post written by: Marc Chernoff

10 Things to Remember When You Feel Lost and Alone


10 Things to Remember When You Feel Lost and Alone

“Being alone never felt right.  Sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.”
―Charles Bukowski

“This morning I felt lost and alone as I was driving home after a brutal breakup with my boyfriend.  I turned on the radio and the Michael Jackson song ‘You Are Not Alone’ was playing.  A few seconds later, at the exact moment the chorus began, I passed a huge billboard sign with big black letters that read, ‘YOU ARE NOT ALONE!’”

That’s the opening paragraph of an email I received today from a reader named Ella.  It made me smile because I love when life delivers seemingly coincidental, positive messages like that, right when we need them most.

However, the rest of Ella’s email further described her ongoing struggle with feeling “lost and alone” in life.  Which got me thinking…

Why do people have to feel this way?  What’s the point of it all?  Millions of people in this world, all of them craving connection, and looking for specific experiences and people to satisfy them, yet inadvertently isolating themselves in the process.  Why?  Was the planet put here just to nourish our loneliness?

The more I’ve experienced and explored my own feelings of uncertainty and loneliness, the more I’ve realized how necessary these feelings are.  It’s good for us to spend time exploring unknowns, alone.  It gives us an opportunity to discover who we really are and what life is all about.

Here are some things to keep in mind when you feel lost and alone:

1.  You are not alone in being alone.

So many of us are fighting the same exact battle alongside you.  We are all in this together.  So no matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, know that there are others out there experiencing the same emotions.  When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your worried mind trying to sell you a lie.  There’s always someone who can relate to you.  Perhaps you can’t immediately talk to them, but they are out there, and that’s all you need to know right now.

2.  Sometimes when you’re lonely, you need to be alone.

Sometimes you need to be alone, not to be lonely, but to enjoy a little free time just being yourself and finding your way.  In other words, the moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most need to be by yourself.  This is one of life’s cruelest ironies.

We need solitude, because when we’re alone we’re detached from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts and feel what our intuition is telling us.  And the truth is, throughout your life there will be times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart.  So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.  (Read Quiet: The Power of Introverts.)

3.  You have to be a little lost first to find what you’re looking for.

Not until you are lost in this world can you begin to find your best path.  Realizing you are lost is the first step to living the life you want.  The second step is leaving the life you don’t want.  Making a big life change is pretty scary.  But you know what’s even scarier?  Regret.

I can tell you from my own life experience that I’ve found love, lost it, found it, lost it and then I found it once again.  But each time what I found was more incredible than the last.  So remember that everyone suffers in life at some point.  Everyone feels lost sometimes.  The key is using your experiences to grow.  When you apply what you’re learning to your future choices and actions, you move forward not backward.  You become stronger and wiser.  It’s not easy, but it’s worth it in the end.

4.  It’s all about accepting the reality of what is.

You cannot find peace by avoiding life.  Life spins with unexpected changes; so instead of avoiding it, take every change and experience as a challenge for growth.  Either it will give you what you want or it will teach you what the next step is.  And remember, finding peace in life does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, no challenges, and no hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things while remaining calm in your heart.

Honestly, life is too short to spend at war with yourself.  The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations.  Letting go of needless expectations is your first step to happiness.  Come from a mindset of peace and acceptance, and you can deal with almost anything and grow beyond it.

5.  In every situation, YOU choose your attitude.

Be determined to be positive.  Understand that the greater part of your misery or unhappiness is determined not by your circumstances, but by your attitude.  A happy person is not a person who’s always in a good situation, but rather a person who always has a good attitude in every situation.  So smile at those who often try to begrudge or hurt you; show them what’s missing in their life and what they can’t take away from you.  Doing so doesn’t mean forgetting or giving in, it means you choose happiness over hurt.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

6.  Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.

The trouble is not always in being alone; it’s being lonely in the presence of others.  One can be lonely in the midst of a crowd.  Wouldn’t you agree?  So keep this in mind and choose your relationships wisely.  It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.  And when you do decide to come back for someone, do so because you’re truly better off with this person.  Don’t do it just for the sake not being alone.

7.  Everyone you care about does NOT need to support your decisions.

Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but you must pursue them anyway.  Follow your intuition.  Following your intuition means doing what feels right, even if it doesn’t look or sound right to others.  Only time will tell, but our human instincts are rarely wrong.  Even if things don’t turn out as you anticipated, at least you won’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.  So don’t worry about what everyone else thinks; just keep living and speaking your truth.

Ultimately, you know you’re on the right track in life when you become uninterested in looking back, and eager to take the next step, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

8.  You are not who you used to be, and that’s OK.

You’ve been hurt; you’ve gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today.  Over the years, so many things have happened – things that have changed your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit to grow.  As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people will still tell you that you have changed.  Respond to them by saying, “Of course I’ve changed.  That’s what life is all about.  I’m still the same human being, just a little stronger now than I ever was before.”

