You will never achieve what you are capable of if you are
too attached to the things you’re supposed to let go of.
Many people believe holding on and hanging in there, infinitely, are signs of incredible strength. But there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then to actually do it.
In today’s video blog post we’re going to take a look at some signs it might be time to let go.
Video Blog Post:
Signs it’s Time to Let Go (video transcript):
1. Someone constantly expects you to be someone you’re not.
A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences. So be cordial, but don’t completely change who you are for someone else simply because it’s what THEY want, or because it’s what THEY think is best for you.
If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back. It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be someone else. It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity. It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where somebody else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space within yourself where YOU used to be.
2. A person’s actions don’t match their words.
Be wary of people who only tell you what you want to hear. It’s so easy to believe someone when they’re telling you exactly what you want to hear, but you have to watch what they do too. Actions speak louder than words – actions speak the whole truth.
Honestly, everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow. If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent, and their actions never match up with their words, it might be time to let them go. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. In the end, true friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time. So don’t just listen to what your “friends” say; watch what they do over the long-term. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves.
3. You have a habit of moping and feeling sorry for yourself.
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but being miserable is always your choice. No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse. Negative thinking creates negative results. Positive thinking creates positive results. Period. The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the “buts” you use today. Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
Eventually you will realize that happiness is not the absence of problems, but simply the ability to deal well with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
4. You’re clutching tight to an easy-street mentality.
Great accomplishments aren’t easy; they’re worth it! So forget how you feel and remember what you deserve. Right NOW is always the best time to break out of your shell. Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned.
Someday you will look back on your life and realize that everything worthwhile you’ve ever accomplished initially challenged you. And that is as it should be, because big challenges often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary success. Every struggle arises for a reason – either for experience or as a lesson. A great journey is never easy, and no dose of adversity along the way is ever a waste of time if you learn and grow from it.
Remember, an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards, and such is life. When life is pulling you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to eventually launch you forward in a positive direction. So keep focusing, and keep aiming!
5. You truly dislike your current situation.
In life, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, rather than the top of the one you don’t. So don’t let people who gave up on their goals talk you out of going after yours. The best thing you can do in most situations is to follow your intuition. Take risks. Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing good will ever happen.
In addition, realize that it’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken either. Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something brand new. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly. Sometimes growing stronger means growing apart from old habits, relationships, and circumstances, and finding something different that truly moves you – something that gets you so excited you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning. That’s what LIVING is all about. Don’t just settle for the default settings in life, when you can customize absolutely everything. (Read The 4-Hour Workweek.)
6. You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past.
Holding on to what’s no longer there holds too many of us back. Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting the past and letting it steer the course of the present. Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place. Let it GO! You must accept the end of something in order to build something new. So close some old doors today. Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere.
Even after the toughest times, eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain. You will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time. After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story. So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of a new beginning.
Your turn…
If you feel like you need to let something go, but you simply haven’t been able to do so, know that you’re not alone. Accepting what is, letting go, and moving on are skills that all of us must learn when facing the realities of life, but these are also skills that take time to master. And today we challenge you to put in a little time…
Sit quietly with yourself, and ask, “What’s the #1 thing I need to let go of right now?” Once you have it figured out, leave us a comment below and let us know what you’re going to start letting go of.
Photo by: Lotus Carroll
Dev says
With so much negative energy out there these days, both in society as well as online social networks, it’s nice to be reminded of some best practices for letting it all go and refocusing on what’s important. We should all remember to be kinder to ourselves and let go of the needless stress factors that make us unhappy.
As usual, I want to share a relevant quote from you book, which I continue to love:
“Oftentimes letting go has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We let go and walk away not because we want the universe to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.”
And as for me, right now I need to let go of an old wound that’s really bringing me down when I think about it (which is far too often).
Anne says
Thanks for another brilliant post.
I’m desperately trying to let go after I split up with my fiancée a year ago. The dreams and the pain keeps bringing me back – all the memories are crippling at times. I keep myself busy and surrounded by different people and its still so hard.
She wanted to be single and find herself… then the same week she found someone else. It didn’t work out, so then she started calling me again, and now she is with another guy.
Gutted, broken and low is how I feel every time the situation re-invades my mind. I must have once had serious issues to have to put up with all if this for so long. But I’m happy to say that with the help of this blog and a couple close friends, I’m growing stronger. Lesson learned. Doing my best to let go for good this time.
Kevin Benson says
This is one of your best columns, hands down! Also love the video too.
