“The best way out is always through.”
— Robert Frost
“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed. But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one. Up until now I have had no health problems. I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins. Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds. None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”
That’s an entry from my grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977. I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago. It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:
1. Pain is part of growing.
Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to. When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Good things take time. Stay patient and stay positive. Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.
Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
2. Everything in life is temporary.
Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever.
So if things are good right now, enjoy it. It won’t last forever. If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either. Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second. You just have to take it and make the best of it. (Read The Last Lecture.)
3. Worrying and complaining changes nothing.
Those who complain the most, accomplish the least. It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it. If you believe in something, keep trying. Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter. Take action instead. Let what you’ve learned improve how you live. Make a change and never look back.
And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.
4. Your scars are symbols of your strength.
Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of. Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars. See your scars as a sign of “YES! I MADE IT! I survived and I have my scars to prove it! And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”
5. Every little struggle is a step forward.
In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it. So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way. Otherwise, there’s no point in starting. This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion. It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end. It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills. It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar. It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers. It could mean lots of time alone in solitude. Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible. It gives you the space you need. Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.
And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds. And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine. You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path. And it’s worth it. So if you’re going to try, go all the way. There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
6. Other people’s negativity is not your problem.
Be positive when negativity surrounds you. Smile when others try to bring you down. It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus. When other people treat you poorly, keep being you. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are. You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.
Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough. Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future. People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it. So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think. If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it. Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.
All jokes aside, your life only comes around once. This is IT. So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.
7. What’s meant to be will eventually, BE.
True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead. There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them. You can’t force things to happen. You can only drive yourself crazy trying. At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience. It’s a long-term journey. You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way. Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be. (Read A New Earth.)
8. The best thing you can do is to keep going.
Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.
Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher. Find the strength to laugh every day. Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful. Find it in your heart to make others smile too. Don’t stress over things you can’t change. Live simply. Love generously. Speak truthfully. Work diligently. And even if you fall short, keep going. Keep growing.
Awake every morning and do your best to follow this daily TO-DO list:
- Think positively.
- Eat healthy.
- Exercise today.
- Worry less.
- Work hard.
- Laugh often.
- Sleep well.
Repeat…
The floor is yours…
What helps you stay motivated when you’re struggling? What’s something positive you try to keep in mind when everything seems to be going wrong? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Photo by: Antonio Buccella
iain says
When it seems like everything is crumbling around me, I remind my self that my world is just rearranging itself to better suit my needs. Everything works out in the end, every time.
Larry Hochman says
What you’re ready to take in is determined by what you’re willing to let go of.
<3 <3 <3
Joseph Dabon says
We all know this. But then why do we have to be constantly reminded about it? Because we forget.
Great post! It made my day. Although nothing is brand new here, we all watch our favorite movies more than once, or frequently eat our favorite dish for a good reason. Repetition is the secret a lot of great things, including learning.
Ryan says
It is so funny how things appear when we need them. Was forwarded this by a friend of mine and have found each post both fitting and inspiring.
Keep it up – you’re helping me to get through something tough.
Antoni Lacinai says
It seems the greatest agony is the feeling of helplessness. That you can’t do anything about the situation. But you can. Even if it is just the smallest thing. To do is better than not to.
Thanks! //AL
Melissa Webster says
@kevin halls OMG. That is the best analogy I’ve ever read. It’s so inspiring and exactly on target. Thanks for that.
Jessica says
<3 this blog. Marc & Angel-YOU are doing great things!
Ann says
I wish I could tattoo this post on my hand; right now my family is going through so much pain and turmoil. I’ve been trying to tell myself some of these things, but seeing them here in black & white is very re-affirming.
Thank you.
Ali says
When I face difficulty, I try to think to the accomplishments I’m about to achieve. It keeps me motivated.
Jeannette Marshall says
I loved this!
It reinforces the book that I started reading in the new year – an oldie but goodie by Dale Carnegie “How to stop worrying and start living”
Thank you,
Jeannette
@optioneerJM
bee says
Namaste beautiful people 🙂
This is very touching and motivating. Honestly, what really keeps me going everyday, with all my inner struggles, is faith. I have faith in God. I believe everything happens for a reason, even the tiny little things we usually overlook. It is beyond our human comprehension and abilities to understand God’s and the universe’s wisdom and decisions. We might not be able to comprehend fully what God has planned. However I always remind myself that God has something beautiful planned for each and everyone. This ‘beauty’ comes in different forms and timings. Just remember, if it’s not good, then it’s not the end. Just keep going forward no matter what, don’t let society take you down. Everyone deserves happiness, but be patient, and maintain your positive attitude.
king amoako says
I feel fulfilled after reading this.