9.  The best you can do changes from day to day.

Always do your best.  And realize that “your best” is going to change repeatedly.  For instance, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.

Under any circumstance, simply do your best in the present moment and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.  And remember that no matter what’s happening, you can efficiently fight the battles of just today.  It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated.  It’s necessary, therefore, to let yourself live just one day at a time – just today – just right here, right now.  And do the best you can in it.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self_love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

10.  It all matters in the end – every step, every regret, every smile, and every struggle.

The seemingly useless happenings add up to something.  The minimum wage job you had in high school.  The evenings you spent socializing with colleagues you never see anymore.  The hours you spent writing thoughts on a personal blog that no one reads.  Contemplations about elaborate future plans that never came to be.  All those lonely nights spent reading novels and news columns and comics strips and fashion magazines and questioning your own principles on life and sex and religion and whether or not you’re good enough just the way you are.  All of this has strengthened you.  All of this has led you to every success you’ve ever had.  All of this has made you who you are today.

The floor is yours…

What helps you stay positive when you feel lost and alone?  What’s something encouraging you try to keep in mind when you’re up against lots of uncertainty?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Little Zoker

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88 Comments

  • Hey Marc. I just want to say that what you and Angel write about is really helping me a lot. For the past few months, I’ve been suffering from depression. Your words really inspire me and it makes me realize that there is more to life than to being sad. Thank you.

    For me, it really all about positive reminders, which is why I have read and re-read your parts of book and many of your articles several times over the past year. Doing so has helped me stay on the right path.

  • I so look forward to my bi-weekly dose of inspiration from you. Today’s article has given me much to think, cry and smile about, especially as a new cancer sufferer/patient who has not come to terms with the disease.

    I try to keep the beauty of each moment in mind. I try to be as present as possible with the time I know I have right now. And I’m only beginning to realize how much I was once overlooking.

  • I find strength in God.

  • Great one! Much needed. I’m currently going through a time in my life where nothing seems to work, I feel stuck and there vast divide between where I am and where I know I want to be is killing me, but posts like this give me hope.

  • Thank you so much… there are times when one needs to be alone… truly said…

  • This post just gave me something important to think about that just might help me in my current situation. Thank you and God bless.

  • Everything you said is totally true! It is good to be alone without feeling “lonely.” I call it regrouping and if you aren’t happy to be along at all it is “loneliness” you are feeling and you really should regroup. But like you said there is always another person in this world who feels the same way. Great post to start my day!! :)

  • Oh Marc & Angel, I just needed to hear this NOW! I have been feeling really so lonely & alone that I actually went to a park to cry–just in the hope that maybe some stranger would care enough to ask if anything was wrong. I know it was pathetic, but it worked. One young woman did ask & hugged me–a stranger cared when my own narcissistic mother was the one who made me cry. There is a lot of love in this world, I guess we just need to stop begging for it from those who won’t give us any.

  • Well hello Marc, glad I read this post today.

    Having went off to hospital for my test results concerned but hoping all would be well. As I sat waiting on my own next to an old couple, I noticed the lady reassuringly touch the old mans hand, at that point my independant loneliness really struck home.

    The results indicate probable angina which for someone with a 200 year family history of heart disease is not that surprising.

    However the point is that although the next decision whether to go for the angiogram is solely mine, your post reminded me I have many friends and associates who are there for me, despite my best efforts to be independently lonely.

    igor

  • Great post!

    What helps me stay positive when I feel alone is that their are billions of people in the world and some of them may feel the way I do. And again, there are billions of people in the world. I also tell myself, “This too shall pass. Feel your feelings, process them and move forward.” Meditating and listening to upbeat music pulls me out of a funk. :)

  • Thanks Marc and Angel, you just pushed me over the line in understanding why I am feeling lonely and yet why I don’t want family to help me pack up and move out of the house from a 2 year nasty divorce. I have been brave for myself and my 3 year old daughter and finally packing my things has bought an avalanche of emotions and tears I didnt know were there, and in fact surprised all as they thought I was so strong! But, I will be stronger when I move into unfamiliar territory as I start again. I need to grasp its my comfort zones, of getting used to being comfortable in suffering. Its time to go, I have printed your words to read as many times a day as I need to become positive about the pain of change and all the new strength it will bring. Thank you both.

  • I needed this. Thank you so much.. Life is to short, may god bless you for opening eyes to see what life has in store for us all. Much love❤️

  • Thank you for number 10. I feel much better that you confirmed my justifying all the nights seemingly wasted on reading novels, magazines, etc., and the quiet time spent in frivolous contemplation.

    I forget quiet and alone time are necessary for growth and inspiration.

  • 1. If I feel lost and alone, I remind myself I’m loved by family and friends and that I love myself too.
    2. In times of uncertainty, I seek advice from loved ones or go to writing as my refuge.

  • Hi Marc,
    Warm greetings, I really appreciate this post. It actually helped me feel less alone.

  • Thank you for this. I really needed this list today.