So much of what you say is here common sense, yet it is so ridiculously easy for our judgment to get cloudy, and our priorities to get out of whack, when life isn’t going exactly as planned. I have always been a person that wants control, thinks he knows much, yet I see I have much to learn
Juddles says
@Anne: I can relate about trying to let go… seems so easy on paper and reading it. Doesn’t it? But in your heart it’s the hardest thing ever.
I’m still trying too, and after two years with months and months of not talking, then somehow, sometimes, somewhere we meet up again out of the blue. I don’t know if it’s the universe telling us something or trying to test me. I’m still trying to figure that one out.
You should buy their book. It’s so inspiring and best investment I’ve made to date. 🙂
Jeff says
The #1 thing i need to let go right now is my ex gf from an on-off relationship of 5 years. I think I need to start by blocking her from all my social media websites and apps. Thanks.
shepherd says
Their are a few friends I need to let go of…
Lowena says
I feel so much better after reading this post.
There was this toxic person whom I used to regard as a friend until I saw his true colours when he backstabbed me. Although I had let him go since then, he tried to suck me back in with some false apologies he had sent me and I never replied to them.
Vishal says
Nice Post! The positivity of these posts are addicting.
It really comes down to catching ourselves when we are resisting something. Bringing the fact into our awareness is half the battle won. What remains is to change what we can… reframe what we can’t..
Ahmad says
I need to let go of being a perfectionist all the time and start being ME more often. It is really worth it and liberating to be yourself.
Lyrical Treasure says
You’re clutching tight to an easy-street mentality…. this reminds me to seek to live outside my comfort zone.
The easy stuff is comfortable and trying to expand our horizons beyond what we’ve come to know as our world is scary.
But we’ve got to know that the ordinary life does not inspire. Deep down we crave to embrace our greatness.
And we can do this by choosing to exert ourselves a little more each day.
Thank you for the reminders. 🙂
pauline says
Today, I’ve thrown away everything my ex gave me. It reminded me of how he was so madly in love with me before, and how sad I feel now because he doesn’t feel the same. But, that is life and love… we win and we lose. That is just another chapter of my life that has just ended and I’m ready for a new one.
I’m happier now, no excess baggage from the past and now looking forward for a new tomorrow. Thanks for this article.
SunshineCoast says
The thing I need to let go of is my ex bf. I am almost there and I know it but just the last little bit.
It is such a funny feeling, knowing this person has been in my thoughts everyday for the last year and a half since the break-up. It is almost scary to let it go and break out from the comforts of those thoughts but I can feel the weights coming off my shoulders if I completely let go. I believe I will and the change of scenes that I am going through right now will definitely help 🙂
Irene says
I want to let go off being someone’s “Option” when I can be someone else’s “Choice”!!
fexzi says
I need to slowly let go of my former course of study because I don’t like it, and switch to a new one I’m more passionate about.
Jeff Kelley says
I’m going to keep trying to let go of my mother and my sister. My mother told me once that she hated me because I reminded her of my father. Because of that she turned my sister against me. I’ve spent to many tears and to many years over this. I’m going to do my best each and every day to let go of them in my head and in my heart. It’s way past time that I do that. Thank you both.
Helen says
Today I’m finally letting go all of my feelings for my ex bf. He said he loved me and he dumped me and found himself a new gf not even a month later. Fast afterwards he got back together with his ex girlfriend he dated before me. He couldn’t forget his ex love but I can! Thank you for this post, I’m sure it is helping many people.
Scott says
For me, it’s time to let go of the anxiety/fight or flight state I needed to endure a very challenging childhood. Now, as a father, all of the angst, and sadness I couldn’t feel as a child surfaced as a grown man, triggered by childhood.
I’ve been working on letting go, so I can live in the now, and enjoy all of the wonderful things I have.
It’s challenging because these defense mechanisms have been habitualized over decades, but I’ve made much progress in the past year.
Anna says
Thanks for this sound advice. I’ve been trying to let go of my alcoholic partner of the past 7 years & it’s taken me nearly 2 years to finally summon the courage to do so.
The house is up for sale and I feel like I’m about to take a bungy jump which is curiously exhilarating as well as terrifying.
Being in my 50’s it’s not easy to start all over & I know I’ll be alone & have to be strong. But living with an addict is like living in hell. So, letting go is going to be so empowering for me.
kathyh says
Perfect timing on this video! I am trying to let go of a relationship with my daughter which has broken my heart. It’s mother’s day weekend and I am hoping and praying my heart is not broken again. Her bad choices have made her life the way it is. So wish me luck and thanks again! 🙂
Penne says
What’s really nice… is when you really learn how to love yourself, the real you, your faults and everything about yourself. You will find great freedom from within and what other hurts people give you, won’t hurt so bad. You will start to have more faith in yourself, and trust your choices more, and you will learn to make better choices for yourself.
