“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions.  I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
— Oscar Wilde

Last night I received an email (creatively) titled “Emotionally Stable People Don’t Do This” from a reader named Karl.  In it he describes a rather chaotic emotional roller coaster that he’s been on for the past few years, personally and professionally.  And then he wrapped up his email with this:

“Truly, I love your book and blog.  Both have helped me get through some seriously tough times.  But even though I’ve made progress, I often struggle with my emotions.  I persistently let every little problem get the best of me.  So I was wondering, what do emotionally stable people NOT do?  I’m asking because, even though I’ve made progress, I know I’m still holding on to old habits that are holding me back.  I need some reminders of what NOT to do!”

There are a million ways to answer Karl’s question (especially as it relates to his unique life situation), but since emotional stability is something all of us struggle with at times, I figured I’d take a stab at answering his question in a general sense, for all of us.  Here’s what emotionally stable people don’t do:

1. They don’t take other people’s behavior personally. – It’s easy to feel unloved and unwanted when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you expect.  And it’s so hard not to internalize that disconnection as a reflection on your worth.  But the truth is, the way other people behave and function is not about you.  Most people are so caught up in their own problems, responsibilities and struggles, that the thought of asking you how you’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind.  They aren’t being mean or uncaring – they’re just busy and a bit self-centered at times.  And that’s OK.  It’s not evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part.  It doesn’t make you unlovable or unworthy.  It just means that some people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric bubble.  But the fact that you are – that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others – is an incredible strength. [Read more…]

The morning is extremely important.  It is the foundation from which the day is built.  How you choose to spend your morning can be used to predict what kind of day you’re going to have.

Do you need help focusing on what matters most?

If you think happiness and success means making lots of money and buying lots of stuff, the answer to this question is yes.

Dirty, wrinkled sketches of dead presidents have never made anyone happy in the long run.  And how can you expect to be successful if you’re not happy?  Money helps along the way, but only you can make yourself happy and successful from the inside out.  There isn’t any amount of money that can buy that.

Real happiness and success comes from the quality of your attitude, your relationships, and the emotions you experience each day.  That’s where the questions below come in.  Ask yourself these questions every morning and I absolutely guarantee that your days will get happier and more prolific over time:

1.  What is the most important thing I can do today for my own well-being?

If you don’t take good care of yourself, then you can’t take good care of others either; which is why taking care of yourself is the best selfish thing you can do.

Every new day is a chance to change your life.  Work on making life all that you want it to be.  Work hard for what you believe, and keep your dreams big and your worries small.  Figure out how you can best serve yourself today.

Remember, you never need to carry more than you can hold, just take one small step at a time.  And while you’re out there today making decisions instead of excuses, learning new things, and getting closer and closer to your goals, know that there are others out there, like me, who admire your efforts and are striving for greatness too.

2.  How can I show my love to those I love?

You don’t need to be perfect to be a perfect friend or lover, but the commitment [Read more…]