  • Hello.
    Some of these words are helping me because I am on the way of accepting and loving myself, which I find a little bit difficult.

    After 9-10 month in which I’ve been in the jurney of finding who and how am I as a person, I have recently realized that what I actually did was to over-control every aspect of my life and pushed some things beyond the limits (vocation). The books I read, the motivational speeches I listened &Co didn’t help me overall, because I was stressed out about being in a way, be tough, never complain etc etc. So right now I am kind of lost…and it’s not a pleasant feeling (because I can’t even decide which kind of notebook I want to buy). But I know that at the end of this “storm” (as Louis Armstrong sings in “You will never walk alone”), the reward will be immeasurable and everything I didn’t have (spiritual gifts), will find their way to me.

    Best wishes,
    Silvia

  • What a great post! When I was in a relationship with my husband, I was isolated from friends and most importantly from myself. Now I can see that the best thing that ever happened was in him walking away. I found myself but I was surprised to discover that the people I considered friends have little or no interest in me at all. While this hurt, it made me realize that this is okay. They are not meant to be part of this journey I am on right now. Sometimes there are portions of the journey where you have to be alone and that’s a wonderful thing. It is much better to be alone to concentrate on where I’m going than to be with others and distracted from the path. I had that for too long and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

  • It’s so true that when you feel lost or alone, sometimes being alone is what you need to find yourself or whatever it is that you’re looking for.

    Personally I’ve gone through this myself too, and still have moments like this. In fact it’s what inspired me to set up my coaching & training business Happyologist that helps people find happiness by finding themselves.

    Keep up the great content, loving the reads!

  • I am currently suffering with anxiety attacks that seem to take over my mind, then my body. Came across your website and it has helped with positive thinking.

    Thanks Again,
    God Bless

  • SO needed this today as I go through major life and health changes! Many, many thanks! Your posts are awesome and encouraging me to stay the course, learn, grow and heal!

  • Great article. Feeling in that alone place is one of the darkest places a person can be. I was there last year but finally, somehow, pulled myself out of it. I had friends and family for support but at the end of the day, it was on me to make it through. And I did. I have so much compassion for others that fall into that place because it can be so tough. And not to say I still don’t feel that alone feeling every now and then, but I am able to look the other way and see things in a more positive light. To new beginnings, new paths, and new loves.

  • In the past I used to feel alone and lonely often. As I’ve grown and become more aware of my thoughts, I realize that the alone part was OK with me. But the lonely part - well - it took me a while to gain insight into that part.

    I no longer feel lonely. I like spending time with myself. I have the blessings of good people in my life.

    More important, I make sure to have some alone time just for me.

  • Christ is ALWAYS with you if you’re a Christian. In every human heart there is a Christ shaped void that can only be filled by guess who?? >>>Christ! You will be eternally lonely without him. That’s a fact Jack. Why? Because he designed it that way!

  • Thank you so much for the tips. I am suffering from loneliness after the death of my husband. I am really inspired of your post. It helps me ease some of the pain.

  • Melissa Webster
    March 20th, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    In bad situations, I try to find the silver lining. For instance, now that the trolls, who have been screwing with me and stalking me and playing games at my expense, finally got what they wanted in witnessing my humiliation and defeat, maybe they’ll be satisfied they won and will get the hell out of my life. That’s definitely a positive development.

    @Silvia, my situation was exactly the opposite. Every instinct I had was screaming at me that something was going on behind-the-scenes that directly affected me, but I wasn’t being allowed to be privy to it. I felt like I was being strung along and intentionally held back, and information was being withheld from me that forced me to function and make decisions blind. The controlling power struggle was being played by others, not me, and it caused a lot of anxiety in me that I normally don’t have, which caused them to withhold even more, which caused even more anxiety in me. And I was the only one making an effort to rectify things, which was useless because the other side saw nothing wrong with what they were doing and just expected me to passively accept it and be able to function at optimum level in that environment while my intuition was telling me something was wrong.

    It was a vicious circle and a ridiculous comedy of errors on both sides, when simple open, honest, direct communication would have avoided the problem completely.

    So I’ve wasted the last 9-10 months alone recovering from something that easily could have been avoided and wasn’t necessary in the first place.

    The silver linings:

    1) It opened my eyes to who my friends were and weren’t and I’ll be better at knowing it next time.

    2) I now have zero tolerance for bullshit.

    I don’t think there is an automatic quick fix to being alone or “lonely.” This recent alone time has had a damaging effect on me professionally and emotionally, and I’m only just now starting to pull out of it.

    But there have been other alone times in the past that were some of the happiest, most creative, productive times of my life.

    So I guess it depends on the situation and the reason why I’m alone as to how I handle it. On a creative project, when I’m developing ideas and strategy, being alone is thinking time for me and I focus better.

    But in times like now, when supportive teamwork was all that was wanted and needed, being alone makes things worse. So in this instance to combat the loneliness, I’m working at a job that allows me to interact with people again, and caring for the horses makes me feel needed, necessary and appreciated, which is something that was lacking in my life.

