If it keeps you busy but will hold you back someday, it’s a distraction.
There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is too short not to focus more on what matters most. And life is definitely too short for habits and routines that keep you stuck in a cycle of feeling like you’re a day late and a dollar short. So today, let’s discuss three incredibly common patterns of behavior that keep the majority of us (myself included for several years) stuck in that cycle, day after day.
1. We keep trying to overcome the odds in an unsupportive environment.
No matter how strong you are, and no matter how much determination and willpower you have, if you keep yourself positioned in an environment that works against your best intentions, you will eventually succumb to that environment.
This is where so many of us make life-altering missteps. When we find ourselves struggling to make progress in an unhealthy environment, we somehow believe that we have no other choice — that positioning ourselves in a more supportive environment, even for short intervals, is impossible. So rather than working in a supportive environment that pushes us forward, we expend all our energy trying to pull the baggage of an unhealthy environment along with us. And eventually, despite our best efforts, we run out of energy.
The key thing to remember here is that, as a human being, your environment immensely affects you. And, consequently, one of the best uses of your energy is to consciously choose and design working and living environments for yourself that support and facilitate the outcomes you intend to achieve.
For example, if you’re trying to reduce your alcohol consumption, you must…
- Spend less time around people that consume alcohol.
- Spend less time in social environments that promote alcohol consumption.
Because if you don’t your willpower will eventually collapse…
“One more drink won’t hurt, right?”
Wrong!
You need to set clear boundaries, commit, and then reconfigure your environment to make the achievement of your commitment possible.
Let’s think about some other common examples:
- If you want to lose weight, your best bet is to spend more time in healthy environments with people who eat healthy and exercise on a regular basis.
- If you want to become a paid, professional comedian — a goal one of our Getting Back to Happy Course students recently achieved — your best bet is to surround yourself with professional comedians, do local gigs together, share experiences, and orient your living and working environment to that goal.
- If you want to overcome your struggles and live a happier life, your best bet is to spend more time communicating with people who share these same intentions. This can be achieved through local support groups, personal-growth conferences, or online via courses and supportive communities.
The bottom line is that strength, determination, and willpower will only get you so far. If you want to make a substantial, positive, long-term change in your life, you also have to change your environment accordingly. This is truly the foundation of how we evolve as human beings. We mold and adapt to our environments, gradually, for better or worse. Thus, conscious growth involves decisively seeking out or creating enriching environments that encourage you to grow.
2. We keep trying to achieve “success” exactly as others have defined it.
When I was growing up there was a mostly quiet yet unanimously agreed upon definition of what success looked like in my family. Although it was rarely discussed openly, it was implied through various conversations and decisions I was directly or indirectly included in.
All of my immediate and extended family members were in one of two groups:
- College educated with a comfortable salaried job at a large corporation
- Blue-collar worker who diligently worked his or her way up the corporate ladder at a large corporation
The major commonality being a steady paycheck from an established corporation. That was the implicitly agreed upon definition of success in my family. And by that definition, I was a failure, and still am.
I earned a college degree, but I opted to hop between several small startup companies out of college instead. My paychecks were low and the stability of my work was inconsistent at best (but I was learning). Then, a few years down the road, amidst a landslide of personal tragedies, I quit my day job to focus full-time on a side project called Marc and Angel Hack Life (you may have heard of it) that Angel and I had been gradually developing and supporting on nights and weekends.
Needless to say, my family was very skeptical of my evolving career path and decisions.
At some point, however, I realized I had to give up my family’s definition of success.
And I had to give up everyone else’s definition of success too.
Of course, doing so was easier said than done. The definitions of success that I had grown up around, and the beliefs they carried, were so deeply embedded in the traditions and narratives I was accustomed to that they had very much become a benchmark by which I measured my life. So it took me awhile to get my head straight about what success meant to me. And to a certain extent I’m sure you can relate, because no one is immune to this phenomena. Even the most seasoned entrepreneurs and creative types I know still get caught up in the overplayed ideas of fame and fortune being symbols of success.
The bottom line is that, although quite challenging, giving up other people’s definition of success is incredibly liberating and ultimately leads to the fullest expression of who YOU are.
Just think about it…
Other people aren’t going to live with the results of your choices. So why should you live according to their contrived definition of success?
Have you recently stopped to ask yourself what success means to YOU right now?
Or have you simply adopted your definition and beliefs from everyone around you?
For far too many us, the answer is the latter.
A coaching client recently told Angel and me that she wanted to become a millionaire to satisfy certain milestones for success that she had set for herself. But as we dug deeper into her story and her reasoning, it became evident that a number of her reasons for wanting to be a millionaire didn’t require a million dollars to achieve. She had just been conditioned to believe they did. And she literally laughed out loud when she realized this.