Crystal I says
Great inspiration, thank you!
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I want to stay this way by learning to see my scars as strength. To be confident the future can and will remain happy. And to always remember my family is my source and symbol that all is good in my world. There is no reason to worry.
All you need is love!
Judy says
I try to live each day as if it were my last day on Earth – to accept, experience, and enjoy each day fully. Since implementing this daily habit back in 1996, I have been much happier and have achieved inner peace.
Theresa says
I would be careful that “muddling on” is not simply pressing through life aimlessly. Just “doing things” is the disease of “being busy”. We fill our lives with the crap of “doing”. Some people wear their exhaustion and busyness like a badge of honor. I see people forgetting about being still and knowing. I have learned to say no to people. I have cut people out of my life that use me. I do not have the diarrhea disease of always giving. As I am half way through my life, my time is valuable, and I use it wisely. When the extraneous persons and crap is cut out, pared down, there is a lot less to go wrong, including ones health.
If my life feels out of control I stop and rest and look around to see what the influence is that is distracting me from my goal and holding me back. Then master it and eliminate it. Focus. Flailing around in water is not swimming, it increases the possibility of drowning.
ann says
I’m only 22 so I don’t think I’ve experienced as much problems as others, but I keep myself going by thinking that my problem will last only for today, and that tomorrow everything is new. 🙂 In a way, I wake up everyday with a clean slate, both mentally and emotionally…
meredith @ The Cookie ChRUNicles says
I could not agree more. I live by these words each and every single day and they are what motivated me through a terribly rough divorce and the continued battles that occur with single parenthood and really, the rest of life…I try to spread the same message on my blog as well. I wish more people could understand and apply these beliefs to their own every day life!
allaboutafya says
This is a wonderful list. I’ve definitely employed most, if not all, on this list. #2 reminded me of what my father told me awhile ago. He said that when you’re in a valley, get ready, because your about to climb to the mountaintop. I’ve since learned that there is value when you’re low in the valley AND when struggling to get to your blessing on the mountaintop. I cherish the good and bad. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending much love, light, joy and health to you!
Marc Chernoff says
@Cap: Our thoughts and prayers are with your friend and her mom. Just support them with your presence and loving, listening ears. It sounds like you already are.
@Elizabeth Tickle: Yes, you will find a new song to sing. Life has a way of guiding us to what’s right. Best of luck with this new chapter of your life.
@David Rapp: Excellent advice, as always. Our plan for 2014 involves all three.
@Betsy and Michelle: My love and condolences to you both. Angel and I have lost both a sibling and a best friend to illness in the past few years. Death of a loved one is a horrendous experience. Take one day at a time and focus on the simple things present in your lives. That’s what works for me. It already sounds like you both have the right mindset in place.
@Barbara: You got it. The best you can do is set the right example, and love him openly. In the end, there are some choices only he can make. My heart goes out to you as well.
@Kevin Halls: Love the boxing analogy. Thanks for sharing it.
@BRC: So happy you are seeing positive changes in your life. Excellent work!
@Judy: Such a beautiful, mindful habit to follow daily. Congrats on sticking with it.
@Theresa: I wholeheartedly agree with your perspective on focus, but I also believe Pamela Bates and Susan B simply meant that they have learned to let go of the tragic past and move productively forward. When times get tough, we often get discouraged and stuck. So perhaps “muddling through” could mean: to keep going and not give up on yourself.
@All: We say it every time, but it’s honestly never enough: THANK YOU! The thoughts and stories you share with us inspire us. Every day, your words fuel our inspiration write the next post. We appreciate you immensely. 🙂
John J says
I agree with all of the 8 points. It is hard however, to let go and move on when you so deparately want to know why someone hurt you. Some people say that I will never know why but there has to be a reason why people hurt other people. It would be so nice to know why because then and only then, I believe, I can have closure and truly move on.
