Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.
It’s always necessary to accept when some part of your life has reached its inevitable end. Closing the door, completing the chapter, turning the page, etc. – it doesn’t matter what you title it; what matters is that you find the strength to leave in the past those parts of your life that are over.
It’s all about embracing the truth: What has happened is uncontrollable; what you do now changes everything!
Of course, knowing this and actually living a lifestyle that reinforces this truth are two very different things. Letting go is NOT easy – it’s a journey that is traveled one day at a time. If you stick with it, here’s what your journey will ultimately teach you:
- The most powerful changes happen in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over everything you don’t.
- Most people make themselves unhappy simply by finding it impossible to accept life just as it is presenting itself right now.
- If you worry too much about what might be, and wonder too long about what might have been, you will ignore and completely miss what is.
- When you are lost in worry, it is easy to mistake your worries for reality, instead of recognizing that they are just thoughts. Mindfulness is the remedy.
- The biggest obstacle to growth you’ll ever have to overcome is your mind. Once you can overcome that, you can overcome anything.
- Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a little while, and that includes YOU. (Read Wherever You Go, There You Are.)
- You won’t always have it easy, but there is always a reason to be grateful. And the greatest gift of your gratitude is that the more grateful you are, the more present you become.
- The secret to getting ahead is to focus all of your energy not on fixing and fighting the old, but on building and growing something new.
- Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about something or someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself in this moment.
- In most cases, you can’t calm the storm – it’s not worth trying. What you can do is calm yourself, and the storm will pass.
- You can always control the way you respond to what happens, and in your response is your power.
- Oftentimes letting go is simply changing the labels you place on a situation – it’s looking at the same situation with fresh eyes and an open mind.
- There is absolutely nothing about your present circumstances that prevents you from making progress, one tiny step at a time.
- The day you “understood” everything, was the day you stopped trying to figure everything out. The day you find peace and freedom again will be the day you let everything go.
- You must let go of certainty. And you must remember that the opposite of certainty is not uncertainty, it’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace life as it is, rather than resisting it. The ultimate challenge is to accept yourself exactly as you are, and accept life just as it is, but never stop trying to learn and grow to the best of your abilities.
- Underneath it all, the hardest part is not really letting go, but rather learning to start over.
- Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation that no longer fits, or no longer exists.
- Sometimes it takes a little heartbreak to shake you awake, help you let go, and show you that you are worth so much more than you were settling for.
- When it comes to social drama, letting go of other people’s rude remarks is the best step forward. Most haters don’t really hate you; they just hate where they are in life, and you’re a reflection of what they wish to become. (Marc and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Your heart might be bruised, but it will gradually heal and become capable of feeling the beauty of life once again. It’s happened to you before, and it will happen again – life is always changing. When something ends or someone leaves, it’s because something else or someone else is about to arrive – you will feel alive and whole again soon.
Afterthoughts
It can be difficult to leave a long-term life situation behind, even when your inner-wisdom tells you that things aren’t right and it’s time to let go. At this point, you can choose to let go and endure the sudden pain of leaving behind the familiar to make way for a new chapter in your life, or you can stay and suffer a constant, aching pain that gradually eats away at your heart and mind, like a cancer… until you wake up one day and find yourself buried so deep in the dysfunction of the situation that you barely remember who you are and what you desire.
Don’t do this you yourself!
Things will happen that are unexpected, undesirable, and uncontrollable. But you can always choose to take the next tiniest step. Be brave and take it…
Be willing to make mistakes, learn from them, let go of them, and move along.
Your turn…
What’s one uncontrollable past event or life situation that you need to let go of? What attachments are creating unnecessary stress in your life? Leave a comment below and let us know how you feel and what you intend to do about it.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photo by: Cerisse
Pete Hyatt says
This was an awesome summary of acceptance (letting go). Thank you.
Your post reminds me of a quote I often repeat to myself as an affirmation: “The key to peace and happiness is accepting things as they are, not as you think they should be.”
Too many of us continue toward the ideal of “what should be,” when the smartest strategy is to understand that “what is” and then make the best of it.
