“The best way out is always through.”
— Robert Frost
“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed. But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one. Up until now I have had no health problems. I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins. Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds. None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”
That’s an entry from my grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977. I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago. It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:
1. Pain is part of growing.
Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to. When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Good things take time. Stay patient and stay positive. Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.
Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
2. Everything in life is temporary.
Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever.
So if things are good right now, enjoy it. It won’t last forever. If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either. Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second. You just have to take it and make the best of it. (Read The Last Lecture.)
3. Worrying and complaining changes nothing.
Those who complain the most, accomplish the least. It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it. If you believe in something, keep trying. Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter. Take action instead. Let what you’ve learned improve how you live. Make a change and never look back.
And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.
4. Your scars are symbols of your strength.
Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of. Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars. See your scars as a sign of “YES! I MADE IT! I survived and I have my scars to prove it! And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”
5. Every little struggle is a step forward.
In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it. So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way. Otherwise, there’s no point in starting. This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion. It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end. It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills. It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar. It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers. It could mean lots of time alone in solitude. Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible. It gives you the space you need. Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.
And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds. And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine. You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path. And it’s worth it. So if you’re going to try, go all the way. There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
6. Other people’s negativity is not your problem.
Be positive when negativity surrounds you. Smile when others try to bring you down. It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus. When other people treat you poorly, keep being you. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are. You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.
Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough. Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future. People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it. So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think. If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it. Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.
All jokes aside, your life only comes around once. This is IT. So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.
7. What’s meant to be will eventually, BE.
True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead. There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them. You can’t force things to happen. You can only drive yourself crazy trying. At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience. It’s a long-term journey. You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way. Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be. (Read A New Earth.)
8. The best thing you can do is to keep going.
Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.
Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher. Find the strength to laugh every day. Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful. Find it in your heart to make others smile too. Don’t stress over things you can’t change. Live simply. Love generously. Speak truthfully. Work diligently. And even if you fall short, keep going. Keep growing.
Awake every morning and do your best to follow this daily TO-DO list:
- Think positively.
- Eat healthy.
- Exercise today.
- Worry less.
- Work hard.
- Laugh often.
- Sleep well.
Repeat…
The floor is yours…
What helps you stay motivated when you’re struggling? What’s something positive you try to keep in mind when everything seems to be going wrong? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Antonio Buccella
J.J. says
One way of totally cutting out the noise when life gets tough – because mental noise is the plague of productive thinking – is to simply meditate and be present. To remember that this moment is all I can control. I used to think it was woo-woo and kind of lame, myself, but after going through insanely tough times, I can say that presence is the best medicine. Everything afterwards is like seeing in HD. Reality as it is, and not what your mind would like to see.
As I’ve said before, your “1,000 Little Things” book has been instrumental in getting my mindset right. I’ve used it religiously for quick daily reminders (reading or re-reading a page or two). And “The Power of Now”, which you often recommend on this blog, is what helped me learn to practice presence. So thank you, again.
Shamini says
Thank you so much for this timely post. It couldn’t have come at a better time. I needed this more than you can imagine and I needed it now.
Pamela Bates/Mercantile Muse says
The thing that keeps me going is just what you said – there is always ‘something’ to be thankful for. There are ‘always’ others worse off in this world. My mantra: Just keep muddling through. And that’s what I’m doing.
Susan Rae says
One of my favorite things to remember is that when one door of opportunity closes, another opens. So I focus on not trying to beat down that closed door, which gets me nowhere, but instead to look around and see where there’s another one opening…
As J.J. said, this is based on keeping the right mindset You have to maintain a conscious level of thinking to see that door opening. Which is precisely why blogs posts like this and books like yours (and the ones you recommend) are so important for personal growth and wellness.
Traci says
The best thing you can do is keep going. I often tell myself this. Do one thing at a time, focus, and just keep doing THINGS!
Brian Obin says
It’s really all about mastering the feeling of impermanence… your point #2. Nothing is permanent and this too shall pass. It’s not always easy to accept, but knowing this helps keep things in perspective. To consider the alternative – that everything is permanent, which includes every thought, feeling, and bodily sensation – is too awful to consider.
When I’m struggling, I keep thinking, “One day at a time… just one day at a time.”
Christy King says
Numbers 3 and 8 have been the most important for me. My natural reaction to stress is to freeze and do nothing but complain. It helps to stop complaining and do something, anything, to make improvements. Even if that something is just making an effort to enjoy and be grateful for what I do have.
