who enjoy us. Nobody else paid attention to me at all! Here’s to continued learning. Keep doing what you are doing.
Tom Jovicich says
Marc,
Great article. I saw so much of myself in this. Thank you very much for opening th door to my soul a bit. Now it’s up to me to walk the walk.
Joanne B. says
For me it was this: “We rarely give ourselves the credit we deserve.” After a lifetime of always feeling my best wasn’t good enough I realized even my mediocre is better than other’s best! Does that mean I use others to measure my worth? Not at all! At 61 I have combined the many life experiences I have had and come up with (among MANY other things!) that I should “fake it till I can make it!”. I realized because of my natural inclination to downplay my own accomplishments I could never go overboard in tooting my own horn, That, combined with watching and admiring the grace necessary to pull it off, I started actually LISTENING to people when THEY might sing my praises. I take it as a compliment now! I figured all these people can’t be wrong since I started surrounding myself with people I value and admire and aspire to be like in some small facet of their complex being. Again, does that mean I measure myself by comparing myself to others? IN theory, of course not. But I DO surround myself now with people who are real and will set me straight when I need it because they love me as I am and can see my potential as no threat to their existence. And what a comfortable place to be!
I could go on and on, and perhaps I already have. Just wanted to comment that I SO enjoy your daily posts and have referred your blog to so many others. I live in Jupiter and always keep my eyes peeled for a Marc&Angel siting around town! I am torn between invading your privacy and announcing my praises for you for my own selfishness! I don’t get out much so the chances are slim to none, but I must tell you the thought keeps me on my best behavior just the same! You keep me aligned to the kind of person I want to be. In all the years I have followed you I have never read not one post that I disagreed with or didn’t find some truth in. And how could that ever be a bad thing? Reading your posts every morning sets me up for the rest of my day! It’s like church for me.
Jennifer Lee says
I could have written this response myself, except that unfortunately I don’t live in Jupiter, FL.
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you so much, Joanne and Jennifer. Your extra kindness just made Angel and me smile. We just read this comment thread together. If you see us out on the town, please stop us to say hello. We would love to meet you. 🙂
anya hollis says
Giving yourself credit!!! This is what resonated with me the most. I oftentimes pride myself on being humble. I am always thankful, yet I always feel like I should be doing more or I should be further than I am in life. I never give myself credit for the various obstacles I’ve overcome and the woman that I have become. As always your articles are so powerful and remind me to take a deeper look inside of myself.
Pamela says
I’ve been a reader for 3 years and have to say that today’s writing is the first I have ever printed out because I want to hold it when I reread at least weekly. The first point resonated with me the most, but 3 and 4 are equally as hard hitting. This blog is truly HONEST and REAL. Thank you very much!
Rosie says
Hey marc and angel…i am an avid reader of your posts but i have to admit today’s post was one of the best i’ve read…especially the part of desensitizing yourself…it really has resonated with me and now thanks to you i know my feelings matter–big or small–happy or sad; i don’t have to put up a wall and pretend its all good…thanks for helping me realize im also human and i’m capable of feeling and of such i need to stop pushing my feelings aside and start embracing them for what they are….thanks a lot and i hope you continue inspiring people all over the world.
Shane from Creating True Happiness says
I definitely have given others too much control over my own happiness. I’ve learned to let that go, but it was a struggle. Never wanted to let anyone down or dissapoint the people I care about most.
Shaun says
Hello Marc & Angel,
Yes this all resonates with me the only change I have made is not to use the word survivor but pioneer it just has more of a positive ring for me.
Have a great day
Blessing
Shaun
Jennifer Lee says
Seriously! I read these blogs and every single time I find myself saying “That’s ME!”
If more people lived with this kind of raw honesty, what a better world we’d live in.
I strive more each time I read Marc & Angel’s blogs.
Share away, folks, these writings are worthy of your shares!
Sandy says
“We age faster than we grow” spoke to me as a shout. I’m 70 and feel like I’m running out of time to work on my shortcomings. One step forward, stand still to orient myself, step back a little where it’s more comfortable, get uncomfortable there so step forward again…. This is my dance in my life. I’m grateful for my growth/awareness and long for more. I sometimes know I’m right on track and sometimes feel completely out of whack. Ain’t it amazing to be human??!!