  • Thank you all for sharing…this is a good outlet to be part of when we are lonely.

    Last night I had dinner with a friend. We recently experienced a close friend dying. We both came to the conclusion that being honest about how we are really feeling is the best course. When someone asks you “how are you?” we typically answer the generic “I’m good” when we are not. Maybe we should say “I’m ok, struggling a bit with a few things, but working through it.” You’ll be surprised who will come forward to help. Reaching out is hard but worth it. Just like “N” did by going to a park to cry. A complete stranger came forward. That was a good thing to do.

    Learning to be alone and comfortable with our own company is a critical step to our well being. I’ve always had a man in life - never been alone in that regard. Now I am and it was hard, I was completely broken on the inside which also manifested itself in the body. Stress does horrible things to the body! But now I feel I can breathe. I can work on all aspects of me to prepare myself for a good and healthy life. My choices going forward will be better.
    This Marc and Angel post has become my bible. It helped me out of a bad situation and through a lot of really bad days. Thank you for coming into my life! I’m so grateful.

  • “Friends and family won’t always support your goals, but you must pursue them anyway. Follow your intuition. Following your intuition means doing what feels right, even if it doesn’t look or sound right to others. Only time will tell, but our human instincts are rarely wrong. Even if things don’t turn out as you anticipated, at least you won’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been. So don’t worry about what everyone else thinks; just keep living and speaking your truth.”

    I’m going through this right now. I have this feeling (from my angels, I believe in angels) that I have to move out of my house and into an apartment. A clean slate. :-) But I got bummed out a bit yesterday when one of my brothers (who has to co-sign the lease) started bringing up all sorts of questions.

    Then I talked to my mother today, and she made me feel better - she said I have to do what I think is right. So I’m going for it. :-)

    And I was afraid of being alone all the time, so I did the next best thing - I picked up a cat from the local rescue people, and it’s been nothing but love all around - though he did give me a scare the other day when he wasn’t eating. Fortunately, he started to eat again, and the vet gave him a clean bill of health.

    Having a snuggily, loving cat (or any other pet) helps a LOT with loneliness.

    Thanks so much for reinforcing what I feel in my gut, and what I feel the angels are telling me. This makes me feel so much better. :-)

  • How beautiful. I definitely encourage positive feedback and taking the time to focus on being a happy person. Our oras really do affect people around us as well - whether we know them or not.

  • As a Marc said before, the most painful thing in life is being lost by a process loving someone too much with no love in return. This leads to a lonely place, and it’s something I’m working through. I really appreciate this post very very much.

  • I appreciate every one of your posts. Thank you.

  • Sometimes, you just get what you need. You couldn’t believe how much I needed these words right now, and how lovely that so many of us are echoing this very thought. It is a comfort that we can be ‘alone’ together :)

  • Whoever has God in his mind will never feel alone. Personally I love my alone time. It’s the time where I discover who I really am, and a time of solace. Don’t afraid to be alone. Do whatever makes you happy.

    Love from me,
    Amirah

  • Great inspiration! I especially needed this now in my current situation.

  • Thanks a lot - this post gives me a little peace of mind.

  • I always read your posts, but today I really felt that you were writing directly to me. Reading this brought tears to my eyes, how much I needed this today at the very moment I found it is truly amazing, a miracle almost. Thank you so much Marc and Angel.

  • Fantastic post! I especially relate to this. Reading these posts are always my way to take a step back and just breath for a moment. Thank you so much.

    As for what I would add. When I’m going through uncertainty I have the words “Never Give Up” tattooed on me shoulder. It helps to remind me that life will always have ups and downs, but I must keep going.

  • Alone time is really important to assess the things and people in your life. It gives you time to take a look at yourself and work on the improvements you need to make at the moment. Almost all my self improvement and revelations came at my quiet alone times. I am a little stuck at the moment, due to my husband being on disability due to severe stress on the job, which led to him retiring. This has left me little time to myself and it is driving me crazy, depressed and overwhelmed with togetherness. I love him dearly, but need some space and time to myself. I’m working on it day by day. I’m starting to see some light and I know ” that this to shall pass”. Marc and Angel… Thanks for all the inspiration you give us all!

  • Dear Marc and Angel; Like an old and trusted friend, I enjoy the occasional visit with your words and wisdom. For me, your tips confirm what I already know in my heart. For the folks who sit alone, obsessed with their own misery, I say - If you feel alone, get out and do something for someone else. So many people today are quite simply, self-centered. There I said it. Singles with no dependents, couples with no kids. All so busy wasting time doing meaningless ‘activities’ while they could be reaching out to countless neighbors, children, organizations and causes. Loneliness? More likely they are feeling a sense of uselessness. Attention all you lonely hearts: Stop feeling sorry for yourselves! Get up and go, do, learn, help and smile. You are alive today!