Nina says
The best point for me is to remember: Someday it will be over! Everything comes to an end, as you said. And often, after you’ve survived, you find some good things about the bad times.
Really incredible article! Some points I figured out before on my own, but as always I’ve started to forget them, so thanks for bringing me back on track.
Jan says
Fantastic blog and articles! I just love to read one of your articles every morning … keep up the good work!
Best regards from Hannover / Germany
Jan
Ana Linares says
After one of the longest days of my life, I come and lay in silence and I read this post … You don’t know how much healing this article has brought to my heart. As a 22-year-old trying to find myself in this huge world, it’s words like these that keep me motivated and going forward. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.
Carole S says
It is unfortunate that this beautiful advice leaves out God… which is who I turn to in tough times.
Emil Hristov says
Marc, thank you so much for the great post. It’s so true and comes exactly in the right time for me. I try to keep things in perspective and in a way Brian mentions “One day at a time”. I am thankful for all that I have and try not to worry excessively for the things I don’t have and struggle every single day to achieve. At moments that’s really hard as difficulties and problems are so overwhelming that I feel I can literally lose my mind.
An important point is to get back on track: Even after an emotional breakdown, crying, being mad and angry about everything around me, I get on track as fast as I can and continue to work in the right direction – taking another step. Persistence, patience and perseverance are the three most helpful actions in tough situations.
Irene says
It’s been years and I am still struggling to let go…thanks for the ever inspiring blog…makes me think about how to take a few steps ahead to reach my goal.
Linda says
I just try to remember that things could be so much worse than whatever I’m going through. I remind myself that I have the important things in life and that I need to keep it all in perspective. And this too shall pass!
Li-ling (BeHappyHQ) says
Hidden in every ‘wrong’ is a gem-stone of ‘rights’. The limitations of our own ‘human’ experience causes us to define that things go wrong or right, but in the end, all things happen for a reason, often we are just not ready to see it.
Embracing the wrongs as well the rights with as much joy and gratitude helps us to realise that things are always happening for a reason, and always happening for the better.
Cap says
Really needed to read this, this morning… it’s funny how when you are going through things in life certain tools and resources make themselves available. I have been following your blog for sometime now but haven’t been able to read it often enough, which makes me sad. But I’m in the process of re-prioritizing my life, my passion(s), my profession, my pursuit of happiness this year and I’m happy to say I will be reading more often.
That being said, this post today hits home. One of my girl friend’s sisters and mother are currently going through identifying possible cancers in their bodies and treatment options. Without saying too much, for those of you that know, its very hard to support the one that you love the most in these situations… I am trying to have as much compassion and strength as I possibly can for this situation, although I fear I don’t know what to do or say. I just reinforce the truth… that I am here to support her and her family… that our home is a place of refuge from the world where we can laugh, cry, breakdown and have any tantrum that we wish with one another… because our love is strong enough. Anyhow, thanks for this post… and thanks for letting me share my thoughts. ~Cap
TigerLily67 says
I read your blog often, and think this may be in the top 2 or 3 posts I’ve ever read here.
Exceptional thoughts, and needed by many these days. May God bless you for this self-enrichment and healing ministry.
kebede says
Thank you! I too believe you make you life only in the present moment, and it’s the best place to turn when times are tough. Be here. Just focus on one tiny moment/movement at a time.
Julie Teeter says
The timing of this post, as always, is PERFECT.
Thank you.
Julie
Bets says
Trust and faith. I have trust that everything is unfolding exactly as it is planned and faith that I am always taken care of at the universal level. Looking for the growth in every setback or challenge and reveling in the happy moments when they come. It’s all there for my journey.
Nathalie says
Hi! Thank you so much for this post… It couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’m currently turning my life around, once again, and it is never easy. But it always works out just fine. It’s so good to be reminded of the positive principles….love&peace -Nath from thissavvylife
Deborah says
This came at the perfect time for me too… Namaste’ <3 🙂
Cheryl says
What an absolutely awesome post! So full of great ideas, thoughts, and excellent points. Certainly a very timely and much appreciated article. Thank you 🙂
There is a quote I particularly like — “There are 7 days in a week. Some day is NOT one of them.” We have 7 days every week to work on positive things, focus, stay determined, and give it our all. Waiting for SOME DAY means we’re not willing to try to change things today.