Tracie says
Wow! I feel like you know me and shared this for me only. I’ve read some of the comments and feel better about life and myself knowing I’m not alone. I understand your points but I have to admit I’m terrified to try them. Most people think I’m over sensitive so I tend to keep my mouth shut and eyes dry. I wish every one I know would read this blog. I know it would help them to understand me and my ideals and the many people who truly feel these 4 things as I do.
Thank you for all your articles. I can always find a couple of things I can relate too. I’ve even tried some of your suggestion with successful out comes. Keep being honest and getting to the core of what is important in life.
Blessings to you both
Kris says
The part where you stated: It reminds me that by allowing myself to be myself, I allow others to be themselves too. This creates a healthy, supportive environment in which to live and communicate. In a society where people love to point fingers and poke fun, most of the time you can only fight brazen judgments (including self-judgments) with naked honesty. When you put your whole self out there—when you speak up about your issues and open yourself to receiving care and support, you allow others to reciprocate and follow your lead. The truth is, we’re all in this together, undergoing the same learning processes and internal conflicts. We’re all equally perfect in our imperfections. There’s no reason not to admit it.
Lori d says
They all resonate for me but Number Four really hits home.
Donna Nix says
I appreciated all four but #4 spoke to me today. I too, have a hard time accepting compliments. I usually find a way to include someone else as the deserving one. Thanks for this post. Many of us read & benefit from both of your thoughts & ideas.
Linda Baker says
I only have a minute, but your article meant a lot to me. I was raised to not show my emotions. Sent to my room, etc. I cry a lot now & always apologize, but I learned years ago that being sensitive is not a curse, as I was led to believe, but a gift which I have only rarely used. Instead I learned to hide my feelings. I was great at faking it. Few people knew how much I suffered. Now i am more honest about it & am finally getting the help & support I need. Thanks for the validation.
Ava says
Linda, I’m curious how you are getting the help and support you need? I hide my feelings behind “professionalism” at least at work, and I certainly don’t feel if I revealed all that I would be supported…individually, yes, perhaps. I’m esp. afraid that if my director knew all of my qualms and insecurities that she would lose whatever respect she has for me.
Theresa says
I am a new, very appreciative reader. You are amazing, and your words extremely inspiring. I felt this article was written directly to me! I can not pick out one line or paragraph that hit me the most because every word was beneficial to my emotional state of mind. Thank you so very much, Bless You for all do encouraging others.
Joyce says
#1. Thanks for reminding me it is a good quality rather than a flaw.
Jules says
Instead of smiling to be polite, just cry when you need to. Instead of laughing when you are nervous or uncomfortable, just speak your truth. Instead of acting like everything is all right, proclaim it isn’t all right—talk about your feelings!
This! Thank you so much.You impact lives in such amazing ways. Keep on!
bob says
Another great blog article!!
#3 We often measure our own worth on a material-based scale.
Unfortunately growing up less fortunate (materially) than others around us at the time, my self-worth had been primarily driven to strive in bringing myself ‘up to their level’ (which is intertwined with #2)… but then once I mentally felt that I had more material goods than I even needed, the inner search kicked in. And speaking honestly, am sure that as I got older, my awareness that I have an unknown limited time in this human form and I should focus more on community (not so much self).. it just started to click…although the old insecurities of #3 still come back at times, its so much easier to reflect and move on…diminishing its importance and previous value to me.
Fashionwise says
I recently had a ‘friend’ and her partner stay a week with me while waiting to move into a new home. I had thought she was on my ‘wavelength” in the depth of our conversations about selfgrowth, world affairs and general life values. However after 3days I realised how possibly senstive she is but also very self absorbed with a constant stream of various illnesses or food limitations she had and how she wasn’t able to do anything physical because of her bad back. She didn’t cook because she wasn’t very good and she was frightned of learning to drive so expected other people inlcdingher 86 year old mother to driveher to whee she wanted as she didnt work becauseof her back but that her new partner was very generous and did enverythgin for her. I felt how very mistaken I was and again taken in by words and not havng seen the total clever ability to maniplate people to get them to do what she wouldn’t even try to do for herself. It’s left me feeling very cautious about how to recognise a person who is real and one who ‘plays a game’.
Debs says
I am relatively new to your blog but would like to say your article on being honest and real, resonated deep within me.
All my life so far, people have judged or assumed that I am someone that I’m not. She’s very pretty so she must have a rich boyfriend, husband, job, money, big house, fine heels, bet she’s stuck up , you get the picture!
