You ultimately become what you repeatedly do. If your habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you. Here are some fairly common and widespread examples of the latter that will drain all your peace and joy, day after day, if you let them:
1. Focusing on how life “should” be every step of the way.
Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life. Instead of getting angry, find the lesson. In place of envy, feel admiration. In place of worry, take action. In place of doubt, have faith. Remember that your response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. A small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.
2. Wanting to control the uncontrollable.
Be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, then accept it and change your thoughts about it. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have, tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head. Truth be told, some of the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything.
3. Holding tight to the way things once were.
You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. You’re always learning and growing, and life is always evolving. Again, even though you can’t control everything that happens, you can control your attitude about what happens. And in doing so, you will gradually master change rather than allowing it to master you. So be humble today. Be teachable. The world is often bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a fresh idea or a next step. But first you must accept the fact that things may never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.
4. Refusing to practice self-forgiveness.
Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made in the past, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that accidentally hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them. (Note: Angel and I discuss this further in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
5. Endlessly settling for the default settings.
There are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never acknowledging the fact that they can customize everything. Don’t be one of them — don’t settle for the default settings on a daily basis. Don’t hide behind indecision or laziness either. And forget popularity! Just do your thing with passion, humility, and honesty. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it’s what’s right. Pursue it a little bit each day, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.
6. Resisting new ideas and lessons.
To make real progress in the long run you must let go of the assumption that you already have all the answers. So don’t stop learning! Don’t stop investing in yourself. Research. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a real and lasting difference. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal” is a great tool for noticing and keeping track of all your lessons learned.)
7. Constantly seeking fleeting contentment.
There are two variations of contentment in life — fleeting and enduring. The fleeting type is derived from instants of material comfort, while the enduring type is attained through the gradual growth and progress on matters that are truly important to you. At a quick glimpse it might be difficult to decipher one from the other, but as time rolls on it becomes vividly obvious that the latter is far superior. So just remember, if it entertains you now but will hurt or bore you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kinda want at the moment. Study your routines. Figure out where your time goes, and remove distractions. It’s time to focus more on what matters in the long run.
8. Always worrying about everyone else’s story.
Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them, that you forget to write your own. Unfold your own tale and bring it to life on a daily basis. You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming. Incredible change happens when you decide to make yourself a priority. And remember, you won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become a daily part of your own support system. This means consuming less and creating more. It means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you. It means learning to embrace and use your ideas and instincts to write your passage, one day at a time.
9. Fearing little (necessary) failures.
Sometimes we literally have to fail dozens of times to succeed. And no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying. So don’t get so hung up on a few failed attempts that you miss the opening for a hundred more opportunities. All of your ideas that don’t work are simply stepping stones to the one idea that does. And remember, failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up. Always get back up! Oftentimes good things fall apart in the near term so better things can fall together in the end. (Read “Stumbling on Happiness”.)
10. Waiting for the “perfect” moment to take the next step.
Don’t buy into the myth of the perfect moment. Moments aren’t perfect, they’re what you make of them. So many people wait around for the stars to align to do what they’re here to do. The perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the perfect state of being, etc. Wake up! Don’t “wait” away the vast majority of your life! Remind yourself that too many people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. And you don’t be one of them. Ultimately, you will come to succeed not by finding a perfect moment, but by learning to see and use life’s imperfections as stepping stones.
An Exercise for Building Better Habits Starting Today
If you feel a like you’ve wasted too much time and joy on one or more of the points above, this quick actionable closing exercise is for YOU.
Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then:
- Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re in?)
- Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What does an improved situation look like for you?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What small, daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to point B?)
Now, it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into your old patterns of living today simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. It’s your turn to remember that you’re leaving certain habits and situations behind for a reason: to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And it’s undoubtedly your turn to reclaim your joy and make your time count going forward!
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photo by: Georges Petrequin
Susan says
Among the best reads I’ve found online so far this year. On point and concise. Thank you. Several resonated deeply, but #7 is something I’m working on right now.
Charles Butcher says
Very insightful and quite stimulating
Faye Lapp says
Me too
Tiffany Victoria Bradshaw, MBA says
It was a great list I resonated with the concept of trying to control the uncontrollable, and making #1. I also liked the information about forgiving yourself. I liked this list so much that I added it a few of the points to my list of golden rules that I’ve been re-creating from myself lately. I have subscribed and I’m now an inspired reader/follower.
Simba says
Thank you for the essays and emails. This is the best self awareness piece I have read anywhere online in a long time. I will re-read this list a few more times to help me improve, thank you.
Sheri L Brown says
I completely agree.
Sonja says
This list is impressive! Such perfect reminders. I have found not forgiving myself for life changing mistakes I made while young to be the biggest obstacle to a peaceful and productive life. Thank you your newsletter there’s always something that I needed to hear.
Laura Hoffart says
I’ve been a reader of your blog for quite some time now and finally decided to purchase one of your books for a dear friend. The problem was deciding which book! So I ended up buying all 4 just now! I hope they enjoy your inspirational messages and lessons as much as I have.
Thank you Marc and Angel
Sugandha Ghonasgi says
The thought that resonated most with me is, forgive yourself. Make yourself the priority . Being a woman and doctor, giving has become a habit, putting the needs of others before self. I need to correct this. Thank you for this article
David Marcus says
This is the most well-crafted, short yet dense list I think I’ve ever seen on the subject. Several resonate, but especially the first four. Thank you for putting this together!