GURDEEP CHAWLA says
Inspiring! I read your blog often, and in my opinion this may very well be number 1 post I’ve ever read here.
Suryadi says
I’m so grateful for the motivation that you provide. Thanks Marc and Angel.
Simon says
I love this post – thank you so much!
Shirl says
Be thankful always. Keeping in mind that God is already in the tomorrow we worry about, and is always working behind the scenes… for our best… similar to a program running in the background while we are on other things.
Judith says
This post came like food for my soul and healing today. I’m reading it at work and couldn’t hold back tears because it feels like Marc looked into my soul and saw the beauty and inspiration inside that I couldn’t see myself. His words gave me the strength to keep moving forward today. They were a healing remedy for my heart. Thank you so much for expressing your inner wisdom.
Lorna says
Wonderful words of wisdom Marc; thanks for sharing and to the other readers for their insights. When things “seem” to be going wrong, I move my perspective up and out to remember I don’t know the big picture and I’m not qualified to judge what’s happening. This helps me to accept and let go of resistance, and then I can look for the good.
After that, I take action. One day at a time, in the present moment I focus on doing what I can to make change. A little bit each day, building momentum with an attitude of gratitude for the new opportunities before me.
Dao says
Thank you for posting such great advice. If you’re reading this – you’re not alone. It’s a good time to re-evaluate our kindness to each other and other living creatures. We are energy. Marc’s points here are great ways to positively focus that energy.
Elizabeth Tickle says
OK, I am printing this one out, to read daily. I have organized and led a musical group for my church for 10 years without a lot of resources. I did the fund raising, the purchasing out of pocket, teaching and directing, recording all as a volunteer. As a new administration came into being, I was suddenly “relieved” of my responsibilities and leadership. The hurt ran deep, because this was my joy and literally, my “song.” I have a huge hole in my life and haven’t been able to fill it, partially due to the anger and hurt. I know I have to let go, but it is so very hard and the pain and resentment runs very deep.
Thank you for reminding me to “move on” in a way that is productive and fulfilling. I will find a new “song” to sing, but I know that won’t happen until I let go and move into the present.
David Rapp says
Excellent post to start a new year. I’d like to add a couple of things.
1. You own very little. You can’t own the wind, the earth, the water or the sky. Even if you own a home, a car or bicycle…these are all things that can be taken from you. But you do own your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and your health. Focus on owning these things, they have a non-transferable lifetime warranty.
2. Progress does not mean constant forward motion. It does not mean taking the path of least resistence. It is not measured by time, goals, metrics, length, depth or width. Its only measured by self-defined quality. Demand better quality from yourself this year. You will be amazed at how quickly you progress, and how much more you enjoy it.
3. In order to do more, you have to do less. Place your efforts on fewer, high quality, purpose driven, enjoyable targets. Make a plan to minimize the other noise, busywork, distractions, and partially completed projects in your work, home and social life. Complete the minor, lingering, short-term projects by putting them on your schedule with a drop-dead due date. And do one completely selfish, for your eyes only, dream chasing, pie in the sky thing every day…for exactly 30 minutes. Put it on the daily calendar, seven days a week.
This is my plan for 2014….what is yours??
Susan B says
What we all need to remember: Stop comparing yourself to other people’s troubles – we all go through hard stuff. That’s the thing, Hard is Hard – no matter what! When we keep going, getting things done and moving forward we naturally find another approach to the hard stuff! It may be a different door to open but as Pamela says we keep “muddling through.” I have learned there are often surprises beyond my new doors, and I love that happy anticipation!
Karla McEvoy says
I like to remind myself that the universe is my friend and not my enemy. This helps me stop resisting and accept whatever is happening, even if I don’t like it. I also like to remind myself that I can’t see the big picture and that things have a way of working out for the best in the long run.
Robin says
This was soooo timely for me! In fact, yesterday I was scanning through all of your posts looking for the perfect one for me to connect with for how I was feeling and for what I needed to hear. Then today, this shows up! Divine timing for sure. Thank you so much for all of your posts and for sharing your life experiences with us. You truly know how to connect with your audience! I treasure and appreciate you, Marc and Angel!
Betsy says
I am one who worries about everything, very sad because I lost my true love, and feel I will never have that special bond again. So this would be #3, #7, #8.