By understanding the essence of your goals and how YOU define success, it’s easier to give up other people’s contrived definitions and beliefs. And remember, the point is not that one measure of success is any better or worse than another. The point is that you get to choose how you define it for yourself.
Simply recognize that the more conscious and deliberate you can be about what success means for YOU, the more empowered you will be to pursue the path that’s true for you, and the less regret you will feel at the end of your journey. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts and Reflections to Start Every Day” is a great tool for this kind of daily self-reflection and self-validation.)
3. We keep waiting to “find passion” somewhere outside ourselves.
Learn to believe in your heart that you’re meant to live each day full of passion and purpose — that each and every moment is worthy in its own way. And remind yourself that passion is not something you find in life; it’s something you do. When you want to find the passion and inner strength needed to change your situation, you have to push yourself to step forward.
Many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion” — something that we believe will lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And I say “hopelessly” primarily because passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion comes from doing things right. If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and the changes you need to make, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.
On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d rather live more passionately starting today and experience small positive changes, it’s time to proactively inject passion into the very next thing you do. Think about it:
- When was the last time you sat down and had a conversation with someone nearby, with zero distractions and 100 percent focus?
- When was the last time you exercised and put every bit of effort you could muster into it?
- When was the last time you truly tried — truly tried — to do your very best?
Like most of us, you’re likely putting a halfhearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about — some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But you need to do the exact opposite!
When I was a kid my grandmother used to tell me, “Stop waiting for better opportunities. The one you have in front of you is the best opportunity.” She also said, “Too often we spend too much time making it perfect in our heads before we ever even do it. Stop waiting for perfection and just do your best with what you have today, and then improve it tomorrow.”
Believe it or not, recent psychological research indirectly reinforces my grandmother’s sentiments. For many years, psychologists believed our minds could directly affect our physical state of being, but never the other way around. Nowadays, however, it is widely documented that our bodies — for example, our momentary facial expressions and body posture — can directly affect our mental state of being too. So while it’s true that we change from the inside out, we also change from the outside in. And you can make this reality work for you. If you want more passion and happiness in your life right now, act accordingly right now.
Put your heart and soul into something!
Not into tomorrow’s opportunities, but into the opportunity right in front of you.
Not into tomorrow’s tasks, but into today’s tasks.
Not into tomorrow’s run, but into today’s run.
Not into tomorrow’s relationships, but into today’s relationships.
Angel and I are certain you have plenty in your life right now that’s worth your time and energy. You have people and circumstances in your life that need you as much as you need them. You have a massive reservoir of potential passion within you, just waiting… STOP WAITING!
Now, it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to practice paying attention to the beauty and practicality of living a more intentional life, with passion and purpose, in healthy environments…
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the habits or points mentioned above gave you the most perspective today?
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Mel says
Wow these points are spot on for me right now! Especially the first one about unsupportive environments – that hits close to home. I’ve spent the past few years grinding hard against the waves of an unsupportive and negative environment! So glad I’m making changes with my boundaries.
Jo says
Yes Mel I totally agree with you. Place ourselves who and where our heart lies . Having these choices empowers me. I am thankful for that
Richard Webster says
Richard that was words of wisdom. Thanks so much, I find the information very helpful and encouraging.
Delores Graham Johnson says
I enjoyed the entire article and so happy that over the years I discipline myself to change my environment . Not my environment change me! I AM 64 years old and just managing to live my best life as I want to! ! All because I put the desired outcome and desired boundaries in place! Things and people still challenging but I now stick with what took so long to put in place. It’s definitely been a journey and now I AM WINNING daily good and bad times. It is all good! This article overall showed .me how successful I have BECOME in habits mention. Thanks!
McDonald Mulongwe says
The perspective of success definition was remarkable for me. It takes insight, authenticity and courage to overcome dogmatic perspective such as success. Appreciate the article
Gabriel Leckson says
Point number 3 is so important. I keep waiting and thinking like someone will come to do a thing for me. I gat good ideas in my head but for me to put them on the ground it’s hard. But God is good I will maintain
Moira says
Greetings, your article was soul steering…. My passion, I thought, was something illusive and needed to be found! I’m going to put more into my everyday missions, be intentional, examine my environment and put my all into the opportunities at hand with gratitude. That’ll make me happier and less judgemental (of myself) just knowing I did my best and that’s all I need to ask of myself.
Thank you for this article.
Sheri Fishbach says
Thank you for your uplifting advice! Sometimes it’s helpful to be reminded of what’s really important in the day to day. I will do my best to walk MY walk.
Lydia says
Thanks for sharing. Your grandmother had it right. Any day you truly give your best is a great success no matter the outcome.
