When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
- Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
- Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
- Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
- Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
- Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
- Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
- Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
- Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
- Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. (Read Stumbling on Happiness.)
- Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
- Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
- Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
- Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
- Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
- Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
- Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
- Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
- Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
- Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
- Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
- Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. (Read Getting Things Done.)
- Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
- Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
- Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
- Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
- Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
- Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
- Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
Update: Read our follow-up to this post: 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself
Photo by: Rob Brucker
Inspired says
Thank you. I am so happy to have read this.
Zoe says
I ‘stumbled upon’ this – everything you have written makes sense, and these points are all things that I’d like to do. Thanks.
Andy Britnell says
Difficult to add value to such a great post and some excellent comments too.
The Road Less Travelled is a must read for anyone wanting to discover more about themselves and learn about personal growth. It’s not an easy journey to start but the return on investment is huge in the long run.
Thanks for reminding me of a few things where I have become unconsciously incompetent.
Janny says
A good reminder like this article is always the right medicine for a positive future. Thank you.
Jenny Espinosa says
Thank you for this article! It really helped me understand a lot about growing up and coping with problems. 🙂
Ed says
Words of wisdom. Thanks
Eesha says
Hey,
Great, honest post. I read something also very valuable the other day which hit me suddenly. It was, Face one challenge every day. We subconsciously play ostrich to some of the harder realities of our life, and often if they are big, we have to face them. But we can afford to hide from the smaller challenges. However, if we face those head on we’ll feel much more confident about ourselves.
Thank you for writing a truthful and helpful post
Eesha
Ardian says
Thanks a lot. This really opened my eyes. I am very grateful for finding this post 🙂
Suphia says
Super! I just loved this. Thank you!
NarutoNPS says
This makes me realise how we should learn to give and take, forgive and forget and let go of the little, petty things in life. Superb! Simply superb.
ashuya says
Your words are really wonderful, and right now I need some help and encouragement. Thanks for this!
Hendry says
Thank you for this website, it’s helping me a lot.
Heredia says
Admiration and Gratitude for this lovely article. Thank you.
Riva says
Thanks for this list- it is going up on my refrigerator.
Winona says
I love your site. I just LOOOOOOOVE your site. Will now read one entry per day for a positive start.
Mike says
I (literally) stumbled upon this post at the perfect time. There is a lot of advice that made me think. Time for a few changes 🙂
Chidu says
I am grateful to you Marc and Angel. This post has helped guide me out of depression slowly over the last few weeks. Thanks a ton…
Singh Piara says
Simply amazing! Well written and truthful.
Bao Westover says
Spot on with this write-up. I really suppose this web site needs far more consideration. I intend to read your other articles as well.
endofmywits says
Thank you so much. I wish I could keep this advice in my head. It’s so easy to lapse into despair sometimes.
Musume says
I can’t begin to express my love for this site and how much it helps me through the day at work–especially since I’m going through a breakup that I thought would never happen. I loved her with all that I had, trying to be the best loving boyfriend I’ve ever been in my life. We started to make plans for the future but–she felt that we didn’t “work” and as much as I don’t want to fully believe it there’s a lot of truth to that.
One of the things that I learned in that relationship is that out of the decades of being betrayed, cheated on, disrespected–I learned that despite those bad experiences I could love again and that even though my recent relationship didn’t work out, I can eventually love again as well.
There are days I don’t know if I can really make it but these lists that I read over and over again help me to maintain focus on what’s worth my while, and not the things that bring me down.
Divya Rao says
Very wise. I can identify with every single one of the points above, for as they see, it’s BEEN THERE DONE THAT. Yes, all 30 of ’em. And today, I’m a better person cos of the lessons I learned from ’em. If I can do it, so can YOU!
Grace M says
Thanks for this, so very inspiring and useful. I hope to improve myself as I act on each point.
Leonel says
Thank you. You are giving very practical and easy to follow advice here. You’re doing something extraordinary with this post, as it crosses the oceans and touches hearts far and wide, around the globe (posting from Argentina myself).