  • I feel lonely and alone most times. I try to take one day at a time. Some days are better than others. Like I have a battle with myself, I wake up and think it is going to be a good day, then something will happen, and I am back to my alone self. All I want to do is cry, so I cry. I believe God gives us only as much as we can handle at any given time. I keep waiting for something good to happen in my life. I don’t want to be lonely and alone.

    I do have so much to be thankful for, but miss not having a partner anymore. How long does this lonelyness last? Will I ever find love and happiness again?

    I like reading the comments, but I just don’t get the ones that say, “this is just what I needed today.” Your comments are wonderful, but I have a hard time applying your answers to my questions. I ask that you keep commenting, and I will keep trying to be positive. Thank you.

  • I have had 22 surgeries and suffer from chronic pain. I also have severe depression. Many days I can only lay on the couch. It is very hard being alone and lonely. Thank you for your words of inspiration. May God bless you.

  • Thanks for the wonderful words of inspiration. It keeps us going. Hugs, Lauren

  • Dear Marc and Angel,
    Thanks for your blog - it reinforces what I’ve been learning since 1996 - living in the moment is true happiness. When I feel down, or start with negative thoughts I use my mantram. Keeps me in the moment and finding the best that is happening in that very moment. I’ll be following your blog and thank my twitter friend @JohnEMichel for tweeting this blog. Good news spreads and I appreciate the positive energy in the universe.

    Peace. @MelissaBlancha6 is my twitter handle.

  • When I feel lost and alone, I remember how God loves me and he has a plan ~ and that my fears.. are nothing more than thoughts gone wild..

    We do really have the power to CHOOSE.. choose what we will allow to effect us emotionally, the power to choose what we let in to our precious hearts and minds.. I have been using my choices wisely ~ choosing to be happier not because things get easier but because I don’t know how much time I have left on this earth.. And I want to try to spend everyday sharing light and joy with others.. It helps me remember who I am and what my purpose in this life is.

    Thank you Marc and Angel.. Your site has brought me much peace over the last several months.

    Blessings

  • Someone commented that if we are feeling lonely, perhaps we are feeling useless. That resonates with me. My favorite role in life has been ‘mother’, but with my daughter all grown up and living in another state, and a long distance move coming up following a divorce, I find myself often just going through the motions to get through the day, rather than embracing the opportunity to be alive. I saw a C.S. Lewis quote: ‘No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.’ Perhaps loneliness can be often tied to grief. So many transitions this past year, and more to come, I have yet to ’see the sunshine’.

  • Well, as usual, great timing, and great post. You provide so much hope, so much help! I hope and wish that God, Universe or whoever/whatever You guys believe in gives back to You countless blessings!
    You’ve been such support and help this past year with Your thoughtful and sincere posts, You have no idea! I hope that someday I’ll manage to recover from all the trauma and all the crap I’ve been enduring and if I manage that, You must know that a lot of credits belong to You guys! Blessings!

  • Hello Marc and Angel! I hope that you’re well!

    Your post was beautiful and is saved in my ‘read when down’ section of my bookmarks.

    I watched a video some time ago which was talking about how today’s connected age can make us feel alone when we’re not really alone at all and the loneliness we feel is really not unnatural or bad. It’s always all about perspective and it’s always good to realize that you don’t need other people to be yourself, and that’s important. I tend to read beautiful blog posts, watch youtube videos, read books and just generally do what I love when I don’t have to deal with other people. Being alone, as a pretty big introvert, usually makes me happy, especially when I realize I don’t need others to do what I want.

    Sincerely,
    Zainab

  • I have felt my loneliest when connected to people that only cared about themselves. Now I use solitude to make better decisions and rarely feel alone. One of those decisions was to only allow people into my life that care about me as I am, rather than what they want me to be.

  • I have recently began to read a lot about happiness and stress reduction. A message from these readings seems to stick out to me - gratitude. If we can consciously identify the things in our life we are grateful for it can alter our perspective. I am trying to find something each day that I can be grateful for. I call this the ‘gratitude game’. Some times I put it as my facebook status, however this leaves it open for people to comment and the comments can be negative as some how people find it hard to see others happy. So I am thinking that I may just play the gratitude game by myself, after all it is me who is going to benefit from it.

  • I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, everything you both write. It is so inspirational and helpful to so many people. It is clearly needed, valued and underused. Your messages should be turned into learning concepts that are taught in every school system from k-12. I’m going to make it happen!! Keep going, growing and living. You are both earth angels. Thank-you!

  • @Teri: So honest, direct and true. I love it! :)

    @ All: These beautiful comments are a great reminder that we are not alone. We are all in this together, learning and growing every single day. Use this time to reflect, be present and most of all, be thankful for all your blessings. Thank you for the continued support. Till next time…

  • I’ve been reading this blog for a loooong time and this is the most profound thing I’ve ever read on here. This is such a fantastic list that I intend to put it up somewhere where I can see it and go through these points one by one. Thank you for writing it!

  • Without words. You truly have inspired me to keep fighting to beat the odds. I just ended an unhealthy relationship after about a year of on and off. Your wisdom helps me.