Nicolas says
Thank you. This was enlightening. The first and third ones nailed it for me. I’m certainly waiting in the wrong environment…to somehow find a spark of passion and take action. Time to shift some things around over here.
Jacqueline Funk says
About 13 years ago, I decided to honor my son’s request to be homeschooled. Wow, was I heavily criticized by his paternal grandmother and associates! I found it a little over the top as I endured an onslaught of all of the ways I would ruin him. Really? A 5-yr-old? Fast forward to now, and he’s graduating from high school with as scholarship to study engineering. He is a blessing to know; many people have said so. I could have put him and my other children through programs where other people were providing instruction, but I have tried as much as feasible to guide them myself. I’ve paid the price on how the rest of the world sees success, but why is the value of what children become so dismissed? I guess it’s easier to complain about “kids these days” instead of working to help them. I’ve endured much judgement for my choices, but I’m happier with the products I have than big numbers in a bank account. So thank you for this encouragement. It’s been hard some days to keep my chin up.
Onshella Vernon says
Thank you Marc and Angel. The point that passion is something you do and not something you find has made an indelible impression on me. I appreciate your insight into the human experience.
Joe says
Insight #2 defining success. I had not thought about what success would look like for me. Thank you for giving me another way to think about my life.
Jan says
The 3rd one has me thinking. Years ago no matter what I was doing I did it 100%. After reading this I now realize it was with passion. Somehow over the past few years I’ve lost it. Is it common with age? Is it thinking it’s mundane? What I do know is I was much happier when heart and soul was put into all I did do.
It was my JOY. Thank you for sharing and bringing this to me this morning as I now will gradually renew the passion I once had y showing up with a little more presence and vigor.
Folasade says
Thank you Marc and Angel.
The one that resonates with me today is number one point. Struggling to succeed in a toxic environment.
Your article is an eye opener.
The last two points especially defining my own success are liberating.
Well done.
Lots of love.
Obura says
Well said. It’s very difficult to free oneself from Society’s definition of success. I’ve been struggling with that for years but I’m glad that I’m already taking steps to define my success. This article serves as a strong reminder that I keep moving towards what I believe is success for me. Thank you Marc & Angel!
Kara says
Very well said, I can see all three points in my recent life. I’m 58 years old and read a lot of motivational articles, books, etc. but, I rarely see myself as much as I did in this one.
Mercy Ekwere says
Thank you Marc and Angel.
Your words of wisdom is changing my mindset at 72 years of age. This is a wonderful essay. I’m so thankful for the day I came accross this site. I am learning a lot here. I see better days and a better me ahead.
Henly Dopo says
In this reading, the last point really challenges me. Passion is something I have to do to find it, not the other way around. It is true that if I want to find passion, I believe that it will never be found in my entire life. I have to take consistence actions to create/build passion. This is so true and I am so happy that I had a just found the the formula to create passion.
I have also has a good read on the first point. It is a good reminder for me.
I had a good read in this one. Thank you for sharing.
M says
Thank you Marc and Angel,
Each point was relatable for me.
Third one was most on point.
Thank you for inspiring me every day.
Vicky Manalo says
We have to live in the NOW. That’s the only way to appreciate and enjoy life to the fullest. Because tomorrow is not promised. I also resonate with the first point — that of having a supportive environment in order to thrive. We have to be with like-minded people who dream like we do. Thank you for sharing. Such good reminders!
Stan says
My definition of success is simple. I am happy, therefore I am successful. It doesn’t matter what anyone else’s opinion of my life is.
Carly says
The truth has a ring to it doesn’t it? I appreciate this post. If not now, when…?
Asim Mohammed says
Angel and Marc, this is just brilliant.
I recently made well thought out changes that resonates with your advice.
And it’s working fine and giving me the pleasure of being engaged in a healthy and rewarding lifestyle.
God Almighty Bless you always for your advice.
Asim Mohammed.
Jennifer E. says
Wow! Thank you for helping me to open my eyes!! The first one really hit home. I’ve been working in a toxic, negative and unsupported job. I recently left because I realized that nothing would change. Reading this was an eye opener.
Lots of love,
Jennifer
Gary Watters says
Thank both of you!
For me success is defined by following your heart and taking risks, lots of them until your reach greatness.
Good is like a 16 lane freeway with bumper to bumper traffic and no off ramp and great is a narrow lonely path with tall grasses and trip hazards.
David Hill says
I identified with all 3 points, but what struck me most is #1. And I say that, because what if that unsupportive environment is your spouse? And, looking back over my 59 years, I see where I have a pattern of being in those “spousal environments” where—regardless of what I wanted to poor my dream or dreams into—I was never met with active support. Everyone else’s needs and dreams always came first. In short, I always feel like I’m 100% in their corners, but no one’s ever truly been in mine.
Sanjay says
Thanks. The first and second are a part of my struggle and effort. Your article rejuvenated my energy.