I’ve always liked me and am proud of whom I am and how I’ve come through hard times, financial hardship and abuse. I made a decision to share my thoughts and feelings, found courage to forgive those who didn’t know me and my life and tried to always see the beauty of every day and be grateful for all that I am and have.
I highly recommend being your lovely, beautiful best, kind, honest and authentic.
Ava says
#1 for sure. I know it’s supposed to be a good quality but somehow I can’t bring myself to go there except with my loved ones. With anyone else it just doesn’t feel natural anymore. I know I’ve become unaware of my own feelings or the depth of them until they bite me; then I’m surprised, “oh where did that come from?”. I’m just somewhat distant, I guess, tired from the battle of being me, and not knowing how to be authentic when it’s never seemed to serve me.
Reetu says
Hello Marc and Anagel!
Thank you for emailing me the link to this post. And as always, i found this post very important. Every time I can relate the part of my life with your article.
“#2 We give others far too much control over how we feel and live.”
This has resonated the most with me.
Have a great day!
Katrien says
Hi Marc,
I read this article recognizing every step… It really is comforting to know that everybody struggles with uncertainties, doubts, regrets,… For me the last part about having no regrets and that everything we did in the past serves us now in our new decisions, really calls out the most to me. I really struggle with letting go of the past, looking forward, realizing the past made me stronger,… I always feel guilty, even if someone else made a mistake or something bad happens, my first reaction is always: what did I do wrong? So letting go of the past and realizing that those experiences made me who I am today and made me a survivor instead of a victim really really helps me a lot!
So thank you again for being the great persons you and Angel are and for helping so many people to be happy again!
Kind regards,
Katrien
Pamela says
“Remember that time you thought you couldn’t make it through? You did, and you’ll do it again. Don’t let your challenges get the best of you. Appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too.”
This really resonates with me. I’ve been through so much in the past few years, one challenge after another and was feeling overwhelmed, used up, exhausted, but it finally dawns on me that I survived it all and I’m still here and I will continue to survive! Life is a blessing and a gift and I am a part of that life!
Dave says
I think the final point about giving yourself credit hit home the most. Even with the view that nothing in life is wasted and everything bares fruit, in certain cases, it can still be easy to slip into regret about past mistakes and I think it is a very healthy reminder to be fair to yourself, yet remain realistic. Great point.
Nabil says
I have to admit that I’ve never read posts online as I do here on http://www.marcandangel.com Maybe because they resonate with me in every word being posted.
Marc, please if you can lead me to the post that deals with not letting your frustration caused by negative incidents or circumstances get the best of you or your accomplishments and how you can find your true potentials to be the best that you can be.
Thank you.
Rita Rocker says
Oh my! This is one of the most phenomenal articles I’ve ever read on the subject and I’m going to forward it on so people get connected with you! Thank you for such a favorably impactful life-changing piece. God bless!!!
Rox says
We rarely give ourselves enough credit was a good reminder. For me it manifests in how much i give to others before I ever think of myself. I love that part about me but it can be a double edged sword at times because I feel like sometimes I don’t think of taking care of me because deep down I think I don’t deserve it. Even my co-worker called me out on it the other day and she was reminding me that I work hard and am always helping people so I deserve to treat myself. But I’m always in the mindset of I could be doing more and I could work harder or my attitude could have been better that one time or I shouldn’t have said that… I know though at the end of the day, I’ve come a long way. A REALLY long way. I should be proud.
Carlos says
2. We give others far too much control over how we feel and live.
Hands down, I totally resonated with this. In many aspects of my life. Most recently, though, perhaps a strange twist of this point, Yet, I feel that I have a lot of empty spaces to fill with those right people and feel it’s do to not being good enough for them. So I find myself alone but with only a few people or maybe one and it gets lonely and depressing sometimes. It makes me feel lost as I look at those people I do know and they seem to have a lot more friends in those slots. To where they are comfortable with being alone.
I also let social situations bug me as I’m overly concerned what another person would think of me after some action I did or did not do. Its like I let them down and in turn I let myself down. This image I try to hold myself to of who I want to be sometimes fail under social pressures and it hurts and is carried for a while…
Baldev Chaudhary says
You have validated my feelings about my own self. I am always in lurch when so many people refuse to acknowledge me and my feelings. Although in my heart of hearts I strongly believed that I was right but still I was left confused, unacknowledged, and doubtful. Today you have strengthened, revealed, and resurrected me.Your awakening me will go a long way in transforming me.We rarely give credit we deserve. I would like to read you further. Thank you, dear.
Renee says
Powerful!