  • I think I’ve suffered from depression most of my adult life. It comes and goes. I’m in a really rough spot now. I know what I want to do, need to do, but feel like it’s all pointless. I feel alone and at the same time, I want to isolate myself more, cut all ties. Your post has given me positive something to think about.

  • Thank you Marc and Angel for all that you do. Your words of inspiration give me great encouragement and hope during difficult times. It is good to know that I am not alone, that there are others dealing with similar struggles and emotions, finding ways to move forward on a positive path. We are all connected.

    Your list has given me a new perspective, and it has encouraged me to turn this alone time into something more productive and positive. I will definitely sleep better tonight, and am looking forward to a new day. Thank you and God bless :-)

  • Hey Marc, I came trough a lot of problems and struggles in my young life and how it seems, things won’t get better. I heard a lot similar words from family and friend who have tried to tell me how beautiful life can be and that every sad moment is a wasted one but I never really had listened to them. Couple days ago when I came across your site I had never thought that words like those could help me but honestly after a few articles I had never felt so strong and confident. Maybe it will took a while to get my butt in gear but I’m sure you’re words helped me out a lot! Thanks for that!

  • Wow! Great post “The seemingly useless happenings add up to something.” This really resonated with me.

  • For the past few months since 2013, I have been feeling “alone” even if I am surrounded by many people each day. I even feel alone in the midst of my special someone. Thank you for this very inspirational write-up.

    Your posts always makes me feel better after every read. It makes me remember that I am human and that it’s okay to make mistakes. Thank you. :)

  • Your articles are always so helpful and touch me just when I need it. It’s like they are sent directly from the Universe to me. Whenever I am struggling with a question, an issue, or I can’t stop crying from my heart break, I open Facebook and your articles are the first thing I see. It truly is divine intervention. Thank you.

  • Thank you! xoxo

  • I’ve just stumbled over this article…. Every day I’m going to re-read this…. Each section of this speaks to me so many ways.

    Much love to every one going through the struggle. And Marc, congratulations on such a well written piece.

  • Thank you a lot. This article is really helpful.

  • I used to be alone and stick to the people who are kind and understanding . But sometimes I try to hang-out with someone or group of people that are not really my “type” and most of that time , I felt out-of-place . That’s why I strongly agree that “it’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company”. :)

  • I just want to quickly add and note those signs may not be coincidences at all. God loves everyone even those who don’t know Him. And he knows when your heartbroken and he is really understanding and caring toward you. I believe those messages were from Him directly to you…. :)

  • I have a partner and she seems to enjoy being alone sometimes and I do not. When I’m not texting or talking to her I begin to go crazy, not much about her but about myself. I begin to question and rethink my entire life. Even though I bursted into tears by the 5th one, this really helped.

  • AWESOME ARTICLE!!

    I made a meme with this quote and gave you credit:

    “Take every change and experience as a challenge for growth. Either it will give you what you want or it will teach you what the next step is”.
    -Marc Chernoff

  • Dear Teri and Marc

    Teri you haven’t stated your situation which is most unfair, don’t accuse people who are lonely that they are doing meaningless activities, such as both of us writing on this blog? I have spent my time volunteering for organizations, when you are single and have had failed relationships, do not have children, over 50 with virtually zero partner prospects in sight and no I am not ugly, I am normal, what are you to do after working all day? The house is empty at night and weekends, single friends are a long way away and they have their kids. You can’t just visit everybody, they don’t want you to come and visit a single person, especially more so if any of your friends may be married, they keep their distance the most. A person does there best to socialise and help out, it’s just not the same as having a partner and/or children. 5 years of this now and it’s very depressing. Walk a mile in someones shoes.

  • Very helpful. I really needed to read something like this. Thanks!

  • “You are not who you used to be, and that’s OK.” - something I seem to be struggling with recently. Unwilling to accept change in myself is my battle right now.

  • When I feel most alone I exercise. I also am fortunate to live with my nieces and nephews and just go visit with them and cuddle or spoil them. The love a child can have even if its not your own is so amazing how instant and sincere it feels! Family doesn’t have to have the same dna, just a simple love for one another. Go get that. A quote from one of the other lauras that commented really helped: to new people, new paths, new loves.

  • Life is hard. Once we accept that, then we can get on with the process of living.

    I often think of those words these days.

    Two years ago, I was married to my best friend, who I spent all of my adult life with. We had one son. We had a busy life with work, businesses, family and little time for friends, sorry to say. Loads and loads of acquaintances, though!

    And then the skies opened and one huge kaboom hit my world.

    Within six months time period, both of my in-laws died, both of my parents died, my sister suffered an illness that left her a vegetable, a lifelong friend died, my husband died at 59 years old in my arms, and my son move 2000 miles away. I shut down my in-home business to take care of my husband while he died and my halftime university job got defunded.

    Yikes, hmm?

    So very suddenly, I went from a world living within my really connected “tribe,” a home filled with life, holidays that I took for granted and meaningful, busy work to being smack dab all alone — and I do mean all alone — in the middle of rural America!