Cody says
Today I need to let go of the fear through this separation and divorce.
Peggy says
I need to let go of the past and an old relationship and be happy with what I have and am! Am struggling but reading your posts sure helps me to clarify many things! I’m also too impatient…
V says
I am letting go of a man who promised me the world. True love, stability and to be a family with my two kids. I left my husband for him.
Two years later, multiple lies, fights, deception and more pain than I have felt ever in my life.
I have to let go that I gave up on my marriage to be with a man who never gave up 100% of his old life to be with me and now still can’t commit.
I give up my anger.
I give up my hate.
I want to forgive and move on.
Sometimes I want to give up and let go of life.
Paul R. says
Living in a cetainly mostly selfish world makes doing things for myself much more difficult. How do you find the best compromise between doing too much for others at a cost to you and looking out for your own sanity?
alex says
jealousy.
Terry says
Great post and so true. I recently divorced and am letting go of all the anger I harbored over the ex. He was very controlling and negative all the time. Once I let it all go it was amazing how much better you feel and ready to move forward to the next phase of your life.
Barbara says
Negativity ( negative thoughts about myself and negative people in my life who bring me down )
Kim says
#1 and #2 speak volumes to me. I let go of my brother and mother and sister this year because they all expected me to be someone I’m not. It makes me very sad, because I am a very good person. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I know it’s the right thing for me. I’m so angry that I let them manipulate me and treat me as inferior for so long. It’s difficult to let go and to work through, but I’m doing it.
Two things I’ve learned about the “right” people in my life: they make me feel energized instead of drained, and they make me want to be a better person. If someone constantly makes you feel drained of energy, it’s a red flag to get out!
Leanne says
I need to let go of NOT being able to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made.
KK says
WOW! This was exactly what I needed to hear/read today. “…happiness is not the absence of problems, but simply the ability to deal well with them.” So true. Thank you for writing this article.
Lynn says
Wow. The timing of this post is perfect. #2 really hits home for me right how. I have/had someone in my life that says some of the right things (not even ALL of the right things – and I’m still holding on???), but his actions are the polar opposite. I finally had it. I walked away. And I have been second guessing it since then. But reading this post & having to deal with some other circumstances in my life are making me realize that it really was the best thing for me. I need to get ME back. PERIOD.
Anon says
My daughter let me go a long time ago. I don’t know why I keep hoping and wishing. She said in Oct 2013 in her kitchen “that this was the closest we’ve ever been”, then she cut me off completely. She was too busy, too something… What I mistook for love was a flat out lie to my face and to my heart.
I can’t be in midair anymore. I need to let her go now. It’s literally killing me, in my physical and emotional health. The biggest gift I can give myself? Is not to be a mother any longer.
Andrew says
I’ve been struggling to let a love go for years now. I’m young, seen as naive, and am not even sure if I want to let go. Letting go will relieve the weight of waiting, but at some point I began to also realize letting go of her is letting go of the only times I’ve been happy. I guess that’s part of the optimism I need to bring into my life. Let go, focus on putting “me” back together, and start truly committing to my goals and dreams. “If her and I were meant to be, we will be. Until then, it’s all about me.”
kathy h. says
@Anon: I can relate with feeling like you are in mid air with your daughter. After sacrificing a big part of my life and to be treated the way she treat me and her father is not acceptable. Still hoping, but honestly after watching this video post I am going to try my hardest to let go. We as Mothers do not deserve it, but we as Mothers also feel the pain the most. Best of Luck! Remember, YOU FIRST!!!
kathy h
🙂
Lisa says
I am letting go of toxic friends. I have deactivated my Facebook account because it was contributing to my sadness and not being included. Going to move forward instead of looking back. Thank you!
Jill says
I want to let go of spending so much of my time with others. I’m trying to heal from an emotional trauma & have been trying to act “normal” by being out & about. I now realize I need to spend a lot more time alone. I love being alone and I have a lot of things to put back in order before I feel I can truly move on. I very much enjoy socializing, so it’s going to be difficult to give up time with others, even though it’s only temporary.
pam says
@Jeff…….well, why didn’t you?
Angie says
I need to let go of Nathan, and all the hurt that he caused me.