Lilin says
Thank you. This short article helped me and really inspired me. 🙂
Meru says
I don’t really know how I got to this blog, but I’m sure glad that I did. Thanks.
Amiey says
Awesome post! Easily one of the most inspiring things I’ve read online in a long time.
clement sadjere says
I love this article so much. Its mind-blowing. Thanks for the inspiration
William says
This is awesome, really helpful. Thanks
Bhumit says
Food for Thought… thank you.
sana says
insightful. thank you.
Tim Armstrong says
Absolutely lovely piece, full of wisdom!
jenny says
This is exactly what i needed to get through what I’ve been going through. Thank you so much. Best article I have ever read online in my life 🙂
Niki says
Stumbled across your site and am soooo glad I did. An excellent article, beautifully written and very thought provoking … just what I needed to read at the moment. Certainly helps bring everything into perspective. Many thanks for sharing it
Timothy Kendrick says
This is totally outstanding! I love the simplicity in this wisdom! Thank you, Thank You Thank You!!!
Carmelia Ray says
Thanks for sharing such an important list of ideas! Great job 😀
Esam says
Everything mentioned in this post is exactly what most religions call for in their own way. Simply an excellent summary here.
kapil says
EXCELLENT!
Roland says
Thanks so much. These words are indeed important for everyone, as they were for me today.
Victoria says
Thanks for such deep words and inspiration.
Ted says
This is perhaps the most frank and concise self-help advice I have come across.
Erica Llorico says
This article is one of the best out there! I saw it on another blog around New Years Eve last year and I’ve never stopped thinking about it. Great Post!
SANCHARI BAKSHI says
Wow! This is like someone out there sending me what I need the most, when I need the most. A fantastic list that I so need right now. It was painful to read at the beginning but I began to smile by the end of it. Maybe I will read it twice everyday to begin with. I am grateful that I bumped into this blog. This is my most ideal medicine and therapy that I require for my inner work right now. Thank you 🙂 for this great work.
Joy says
I Felt like you were speaking right to me. Since moving to another state, I have experienced such turmoil and abuse and you really reminded me of the insanity of being around a person who is so toxic and evil. Insanity plays a huge roll and I am looking at my part in the situation and I enable the insanity every time I let that poison through my door. Thank you!
Raymond Clifford says
GOOD Stuff! Thank you, forwarded to the usual = Facebook, Twitter, and of course Google+!
Elite says
I must say, this is the BEST thing I’ve EVER read for Myself concerning our conscious/unconscious Minds & thinking patterns all year. Making or Not making such mental adjustments can literally kill us when you think about it. Great stuff!
Lea says
I’m totally inspired! 🙂 Thank You for sharing this 🙂
Melisa Alaba-Yusouf says
As a Licensed Professional Counselor and Life Coach I am in AWE of this list. If everyone worked to achieve these 30 things they would find so much Joy in their lives. We control the destiny of our lives. Every moment we have a choice to make when it comes to our peace and joy!!! Live your best life.
Thanks for sharing!!!!
Tereza says
Gees, just getting to the bottom of ALL the comments…I love this article, thank you for these good words. So very true.
Petar Dugz says
Wonderful, wonderful post.
You have covered most of the things but I would like to add one or two more.
1. Stop talking/making noise and do something. In a world full of people who think the one who shouts the most, knows and does the most, stop trying to increase your vocal range. A lot of people are just busy politicking but they never do anything. They hold meetings, plan a somewhat perfect business plan or such but that is just it, it never takes off. Actions speak louder than words, right?
2. Stop trying to seek unneeded attention. A lot of people are just trying to catch the attention of others, and in reference to no. 1 of the original list, attention seeking from the wrong crowd of persons, for the wrong reasons. A lot of people want to be famous, that known guy and such. The real question is, and then what? Be comfortable with yourself, be the star first in your own world first and then attention possibly will pay you. Let your work speak for yourself, not the other way round. All that glitters is not gold, and, learn something from nerds, you never knew them in high school, ten years down the line… Bill gates, Mark and Einstein.