Tracey Taylor says
PASSION as birthing from within instead of seeking from outside – my intentional life as I am it’s lead character walking through it’s experiences and opportunities! Thank you for these insights!
Lindeka Matebe says
I simply want to leave a comment on how I love what you do. You are able to bring the simplicity of being human forth, with every piece of writing I read from you, from your personal experiences shared I can relate. It’s extraordinary (not exaggerated) how these simple truths you scribe always find a way to speak to a person. Thank you for putting yourselves out here for your audience to better navigate through this journey of life.
Jeff Hazen says
I very much like that you have clear,practical and real world way of providing answers about passion which is usually a difficult thing to figure out.
I grew up in the woods and wanted to be an artist all of my life.Hardly anybody has more negativity come there way than a young person who wants to be an artist.It is very unlikely that there will be any answers coming your way.
I persevered.Eventually I got to a place where I have what you recommend.
It is great to have an authentic life where I can pursue what matters to me.I don’t look down at anybody or think that I am better than them.I feel gratitude more than anything else.
Venkat says
Hi, well written article. I some how feel point 2 is most important if you want to be happy. Define your own success criteria after a deep and sincere thought process. Then stick to it as long as there is no huge change in the parameters
Dshaikh says
Awesome essay indeed. It is articulate and insightful. I was encouraged reading it and it helped me gain greater understanding. Thank you for sharing such an awakening
Felix says
Thanks Marc and Angel. The one that resonates with me the most is the point 3. Trying to find a passion is something that has always kept me moving in circles. Time to make some shift over here.
Sivakumar says
Your third point struck a chord with me. Beautiful read altogether. Loved your Granny’s point, on waiting for better opportunities… ” The one you have in front of you is the best one ”
Best Wishes.
Swagatika says
I an entrepreneur and currently, I’m dealing with many odds. When we get tired of finding answers by ourselves then we finally ask the universe to help us, we always get the best advices.
I felt, the universe have replied me through your article. The 1st and 3rd point are the most helpful one for me.
Thank you!
May you grow more and more with each passing day.
Opeyemi says
Thank you Marc & Angel. Actually, the three points resonate well with me. The first one about toxic environment is most challenging one for a very long time.Trying to live inside out has been my safe landing.
K Murali krishna says
Very good article, which is 100 percent practical
Dorothy says
Liked your article. What stood out for me:
1- choosing a supportive enviornment to match my goals.
2- To stop waiting for perfection and do my best with what I have today (ouch).
3– And, to consider when was the last time I sat down to a task with zero distractions?
Reading this has just improved my day. Can’t wait to see the end result.
Virginia Waldron says
I resonated with your 3rd
point. I am encoursged to
do what I like/enjoy doing and smile while doing those a activities. I am committed
right now to start.
Thanks so much. Bye,
Virginia
Lauri Sherratt says
Very good article, and very helpful, as most of the things I read are not accurate or helpful at all. Thank you for your insight and wisdom!
Theresa Carroll says
The second point was one I realized years ago. I struggled as a 20 something, 30 something to get rich. Then someone asked me how I would know if I was rich. Answer, when time was my own, and I was free to have a cup of tea in the middle of the afternoon with a loved one. Well,goodbye corporate ladder, hello self employment. I met my bills, paid my taxes and made charitable contributions (in time and money) just like a millionaire. All on $25000. annually.
Amber Petry says
What an insightful essay! All my life, from early childhood to recently in my 61 year old adult life (really a 14 yr old trapped in a 61 year old body lol), people say I am “too much” … too intense… too passionate… because I see most things worthy of doing my best at. Mind you it’s said by people satisfied with mediocre in their own lives. At times I have wondered if they are correct. Drs’ have even tried to put me on mood stabilizers even though my moods are not all over the place and I’m not bouncing off the walls or anything similar even.
I give my all and my best 24/7. It’s a natural behavior for me. Thank you for reiterating for me that it’s not a bad thing.
Bryn says
Thanks for this great message. I have been a person who focuses on perfection every time which has made me miss a lot of good things due to the delay in my decisions. Its time to change my self and flash all the negativities have been moving with in me and replace them with active passion and love.
Summer says
#3 by far had the largest impact. Your so completely on point it, it gave me goosebumps. So starting today I will apply passion in the things I do today!! Thank you!!
Joseph says
Waooooo. Am blessed with this essay, this is great, the best way I can describe this
Jun says
I’ve been reading your articles and all them applies in everyday life. Most of them directly give directions. Thank you very much.
Nicky says
Very good. Best comment is go ahead with what you have and make it better tomorrow. That’s so helpful and is what I’m doing. Stepping out in my music without being as good as others around me but I’m doing it anyway. Thanks for the encouragement.