Carol says
I have a mother-in-law I needed to “let go” of, after years of trying to patch bad relations with. Relationships really are give & take, mutual respect and consideration….and not her way or no way. While it was hard to finally make that final cut to sever her out of our lives, the peace now is so worth it. I always like to leave a door open to the possibility of change…..but I no longer stand by that open door waiting. Some people you can care about from afar, but that doesn’t mean you have to let them have power over your life and well-being. We’ve moved on and no longer let negativity pervade every holiday or family event. We deserve this. 🙂
David Rapp says
I see so many great points in this post. A couple of points concerning 3-6. You will always find what you are looking for: negativity has you focus on negative things.
Changing your thoughts or perspective is not easy. So change 1 thing. Get up 30 minutes earlier and go for a 20 minute walk. That is all you have to do. in 2 weeks, make the walk 30 minutes long. Then add another 1 thing, write down what you want your life.. the sky is the limit, no dream too big, no detail to small. Then break them down into plan to achieve, even if its got the “too” issue : too big, too complicated, too expensive, too extensive, too scary, too ambitious, too materialistic, too difficult, too impossible.
Letting go of the past is much easier when you need that same hand to grab on to your future. So create a near term future.
Rowan says
Thanks for this video. I need to let go of my career of 26 years. The signs are all there. I spend way too much time trying to fit into an organization where the values have changed. I spend too much time living in the past when we respected and honored the older colleagues among us, and feeling resentful that I am not accorded that same respect and honor after all I have done. So yeah, I don’t fit anymore, and it is only my fear of financial insecurity and not knowing what to do next that has kept me in this place with these people feeling miserable.
Sheral says
I need to let go of many things…sadness at not having children, sadness over those important people who are no longer with us, and frustration on feeling I lost my career and my standing in it and cannot gain it back due to age…a general feeling that I’ve missed my life and with some major regrets I need to let go of. As far as career, I started my own business, partially due to economy and partially due to the huge repeated hurt each time I joined a firm, made it my life and in a way, family, then it was all taken away from me. So am trying to protect myself and not have all my eggs in one basket! As the latter has to do with the current overall happiness, this is the area I need to change by believing what I am doing is valid and can bring the income I want/need.
Elizabeth says
After being a stay at home Mom for for over 21 years, I now find myself lost. Thought I’d be OK when my kids left the nest, but I’m not. My life was bright, happy and full of purpose. I gave them all I had and that was a mistake…I lost myself in the process. They were wonderful. Now they are young adults with adult problems. Makes me very sad, and yearning for their carefree childhood.
I know I have to find my way back to me…baby steps, I guess. Don’t know where to start but this article definitely helps. Bookmarked!
Deb says
I need to work on letting go of my husband. He decided to leave our 12 yr marriage, 14 yrs together total with little to no reason. I still feel after some time apart we can mend it and or try again. But he served me divorce papers.We have a two year old and I am devastated but I continue to keep my head up. Today is all I have not the past not tomorrow. I cannot change and I cannot dwell. Although I have set backs I am willing to let it go. I am not giving up on the marriage but I am willing to let him/it go and see where it leads me.
Betsy says
Hello, negative thinking. Positive thinking turns into positive energy. This is the second time I have heard the same sentence today. Go figure. It’s ok to slip every now and then, but keep thinking positive thoughts, and you won’t have room for the negative ones.
I like how you always say we are all in this together. It sure does help. Thanks again for another wonderful post.
Craig says
My failure to get the dream job I wanted. Also number 3,4,5 are perfect for me right now. I tend to whine about life and the crap it throws at me instead of fixing my attitude. Thinking of 4 and 5 really have me wanting to move full into a new life.
My dream has always been to live off my writing, and by not getting my dream job I have started moving in that direction with gusto. I am almost done my second novel, I’m trying desperately to get traction on sales with my second and I am working hard on a quality blog. I was not happy with where I was and ready to take a risk and start making changes. The failure of not getting the one job I wanted has pushed me more into my dream. I am learning that it was all part of life’s plan for me, a nudge (shove) in the right direction.
MM says
Amazing post!
Senzo says
I want to move on with my life cause every time I stand up in my current environment I’m accused of doing something I haven’t done. My family relationships are hurting me. Now I’m moving away to another province were i will meet new people and try and enjoy living again.
Wan says
I need to let go of my expectations. I have too many right now.
Pooja says
Nice article. It’s time for me to let go of the bad experience I have had in my past with the relationship. Lies and cheating. And insecurities. I know I deserve better. What I have always been running after is something that gives me only temporary happiness