Accepting and letting go of an unchangeable, tough situation/relationship/etc. is rarely easy, but always worth it, as it lays the foundation for the next step. As you said in one of your recent blog emails, “we can’t change what we never accept.” 🙂
Marc Chernoff says
I love that affirmation and perspective, Pete. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Maya says
Hi,
Today I resigned from a soul draining job, and I believe it’s a new beginning for me .
Hayley says
Every best wish for your bright and freedom bringing future, Maya.
I’ve just done exactly the same thing… I had no choice but to resign, my soul was being eaten away, my spark gone. Today is my fourth day of freedom. Don’t know what next, but I’ve unplugged and am resetting myself back to my natural settings.
Sending positivity and light your way, fortune favours the brave. Have faith in your journey. x
Tammy Clark says
I am also leaving a job thats robbing me of many things, Im going to retire and start my own business.
Mara says
Angel and Marc, I’m truly enjoying your blog, books and emails. And this says a lot because I’m a bit of a cynic and don’t usually buy into self-improvement jargon. But I really enjoy your perspective. As it relates to this post, I know I have much to let go of.
As my 50th birthday approaches, I’m struggling with the difference between what I expected my life to be at this point vs. the way my life actually is. The two are not similar in the slightest. It’s difficult to accept that I have not accomplished what I set out to do, largely because of an uncontrollable illness. It was really helpful to read your common-sense reminders here. As I meditate on them and ritualize them (incredible strategies I picked up from your coaching course) and try to apply them to my life situation, I know they will gradually help me reframe what my life is and create a new vision for my present and future.
Rose Costas says
Mara
I read your post and had to comment. I am in the same situation you are in and believe me it is so hard to accept. I too have set goals and have worked hard, harder than most but I have very little to show for it. I do believe it will get better and so I continuously work hard and try to do the right things but sometimes it is hard.
I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone.
Steve says
Have you tried using a gratitude diary. It is an amazing thing, which gradually transforms your consciousness into seeing more beauty around you. In the evening, perhaps, just write down five things that you are grateful for that day. It could be seeing a beautiful tree waving in the wind, it could be the freshness of a glass of water , Think about water it is so magical. Think about the tree, it to is it wonderful product of evolution . These things are not small things . Learning to appreciate them more and not just taking them for granted is so beneficial to one’s sense of well-being. It could be a smile from a stranger, a friend calling you up, Or the lovely orange jumper that I see in your photo. We all have so much that we can be grateful for.
Susan says
Mara,
Life is never wasted if you can find was to re-frame the stories you tell yourself about what happened. What you hoped for as success and what happened may be two different things, but based on what did happen, what is now possible that would not have been had things gone differently?
I lost my job, my home and a tremendous amount of money because of someone else’s actions which I had no control over. Things are not going to turn out the way I planned. I’m a decade older than you and literally having to start over. But! What is now possible because of what happened? I am free to pursue things I never would have had time for if my life hadn’t been disrupted. What IS possible for you?
Marc Chernoff says
Mara, I couldn’t have said it any better than Rose, Steve and Susan. Beautiful thoughts. Thank you all.
Kristin says
Thank you yet again, Marc and Angel. These reminders needed to be heard at my end. I have come to realize and accept that I am not good at “letting go.” It sounds so obvious and makes perfect sense, but my emotional heart still strives to hold on and create an idea of who he is and what we “could be,” despite that never being the reality. But even just reading these words reminds me that others too are struggling with this same issue in various ways, and that makes me feel less alone and gives me hope that I too can persevere.
Suz says
I can very well relate to that. But in my case it was ‘we could never be’. But I still hung on… Not able to let go, though that is the ONLY way out.
Meorindah Miselo says
Kristin i am also in the same situation, i still find myself imagining what we “could be” which is very sad and depressing, letting go is really the best because it will give us the peace and freedom that we so much deserve. Thank You MARC and ANGEL. This email come at a perfect time. God bless you.
Sandra says
I definitely have one I’m working on! I love your key point that so much of our suffering is created by our unwillingness to let go. It’s ironic how we make ourselves suffer so much needlessly. I find some of the things that I cling to very subtle thought so as you say it’s a journey! This is what life is all about: transformation.