    I am now on Day 17 of not having an out loud conversation with any other human being. I am mastering “cat,” “cow,” and “horse.” I keep Pandora playing for the obvious sound reasons.

    I work all day from a home office — internet business — and in the evenings, I toil lovingly for hours in my 1600 sq foot vegetable garden (yep, 1600). I have zero family now so life is quiet.

    This is really hard. Really hard. But physical work helps. And exposure to the sun for 30 minutes increases endorphins and that helps too. Do I want to live like this forever? Oh boy. No! I hope I don’t. Goodness! What a thought!

    In my age group, everyone is at a stage where their focus is inward on family, on grandchildren, on husbands. Friends are different. They’re outside “the tribe.” This isn’t so much the case when one is younger. But it’s sure a truth that the older generation should share with the younger generation, imho. They need to prepare for that chapter in life. I wish someone had told me!

    What strikes me as odd, though, as I read the many posts here is how in the world, I can’t even remember one person telling me that they were living life as alone as I am.. How interesting that so many, many people feel so similarly and yet we only find out about it by going online.

    So online is where honesty lives? And in our daily worlds, we live lives of pretend?

    I’m off now to talk with the cat, horse, and cow about it. Who knows? They might be more profound in their thinking than us humans! lol..

    Everyone here — a huge hug from me to you.

    Life is hard. Once we accept that, we can get on with the process of living!

  • @ Cynthia ~ thank you so much for sharing your personal story. You may never know how much you helped someone get through a terribly difficult time, simply by telling it.

    My story is very different, as I left an abusive relationship over 16 years ago and it caused me to be very distrustful of men. So I determined that I would build my whole world around my friends and children.

    Now my boys are gone, no mate and not a whole lot of dating options, and just one dog left here with me. And just recently, my very best friend announced that she too, will be leaving soon, going all the way across the country for a job opportunity… Suffice it to say, “The silence is deafening.”

    I have taken to crying myself to sleep of late even though I know that I am supposed to be doing something else… something meaningful, but for the life of me, I cannot figure out what that is??

    Reading your post made me realize that I have no clue what it really means to be alone. I have my mom, my children are still alive, and I still have friends that I cherish (just not as many these days) and I am daily working on my health and emotional well being.

    You are an insanely strong woman and I stand humbled and almost embarrassed as I have never experienced anything as dire or devastating as you, yourself, have had to endure.

    Your words and your story have made me realize how precious the time we have left really is… so THANK YOU, truly!!

    Here is a huge hug of gratitude from me to you.

    !!!HUGS!!!

    Blessings upon Blessings and May you find someone to share your lovely garden and your precious non human companions.

  • Wow!!
    I’m so happy and feel great to read this. I actually felt very much depressed before now. I’ve been gazing at my computer with no idea of why to do or who to talk to. It’s not a good feeling I must confess. So, I just Googled “I feel lost.” Then I clicked on this and I think I feel very delighted and elevated now. Thanks!!!

  • I just found this and wow, thank you so much for writing this. I needed to read this and realise that being lonely is not the end of the world, that’s it’s okay to be by yourself. This part really clicked for me: “And the truth is, throughout your life there will be times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.”

    Again, thank you for writing this, it’s helping people. It’s helping me.

  • Hey Marc thank you so much…your post helped me a lot wen i needed it most…thanks a ton :)

  • I find strength in pistachios, my two cats, and hash oil. Also Jesus.

  • I remind myself that this isn’t “it”, its not the end point, its just a stepping stone towards something better. I find strength from my dog. Animals teach you to love unconditionally and to live in the moment.

  • I am never grateful for what I have. I am never present in the moment. And I always think grass on the other side of mountain greener. I am 50% happy, other 50% lost/unhappy. I came to to conclusion that I don’t have to be happy all the time. It is ok to be sad, question life, dislike some people and be grumpy. I do not have to have fake smile if I feel blank inside. I feel like “feeling lost” is side effect of being so very happy because when I am happy it is highest point of happiness. So I am used to it now.

  • Thanks a lot Marc and Angel. Your word is really inspiring and helpful. even if when i feel alone in crowd when reading your writing it make me happy and it support me. Hope you can write many good article and God Bless you.

  • I’m so very glad I ran across this webpage. I needed it badly. THANK YOU so much Marc and Angel for this list of 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Lost and Alone. And thankyou to all the others who have posted here with your own stories and feelings of loneliness. You all have helped me to bring my feelings of loneliness into perspective as well as provide many helpful comments and tips as to how to handle this feeling.

    I was married for a long time and have been struggling with being alone after my husband passed away. As a couple of others have already posted “the silence is deafening”. Sometimes overwhelming. Even though I work at trying to stay busy. I have my 2 dogs, one who is getting old and was very close to my husband, and I work full time. It’s the weekends that are the hardest for me. I used to look so forward to them, now I feel sad when they roll around. Never thought that would happen!