#3. I am learning that worrying does not change anything except get me more upset. Not good. Stop worrying.
#7. What is meant to be, will be. Trying to remember this every day. Positive.
#8. One day at a time – I am doing this. Some days good, some days not, but by taking one day at a time helps with the worrying and the being.
Thanks so much.
Melissa Webster says
@david rapp, LOVE this! And am putting the last thing in action even as we speak. Today’s my birthday, so I’m not letting myself feel guilty about it, or scared for that matter. Great list!
Michelle says
I too have lost the love of my life. I don’t know how to function in a world without him. I feel empty and lost. But #7 was a good reminder for me that what will be will BE. I cannot change the course of my destiny. I can only try to enjoy the ride while I’m on it. It still doesn’t mean my heart won’t ache with longing and sadness. It just means I have to constantly remind myself that things happen for a reason. I’m searching for that reason now, but after reading your post, I just have to try and let go and allow things to happen how they are intended to.
Barbara says
Thank you. I read here almost every day, and so often it’s just what I need to hear. I’ve been dealing with my son’s heroin addiction for about 6 years and its taken a long time to learn to apply some of the things you mentioned here. I don’t see an end to his darkness, but I have to find an end to mine and reading this has gotten me back on track.
Cassie says
So many beautiful gems in here!
Vishnu says
It is indeed touch to see every struggle as a step forward, but I think if I look at every challenge and battle in my life, they have helped move me forward in a positive way. Even jobs that haven’t served me or people who haven’t been the best for me have helped me learn something, become better, and ultimately become wiser. So even in the worst circumstances or situations, I know there is are gifts that await… strength, knowledge and resilience.
Thank you for this post.
V says
Thank you so much for your continuous inspiration and tapping down on all of life’s important issues. It’s ironic how each blog post I get from you always relates to what I am going througg. This was an amazing read … I read and re-read it several times! Words are so empowering!
Payal Bansal says
The image is like a ray of hope, showing the gleaming light of sun evading the darkness.
And now the article, anyone who has lost hope, feels dead inside… If they read this article I’m certain they will find the strength to get up again and fight the odds. Amazing … Keep up the good work. 🙂
Kevin Halls says
As a boxing fan, I love the way this brutal sport can mirror life.For example a boxer may get knocked down but just when you think he’s had enough,he gets back up on his feet and carries on. Or a fighter is taking so much punishment you think to yourself go down or throw in the towel, your out on your feet. But to your amazement he ignores his pain and cuts and bruises and somehow through guts and determination not only boxes on but wins the fight. And what about the underdog who is written off before the fight has even started? He is mocked and ridiculed by the “experts” but ends up not only winning the bout, but even the champion’s belt! So even though boxing is one of the most brutal and toughest sports, it can show the human spirit in all its glory where you can be down and not out, and show us how to never quit or give up on ourselves.
donna says
My hubby just called me in to read this. So Appropriate. I know so many people who will benefit from these wise words. My son, hubby and self first and foremost. I have lived for the day for many years due to a lot of stress and I wouldn’t survive without it. I can handle today. When the proverbial s..t hits the fan I know tomorrow is a fresh start and just possibly a great healing day. One lady mentioned GOD. He provides endless beauty and awesome diversions if we just open our eyes and heart to it. Nature, babies, the elderly, animals and unconditional love are just a few examples of an opportunity to feel blessed. I grab onto anything that makes me smile even for a second. It gives me hope and so did your article. Hubby reads everyday and I am going to also now. Thank you so much.
BRC says
Love this post!! Just over a year has passed since I started applying much of what you write about. Thank you for all the rewards I am reaping.
sreeja says
When tough times wrap us, the only way to move forward is to stay positive. Thank you for your motivation.
Jacob says
I love this post! It really helped me today. Thanks Marc and Angel. Please keep it up.
Ananya says
What a wonderful way to begin a day! There are, of course, several things that bring us down each day. Failures, uncertainty, disappointment. But once you realize that these are just situations and that you can rise above them, you can achieve great things even in the midst of problems!
sharon wright says
I heard a phrase some time ago: “The universe sends you what you need, at just the right time.” It sent me your blog which I literally stumbled on a few days ago & in particular this post. In the last month my emotions have swung from anger & denial to despair. With your wonderful guidance I am now approaching acceptance. The calm this has brought in to my life is vital for me to continue to be the rock my lovely husband needs as he faces some tough times ahead.