Cosimo Galletti says
A late comment for a wonderful article. On life’s journey we always need to remember that learning to accept our failures is a needed part of growing. When we are small it is a struggle to even tie our shoes. It seemed like a task that could never be master. It might as well have been magic to us then. As Arthur C. Clarke said “Magic’s just science that we don’t understand yet.” As people we have the ability to move through life’s struggles with ease. It only takes the will to learn how.
Lorna M. says
I believe that from every struggle, every triumph, every person that enters our lives, we have a lesson to learn from. Remember there is always someone worse off. It is all about choices. We need to embrace all our daily blessings and be grateful for everything we have. What we should really focus on is not what we own…but the valuable relationships we have had the pleasure to encounter in our lives. No one comes into your life by accident, everyone is there for you to learn a lesson from. Remember that. God Bless all of you!
philip says
I needed to be reminded of these today. I’ve known and implemented these for years, since my first combat tour in 1991, and the point about solitude is important. Also, I’ve found that when it seems the world has turned against me, helping others, even with the littlest thing, reaffirms my necessity to keep moving forward and it creates a window for me to look through to see the world of others rather than just my own.
bramwel lusweti Jr. says
This is everything I needed to read today…it touches every aspect of me. You are my inspiration…bless you.
Lorna says
My mantra actually comes from Dorry, on Finding Nemo… “Just keep swimming… just keep swimming….” Basically, just keep going, don’t stop and don’t give up, you will get to where you need to be eventually. I actually take a lot of my life lessons from that silly fish.
Js says
Very nice and inspirational.
Thank you very much.
b says
When life is unfair, but there’s simply nothing you can do about it: “It’s not okay, but I’m okay” – a simple but powerful affirmation… humble yourself, get your ego in check, find your line of integrity and stick to it. Stand up for what you believe in and let go of what no longer serves you. And above all else, choose love, not fear.
Rick Doetzel says
I am at my lowest point I have ever been in my life, I have taken all I have ever had for granted and now looks like I might have lost it all. Reading this has now given me a starting point for trying to get some of my life back. Thank you so very much. I had lost focus on the important things in life, I just hope I am not to late… once again thank you.
Cassie says
So needed this and showed up on my feed at that perfect time like you always seem to read my mind. My attachments to memories are what keeps me down. I need to be stronger. Thank you.
jae says
I love this website so much. Thanks to Marc and Angel. Both of you always make me of think of being ME, instead of being someone others want me to be.
Keep on writing. I am always anticipating your future posts.
Rob Groszkrueger says
The thing that I’ve learned in my short/long time alive is this: ‘There isn’t anything so good that it can’t get better, or anything so bad it can’t get worse.’ That has always gotten me through most things.
Lisa says
Your comments reflect the true rhythm of my soul and heartbeat. I awaken each morning simply happy to have another day to reach out and experience the adventure which is life. I embrace the good with the bad, the yin with the yang. It is the essence of the current which we all bathe in daily. The tide comes in, and the tide goes out. There is no true success without failure. No true gain without pain. Yet, I also believe imagination manifests reality. I believe if you think in a positive and upbeat manner, you will inevitably draw positive and upbeat energy towards yourself. After all, you and you alone are the true captain of your ship. No one else has the ultimate power to make you feel anything other than what you wish to feel.
Happiness is a choice, just as most everything in life appears to be. You choose to be happy or unhappy, to smile or frown. It’s all up to you. Simply take the time to ask people how their day is going? Stop and take a moment to listen to someone, perhaps alleviate some of their stress and leave them feeling hopeful. It doesn’t take much to shine some light on someone and help them upward and onward. In return, you’ll have boosted your own immune system and regenerated your own personal happiness. We all share this thing we call life, we should truly invest in it once in a while.
Enjoy the day, every single moment. Be silly and have fun. Ride a shopping cart, try on a whimsical hat, feed a duck your sandwich crust while enjoying the sunshine in the park. After all, what’s the use in being grown up if you can’t be childish once in a while?
LionKat says
Forgive, Forgive and Forgive some more… Is it easy? Absolutely not. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Every time we are hurt we think to ourselves “but I would never do/say that to another person”. That is irrelevant. You are NOT the other person and that other person has had their own struggles in life that has made them who they are even if you do not agree with who that person is and the choices they make. You can only control your own actions and reactions. ‘So take the high road, my friends. It’s a lonely road, but the view sure is nice.’