Lindsay says
Thank u so much for posting this. I needed it. I literally just had a major falling out with 2 grown family members tonight right before I read this. They’re miserable negative people who hate their lives and refuse to do anything to change it. It’s all blame, all day. They use my positive attitude against me like I don’t understand what they’re going thru, and tonight they said some very mean things to me, again. I want to help them so much it just breaks my heart that I can’t. It’s their life. And I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Thank u for reminding me it’s ok to feel this way and not to feel like a failure. Maybe I can sleep tonight.
Debra Streeter says
My 62 year old husband is in a nursing home. He has early onset dementia. I totally agree with what you are saying, but I don’t really know what to let go of or what even a small step forward would be.
Debra S.
Marc Chernoff says
Lindsay and Debra, the first step is presence. Just being with life (and it’s situations) and accepting it, without trying to change things. Positive change can only come from acceptance, not resistance.
Sending prayers of strength to you both.
Kathleen Bacheller says
Oh My God, Lindsay, you just described my life! I’ve spent the past full of resentment towards some family members. I read Marc and Angel all the time and would love to take some courses but the funds just aren’t there. Now with the holidays here I’m left feeling so alone. Baby steps are all I can take. Thank you all for everything you do.
Érica Fernanda Pacheco de Melo says
Almost same situation here in Brazil. Allways the relatives! I read marcandangel.com to stand strong. I have to say to myself: “Mind your business!” many times in a week. Someday, I’ll be able to let go of everything that hurt me. Good luck for us!
Suz says
Struggling with a very delicate relationship issue. And have trouble of letting it go, though it definitely is not a right one. My head is clouded. I can’t think straight. No one to share my feelings with, except this one person. I know I have to let go. He realized this a couple of weeks ago and started making changes, without telling me. I feel cheated. I know, I sound confused, but that’s the state I am in.
Marc Chernoff says
Suz, being confused and feeling flustered is an important part of getting your thoughts situated. Be sure to be present. Focus on where you are and the one thing you need to do today to step forward from here.
Rose Costas says
Thanks Angel and Marc for another awesome post. It is so good to be reminded of the things you already know but some how fail to implement in your life. i have struggled with trying to control things I cannot control and unfortunately many times I am left frustrated, angry and bitter. Worst of all I find it hard to appreciate what is as I believe what is, is never as good as what was.
Steve says
Thanks Angel for an awesome post. I have been dealing with the struggles of letting go of an on again off again relationship that was the product of an affair. It’s been 6 years and I am still having a hard time letting go of her. Your articles seem very useful and very informative. I am starting to let go but my wounds are very deep and it will take a long time for those open wounds to heal. In the beginning I thought it was all my fault but now I realize that the dysfunction of my previous relationship was a combination of cheating and lies from both sides. I do still love her very much however to accept her would also be accepting the lies and deceit and not really caring or valuing myself. Letting go was very difficult and to some extent I am still letting go. Keep up the great posts as it helps me know who what I am worth again.
Lissom.Olamide.Osibajo says
I can’t appreciate you guys enough because each time I read one or two of your articles I kind of get this upliftment and reassurance that everything will soon be alright. I lost my Job and I find it difficult to letting go that I went back begging for them to re-employ me and that’s because I have tried every other means possible in getting another but it hasn’t been easy now am down,ill and unhappy. I get this response from people I went asking for a job if you know the governor or the Oba/king just get a letter from them and a job will be created for you. Its so sad! Does employment have to be based on connection or ability? But its ok everything will be fine soon.
Annie says
I have just left a 33 year marriage , my heart is still broken but I realized in reading your post today that, bad as I feel now, it is nothing to how I would have felt if I had stayed. I just have to learn to ” let go ” not only of the end of a marriage but also the guilt of leaving.
Thank you for helping me see this.
Marc Chernoff says
Stay strong, Annie. You’re making progress. Healing and growing are both daily rituals.
