You can have all the knowledge in the world, but it means nothing without building up the confidence to do something with it.

Two decades ago, when the bullies at our high school called her a nerd for being a virgin and a straight-A student, my best friend Sara smiled and confidently said, “Thank you. I’m really proud of it.” She honestly was. What those bullies said never bothered her one bit. And this is just one tiny example of Sara’s incredible self-confidence.

I was reminded of Sara this morning when I received an email from a long-time blog subscriber (subscribe here) named Lane who is struggling with a similar bullying issue at a small community college where he’s taking classes. After describing his predicament in detail, he ended his email with this:

“I love your books and blog. Both have helped me get through a very low point in my life. But even though I’ve made progress, I often struggle with my self-confidence. These bullies really get the best of me. And I know my shattered confidence is really taking a toll on me. Therefore, what I need now more than ever is to learn how to walk in a more confident person’s footsteps, by changing the behaviors that kill my confidence.”

So, pulling from over a decade of experience as a life coach, in an effort to help Lane walk more closely Sara’s footsteps, here are some insanely popular confidence-killing behaviors to avoid: [Read more…]

by Emma, creator of Simple Slow & Lovely

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
— J.K. Rowling

Dreams and a vision for our future are wonderful things to have. They can inspire us, keep us motivated and help us to do scary things. But what happens when we don’t achieve our dreams? What happens when you wake up in the middle of your life and realize you haven’t done the things you thought or hoped you would?

If you had shown me a picture, 15 years ago, of what my life would look like today, you would have had to scrape me off the floor. There would have been disbelief and a whole lot of ugly crying. So I’m glad I didn’t get that memo. But I’m surprisingly okay with the picture of my life today. Actually, I’m not just okay, I’m happy.

Dreams vs. Real Life

Back in my twenties, in the thick of postgraduate studies in Psychology, my dream was [Read more…]

Trust that today’s challenges will be responsible for your future growth.

Every day Marc and I work with course students who say all the right things and then do the exact opposite.  They hope to experience growth, but they resist change.  They want less stress, yet they indulge in drama.  They long for better relationships, and then they refuse to trust anyone.

In other words, what they say they want, and what they actually do with their time, are hopelessly disconnected.  And the two will likely never meet without intervention.

It’s important to note, though, that I get it.  I understand where they’re coming from.  I used to make the same mistakes.  Change is hard to deal with.  Needless drama can be addictive.  Relationships take a lot of work.  Life is [Read more…]

(This is an excerpt from the new edition of 1,000 Little Things.)

She rarely makes eye contact. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Because the ground is safer. Because unlike people, it expects nothing in return. The ground just accepts her for who she is.

As she sits at the bar next to me, she stares down at her vodka tonic, and then the ground, and then her vodka tonic. “Most people don’t get me,” she says. “They ask me questions like, ‘What’s your problem?’ or ‘Were you mistreated as a child?’ But I never respond. Because I don’t feel like explaining myself. And I don’t think they really care anyway.”

The music is getting loud and I can see that she needs to talk. I ask, “Want to get some fresh air?”

In the chilly night air, she tells me her story. [Read more…]