Kristine says
I learned all of this years ago in Al-Anon . a 12 step program for families of alcoholics. And yes we do mention God… When things were complete chaos I prayed a lot for strength. I always managed to get thru. I find when a have a negative attitude I must write a grateful list and maintain an attitude of gratitude.
Jennifer says
“In the end, it’ll be ok. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.”
T says
I have really enjoyed your post and reading the comments from people. At particularly difficult moments in my life, I have had the following words come to me “Into your hands, I commend my spirit, O God”. I try to move beyond my thoughts, because I know that I am more that just my thoughts. I can refer to it as pure light, bliss, divine nature, consciousness, or soul, but no words are sufficient to fully describe this ‘element’. Having gratitude and living in the moment are truly life changing attributes. Seeking to love, rather than being loved, seeking to forgive rather than being forgiven, seeking to give rather than receive.
Once again, thank you for your post, and God Bless.
Seema Chowdhury says
Awesome post, saving, tweeting … and passing it on to others.
Helen Hughes says
I love this article. It speaks to my very core and it is a way of life I try to follow. I will share it with my ex who is in a bad place in his life right now. I pray he will take it to heart and try to live a happier life.
Gillian says
Today I bombed my job interview. I felt sooo bad that I cried while I was sitting on the train to go home (no one noticing it because it was little tears rolling out). I feel like a failure and it’s so hard to keep going and not to give up. After reading this article it gives me some strength, thank you.
Linda says
This post came to me via a dear friend. It is exactly what I needed to read! I have been through some challenges recently and my focus has been stuck on illness. I will now focus on moving on and through this and being thankful for all that I have, including my scars, which make me stronger! I will copy this post and pay it forward! Thank you for these eloquent words of hope and healing!
martha says
I discovered your website a couple of days ago. I like reading your insights because you do not sugar coat it. I hate when I read things that seems to be all is good and everything will fine.
I have lost a lot of hope, faith, love etc., everything, kind of given up on my life in a sense. My sister passed away recently, after dealing with the crap that is Cancer and recovering, it came back with a vengeance and she was gone in 56 days. And it sucked and still sucks. I know people are doing horrible all over but, it doesn’t console me. My sister was my soul mate, my best friend, and I don’t have that person anymore to speak to or laugh with. So, I have had to accept it and move on. I recently promised myself that I would give it another try, instead of killing myself, slowly, Id let myself be positive, at least for my son. And my sister also, would not agree with how I have died inside too.
So, I am glad I found your website. I will read your inspirations and thoughts and see what happens. And I will try to take it one day at a time, if not for me, at least for my son. Thank you.
Mike says
I really needed to hear this today. The one I did figure out on my own was #8 – to keep going.
When I was in the hospital 5 years ago very sick with cancer, I told myself to put one foot in front of the other, and that as long as I was moving I was living and this would not catch me, at least not as long as I was moving forward (pacing through the hospital as I was).
I will also add my 2 cents on religion. I did not find God, but he found me, and I’m very glad that happened.
Louise says
After being laid off yesterday, I needed this. Thank you.
shamila says
Remember God.
Katsha says
Marc & Angel.
Thank you so very much for your site. It has reset my thinking and challenges me to be brave, rational and keep moving forward. I put my computer on speech and let it read to me one every morning.
Still an unexpected event has “broke” my heart, tramatized & paralyzed me. Have you done any post on the “broken heart” pain…what exactly is it and how to recover? Is distance and time the only healer? Thank you!
Jodie says
Of course I could not read this with a dry eye. This is the truth and it’s raw. It is not without pain that that our journey is travelled but it is through our pain that we become the people we are meant to be and get to the other side. This article moved me.
Mark L. says
Always remember to be who YOU want you to be, not what the world wants you to be. Some people spend thier lives chasing what everyone else wants to be and they forget who they are to start with. Be yourself always and if people dont like it, well thats thier problem.
Smile a lot, Giggle a little and always do your best.
JY says
Thanks for your lovely words. It really gives me a confidence, and a little bit of tears, too. 🙂
Diana G says
I had a bad day today and reading this made me feel a lot better. Thank you, it was beautiful!
Yvonne S. says
Marc & Angel, I came across your blog by typing in Google “how to find peace”. I have spent two hours reading your blog which is very inspirational and calming.