Stan says
I really relate to #19. People sometimes approach me with ideas or solutions to my problems (they mean well, but a lot of times, I don’t even realize I have a “problem”….lol), and when I listen to them, but decide that is not what I want, they will criticize me for it even to the point of telling me I’m not very smart, to put it politely. I used to take that to heart, but since I’ve learned to let it roll off my back, life is much better. I have also removed myself from as many of these people as possible. One thing I always notice is that those same people are not enjoying life as much as I am!
Susan says
Oy! I can relate. The pain of letting go can be overwhelming to the point of being debilitating. I have discovered one vital secret that you alluded to in point #12. You called it the labels we place on a situation. I call it our stories. For me it was the story I was telling myself about why the situation happened. When I was finally able to look objectively at what someone else did and accept that it was never about me, or about rejecting me, but it was about themselves, their needs and their dysfunction, I changed my story. I took control of what I chose to believe about the situation. The “truth” I had been clinging to about being rejected, and which caused such tremendous pain, was not true at all. It was a belief I accepted based on a self image created when I was very, very young. Situations themselves are meaningless. We place meaning on them based on our perceptions of reality, or the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, our worth and the world around us. If you can discover the genesis of that perception (usually rooted in early childhood) you can look at it with adult eyes and re-evaluate it as true or not.
Thanks for the great, insightful work you are sharing with the world!
Hamilton Harper says
Thank you for your wise compassionate advice!
Five years ago I unexpectedly lost my Soul Mate Dan to a heart attack. We had been Best Friends, Business Partners and loving Life Companions for over 23 years so it was a devastating blow. My beloved Mom had passed away a couple of years before so now I had lost the two greatest loves in my life.
Fortunately dear friends and my faith in God got me through this extraordinary loss. Then due to the Great Recession and BP oil disaster Fiasco I lost all my money due to real estate investments along the Gulf coast. Afterwards my father died and disinherited me because unlike my Mom, he never accepted my relationship with Dan so he placed all his money in a family trust for my other siblings leaving me out. I had now lost everything. I put my life back together and met another guy who professed great love. I was very vulnerable and decided in good faith to share a life with him. As it turned out he was deeply disturbed and I experienced great betrayal from himself as well as a few false friends. I was now completely shell shocked!
I had some very dark lonely nights of deep despair but never gave up my faith that God strives to bring Light out of darkness and Good out of evil.
About six months ago I met a wonderful beautiful spirit. We fell in love and are sharing a life together. We bring much happiness to each other and feel like we have known each other forever. He has also experienced betrayal and was faithfully married to a deeply disturbed individual for decades. After she told him about an on-going two year affair she was still having, he filed for divorce, ended this dysfunctional marriage and came to terms with his own identity. He has completely, courageously shared this information with his children and friends most of whom have embraced his happiness. I feel like I have gone from hell to Heaven but it scares me because of the horrible uncontrollable losses I have experienced over the past several years. You have to believe!
Your article about letting go so you may embrace your future was timely and greatly appreciated. Thank you again!
David says
Its been a while since I posted anything. I like this list a lot. I struggle with not attaining goals, clinging on to some thoughts I have had for decades that clearly need to go, and rethinking my overall situation. I have turned “letting go” into “giving up” which is the worst place I can be right now.
I have a ton of books to read, lots of people to reach out to, and a house that needs an overhaul. Earlier this year I gave up on all of it. Convinced nothing would change no matter what I did, I spun into a prolonged depression that no meds could alter. Its taken 5 months of personal interior clutter removal (I have been hoarding bad feelings, emptiness, despair, isolation, and condemnation) before I can finally see that I am the only one who can change anything.
My wife and I have struggled with injuries, surgeries, and recoveries since January. We are finally heading out on vacation over the holidays, and we cannot wait to get on the road.
Marc Chernoff says
Welcome back, David. Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us.
And enjoy your vacation. Be as present as possible with every moment of it.
Catherine says
I have struggled mightily to let you of my long term marriage and the betrayal of the marriage by both my former husband and one of my closest friends. I have relied on your blog posts to remind that all will be better and I will find my way to a better place. Thank you, this one was timely for me.