    I’ll be coming back to re-read everything here. Bless you Marc and Angel for sharing your writings and wisdom!

  • Thank You for the inspiring words. May God continue to give you more understanding to follow up. God Bless

  • Wow just wow… I can’t sleep right now because for no reason at all I just feel lonely, sad and just down I guess. I have been battling depression lately and I came here just to get some ideas of how to make myself feel better but at the same time I was thinking that this wasn’t even going to help me at all… Well I was wrong! After reading just the first one on the list it just for some reason made me feel better like instantly! Thank you so much. I really appreciate it!!!

  • I found this by googling “feeling lost”- all we can do sometimes when we feel overwhelmed. I wonder sometimes if there would be a way to connect with others feeling like this, so we know we’re not so alone after all. Thank you to all the courageous commenters for sharing your stories and pain. We heal by doing so.

    A few things help me when I’m feeling lost:

    1- I try to reach out and communicate with people I haven’t seen in a long time. When something happens to us, we feel like it’s the entire world, and by reaching out to others not involved in my daily life, I realize, it’s not really so big after all. Here’s someone who isn’t even aware of it.

    2- In a similar vein, I think, if a billion people across the ocean don’t care about this, why should I? That’s not intended to belittle anything happening to me, but just to remind myself that there’s more out there than this.

    3- When I went through a particularly difficult trauma, a dear friend said to me “We don’t know what’s around the corner”. I hold onto that truth. We’re all familiar with how fast things change, and how something can show up from nowhere. Sometimes from our deepest trauma is birthed our deepest joy and triumph.

  • Like Mindy, I found this through googling ‘I feel completely alone.’

    The rational part of my brain understands all these points, they make complete sense. I just have absolutely no idea how to put anything into action with my own life.

    I constantly feel like I’m on the outside of groups at work and in my social life.

    In relationships I’ve been really hurt, and now my confidence and willingness to trust are at an all time low. I really want to be able to meet new people, but it always seems like such hard work and I feel like inevitably I get let down/hurt again.

    I’m always worried about what other people think of me, and I always, always overthink things. If someone doesn’t text back, it’s never because of a simple/logical reason, it automatically has some kind of meaning attached to it. It’s these things I find myself obsessing over when I’m trying to sleep (like right now).

    Even something that might have happened a few years ago, I’ll replay that in my mind over and over again. My mind plays tricks on me and I find myself thinking through arguments and things I wish I’d had/said. I’ve been known to overthink a situation to the extent where I’ve had a hypothetical argument with that person in my head and end up being upset with them/myself over an argument that has never even taken place!

  • Wow. I have read all of the posts. Good to see so many seemingly happy people out there.

    My distress is that I lost a father and brother at a young age. Thinking that life would certainly have to get better for me and that I had had enough unfair circumstances, I got married at 32 to my best friend and soulmate and had a child at 35. My child subsequently had seizures that resulted in her having cerebral palsy. She is a beautiful and charming child and I am grateful for that. However, she is fully dependent on me for her to do everything, and I work a full time very demanding job so I have little time for myself. This leaves me most days completely exhausted and my marriage has seen better days. Additionally, there are not many people that can really fully understand the depth of this issue, so I find that I rarely talk about it with others because the ones that I have spoken to, often times dismiss it or minimize my situation.

    At this point, I feel that the pain that I am suffering has turned everyone that I care about away. I feel so alone and beaten and do not know what to do about it. I have tried to pull myself out several times, but keep falling into a slump of overwhelm.

    I remember a time when I was happy as a lark. No worries and I could relate to all the posts about being positive because of that time. But now, it seems like such a difficult thing for me. How do I get back to that? How do I find joy and peace again?

  • There was a time when I used to rely on my girl for emotional support and care. Being a Cancerian, I need a lot of that, but after the break-up it seems as if everything is lost and even the friends whom I used to talk with to find solace stopped talking because of I have never been good to them. Now, I have lost my girl and my friends and have nothing left. But like you said Marc, there are others like me and this is the time to become stronger and better. Sometimes I think for whom should I become all that now? Maybe just for myself. Its difficult as hell. It feels like living in a prison. Only a little safe prison. I have got so much used to love and care that living without them seems impossible. But I have to forcibly change that attitude. Its all just messed up right now and articles like these really help in making you believe in yourself.
    Thanks a lot!

  • I am very happy with myself and my life, but lately i have been feeling that i am missing something, i am not doing something i am suppose to do, i feel this next step is coming, but i have not realized what is exactly it is i am gonna do to step forward. It is like i am waiting in a silence for a sign, for further direction. At the moment nothing makes me happy or upset, it is total calmness of my being. The anticipation brings out the sadness and i start to feel depressed. But i know i am not depressed. I am extremely happy, but what is next? What is it i must do to find myself all over again? I have a feeling i must reinvent myself, but how i am in need of direction…. Your article just confirmed all i have been thinking about, thank you.

  • I cried a bit, then you made realize how to be strong again.

    Thank you,

    Klc

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