Crystal says
So many of the points you shared felt like you were speaking directly to many of the things that I’ve been thinking about lately. The ideas of ‘You will not always have the support of others so don’t forget to be your own support system on a daily basis’ and ‘forget popularity, do what is important to you with passion and honesty’ really hit home this morning. Appreciate your encouragement and support!
Garry Derby says
Very informative and has encouraged me to keep pursuing my interest I have nurture over the past 10+ years. The article has so much to take stock of and there are gems to keep as a guide worth reflecting on. The one in particular is ‘Wanting to control the Uncontrollable’ and has been an Achilles heel for me moving forward. So I have lots to work on and fortunately time is on my side. I have truly thank you for this valuable information and give thanks to the change you have helped me to pursue.
Che Jackson says
Holding too tightly to the way things were is a message for me and quite a few in my network. I’ve caught myself being the “stay off my lawn” and “the youth of today” grumbler, rather than embracing change and being open to learning new ways and ideas. I’m taking this one to heart at the end of this year!
Renae says
This was the most insightful article so far. #4 resonated within my spirit. Self forgiveness. I HAVE to stop groveling in “bad” decisions I’ve made holding me back from rectifying if I can and learning from them and moving on. Thank you
Kim says
Wanting to control the uncontrollable and Waiting for the perfect moment were the 2 that touched me the most. There were little nuggets of my truth throughout this very fascinating article. I found the exercise at the end to be helpful and a great addition to the piece. Thank you for this.
Margie Martinez says
This article gave me such a fresh and practical perspective during this overwhelming time in my life. I greatly appreciate it. Thank you!
Renee Cermola says
I just wanted to take a quick moment to tell you how much I enjoy your articles. Your words of wisdom are very well written, informative, and always hit home. I look forward to reading them daily and often share with friends and family.
Dan Spaulding says
Thank you both for your encouraging articles. They are always encouraging and challenging. I feel privileged to receive your emails and articles. Keep up the good work! I look forward to the next email you so graciously share with us who treasure your work and words.
Sue Law says
Thank you – your advice is accurate and well timed.
Linda says
These are the best set of habits I read in a long time. I esp liked the one “always worrying about someone else’s story” Thats one I am going to nail on my wall. I am awful at that and as of today I am going to try so hard to change that way about myself. The one about not being able to control the uncontrollabe knocks hard on me too because sometimes I feel that way. I am doing a mindfullness course for the past few weeks and it is relly helping me with anxiety and a lot of other things. I can feel the difference happening to me. Just today I had to wait in a long line at a store and I was more relaxed about it than ever before, It works and so do all your tips if we follow them. Thank you so much, I respect you taking time to do up all this information and send it to us,
Melissa W says
Reading this brought me to tears. Tears of hope. I needed this, as so many do. Thank you. Please keep doing what you’re doing.
Waruna says
unique and effective read. “Settling for default when the settings can be customised” and “failure is not falling down” are great learning, thank you!
Shree Bankar says
That was a fantabulous read! Just made my day…
Point 7) resonated with my life the most; there are no too many fleeting contentments as such but whatever are there, I sometimes find myself chasing them all along the day just to get relief from day-to-day streesors. But now I am done with that!
Suggestion: this read was contentment in itself! But I suggest authors to give some examples at the end of each stanza to make it even better & clearer.
Ruth Allen says
I found this article very informative. All the subjects you list I think everyone applies to me. I’ve actually thought this way from be a very young child probably about 11 yrs old. I am now 66 yrs old and don’t seem to have altered my thinking with any real success. I will continue to and hopefully the e book will help me I will keep plugging away till I actually achieve one result. That’s better than none. I’m not saying there’s any miracles going to happen but I will keep referring to it how ever long it takes.
jacques fleury says
A masterful little nugget of practical wisdom! I can see myself putting the ideas presented in this article as part of my daily habits. The very brilliantly written first line captured my attention right from the jump:
“You ultimately become what you repeatedly do.” Hence if your daily habits are not resulting in the “you” you want to be, than change your habits! And thanks to this inspirational article, I plan to do just that!- Jacques Fleury, Boston Globe featured author of “You Are Enough: The Journey to Accepting Your Authentic Self”
Mark says
Thank you – these resonated more than I expected
Adil Zareef says
Very sensible advice
Sudhir says
Thanks for such a valuable guidelines to improve one’s life. I am grateful for the to do list given in the last paragraphs. I will try it.
Scott Siwicki says
Thank you again for sharing this post.
I realise I must move forward; not get stuck.
Physically after an acute stroke I have pushed myself hard, for the best outcome.
I see the positive results of this.
Everyday has it’s challenges, and this is where I need posts like the one today.
To not get stuck in the mental challenges; to try and keep positive.
Not let others get under my skin.
Or get stuck when things to go well.
Perpetual says
I love the article, very encouraging
Seems like this article was written for me.
Pierre Palo Jr MD. says
This was an exceptional article. It summarizes and explains the key points to success. One has to prioritize oneself, decide what one wants, and be willing to start now and sacrifice temporary pleasures.
Leigh says
I read one of your helpful suggestions today.
About taking a chance… doing nothing is 100 % disappointing and unfair to self. Taking a chance – doing something will deliver an outcome and learning experience. Years ago I lived alone, lacked motivation….. I had a most difficult time getting to gym after work
I told myself if I chose to stay home; I knew exactly how the evening would unfold (nothing of note) OR I could make myself go to gym. At least I would have lifted my spirits and physically benefitted.
In a short time I improved my physical health, was happier, more
Confident and positive and proud.