Cheryl says
Thank you for your wonderful posts. I have sticky notes all over my computer at work to remind me of some of your very helpful thoughts. This particular post about letting go has been hitting home. I have been trying to let go of a relationship for a very long time. In the end, someone who was my everything, treated me as if I had meant nothing. It has been particularly difficult to understand how someone who said he cared so much for me and loved me, could treat me like that. That has been the hardest part for me. I am going to keep this article with me to reference often. I believe it will help me to accept what is and hopefully help me to be able to let go and move on.
rachel says
Wow! Well, I just came on here to thank Marc and Angel for such an inspiring article that was so spot on. But I received so much more by reading everyone else’s heartfelt comments, life stories and advise.
One thing I go by is to try not to blame, slander or take the victim mentality. I’m a survivor, not a victim. Even if it was 98 percent the other person’s fault or circumstance and 2 percent my fault or me — I concentrate and work on the 2 percent and hold myself accountable. As crazy or twisted as it may seem, no matter how terrible the situation, I find that when I take up the mentality of “It’s my fault”
Rachel says
Letting go is so hard, especially when you can’t see a safety net below!! I am in my mid 30s and single- and panicking. I’m so afraid that I’ll be alone forever, never meet anyone as special to me as my last partner was or that I will miss my chance to have a family-blah, blah, blah. Worrying and being scared takes up so much of my energy!! I know I need to let go of the panic and the fear and become more ‘present ‘. I am failing to notice every lovely person and thing around me. This has been (yet another) incredibly useful post so my thanks, all the way from England 🙂 xxx
Bruce says
Hi Marc and Angel – again, thanks for a another wonderful post. I am in the process of working through the end of a relationship which initially devastated me. Reading the “afterthoughts” section was quite enlightening and helpful to me!
Rachel says
Hey Marc and Angel,
As I was reading down the post I was agreeing with each point. Number 15 about self acceptance was probably the hardest one to embrace, but when I did – it is like I am in a constant self hug – working on my flaws and giggling at them a little and really giving my strengths a good shine.
To answer your question on one uncontrollable situation that I need to let go of – my lesson happened over 15 years ago. I was in a dysfunctional relationship (I thought it was love), this guy said one thing but acted another way. I was always confused and hurt by this. We were both in a late 20’s and I left and returned three times.
Each time I disliked what I was doing but my heart felt ripped out, so going back to a bad situation was better than a trampled heart. But it was to appear that I was going to be unhappy either way. When I left for the final time, it did take months to get over – but it was a relief as well. I had gotten used to so many horrible behaviours that I no longer find attractive, useful or will entertain. While it would never happen again (the back and forth), it was a lesson I believe I had to go through. When things aren’t healthy, you only hurt yourself when you hang on. Thanks for a wonderful post.
Rachel.
mary says
I sincerely love reading your email every week and this one is certainly for me — my feet are stuck in the ground for the last 4 years im trying to change something that i know is not possible to change and all it’s doing is destroying me as a person. I need to let go and move on with my life, and this post gives me reason to believe I can.
Christy Marie says
I feel like when your posts pop up in my Facebook newsfeed, they reflect exactly what is going on in my life. For the past year, a very challenging situation has finally come to an end and in overcoming it all, the biggest lesson I am learning is how to let go.
Suddenly, I am able to see ALL the situations that I am holding on to from the past and how they are holding me back. I spend so much time reviewing the past and what happened only to prepare for the fearful future. In the meantime, I’m not paying attention or feeling gratitude for my life as it is now.
I realized although I’ve forgiven everyone from my past, there was still one person I was overseeing, ME! My entire perspective has changed in realizing this and I’ve never felt so much internal peace.
Patrice says
1 1/2 years ago I left my job of 24 years because I was not seeing eye-to-eye with my employer. My new responsibilities would take me away from my family, my 9 year old daughter particularly, for days at a time. My husband and I made the decision that I would end my employment for the better and less stress. Best thing I’ve ever done. Only regret I have is I cannot make anywhere near the money I was earning. A small price to pay for my husband and daughter. And my sanity and health. Your afterthoughts are spot on. All the time I talk through my previous life and my current life and know that the lack of money is the small price to pay. I feel like a better mother/wife now.
Wendy says
Your words of encouragement and wisdom have been my comfort during the past 6 months after walking away from a difficult relationship, breaking my heart in the process. As I’ve grieved and howled with the pain, I’ve read and re read so many of your wonderful articles, gaining hope, comfort, strength and courage from your advice.
Now, 6 months later, almost at the end of it, having gained acceptance, peace and confidence that I did the right thing for me, but still suffering deep sorrow and loss for this very special man in my life, I realise I still need to let go.
Your words….
Sometimes it takes a little heartbreak to shake you awake, help you let go, and show you that you are worth so much more than you were settling for……
are SO true, I AM worth more than the dregs this man gave me, I’m worth what he always told me. He could see it but not give and now I can.
Time to let it go now, shrug off the loss and sorrow, look to the sun and a brighter future. Than you guys, you have helped me so much. X
Kate says
The one I am working on is dealing with parental estrangement. Shortly after my father passed, my in-laws decided to become a couple. It upset and hurt my husband and I who have been together for almost 25 years and it really upset my children. They were very young at the time. My mother has (what a few professionals have guessed) a narcissistic personality disorder, so it’s always been a hard relationship to maintain. After she was diagnosed with breast cancer, I did what any good daughter would do and ended the estrangement. Slowly. Very slowly. She has only seen one of my daughters once but will see them both for a short time this weekend. My husband and his father continue to not speak and I also have no contact with him. I hold a lot of anger towards him. My husband holds a lot of hurt. I continue to be true to myself and try to make sense of things for my children. It could be worse, but it could be better. I feel like I have accepted their relationship at about 75%. I feel like I lost three parents when my dad died. And lastly, how can you let go when you are constantly being pressured to engage because it’s your blood and “the right thing to do”.
Brenda Kyle says
My heart goes out to all of the lost souls who have posted here, but if you keep going, one tiny step at a time, you can turn things around. I have gone through a very tough time-an abusive relationship break-up, caring for and loosing my beloved mum and dad, letting go of my disabled son to his own home and the loss of my middle son-he is alive but has chosen to walk away from our loving family. I have an amazing new husband and count every blessing, every day, rebuilding my life. I can’t make my son come back to us but I have chosen to enjoy my new, happy life with my new love, I will treasure that above the pain I hold from loosing my son. Believe in yourself, you do have the strength to start anew. There is always hope. All my love, Brenda.
Luke Zitterkopf says
This is a list worth printing out and keeping in our coat pocket to review whenever we need it! If I had to choose the one most pertaining to my own life it would be #17 “Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation that no longer fits, or no longer exists.”
This point is defining of my own life because I started down a career path that was not a good fit for my personality. As time went by I felt something was wrong because something WAS wrong. My intuition was wringing alarm bells and I was not listening at the time. This attempt to ignore my intuition caused substantial challenges and heartache because the thought of starting a new career was terrifying. After many years of ignoring the feeling of being in the wrong career I was finally able to let go of my old self and old career and embrace who I was meant to be.
The process was delayed by me because of fear of the unknown. Instead I should have been desiring to live in a way that better fit my personality and morals. This story ends on a high note though because I can say I have made it to the mountain top of a new life and I feel like I am living my dreams. I am neither rich nor famous but I am living without regret and choosing to be grateful for everything that life has to offer right here and right now. The present is my focus from now on.
Ritika Nagpal says
Thanks Marc and Angel for your encouraging messages. I like reading your email newsletter every time. It helps me a to think positive. I was married for 21 years with 2 kids and 2 severe miscarriage . I feel I lived all my life in an illusion that I have a family. One day when I found our my husband is living a double life with another married woman for 12 years. It was his office colleague. I tried my best to save my marriage but it was all in vain. the person I loved the most told me, he never loved me and I was nobody. he hurt me financially, physically and emotionally after that over next 5 years that one day I left my home. I went into depression and signed financial papers to him in that condition. I lost everything . I started working, living alone, taking care of my kids, No family around. I am still not able to get over the pain. I don’t understand how a person we love and trust so much don’t even bother to hurt you . I ask this question everyday, what did I do wrong to be hurt by someone who was my world. I have no will to live but not brave enough to kill myself either. I hope one day I know how to laugh again and live again.
Aoife Cox says
Ritika – He sounds like a narcissist, and I understand your pain must be as hard as your life is to live right now. There are many experts in this field / relations and marriages with narcissists, who provide step by step workshops for your recovery. I would advise you to try one out, as it will help u understand u are not alone, it will provide relief when u realise others suffered the same, and understanding when u gain knowledge about how narcissists work. Tonja is part of the name of one expert, I don’t want to disrespect anyone by mentioning her full name here… but I wish u luck, and u will rise like a Phoenix out the ashes some day soon… forgive urself move onwards and upwards, it’s not easy but worth it 🙂
Tara says
Ritika, I sense he is a narcissist.
Nothing he did was about you. Nothing.
Years with an abusive, grifting, narcissist spouse. Less than a year ago, police arrived again. Recognizing the officers, I knew it was time to finally protect myself, instead of letting police risk their lives, protecting me.
Restraining orders, divorce proceedings. The system set up for evil, excepting facts of recordings, texts, previous police reports.
My belief in God never waivered.
It is choosing God, His joy, grace, Truth, saving me. Taking me into the best chapters of my life.
His evil is forgiven. He lost himself to evil.
He died, before the divorce ended. Tangibles of God reign.
More than threat of murder, taken away, God behaved toward me in every way promised in the Bible, in real time.
Being rescued, I feel God rescued him too.
Ritika, you did nothing, except be a good person, narcissist abuse is on him. There is support, NARCISSISTIC VICTIMS SYNDROME SUPPORT, and more specifically for this potentially deadly abuse, at Quora.
You have choices and all the power in taking your best life forward into laughing and living in great joy, grace. Better than before.
Can honestly say, I love you Ritika, you’ve got this !!
Richard says
Thanks much for posting this.
I am a widower, 1st year anniversary is NYE.
I’m coming to terms with what had happened that’s beyond my control and changing my mindset to accept my new future.
I will be reading this often till my changes are my new way of Life.
One day at a time is my plan.
God Bless and Happy Holidays!
Brenda says
Dear Marc and Angel. I receive your emails and read them faithfully! They have helped in more ways than I can say and are a true blessing for me! As in some of the posts I’ve read, I too am coming out of a relationship that broke me! Mentally and emotionally! I had never felt love like that for anyone else, and it was used as a weapon against me. After reading what others have said about their lives, it renews my strength, and gives me renewed faith in the future! So thank you, all of you! It’s wonderful to know that we can be here, sharing, caring, and learning together! God Bless!
Stan L says
I have always had a “letting go” problem. The last few years I have managed to make progress, and it feels great. Much more work to do though. I had an elderly friend who recently was a great example of how to successfully let go. In the last year of her life, she had to move away from her home of 60 years, give up driving, and sell many of her belongings because she had to go to assisted living due to declining health. She continued to light up everyone’s world in spite of all this for the rest of her life. She passed away in October at age 94. What a great inspiration she was of how to accept changes in life and still enjoy it all the way to the end. She taught me a lot.
Marva says
Thank you do much for this article. It reminds me of a conversation I had either a friend earlier this morning. I appreciate what everyone else has shared.
I recently resigned from an unpaid leadership post I held for several years. There are two other leadership positions that I’m also thinking of resigning from because I’ve felt unappreciated and unsupported.
Learning to let go of everything I feel is hard.
I am looking forward to whatever God has in store and wherever He leads me.
JAP says
I can’t seem to let go of how things used to be, before the pandemic. I feel like my “power” is gone and that I am out of control. I’ve lost my motivation to change this lethargic hopefless feeling.
I have much to be grateful for, and need to refocus. Letting go sounds like the medicine. How do i get started? I really need to push ahead, and let go of the toxic people who surround me. /they’ll never be happy with anything i do.
the way i thought my family relationships would evolve aren’t
I’m banging my head against a brick wall to change that in the meantime, im missing all the postives with my kids. Help me open my eyes, and shift my focus from me